I’d just gotten some tea and curled up on my couch with a pen and paper trying to sort out everything I’d need to decide and do over the next few months when there was a knock on my door.
I was still in my robe and slippers but wasn’t worried about impressing anyone so I answered the door.
“Blake.” The very person I didn’t want to see.
“Bella.” He smiled. “I’m sorry to drop in unexpectedly, but I need to talk to you. It’s important.”
“Yeah, sure.” I opened the door to let him in. As he passed me, my heart cried out in pain that he couldn’t love me, and I cursed him for bringing this pain into my apartment. How would I ever get over him if I had to keep seeing him?
He stopped just inside the entryway and waited for me.
“Do you want tea? I can make coffee.”
He shook his head. “No, thank you.”
I stood in the middle of the living room and waited for him to say whatever he came to say.
“How are you feeling?”
Ugh. Please, no small talk. “Fine. A little tired, but otherwise good.”
“Good.” He stood there looking as awkward as I felt.
“Is something wrong? I meant it, Blake, when I said I’d deal with this on my own.” In fact, I really did want to. It was excruciating to be around him and not being able to love him.
His eyes flashed with annoyance. “Why are you trying to keep me away from the baby?”
“I know you don’t want us.”
“That’s not true, Bella.” He stepped toward me, but I didn’t want him near me, fogging up my senses. I sat on the couch, not having the strength to argue while standing up. He responded with annoyance. “If I didn’t want you, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Why are you here?”
“Because I love you.” He said it simply and straightforward. My heart leaped with joy, but my head cautioned it.
“I know I said I couldn’t love you. That I couldn’t give you more than an affair, but I can. I do, Bella.”
“Is this a ploy to get me to marry you so your child is legitimate?”
He jerked back as if I’d hit him. “No. Jesus. Do you think I’d lie about something like that? That I’d use love to manipulate you?”
No. Blake took love very seriously. But I was too afraid to believe him.
“I didn’t think it was possible to love again after Joanna. I wasn’t looking for love and yet you brought joy and happiness into my life, and I fell in love with you. It took me a long time to recognize it, but it’s there, Bella.” He sighed. “I love you.”
Tears filled my eyes, and my heart longed for me to rush to him and tell him I loved him too. But I stayed on the couch like the coward I was. “What about Joanna?”
“I’ll always love her. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love you. I didn’t know I could love again until you. Actually, I think I was incapable, except with you. You’ve stolen my heart. Won’t you give me a chance to prove it to you?”
“Would you have come to this epiphany without a baby?”
He was quiet for a moment, which to my mind was the answer. This was still about the baby and not me.
“I may not have realized it yet, but eventually I would have.”
I shook my head with skepticism.
“I tried to resist you, Bella. But in the end, I couldn’t.”
“That’s just sex.”
“No.” He swore under his breath. “I know the difference between love and lust. I may have been slow to acknowledge it, but it’s there. I’m in love with you.”
I so wanted to believe him, and at the same time, I was afraid to. I turned my head away, not wanting to see the earnestness in his eyes.
He was quiet for a bit before saying, “I guess you don’t love me.”
My gaze jerked to his, ready to deny it.
This time he was the one looking away. When he turned back to me, his face was etched with pain and disappointment, and yet there was resolve in it. As if he accepted that I didn’t feel the same. That wasn’t true, and yet, I didn’t trust his declaration of love. I wasn’t sure I could be the second love of his life. And so I said nothing.
“I still want to be a part of the baby’s life. I’ve told Patsy and Jim about you and the baby, and I plan to let Lily know soon.” He inhaled a deep breath. “If you need anything, let me know.” With a final wan smile, he turned and left my apartment.
My heart screamed for me to stop him. The man just told you he loved you, it said. It was what I’d longed to hear so why was I letting him go?
When the door clicked shut, it released the pain in my heart, and I burst into tears. Everything I wanted just walked out my door. And I’d let him. Why? Why couldn’t I take what he offered me?
Are you sure it’s just you? Maybe it’s all for the baby. That was my hang up. When we’d learned about the baby, he’d said we should get married, and I refused, not wanting to marry without love.
He just said he loved you, you idiot. But maybe he was still just doing the right thing. Except he didn’t bring up marriage again. He just said he loved me. He didn’t suggest any plans for the baby. He only said he loved me.
“No. Jesus, Bella. Do you think I’d lie about something like that? That I’d use love to manipulate you?”
One of the things I loved about Blake was how deeply he loved. How committed he was to those he loved. He continued to honor his wife even after her death.
“I didn’t think it was possible to love again after Joanna. I wasn’t looking for love and yet you brought joy and happiness into my life, and I fell in love with you.”
Suddenly, guilt overtook the pain. He loved me. Blake was nothing if not honest about his feelings. He wasn’t one to play games or manipulate others. He’d come here and told me what was in his heart and I pushed him away. I saw the hurt in his eyes when he thought I didn’t feel the same way.
Oh, God. I jumped from the couch and ran to the door. But of course, it was too late. He was long gone. I’d nearly ran out after him in my robe, but had enough sense to shower and dress first. I hurried from my building and jumped into the nearest cab to take me to Blake’s building.
