by Karla Luna
“That’s when I lost my virginity,” Darrel said to Ian.
You know what, suddenly I’m not so hungry anymore, haha, so I’m just gonna walk back up and...
“Zavier! My man! Er… I shouldn’t say that. Evelyn’s man!” Ian yelled out.
I tightly close my eyes and turn back around to face them – giving them my best fake smile.
“Get your ass on over here.”
I cleared my throat and decided to slowly walk over and sit down on the other far end of the couch Ian was on. Very far from him, for I don’t know what reason.
“You all right? Man, we told Eve. We told her we could’ve dealt with that Ethan guy…”
“It’s okay. I-I’m fine. I-I mean, it’s fine. You guys don’t need to do anything to him. I wouldn’t like it if you did.”
Ian laughed, but it seemed to be a fake one as he rested his arm on the back of the couch. “If someone did that to me, they would be six feet under right about now.” My eyes went wide at that and I thought he would at least be joking around.
But he was a bad boy – and he definitely did not seem to be joking around with me. So I gulped and stood up, nervously scratching the back of my head.
“Well, great to know! I-I’m just gonna… just, gonna go eat,” I said as I pointed to the kitchen door, but from the corner of my eye – I saw Darrel staring at me in suspicion, or something close to it, like he was questioning himself with something.
I turned and headed for the kitchen.
Please don’t ask me, please don’t ask me. Pleaaaase!
“Hey, Zavier!” Oh here it comes… “Nice sweatpants! Where’d you get them?” I breathed out in relief and turned to Darrel, then looked down at my grey sweatpants.
“Oh, um… I-I don’t really remember, actually.”
“Oh… well, they are fantastic.”
I gave him a smile and dug my hands in my pockets. “Thanks.” Then I turned around again. Phew! Thought he was gonna ask me if I…
“So Zavier… when did you lose your virginity?” Darrel blurted out unexpectedly. I clenched my fists and prepared for the worst.
That was a pretty personal question, right? For me, being a virgin at this age was embarrassing because apparently, around here, you have to lose it when you’re like… 12, or 13. 14 maybe? Somewhere around that age. I don’t even know. So people hardly knew about me being a virgin. But, come on! It was pretty obvious, wasn’t it? With me being inexperienced with girls, you would’ve easily guessed, I haven’t done it yet.
I heard Darrel whimper right after I heard a slap – so I’m guessing Ian had slapped him hard on the arm. “Dude, you don’t just ask that! Apologies, Zavier. Come here, my dear friend.”
Well when he talked like that, it made me want to run away from here instead. What happened to nerd boy? I’d really rather he called me that. But I knew I couldn’t run because I knew he’d probably catch me faster than The Flash himself. So I just slowly turned and walked back to the couch.
“Nothing to be ashamed of, some guys actually wait till after marriage. So…” He paused to smile and pat me on the back. I was still shirtless so his hand felt pretty cold and I slightly shivered. “All respect goes to you. People around here, they make it a big deal when they shouldn’t. That causes pressure and some social anxiety. It is intimate, and it may seem important for relationships, but you’ll soon find out what it really is. What it really means, and what really matters.”
I took in his words, but mostly just stared at him as if he were crazy. “I… what are you on about?” He was acting pretty weird… yet pretty professional. Although, he almost sounded like…
My mother.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, he took out a book and shrugged at me. “I read one of your mom’s books. Sometimes, there’s nothing else to do around here.”
“You read my mom’s books?” What, does she have a bunch of Sex Ed books in there? I’ve never really looked into her library. And starting today, I really have no plans to.
Ian chuckled and threw the book somewhere, breaking a vase.
Okay, something left for me to clean up later.
“That’s not the point. Point is, that you shouldn’t give in to this peer pressure or whatever. It may be hard, but that goes the same for the first kiss, first girlfriend or boyfriend, first anything. You are your own goddamn person and you should feel pretty proud of yourself.”
