I felt like an idiot. I was a smart woman. A smart woman who let love and lust get the best of her. Now I was pregnant by a man who didn’t love me and never would.
I swallowed as the magnitude of my predicament set in. From this moment on, my life was going to change.
“Do you want to see your boss?” the nurse asked with an expression that suggested she knew he wasn’t just my boss.
I had to tell him. He’d probably hyperventilate too. Then self-flagellate for betraying his wife. He was the type of man who’d make sure the baby was financially cared for, but that wasn’t the life I’d wanted for myself or my child. I understood that fairy tales weren’t real, but I knew true love existed. That’s what I wanted. My problem was that I loved a man who couldn’t return my love.
A wave of despair rushed through me, and I started to cry. Oh God, what was I going to do now?
1
Six Weeks Earlier
Bella
I never believed in love at first sight or understood why people were obsessed with sex. How could you love someone you didn’t know? What could someone do to your body that a vibrator couldn’t?
Then I walked into Blake Alexander’s office at JoXander Cosmetics to interview for a position as his executive assistant and everything I thought I knew about love and sex changed. Well, maybe not sex, but definitely lust.
He stood at the head of the table during a board meeting. He wore a dark suit that showcased his broad shoulders. His dark hair, with a speckle of gray on the temples, was combed back. He exuded money and power. He spoke with authority. He commanded respect. And for reasons I didn’t understand, I’d wanted him from the moment he shook my hand and offered me the job.
But Cupid’s arrow wasn’t misplaced. It wasn’t just lust that I felt for my boss. Over the six months that I’d worked as his assistant, I discovered a man who wasn’t just a powerhouse in business. He was smart and kind. He demanded the best from me and everyone who worked for him, but he led with kindness and rewarded hard work.
He was a devoted single-father after his beloved wife died. He hired a nanny, but that didn’t stop him from attending all doctors’ appointments, school meetings, soccer games, and dance recitals. I knew because I was the one who made sure his schedule prioritized his daughter and arranged his transportation.
My admiration for him was one-sided. He was kind to me, but he saw me as his assistant. He never imagined me naked. He never wondered what it would be like to kiss me. I had no doubt he didn’t fantasize about touching me or taking the one thing no man had yet to take: my virginity.
Me, on the other hand, I often imagined him naked, kissing me, touching me, and taking my virginity. Every orgasm I’d had in the last six months involved imagining him sliding inside me. Or using his fantastic lips on me. Or his long fingers stroking me. Just because I was a virgin, didn’t mean I didn’t have sexual needs, or that I wasn’t aware of the many ways a man could please a woman.
“Ms. Hanson?”
“Huh?” Crap, he was saying something to me.
“Do you have the financials from the Barton Department store sales?”
“Oh, yes sir.” I pulled out the marked file and handed it to him, briefly scanning the conference room to see if any of the executive staff in the meeting noticed I was off in La La Land fantasizing about my boss. They all appeared to have their eyes on Mr. Alexander. Whew!
Mr. Alexander opened the file I’d just handed him, scanned it and asked the VP of sales a question about the sales volume from the store.
I forced myself to pay attention and not get lost in my fantasy about him. It was stupid to be in love with my boss. Only silly girls got caught up in romantic notions.
Growing up, I was focused on school and my goal of becoming a business executive. I didn’t have time for boys and always thought my friends were silly for worrying about who liked who, or worse, allowing their self-worth to be determined by whether a boy liked them.
Choosing academics and career over gossip and partying meant I hadn’t had a lot of experience with boys. Truth be told, I had very little, which was why at twenty-three, I was still a virgin. It didn’t bother me that I’d never felt a man’s touch. It wasn’t something I worried about because I cared little about sex. Sure I had sexual urges, but I could take care of those by myself. It wasn’t until Mr. Alexander that I understood the term sexual frustration. It was shocking sometimes how badly I wanted him or how easily I knew I’d get naked and give him my V-card if he wanted it.
After the meeting, I followed Mr. Alexander to his office, nearly trotting to keep up with his long strides. He even walked sexy.
“What do I have coming up?” he said.
“Nothing this afternoon, but you have a drink scheduled at seven with Danika Lane to discuss her becoming a model for the new organics line.”
He let out a grumble. “Just a drink?”
“Yes, sir. I was clear on that.”
He shook his head. He didn’t like going out at night. He didn’t date or even have flings, at least as far as I could tell. Since his wife had died a few years ago, he focused only on the company they’d started as college sweethearts, and on raising his daughter. It was one of the many things I admired about him. In this day and age, so many men, and I supposed women, weren’t committed to the people they’d given themselves to. Infidelity ran rampant, especially in the executive suite. Except for Blake Alexander. He was devoted to his wife, even though she wasn’t here. In my mind, a man who could love like that was exceptional.
While I admired his steadfast eternal love for his wife, it also made me sad that it would leave him alone for the rest of his days. He was only forty. Too young to never experience love again. It didn’t seem right not to allow love in his life again, especially since he had so much to give. And oh how I longed to be the one to get if from him.
“How are we on the France deal?” he asked.
“Très bien.”
