He might ask me to place the baby for adoption. The fact that I didn’t know what he might do showed that I didn’t know him well enough. And it was a major factor in why I was keeping my secret. That and I didn’t want to cause him trouble with his board.
My conscious, however, told me it was wrong not to tell him. He had the right to know. He’d wanted a child once in the past, and maybe this would be the catalyst to make him see he could have a life beyond business.
But in the end, I was a coward. The tears came, as they’d done many times over the last week. I blamed baby hormones, but I suspected I’d be crying even if I wasn’t pregnant. My heart was broken, and it didn’t seem like it would ever heal.
A knock came on my door, and for a moment, I’d hoped it was Sebastian.
“Leah, honey.” My father’s voice came through the door.
“Come in.” I wiped my cheeks, hoping he couldn’t tell I’d been crying.
He frowned as he saw me, indicating I hadn’t done a good job hiding my emotions. “I’m worried about you, sweetheart. Something is wrong.”
Unable to hold back any longer, I let the tears come.
“Oh honey.” He sat on the edge of the couch and held me. He didn’t say anything, except that he loved me.
When my crying jag was done, he wiped my tears. “Will you tell me what’s wrong?”
Tired of being sad, scared, and alone, I told him the truth. Or at least part of the truth. “I’m pregnant.”
His brows shot up to his hairline. “I… ah… I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone.”
I nodded.
“Who is it?”
“It’s someone from school.” I hated lying, but I couldn’t let him know it was Sebastian. At least not until I told Sebastian whenever I got up the nerve.
“He doesn’t want the baby?”
I honestly didn’t know, but for now, I nodded. “I don’t need him. I’m going to have my degree and I’ll get a job.” The truth was, I had resources, so at least I didn’t have to worry about money. “I just… I had to tell someone.”
He nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You know I love you unconditionally, right?”
I rested my head on his shoulder, needing my father. “I just… I don’t know.”
“I assumed you plan to keep the baby.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll help you, Leah, you know that.”
“I know. I just… I was careful, or I thought I was.”
“Sometimes life throws us curve balls. I’m just sorry that the father isn’t involved. He has responsibilities, Leah. We have the financial resources, but that doesn’t mean he should be let off the hook.”
“I know. It’s all so new and I haven’t quite wrapped my brain around it.”
He pushed my hair from my brow. “Fortunately, you have nine months figure it out. And you have me and friends to help.”
“You can’t tell anyone, dad. Not even Karen or Sebastian.”
He frowned. “Okay.”
“I just need time to sort all this out and I don’t want people asking me about it.”
“Alright. For now, it will be our secret.” He looked at my school books. “You’re not over doing it, are you?”
“No. I finished my internship and am just studying.”
“How about eating? Are you taking care of yourself? You’re growing my grandchild.”
I smiled, and I realized it was the first time I’d smiled in a long time. “Yes.”
“You’re going to be okay, Leah. I promise.”
I threw my arms around him and held him tight. He was the best father ever. It made me sad that my baby might not have a father like that. But at least he or she would have the most fabulous grandfather.
My father had Lois make a dinner with lots of spinach telling me that iron was important for growing babies. Then he helped me with my homework, and I told him about the job interview.
“Los Angeles?” I could see he didn’t like that idea. “You know, you don’t have to work, Leah. Your trust alone could support you and a baby. And I’ll always be here to help you.”
“I know, dad, and I appreciate that, but I want to work. I enjoy it, and I need to be a good role model to my baby.”
“Sometimes I hate how well I raised you. Los Angeles is so far away.”
“Actually, I could stay here and work from home. But they want to meet me and asked me to fly out for an interview at the end of the week.”
He took my hand. “See, even when things are hard, good things happen. This sounds ideal, Leah.”
“I don’t have the job yet. I still have to graduate and pass the interview.”
He made a dismissive gesture. “They’ll love you and I’m sure Sebastian will put in a good word in for you.”
My heart stung at the mention of Sebastian.
“They don’t have a problem hiring someone who worked with adult toys?” he asked.
“I guess not, may be they figure adult toys lead to babies…”
He laughed. “I suppose you’re right.”
That night when I went to bed, I felt lighter. I still had the guilt over not telling Sebastian yet, but it was so nice to have the support of my father. I didn’t have to carry this on my own. I knew for certain my baby would be well cared for and loved, not just by me, but by my father as well. If this job interview went well, I’d have a job. So, all in all, things were looking up.
On Thursday, I boarded a plane and flew to Los Angeles. Before I left, Niall had called and told me that both he and Craig had given me a glowing reference. He also suggested a hotel not far from the company’s headquarters.
“Try to get on the top floor. It’s got a view of the city and if it’s not hazy, you can see to the ocean.”
“How do you know so much about this place?”
“My sister works there, and on occasion I visit. They tried to recruit me, but I prefer sex toys over nappies.”
I snorted. “You’re such a guy.”
“If you only knew.”
I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me through the phone. “Thank you for this, Niall.”