It was silent after that as I thought it through. Okay, maybe he was right, or the books were. Whatever. But it wasn’t so simple for me. I just felt left out. I felt like a loser. And I felt stupid. I don’t know, maybe it was just me thinking like that. I do tend to think a bit too much about things like these. But I shouldn’t. I guess he was right.
“Nah,” we heard Darrel say as he laughed, entirely breaking the silence. “Go and have some sex! But protection, bro. We don’t need little Zaviers and Evelyns running around just yet.”
Oh, just kill me!
I chewed my sandwich and tried to distract myself by playing some game on my phone. But in all honesty, ever since the guys left, I’ve been thinking about the same thing over and over and over again.
It wouldn’t leave my mind! Come on, now. What did you expect? I’m a guy. It’s normal for me to think of these things, right?!
But damn, it was a tough decision. Just get it over with, or keep on waiting? I had no idea!
I jumped when Evelyn came in through the door in shorts and a tank top, drying her hair with a white towel. She saw me and smiled, coming over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Hey,” she greeted, as she went over to the fridge. Her first love. Yeah, the fridge.
Well, well… I’m her last love so take that! Oh man, I’m turning crazy. What the heck is wrong with me? I gotta stop.
“Watcha up to?”
“N-nothing just um… sittin’ here doin’ nothing.”
Ian pops into my head, ‘You are your own goddamn person and you should feel pretty proud of yourself.’
Then Darrel, ‘Nah… go and have some sex!’
I groaned and put my phone down as I put my hands over my face. Great, now it’s like Ian and Darrel were on my shoulders – confusing me which was the best option.
This was way too much for me. Why did the topic of virgins have to come up today? I did not need this. It wasn’t even that much pressure up until now. Okay, it sort of was. It was always on my mind, but I tried to push it away and ignore it.
Now, I feel like if I go out right at this moment, a random little kid is going to point at me and yell out, ‘Look Mommy! A virgin!’
No. I did not need that!
Okay, I’m exaggerating again. A little kid shouldn’t even know what that is.
“Okay, teddy bear, something’s wrong with you,” Evelyn said as she came up behind me and put her arms around me. She felt so warm as she kissed my bare shoulder and I felt like I couldn’t even breathe. They were nerves. Just nerves. But I was fine… completely fine with this beauty so close to me.
While I still wasn’t wearing a shirt.
“Pfffffft, n-nothing’s wrong! I-I am perfectly fine.”
“Well, that was a long pffffft. Seriously, what’s wrong?”
My heart was accelerating, but I felt a bit calmer as she put her hands over my dark locks. But once she started kissing that spot below my ear and going down my neck, I nervously laughed and quickly got up, almost falling in the process.
“Hey! You want something? A drink, a smoothie, juice, not beer. What time is it?” I looked down at my watch. “Definitely not summertime. How about summertime sadness? Don’t you just love that song? It’s a pretty great song. I-I have no idea what I’m rambling on about but we should ramble more often, don’t ya think?” Evelyn cut me off when she decided to grab my cheeks and kiss me hard.
She pulled away after a few seconds and looked into my eyes.
“I… w-what was that for?”
She pressed her lips together and s
hrugged. “I wanted to kiss you hard… since you seem to like the song so much. It was also to shut you up. And to stop another panic attack from coming, if it was. I mostly just wanted to kiss you, of course.”
That had me grinning like a fool.
“Now, what’s wrong, teddy bear? Something’s up with you. You’re usually not this weird… anymore.”
“Pffffft!” She raised her eyebrows at me, and that caused me to stop while clearing my throat. “Right, sorry.” I took her wrists in my hands and gently took them away from my shoulders. “Really, it’s nothing.”
“Fine, if you say so.”
“I need you to take away my virginity,” I blurted out, immediately covering my mouth, right after I said it. I can’t believe I just said that to her! Did I really just say that to my girlfriend? No, no, no!