His lips twitched upward. He always seemed to get a little kick when I spoke French. It was one of the reasons he hired me. He wanted to expand the JoXander line into France and needed someone who spoke French. C’est moi. I’d speak French all the time if it turned him on, but since he didn’t understand it, it would make work hard.
“We’re working out some export details, but it looks like we have a wholesaler,” I told him.
“Good.” He walked into the outer part of his office. “Dana, can you get Mrs. Douglas on the phone for me?” he asked his secretary about his nanny.
“Yes sir.”
He stepped into his office and shut the door. I had a smaller office next to his, and once he was behind his closed door, I slipped into mine to follow up on the French deal.
Dana and I both acted as gatekeepers for Mr. Alexander, who preferred to work in solitude. It made some of his executives annoyed to deal with me. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was a woman or simply because they felt it was disrespectful to deny them access to him.
Truthfully, I was able to get them what they needed more easily than Mr. Alexander would have been able to. Mr. Alexander was the decision maker and data analyzer, but when it came to knowing what was going on, Dana and I were the ones to check with. We were the ones that knew his schedule and his project statuses.
I spent the afternoon, fielding calls from various VPs, people who wanted to pitch product ideas, and the marketing department’s updates on the latest social media promotions.
By the time I was ready to go home, Dana and just about everyone else had left. As I reached the elevator, Mr. Alexander came around the corner.
“Leaving?” I pressed the button to hold the door open.
“Yes, thank you, Ms. Hanson.” I didn’t know why he called me Ms. Hanson, but Dana by her first name. I supposed it was a way to elevate my status, but I’d have liked to hear him say my name.
As the door closed and the elevator started its long descent to the ground level, Mr. Alexander sighed and
leaned against the wall.
“Tough day at the office?” I asked.
His lips twitched up again. “Long. And it’s not done.” He straightened and brought his hands to his tie. “I hate night meetings.”
“I know. This was the only time Danica Lane could do it.”
He continued to fuss with his tie. “Your outline about this pitch to Ms. Lane is good.”
“Thank you. I think she’ll be a good spokeswoman.” Not that JoXander needed a top model to endorse and promote its line. The company had cosmetic counters in all the major department stores. Believing that woman watched the Super Bowl along with men, it was one of the first female-oriented product companies to pay the exorbitant price for a Super Bowl ad. It paid off as sales for cosmetics jumped. An unseen benefit was how many men bought our products that Valentine’s Day, the week after the Super Bowl. It showed how smart Mr. Alexander’s wife was not just about skin care and cosmetics, but in marketing, as the Super Bowl ad was one of the many things on a list of goals she had for the company. Exporting to France, a place famous for fashion and beauty, was another of her ideas.
“She received sample products to test?” He made a face and loosened his tie to knot it all over again.
“Yes, sir.” I watched as he worked to get his tie straight. “Can I help you?” I stepped to him.
“You might as well. I can’t seem to get the damn thing right.”
I pushed his hands aside and reached up taking the long part of the tie in one hand and the shorter bit underneath in the other. Standing this close, I could smell his cologne and feel the heat of his body. If I was a woman prone to swooning, I’d be on the floor of the elevator.
“I’m going to call the wholesaler we’ve lined up for the French deal tomorrow at eight in the morning his time to work out when we can schedule a conference call,” I said to him to distract myself from the headiness of being so close to him. Of nearly touching him. Otherwise, I might do something crazy like nuzzle his neck. Or run my hands over his chest to see if it’s as hard and sculpted as it is in my erotic dreams of him.
He looked down at me. “What time is that here?”
“Two.” I pushed the knot toward his neck.
“Two?”
“Yes, sir.” I adjusted the knot, centering it over the top button of his shirt.
“In the morning?” His surprised tone made me look up at him.
“Yes.”
He stared at me, entrapping me in his dark eyes. All the air whooshed out of my lungs. It felt like he was looking at me, not just looking, but really seeing me. The hair on my arms stood up as electricity sparkled around me. Warmth spread through me, making my body feel all ooey and gooey on the inside.
He swallowed and he put his hand over mine still on his tie. His touch sent entirely new sensations coursing through my body, toward my center. I let out a small gasp, as need and yearning mixed. I was begining to see what all the hubbub about sex was about. If this is what attraction felt like, the real deal had to be mind blowing.
The elevator jerked to a stop, forcing me forward into him, into his warm, firm body, and yes his chest was hard.
I gasped and he let out a groan, or maybe it was just the roar of blood in my ears as my body made contact with his. His hands went to my waist, holding me to him for a moment. I took in the chiseled jaw with a day’s growth of stubble. His full lips that I’d pay any price to kiss. His dark gray eyes, that appeared even darker. I wondered how long we could stay like this before I did something stupid like undo his tie and run my tongue over the sexy curve of his neck.
The door whooshed open and with it, the moment vanished.
He stepped back and cleared his throat. “Make sure you document that time, Ms. Hanson. No one works for free.”
“Yes, sir.”
He stepped out of the elevator, leaving me breathless, and wanting him more than ever.