“You’re welcome. I’m just sorry we couldn’t keep you here.”
I sighed. I felt bad about that too, but I knew why and in some ways it was best. I’d never get over Sebastian if I had to work for him. At some point, I’d have to see him and, assuming he wanted to be in the baby’s life, I’d have to deal with him.
“Have a safe trip and don’t be a stranger.”
The flight was uneventful and Niall was right about the hotel room. I was lucky to have money which meant I was able to get a top floor suite that had a spectacular view.
On Friday morning, I took a car to the headquarters for my interview. I was nervous, but also hopeful. This felt right.
Niall’s sister Megan met me in the office. “Niall gushes about you and he never gushes, so I told my boss we needed to interview you.”
“Niall has been really good to me.”
She studied me. “I think he’s halfway in love with you, not that he’d admit it. He likes his horn dog image.”
I laughed. “His image is safe.”
Megan gave me a tour until it was time to meet with the hiring person. “If this goes well, you’ll be able to meet Sadie herself.”
“Then I hope it goes well.”
My palms were sweaty and my hands shook as I sat down to start the interview, but within a few questions in, I’d relaxed. I felt in my element answering questions about my methods of coming up with marketing plans, my strengths, and desire for the job. I was able to let them know about my interest in design, and they said all employees have input on design. Not that I knew the first thing about baby clothes, but that would be remedied soon.
After the interview, Megan took me to lunch. “You won’t get Mexican food anywhere better outside of Mexico.”
Fortunately, my stomach wasn’t bothering me as much anymore, and I was able
to enjoy the food. After lunch, I was brought up to meet Sadie, the company’s founder.
She was in her thirties, and while she appeared confident and competent, she also looked like a mom. “I’ve heard good things about you, Leah.” She said as she motioned me to sit.
“I’m honored.”
“I’ll be honest, the idea of hiring someone to work virtually is new to me, but I’d like to get a foothold in New York. I’m hoping along with taking care of our online marketing campaigns, you’d be able to help with that.”
I nodded, and I realized that they’d probably done their research on me. My father was connected to many important people in New York, and they probably knew that would give them an introduction to those same people, whether it was getting into the stores, or getting financing to expand the business. “I’m well connected in New York.”
“Your degree isn’t required for this job, and the pay isn’t really fitting with your degree or experience.”
I figured I should negotiate for more, but I didn’t need the money. “Let me show you what I can do, and you can give me a raise from the profits I help you earn.”
She quirked a brow and then smiled. “I like your confidence.” She studied me. “You’re at the top of my list, Leah. I do have a few more candidates to interview, but if you could stay through the weekend, I’d like to have you back on Monday to meet others on the team.”
Inside I was jumping up and down, but I tried to hide that when I answered. “I can stay.”
“Excellent.” She stood and extended her hand. “I look forward to seeing you Monday.”
I shook her hand. “Thank you.”
Back at my hotel, I texted Niall a thumbs up, and then called my dad.
“Congratulations honey. I knew you’d knock their socks off.”
“I just hope it works out.”
“I know it will. What are you going to do over the weekend?” he asked.
“I don’t know. There’s lots to do here. Maybe I’ll go to the beach.”
“Just be safe.”
“I will. What are you going to do?”
“I’m planning on golf with Sebastian, if he doesn’t cancel on me again. Something’s up with him. Any idea what?”
My elation immediately turned to pain. “No.”
“That boy has so much potential if he’d just get out of his own way.”
“He’s pretty successful dad.”
“I don’t mean in business. I mean in his personal life.”
I agreed with that, but didn’t say anything.
“Well you have fun and be good, Leah. Give my grandbaby a little tummy pat.”
I laughed, and my heart filled with love and gratitude to have such a wonderful father. “I will. Love you dad.”
I got a drink of water and looked out over the evening horizon of Los Angeles. I had an urge to call Sebastian. Until a week ago, he’d have wanted to know about my interview. He would have helped me prep for it. But those times were gone.
I ordered room service for dinner and finally decided to figure out how and when I’d tell Sebastian about the baby. However he responded wouldn’t matter. I had my father, and I was well on my way to establishing myself in the business world. I didn’t need him. I was sad that my baby might not have him in his or her life, but my father would fill that spot.
Feeling good but tired, I went to bed. Life wasn’t perfect, but I wouldn’t hide or settle for less, as Sebastian did. No, I was going to reach out and grab life.
26
Sebastian
I couldn’t come up with a good excuse to cancel golf with Henry without making him worry about me. So, I stood at the tee on the sixth fairway going through the motions of having a good day, when inside I felt completely dead.
“When we’re done today, why don’t you come over for a beer. You can stay for dinner.”
“I don’t want to intrude. I know you have a lot going on with Leah’s graduation party.” Just saying her name felt like a stab in the heart. What the fuck was wrong with me. Instead of getting easier, being away from her felt like I was falling into an abyss.
Henry swung his club and took his shot. “Leah’s in Los Angeles right now. If all goes well, it will be graduation and job celebration.”