Evelyn stared at me and I turned completely red, yet again. It was one of those times when I wished I could go back in time and erase some parts of the past. But this was real life, and once something was said, you couldn’t really take it back now, could you?
I expected her to worriedly ask if I was okay, or if I was sure about it. But instead, she burst out laughing and it sort of offended me. She practically fell to the ground laughing, too. What was so funny!?
“I-I… oh God, teddy bear. I thought you said you needed me to take away your virginity!” She kept laughing, but then noticed how serious I was. So after a while, she got the gist and immediately stopped laughing. “Oh shit, you were actually serious.”
“I… well, yeah,” I said. No need to deny it now. It was already out, so might as well go with it. “You’re experienced right? Well, I want experience.”
“But… but, um… what happened to that sex after marriage thing? Don’t you have that in mind? You don’t have to do it, Zavier.”
“No, no, I want to. It may seem too early since we just started dating but I… I mean, I know it’s you. You’re the one I want to be with. Plus, it shouldn’t be a big deal right?” Like Ian said, it really shouldn’t be a big deal. Then again, if it wasn’t, why was I doing this? Why was I asking her to do this for me?
“Zavier, I… really, you don’t have to.” I loved how worried and caring she was with this, but I knew I was sure. I just had to show her that I was completely fine with it all.
“I appreciate the concern, really. But for you, it shouldn’t be anything, unless you don’t want to do it. Because I respect you, then we don’t have to if you don’t want to. I-I’m just saying,” I shrugged and nervously nibbled on my lip. The blush was still there and it’s been there since I started talking. I hated it. “With me, it’s fine. I… well, I really wouldn’t want to wait that long. Just, please, if you can… then do this for me.”
She just stared at me and looked really thoughtful, as if she wasn’t so sure about this. But I understood. If I was the one experienced and she asked me, I would think carefully about it. Unfortunately, the roles were reversed.
“I… are you really sure?” she asked, after moments of silence.
“Of course, I’m sure. I know it’s stupid to ask and it may seem like I’m being selfish about asking, because now that I think about it, it seems like I only want that from you. B-but I don’t. I definitely don’t. Trust me. I could care less if you allowed me to do it so…”
“Shh. Stop talking. Just breathe.”
I didn’t realize I had basically said all of that in one whole breath. So I listened to her and took a few deep breaths. “It is not stupid. It’s okay. I’ll um… think about it.”
I gave her a small, shy smile and went over to give her a kiss. I looked into her eyes and grabbed her hands in mine. “Whenever you want though. Doesn’t have to be right away.”
She smiled and kissed me. “I love you,” she said, making my heart skip a beat.
“I love you, too.”
• Evelyn •
As the week passed, I tried to make Zavier forget all the things he had previously talked and asked me about. It was pretty crazy and it still surprised me. I was being stupid for not telling him that I was still a virgin, but the truth is, I honestly didn’t care. I love him and he is the one I’m going to be with. It may sound cheesy or whatever but he’s the one and I’ve known that from the start.
I guess I was just trying to block the situation since I felt pretty damn nervous. It was normal to feel this way. And normal to feel a little scared. But I wanted to do it for him, and I also wanted to do it because I knew it would be an amazing thing for us.
The good thing was that Stormy seemed to approve of us as well. She finally spoke up and said she was okay with us being together, as long as we kept the trouble to a minimum. Clearly, she was referring to moi. Though she sometimes seemed to treat us as if we weren’t together at all, which I guess was okay. I think she was still just trying to get used to it.
It was the weekend now. And we had one more week left of school until we had Christmas break. Stormy, like usual, left us alone and said she’d be having an extremely late shift tonight. It made me nervous but I just stayed in my room all cuddled up, eating some ice cream. I was watching some random show but seemed to be distracted just thinking about the boy in the next room, who was studying for his finals like crazy.
He really didn’t need to study since he was already smart, but I understand it helped him a lot. I was just glad that his mind was distracted at the moment.
