by Karla Luna
I just wanted to be his.
I fucking wanted to be his already!
“Jealous?” he asked, as if it was such an absurd thing. “Why would you be jealous?”
“’Cause you’re my friend?” I hate being your friend, teddy bear. I want to be much more… so much more.
“Well…” He scrunched his nose up in a cute way. “Let’s not do that. I’m in love with you, Evelyn, and hearing you friend-zoning me isn’t really the most comforting thing in the world.” He chuckled, and seeing his small smile warmed my once cold heart. “Plus, what I had to tell Joss was pretty important and I really didn’t expect you to be there.”
“I was just being selfish, Zavier. I’m sorry. How’s her nose?” Please let it be broken. Pleaaaase God, let it be broken.
“Well, it’s pretty broken.” He shrugged and put his hand over his face, making me whisper a ‘yes!’ while doing a fist pump. But I quickly regained my posture once he took his hand away from his face and looked at me again. “But I would really appreciate it if you go and apologize to her.”
Wait… whoa, what?! Hell no! “Zavier,” I gave out a fake chuckle, “you and I both know I don't do apologies.”
“Then why’d you just apologize to me?” He came over and grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the fridge. My heart was going crazy as I got closer to his smiling face. “Come on, Joss is the sweetest girl I’ve ever known. She’ll forgive you and I’m super sure of it!” Dammit Zavier. You're smart, but you're pretty dumb to not see her true-ass colors. I think maybe it was because he’s known her longer, so he thinks he really knows her when it was all just a stupid façade.
“She is not nice,” I said through gritted teeth.
He furrowed his eyebrows together but still kept that smile on his face. “I’ve known her for years, Evelyn. She’s really nice.”
“She is not nice.”
“Evelyn…”
I couldn’t take it anymore. “She’s a bitch! Get it through your head, Zavier. Please!”
That smile was gone now as he let go of my hand.
“Okay, I might’ve told her a few mean things but she probably didn’t deserve them. And she definitely didn’t deserve the punch you gave her.”
“She definitely did.”
“She’s always been nice and I’ve never…”
“I’d gladly punch her twice if she thought she could take away the guy I love!”
Both of us got tense, and I think I also stopped breathing. My heart was going absolutely crazy and I wanted to tear it out for feeling such crazy emotions.
“I… W-what?”
I turned away from him and bit my lip. I was shaking and I was losing my voice since it cracked when I spoke up again.
“You idiot...”
I’m sure he had no words, because this was pretty surprising for the both of us. But I kept going before I could stop and run away from all of this.
“I love you, you geek-ass nerd. I love your shyness, your blushing, your glasses, your weirdness, your obsession with comics and Superman, your intelligence, your kindness… I just love it all.” Right then is when I decided to turn around and look at him.
He was just looking at me, shocked and surprised like I had been when he first confessed to me. But his eyes held love and it made me want to keep going on and on and on – listing out every single thing I loved about him.
“I grew up thinking the world was a bad place full of bad people. I grew up feeling like there was no one nice out there. I grew up feeling like I would be alone and that there wasn’t such thing as… this – what we have. But then I moved here and I meet this insanely adorable guy that is so nice to me. It’s great to have someone care so much and be so kind and sweet for once. You’re not like the others, Zavier. Let it be clichéd. Let us be clichéd, I don’t care. You’re different and you’re special. And I love you… more than anyone in this fucked up world.”
He stayed quiet, just staring at me intensely – and that made me want to throw up. My nerves were a mess.
Where did all of these words come from? I was so in love with the guy that he made me poetic and shit.
But wasn’t he going to say something? At least say that he loves me too, even though I already knew? I was getting quite paranoid and freaked out that he would just walk away from me right then. I wanted to crawl into a dark hole and just stay there forever.
“I’m sorry, just forget everything I just said. I think I’m drunk. I think I’m just…”
My words were abruptly interrupted by Zavier’s soft, sweet lips landing on mine in a tender kiss. He had cupped my cheek and the back of my neck to bring me closer to him, making me wrap my arms around his neck to kiss him deeper and more passionately.
Another thing out of the many others that I absolutely loved about him were his lips. I loved the way they would smile whenever he was happy, pout whenever he was sad or thinking, frown whenever he was confused or found something quite strange.
But I mostly loved the way they felt when they were locked with mine. They’ve spent a long time alone, just waiting for the right lips to meet his. And now, it was like they fit perfectly with mine – like our hands did.
When we pulled away to breathe, I looked into his adorable brown eyes, and couldn’t help but grin and giggle.
“Be mine, teddy bear,” I whispered to him before giving him a sweet quick kiss.
“I was already yours.”
The Boy She Fell In Love With
[before the confession]
• Zavier •
I felt bad when Evelyn left The Grill X because I told her to. I didn’t want to be rude or scream at her, seeing as we had enough of an audience already. But watching her walk away wasn’t what I really expected.
No, I more or less expected her to stay and keep talking. Maybe keep doing whatever she was doing, which, now that I really thought about it, was probably seducing me.