How many pieces could a heart break into, I wondered as the idea of Leah moving to Los Angeles tore me apart. “Good for her.”
“I’m so proud of her, Sebastian, I can’t even tell you.”
I nodded as I set my ball in place and took my shot. “I can see that. And you have reason to be. She’s a smart woman.”
“She could definitely use some good news in her life now.”
“Oh?” We walked together up the fairway toward our balls.
“The last few weeks have been stressful. This job will be ideal. It’s with a baby clothing designer.”
“A lot different from lingerie and sex toys.” I tried to be light, but acting wasn’t my forte.
“True, but in some ways it’s kismet. It will be ideal for raising a baby.”
My world completely stopped. “Baby?”
Henry’s gaze jerked to mine in surprise and then remorse. “Hell, I’m not supposed to say anything.”
What the fuck was he talking about? “Leah’s having a baby?”
“Yes, but Sebastian, you can’t say anything. Jesus, she’d kill me if she knew I blabbed. The timing isn’t ideal, and the father is MIA, but I can’t tell you how excited I am to be a grandfather.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. My brain scrambled, and I felt like I was having a heart attack. “Did she say who the father was?”
Henry shook his head. “Someone from school.”
A part of me was relieved, and another part of me was pissed. Had she been with other men while she was with me? The image of Niall with his hand on Leah’s ass flashed in my brain. Maybe he was the father.
But deep down, I knew… KNEW… I was the father. Why didn’t she tell me? Because you’re an asshole.
“But listen, she doesn’t want people to know. You can’t let her know that I told you.”
“Why doesn’t she want people to know?” What was she planning to do? That was my baby too. She couldn’t make plans without me, could she?
“She’s just not ready yet. My wife and I waited until after the first trimester to tell people we were pregnant. It’s not unusual to wait.”
I nodded, but it seemed like most women would tell the father right away.
My game sucked as usual. I had the beer and a game of cribbage with Henry, mostly because I was too discombobulated to say no. I passed on the dinner invitation and went home. For over an hour, I held my phone in my hand ready to call Leah, but I couldn’t bring myself to dial her number.
She didn’t tell me about the baby probably because I’d been clear I didn’t want a family or commitments. Had she told me, my situation with my board would have become even more precarious. She knew that too.
Still, that was a pretty big piece of news to keep from a man. Was she planning to raise this baby and never tell me? Rage rose fast and furious. How dare she keep my child from me? It had been bad enough when Valerie said we wouldn’t have children, but Leah keeping my child from me, that was worse.
I picked up the phone, ready to confront her. And then I put it down as my board, Henry, and the way I’d treated her swirled in my head. I was a fucking asshole. That made me bad father material.
Fuck! I threw my phone across the room and went to the bar to find my scotch. Unfortunately, I’d finished the bottle, so I settled on whisky.
The problem was no matter how much I drank, the pain and anger and self-loathing never dulled. But thankfully, it did put me out. I lay on the couch and let sleep come.
“Sebastian, what did I tell you? Sex and money, that’s all you need.”
I peeked my eyes open. Valerie straddled my thighs playing with her tits. I looked down, expecting her to be fucking me, but my flaccid dick was safely tucked in my swea
tpants.
“I told you love and sentiment would only fuck you up.”
I nodded. “Yes, you did.”
“And was I right. Look at you. You’re a fucking mess.”
“You were right.”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “You were always soft like that. I suppose in some ways that’s why I loved you.”
“You loved me?”
She cocked her head. “Of course, I did. In my own way. I loved your brilliant mind. Your ambition. Your massive cock. You have the trifecta. And if you don’t let Leah Hammond get in your way, our company will be known worldwide as the number one business for sexual satisfaction.”
“Leah is gone.”
“No, she’s not. Not from here.” Valerie pressed her hand over my heart. “Admit it Sebastian, you love her.”
“No.”
She quirked a brow. “No, you won’t admit it or no, you don’t love her.”
I wanted to push her off me. Let me drift back into oblivion.
“I never took you for being such a pussy.”
“Go away, Valerie.”
“You hated me for not loving you or giving you a baby, and yet you hate her for loving you and giving you a baby. What the fuck is it with you?”
I dug the heels of my palms in my eyes, hoping she’d go away.
“What do you want, Sebastian? Seriously.”
“I want you to leave.”
“You are a pussy. I’ll tell you what you want. You want Leah Hammond. You want that baby. And you want your business. So why don’t act like a man and live up to those big ass balls you’ve got and fight for them?”
I closed my eyes, hating that they were filling with tears. The last thing I needed was for Valerie to see me cry.
But when I opened them, she was gone. Early morning light filtered in through my window.
“I’ll tell you what you want. You want Leah Hammond. You want that baby. And you want your business. So why don’t act like a man and live up to those big ass balls you’ve got and fight for them?”
I bolted from the couch, ignoring the cleave hammering my brain from all the whisky I drank. I took a cold shower and made a pot of coffee. Then I set out to use my big ass balls to fight for what I wanted.
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