“Hi, beautiful.”
My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his soft, gentle voice, which seemed to sound like he had just woken up. When I looked at the door, he was standing there with a bowl of fruit, his hair a complete mess.
And he was shirtless, too.
Goddammit, he’d been doing that a lot recently and it just made me want him even more. But I was glad he was starting to feel confident enough to do it. And I got to check out that sexy body, too!
“Hey!” I said, my voice low as he closed the door behind him and put a piece of fruit in his mouth. Then, he walked over to put the bowl on my desk as he came to sit next to me, staring right at the TV.
Then he just kept staring at it... and was still staring at it after more than a couple of minutes. Was he not going to say anything? Did he just walk in here to watch TV with me and eat? Well, that sounded just about right, didn’t it?
“So… how’s your studying going?” I asked as I placed my finished ice cream bowl on my desk, next to his bowl of fruit.
He kept staring at the TV as if it interested him more than anything. Then, he just shrugged and grabbed another piece of fruit. “Usual thing, pretty easy stuff.”
“Cool,” I said as I nodded. “Um, so… how’s the fruit?”
At that question, he just reached over to grab a piece and turned to look at me. His brown eyes seemed darker in the dim light. “Open,” he said. I obeyed and he placed the fruit in my mouth, which I could tell he put some spice on.
“That is really good,” I said with a mouthful, making him chuckle and put his fingertips on my chin to close my mouth.
“Finish eating, then talk.”
“Fuck that. And fuck being lady-like, too.”
He chuckled again and kissed my cheek. “One of the things I love about you. You just don’t care.”
I gave him a smile and snuggled close to him. I felt his heartbeat and I could tell he was a little nervous. But this seemed to be going like any of our old conversations, so it was all fine. It’s not like he was going to be blunt again and tell me that he wants ‘the sex’ right here, right now… on my bed, tonight.
Nope, I was the one who really wanted it right now. And boy, I was the one who was going to get it.
Without even thinking twice about it, I grabbed the TV remote and turned it off. Then, I straddled Zavier and removed my shirt almost instantly. He was surprised, to say the least. But before he could stutter out a few words, I just grabbed his cheeks and kissed him hard, feeling his body shake beneath me, either from nerves or from how worked up he was ge
tting already.
I kissed him deeper and gripped his soft, dark locks in my small hands, feeling him sit up to grip my bare waist, roaming his hands over my back and stomach. They felt warm and soft and I wanted them all over the rest of my body. I sighed and pulled away from his lips, softly tugging on to his hair as I felt his tongue on my neck. He gave me sweet kisses but then I felt him nibbling on my skin, causing me to bite my lip and moan.
“Zavier,” I whispered, making him flip me over so that my back was on the bed and his body could fit in between my legs.
He kissed me again and then went down to my breasts, stroking one while gently biting the other. Then he went down to my stomach and played with my piercings.
The aching between my legs was becoming stronger as he continued on and I wanted – needed him – already. Badly. More than ever.
“Evelyn…” he whispered as he looked up at me, his brown eyes showing me how badly he wanted this, too.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I answered as I reached over to my drawer and took a condom out. I smirked as I showed it to him. His eyes went wide and his cheeks became that adorable rosy color.
“Y-you have a…”
I put my finger up. “Shh. Protection, teddy bear.”
“No, I-I know, I mean, I sort of got some, too.”
“Darrel?”
He sighed and looked down, embarrassed. “He said it was an early Christmas present.”
“Typical.” There was a pause. “Well, we don’t need to have them just lying around unused, now, do we?”
He tried not to smile, but ended up grinning at me instead. “Guess not.”
In a matter of seconds, all of our clothes were gone, some were just ripped off, and on the floor of my bedroom. We couldn’t stop kissing each other. It was as if it was our only lifeline at the moment, and I loved it.
Zavier got a little bit more nervous as he placed the condom on, but I just softly traced his skin to try and calm him down a little.