I was fortunate that the doorman knew me as Blake’s assistant, and he let me in. I rode the elevator up to Blake’s floor, crossing all my fingers and toes that I hadn’t just royally fucked up with him. “Please, please, please,” ran like a mantra in my head.
When I got to his door, my nerves had me hesitating. But my future happiness relied on me telling him the truth. And if I’d killed his love for me, I’d have to face that.
I knocked on the door and waited. I was getting ready to knock again when the door opened.
Blake stood there, looking so handsome and so sad. God, please let me put a smile back on his face.
“Bella?”
“I forgot to tell you something. You left before I could.”
He simply stared at me, his face unreadable.
“I love you too,” I blurted. When he didn’t respond, I kept going. “I’m sorry about earlier. I was afraid, Blake. I want you to love me for me, not just for the baby... and I…”
“I don’t know how to prove to you that I love you for you.”
“You don’t have to because I know you do.”
He looked at me skeptically. Why wasn’t he forgiving me? “How?”
“Because you told me so. And because, if you forgive me, you’ll prove it to me, just like I want to prove to you that I love you. I have for so long, Blake.”
I finally saw a crack in his brave front. “I can’t afford to love and lose again, Bella.”
I took a chance and pressed my hand over his heart, realizing his resistance was over being hurt again. Losing Joanna had nearly broken him, but here he was, loving again. Loving me. I would have to do better at cherishing that.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
He let out a shuddering breath as he reached for me and tugged me into his arms. His
face nestled into my neck. The way he held me made me feel treasured.
He leaned back, his hands cupping my face. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. I was afraid to love again. I didn’t think I could. You proved me wrong.” Before I could respond, his lips were on mine. At first, the kiss was gentle and sweet, but quickly, the heat picked up. He moved me inside and kicked the door shut, pressing me against the wall.
“I’ve missed you,” he said as his lips trailed along my jaw. “Not just this, although I love touching you. But being with you. You’ve filled my life with light and joy again, Bella. Tell me you believe me.”
“I believe you.” I really wanted to get naked, but I gripped his shirt and held him back for a moment. “It’s the same for me, Blake. I’ve been alone living a dull life.”
“You’re not alone anymore, sweetheart. I promise you won’t ever be alone again.”
Tears filled my eyes as the truth of his words filled me with emotion. “I love you.”
“Ah, Bella, you don’t know what it does to me to hear you say that.”
I smiled, and instead of answering, I kissed him again.
“I need you.” He growled against my lips as his hands slid under my shirt to caress my skin.
“I’m here.”
He scooped me up in his arms and carried me through his apartment back to his room. I’d never been there before, but I didn’t have time to take it in, as he lay me on the bed and covered me with his body.
He lifted his head and looked at me. “This is more than sex, you know that, right?”
I nodded.
“It’s always been more than sex. I didn’t know it at the time and I’m sorry about that.”
I ran my fingers through his hair, gripping his head. “Don’t be sorry. Make love to me.”
He flashed a grin. “One more thing.”
I laughed. “What?”
“I’m not using a condom.”
I snorted. “A little late for that, anyway.”
He ran a hand over my belly. “It’s right on time.” He kissed me, surprising me with something slow and sweet when I thought it would be hot and heavy. He took his time kissing and undressing me. His hands roamed over my body in slow caresses that made my blood thicken and warm.
When we were both naked, he moved over me again, positioning himself at my entrance. His weight was on his forearms, his hands cupping my face.
“I love you, Bella.” He pressed inside me, filling me physically as well as emotionally.
I arched my back, taking him deeper and deeper until he was fully buried inside of me. Instead of moving, he held still.
“Bella.”
I opened my eyes. He smiled and then leaned down to kiss me. If I had any doubts about his feelings for me, this moment would have eliminated it. I felt love course through every bit of him. From his kiss to his hands that stroked my cheek, to the way his dick pulsed inside my body. I was a part of him and he was a part of me, and together we’d made the life that was growing inside me.
“My dreams have come true,” I whispered against his lips.
“Me too, baby.” He started to move then, taking his time withdrawing and sliding back in. Each stroke sending delicious sensations from my pussy outward until my entire body was humming.
Soon he levered up on his hands, and his pace quickened, his breath became labored. I wanted to watch him as his pleasure built, but my own pleasure was ratcheting up. Need coiled tighter and tighter until I was at the sweet torturous point.
“Blake! Oh…”
He let out a frustrated growl, and I knew he was waiting for me, wanting me to come first. I wanted to come, and at the same time, I didn’t want this moment to end.
My body had other ideas, and the next time he plunged in, my pussy contracted hard, and my breath caught as my orgasm rolled through me like a tidal wave. The pleasure radiated out through my entire body.
“Ah… fuck… yes, Bella… come ....” He grunted as he moved in and out of me, drawing out my pleasure. “Look at me.”
As I floated down from the exquisite high, I opened my eyes. His eyes were wild, his face etched with that mixture of sweet pleasure and torturous frustration.