2
Blake
What the hell just happened? I felt like an asshole as I bolted from the elevator, abandoning Bella there. But Jesus Christ, I had a hard-on from my assistant adjusting my tie. Up close, I’d seen just how brilliantly blue her eyes were and the soft perfection of her skin. Her scent was a mixture vanilla and exotic flowers.
I rushed out of the building to my waiting car where my driver held the door for me as I slipped inside.
“Thank you, Hank,” I murmured. Once he was in the driver’s seat, I told him the address of the restaurant I was meeting Danica Lane at. As we drove, I took a few deep breaths to get my shit together.
Bella was my assistant. I was practically twice her age. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was a living cliché. But that wasn’t the worst part. What really ate at me was having such a reaction at all. I hadn’t been attracted to another woman since I met my wife, Joanna, in college. Since her death two years ago, I hadn’t been with another woman. The only erections I had since her death were from dreams of making love to her. When I woke and realized she wasn’t really there, the feelings of loss and grief quickly deflated my dick. That meant the last time I had an orgasm was the last time I’d made love to Joanna before her cancer diagnosis. At the time, we’d been trying to make another baby.
To be honest, I figured that part of me was dead and I was okay with it. I did not need sex now that my wife was gone. My life now was dedicated to building the company we’d conceived as a class project in business school and to raise our beautiful daughter, Lily.
But what just happened with Bella? That was unsettling. I guess that part of me wasn’t dead, but why would it wake up then and there? Sure, she was an attractive woman. I wasn’t blind. She was also smart and about to help me achieve one of my wife’s dreams of exporting our products to France. But none of that should make me want to kiss her. Or make my dick to thicken to full staff.
Jesus. I pinched the bridge of my nose and hoped it was an anomaly. I was tired from a long day that still wasn’t over and she was a sweet woman who did a tremendous job as my assistant. Perhaps my hormones just got confused. Maybe they thought my gratitude and admiration for her work were attraction.
Hank pulled up to the curb in front of the restaurant.
“No need to get out, Hank. I’ll be about an hour. I’ll text if I need more time.”
“I’ll be here in an hour then, Mr. Alexander.”
I got out of the car and headed to the restaurant, focusing my brain on the task at hand. Convincing Ms. Lane to be the face of our new organic product line.
The non-toxic, organic skin care and cosmetic line had been another brainchild of my wife’s whose skin had become sensitive during her cancer treatments. She wanted something that took care of her skin, and made her feel pretty.
“I’m completely bland, Blake. I’ve lost all my color.”
“You’re beautiful.” She had lost much of her pallor, but her eyes always sparkled with life. That was what I saw when I looked at her.
She rolled her eyes. “You’re blind.”
But that was Joanna. The glass was always half full. And every card needed to be played even if the hand sucked, and boy had her hand been a bad one.
“For you, Joanna.” I walked through the restaurant’s door and immediately a maître d′ approached. “Mr. Alexander. Your party is here. We’ve seated them already.”
“Thank you.” When I arrived at the table, Danica was with her agent. I shook their hands and sat, ordering a ginger ale. I liked a good stiff drink, but not when I was doing business.
“Mr. Alexander, my agent doesn’t want me to gush, but these products are amazing.” Danica rubbed a hand over her cheek.
“I’m pleased to hear that.”
“I gave them to the makeup person at my last photo shoot and I swear, it lasted longer and I looked fresher than any of the other girls.”
“Danica, you’re going to make my job harder.” Her agent tried to temper her enthusiasm.
I smiled at her agent. “We’re prepared to be very fair, and
generous if Ms. Lane is willing to endorse the line.”
“No animals were used in testing, right?” she asked.
“Didn’t my assistant give you all the details?”
Danica waved a hand. “I didn’t have time to go through it all.”
“We used no animal testing. The ingredients are non-toxic and we’re using recycled packaging for the line.”
One thing Bella discovered while researching organic personal care products was that many weren’t necessarily environmentally-friendly when it came to packaging.
“These organic tampons use plastic applicators,” she said, clearly surprised. “These organic facial wipes aren’t biodegradable and they’re in plastic packaging too.”
The other staff in the meeting snickered or blushed at the mention of tampons, but Bella was giving us the information we needed. It was something my wife would have noticed and called out.
Danica turned to her agent. “I want to do it, and I don’t want to be obnoxious about it. I don’t need to extort money.”
Her agent rolled his eyes.
I slid a paper across the table to them with our basic offer. Danica looked at it and started to nod, but her agent gave her a look.
“We can make this work, Danica, but let me do my job, will you?”
We went back and forth over a few points, and by the time I left, we’d come to terms. I told her I’d have our lawyers send the contract over tomorrow.
We parted ways, with Danica giving me the European-style kiss on each cheek.
As far as women went, Danica was stunning, which was why she worked as a top model. Her blonde locks hung in waves that looked natural but probably cost hundreds of dollars to achieve. Her eyes were a bright liquid blue. She had a waif-like body; thin, long, not so different from my wife’s. If anyone was going to cause me to feel arousal, it should have been Danica. But when she kissed my cheeks, I felt nothing but relieved that we would have a deal and that the meeting was done and I could go home.
Beautiful Mistakes: Contemporary Romance Boxset Books 1-4 Page 41