The girl drove me crazy though, and watching her walk in like she owned the place – well, it just made me really, really hot. But I was able to calm down and ask myself why she was even here, and how she knew of this.
But then I remembered, Ian and Darrel. Because my mother wouldn’t have told her if she thought this was a date.
Honestly, the entire way here, I felt extremely nervous. Maybe not overwhelmingly nervous, but still I had to stay in the car a few minutes just to think about what to say. And now? Well, it wasn’t such a good idea to tell Joss what I wanted to tell her… at least not yet.
Evelyn had really good aim, I can tell you that. Joss’ face was a mess, and I had to keep getting napkins for her nosebleed. Much like I had done with Jesse, Evelyn did with Joss. She broke her nose.
But I still had no idea why she did this. For me, it was pretty much a reflex. And this was definitely not a reflex for Evelyn. It was most probably her temper.
“Zavier,” Joss whined and squeezed my hand. She had decided to grab it and I didn’t let it go since I thought it would comfort her in a way. But it felt wrong to me.
I was touching her hand, and I felt absolutely nothing. I didn’t feel anything when I saw her, or when she looked at me with those blue eyes. Nothing. It was like being with a casual friend. When I saw her, I no longer feel for her the way I used to.
“We should go. Take you to a doctor or something.”
“No, no… it’s fine,” she waved me off. “Can you please just drive me home? I don’t have a ride.”
I sighed and looked at the entrance where Evelyn had just walked out. There had to be a reason she did this, right? Evelyn Jo doesn’t just punch people for no reason.
Well, actually she does sometimes. So, who knows? These girls confused me a lot.
“All right sure, let’s go.” At that, I gently took her arm and we slowly walked towards the car. I was being very careful so I wouldn’t drop her or anything, because that would just be horrible, especially when she was still bleeding.
I didn’t think my m
other would appreciate having bloodstains in her car, but I would pay to have it cleaned or something.
“My mom’s a nurse. She can help with it, Zavier. I’m really…” she paused, and her face looked like she was about to sneeze but it stopped before I could panic. “S-sorry if I ruin the seat with my blood.”
“It’s okay, just stay put. I’ll drive carefully, don’t worry about the stains.” I’ll be cleaning them up for a few days, if it even comes off.
As I had told her, I carefully drove to her house. But I was typically a careful driver, so there was no need to be worried in that regard. On the ride there, I kept stealing glances at her and I saw her shaking, tearing up, and looking out the window with all the bloody napkins over her nose.
This made me pretty angry and disappointed at Evelyn. I thought she had self-control now and I thought she wouldn’t do anything while I was with Joss – which was part of the reason I didn’t tell her about meeting my old crush.
But there she goes, with her beautiful kissable face, her gorgeous body, and her mischievous expression. These were what got me worried and made me want to get out of there as soon as possible.
It’s like I knew she was trouble when she walked in.
And no, I’m not quoting Taylor Swift.
But that’s when I turned the music down…
I gotta stop listening to this radio station. I don’t even like this music. Then again, my mother’s usually the one who uses the car, so I’m guessing she was a fan or something.
I shook my head and took a deep breath as I parked right on Joss’ driveway. I turned the ignition off and got out, then ran over to the other side and opened the door for Joss to get out.
Her face was pale and she had dry tears and sweat all over her face. She looked weak and it made me sad to see her like that. So I went to grab her waist and helped her out of the car, up their porch, and into the house – once she gave me her keys, of course.
No one seemed to be home. But when I accidentally kicked the door shut really hard, a middle-aged woman quickly came over and looked at me with a horrified expression.
“Who are you!?”
I was about to speak up when she suddenly took out a rag and started hitting me with it. “Abuser, thief, crazy!”
“Mom, mom…” Joss said and the woman stopped hitting me as I gently put Joss on the couch. She chuckled and got settled in, but also whimpered when she moved a bit. She probably grazed her nose. “He’s a nice guy. He’s just helping me out.”
“Dear, who did this to you? I will not tolerate violence around here.”
“It’s nothing. Can you please just take care of it?”
The woman sighed and then nodded at her daughter before quickly leaving, probably to get a first-aid kit.
Once Mrs. Rodriguez was done and Joss looked way better than before, she decided to leave us to talk – but gave me a serious look of warning before getting out of the room. Very sincere for a woman that just said she didn’t tolerate violence.
“Are you all right now?” I asked Joss, going to reach for her hand yet thinking twice about it, before eventually dropping my arm. “I’m really sorry this happened. I should probably go.”
I got up but she grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving.
“Can you stay? I really don’t want to be alone.” It made me feel bad again, seeing her like this and knowing whose fault it really was.
“Joss, I need to tell you something. I can’t stay after it because I know you wouldn’t want me to.” Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but she stayed quiet to let me talk. So I took a deep breath before speaking up. “I can’t. Look, I don’t… really think it will work out between us.”
“W-what do you mean?”
“I mean… a relationship.” That’s when I started walking toward the door while grabbing on to my hair. But I stopped and turned to her, and saw her standing up by the couch now, her face getting even sadder. “I liked you, Joss, a whole lot. Since the 6th grade, to be exact. But I don’t think a simple crush signifies who we should really be with. You see, that person may not feel the same way, or even acknowledge the other’s existence.”