“Watch what you do to me, Bella.” With that, he gave his need for release full rein, pistoning in and out of me as he chased pleasure. With a final long growl, he plunged in and ground his hips against mine as his hot seed filled my body. He withdrew and thrust in a few more times, until collapsing, and rolling us until I was on top, boneless like a rag doll. I rested my head on his chest, listening as his heart beat for me.
“Thank you.”
I lifted my head to look at him. “You’re welcome. What for?”
His fingers brushed my cheek. “For bringing love and light back into my world.”
I made a mental note to remember every detail of this moment. I never wanted to forget it. I wanted to always remember the heat and strength of his body under mine. The soft caress of his hands, one on my back and the other on my cheek. And most of all, I wanted to etch into my brain the love I saw in his eyes.
20
Blake
It wasn’t until Bella was sleeping peacefully in my arms that I realized I’d just made love to her in the same room, the same bed, I’d shared with Joanna. For the first time though, guilt didn’t wash through me. Patsy had been right. Joanna told me to live my life. She even told me to find love again. At the time, I couldn’t imagine ever feeling anything but pain and grief.
Bella changed that. I didn’t know how, or even when, but somehow, she soothed the pain and helped me feel again. I hadn’t planned to fall in love. In fact, it was unexpected, which was probably why I didn’t recognize it, even though in retrospect, it was as clear as day.
I should have realized in the elevator when she straightened my tie that there was something different about her. I hadn’t ever been a man to sow his wild oats, so the first time I had sex with her should have been an indication that she was special.
She was right that the baby was the catalyst for realizing my feelings, but I believe I’d have recognized my feelings, eventually. In time, I’d have realized just how amazing she was and that what I was feeling was beyond lust and affection. It was love.
How fucking lucky was I to have a second chance? A sweet, loving, beautiful woman slept in my arms. A woman who was having my baby. We would be a family. Bella, Lily, the baby, and me.
However, I’d wait on making it official. Bella was in my arms now, but I needed to make sure she truly knew my feelings for her. I couldn’t afford to have her question my motives for marriage again.
“I’m dreaming about you,” her sleepy voice said.
“Oh?”
She lifted her head. “But why should I dream when you’re right here?”
I grinned. “Why, indeed?” I kissed her, loving how she moaned into my mouth. She broke the kiss and pushed herself up.
She straddled my thighs, her hands stroking my chest as she looked down at me. “I want another lesson.”
“I think you’ve mastered lovemaking.” I ran my hands along her creamy thighs.
“I want to ride you, Blake.”
My dick liked that idea. It immediately shot to full tilt. “If you must.”
She ran her hands down my chest, over my abs and then over my dick. She stroked him with alternating hands making me hiss as pleasure shot through my body.
I levered up, wrapping my hands around her back, and kissing her hard, with fervor. I wanted a hot and heavy ride. I wanted her to fuck me fast and furious.
She moaned into my mouth as I squeezed her tits, pinching her nipples.
“Oh, God.” Her words came out on a harsh breath as her pussy rubbed against my aching cock trapped between our bodies.
“Fuck me, Bella.” I lightly bit her ear and tugged on it.
I lay back as she took my cock and guided him to her pussy. She sank over me, her head dropping back as I watched my dick disappea
r into her body. It was so fucking sexy.
She rocked back and forth, her pussy squeezing around my dick, sending shots of electricity zapping through my body. I felt like I was lit up from the inside out.
“More, baby. More.” I squeezed her thighs, urging her to ride.
“What do I do?”
“Whatever feels good.” I stroked my thumb over her clit.
“Oh!” She gasped and her body lifted and then settled back down. She did it again, and again until soon she was riding my cock like she was an expert.
She threw her head back, her tits bounced each time she came down and her mouth formed a sexy O as she panted and moaned.
“Fuck, yeah.”
She was so beautiful as she let go and pursued pleasure.
“Come on, baby… come.”
“Blake.” She hit another plateau. Her breath caught and her movements got shorter and faster. Her pussy gripped my dick, the friction getting hotter and hotter until I was crazed with the need to come.
“Ah fuck… I’m coming…” I bucked up as the first wave of orgasm shot out.
“Yes… Blake… yes.” And then she was there too. Her pussy contracted as she rode down, and stars flashed behind my eyes.
I let out a long growl as I bucked again, and again, emptying everything I had into her.
She collapsed on me, her breath heaving in and out the same as mine. Even as she lay spent in my arms, her pussy continued to contract and massage my dick until, holy hell, I came again.
“Oh fuck,” I bucked up shooting off another load.
Finally, sated and so fucking happy, I held her, kissing her temple. “My dick has never had it so good.”
She lifted her head, her eyes studying mine. She didn’t say anything, but I could see the question in them. Did I mean what I said?
I didn’t know how to respond. Was I supposed to talk about my sex life with Joanna with Bella? Joanna and I had a very satisfying sex life. I didn’t have any complaints. But Bella rocked my world. Then again, maybe this wasn’t about sex. Would Bella always wonder how she compared? Would she feel like second place? Would she feel like she was living with the ghost of Joanna? I couldn’t have that.
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