“I’ve always liked you, Zavier.”
“Evelyn comes in and suddenly you take interest, Joss.” I never missed that, I just chose to ignore it. So yes, I did find it weird that she rarely talked to me up until the bad girl showed up with her leather clothes and tattoos. “I really don’t know what to think about that. Maybe this is all pretend, but I know you wouldn’t do that, right?”
She opened her mouth to speak up – but then she looked down, seeming to be at a loss for words regarding what I had just said to her.
“I just can’t. I can’t keep pretending that I feel something. And I’m really sorry about this. I’m not gonna go all ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ stuff, because it’s really none of that. You are a great person and there’s someone for everyone out there. I just can’t say that I’m that someone for you.”
She continued to stay silent, not even making eye contact with me and I felt like I had said everything I needed to say.
At least I think I have…
“I do hope we can still be friends. We shouldn’t let this ruin our friendship just because the other doesn’t feel the same way. I’m really sorry, Joss.”
I had nothing else. I was done. I had finally told her what I needed to say at The Grill X, before Evelyn came in all hot and ready.
I felt like Joss wasn’t about to say anything else, so I just sighed, opened the door, and walked out.
I started walking down the steps toward the car, when I heard her voice again. The voice I thought I fell for, but never really did.
It reminded me of what Sherly, the sweet old lady at the library, had once told me. My heart beat real fast when I was with Joss, but she was never the one. Evelyn made me feel all types of different emotions and I felt like my heart would literally jump right out of my chest whenever I saw her or even heard her voice. She could even threaten me and I’d still love it. No doubt about it, Evelyn made my heart beat faster.
Now that’s crazy, stupid love.
“Zavier?”
I stopped and looked over my shoulder at Joss. She wasn’t crying anymore but still had tears in her eyes. I felt responsible for them but I know I need to let it go.
“Nice guys don’t finish last. It’s a stupid saying. But what’s the real reason you’re leaving?”
Evelyn Jo – the bad girl who frightens everyone, even guys.
“I’m in love with someone else,” I said, right before getting into the car and turning it on again. I didn’t want to see Joss’ face, but when I couldn’t help but look, I saw the same kind of hurt that I felt when I thought I could never have Evelyn Jo for myself.
That’s when I drove away.
The Boy She Fell In Love With
[The confession]
• Zavier •
I couldn’t stop thinking about Joss and Evelyn when I was driving home.
Joss, because I felt pretty bad for her. What am I going to do? I’m just too much of a nice person, I guess. But I felt bad because of the bruises she’d gotten, and how she got rejected by me back there.
Rejected… by me.
And honestly, I never would’ve thought I would reject a beautiful girl like her. I always thought that girls would reject me instead, which was one of the reasons I never bothered to talk to them. When I liked Joss, I wanted to be with her, but I thought she would reject me.
I guess things don’t always go as predicted. I finally realized I had been wrong all along and that I needed to let my heart take control over my mind. After all, it was pretty much winning anyway.
It all started the day a gorgeous, alluring, and very interesting girl came to my house and walked around in nothing but a big shirt and her underwear. Now, that’s when my life really started changing and getting more intense – so to speak.
Having Evelyn live with us was probably the b
est thing that has ever happened to me. I felt horrible for judging her that first day, when I didn’t even know her at all. But now that I’ve gotten to know her – I’ve had the courage to do many things I never thought I would. Some were dangerous, but many were fun.
She made my boring life exciting, wild, and fun. She had me thinking that we could die at any moment, so we just had to go for it. We had to do crazy things no matter what. And yeah, there were consequences – but with her, it’s like I didn’t even care about them.
I was deeply in love with her. And even if I tried, she wouldn’t leave my mind. She was always there.
Joss being out the picture was enough. I didn’t want her coming in between us, and that may sound harsh but it was true. I didn’t know if Evelyn wanted to be with me. I was pretty much a clueless guy. But it would be amazing if she felt the exact same way.
Joss being rejected by me must’ve hurt.
I believe though that it would hurt way more for me if the one person I really, truly loved rejected me.
Thinking of Evelyn, I was still a little bit angry, to be honest. But I needed to know a few things. When I got home though, I wanted to immediately ask Evelyn to be mine already.
I kept biting my lip once I drove the car into the driveway. I wanted to stall, and I even walked very slowly to the house, for fuck’s sake. I was nervous and I was scared and I felt a little woozy but I was fine. I was all right…
I cleared my throat and looked for my house keys. When I found them, I started opening the door and took a deep breath – or a few deep breaths – before entering.
I turned around when I heard someone squeal, but just shrugged and decided to ignore it.
The house seemed to be empty, but I knew Evelyn was here since I saw her bike on the front lawn.
I saw it was on its side, so I picked it up. Yes, I was stalling.
I wanted to call out for Evelyn, but decided to go to the kitchen first. Though I knew she was most likely in there considering she loved food very much. I knew her, she comes down at three in the morning and grabs food to hide it in her room.