by T. S. Joyce
He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and made his way back to the SUV, only daring to glance up once. Everyone was busy and hadn’t paid attention to what he’d done except for Ash, who wore the prettiest smile he’d ever seen.
Of course, he had to stop and kiss her just to taste how sweet she was.
And when he cast a glance at Rhett, he caught the Rogue Pride jokester looking at him with an expression he didn’t understand. Busted, Rhett looked away fast and busied himself with folding a blanket.
Grim held out his arm for Ash so she wouldn’t slip on the ice, and led her back to the passenger side of the SUV as she called her goodbyes over her shoulder. She was so damn cute. And confident talking to the others. It was a big difference from the way she’d been last night. Maybe she just didn’t like being in big crowds, but a selfish part of him hoped she was more confident because she knew she was safe with him. Seriously, seriously safe. He would gut anyone who even looked at her wrong.
Grim jogged around the back of the SUV as the Crew was climbing into the borrowed pickup truck.
Old Grim would’ve gotten into his ride, rolled down the window like he was about to say something nice, then flip them off and peel out hard enough to throw snow all over them.
But Ash would be disappointed if he did that, so New Grim tried to ignore them instead. But then he thought she would be disappointed in that, too, so he kicked the tire and snarled as he spun around. The entire Crew jumped in unison as he barked out, “Listen up, you cretins.” He cleared his throat and lifted his chin higher. “Tonight wasn’t terrible.”
And then he got in the SUV and drove away, only looking in the rearview mirror once to witness Rhett standing in the middle of the parking lot waving to him and wearing this dumb, mushy smile like he’d just seen the birth of his first kid.
So Grim rolled down the window and flipped him off.
Baby steps.
Chapter Thirteen
Grim was starting to feel different from the inside out.
It was terrifying.
He’d been exactly the same for so long he didn’t know how to do this…this…changing thing. But the beautiful girl beside him had turned everything inside out.
She made him feel salvageable. Oh, he wasn’t a sentimental man. The opposite really. He was a realist and had known from the day the Reaper was born that he would only live a half-life. No real friends, no mate, no cubs, no future. He was cursed to live in the moment and hope to God he could keep the Reaper under control enough to make it to the next moment, and the next and the next.
Rinse and repeat until his last breath which, honestly, he’d figured would come from one of the Rogue Pride Crew or from Vyr himself.
Yet here he was, still breathing, and not only that, but he was feeling emotions a monster like him had no business feeling.
He should run…right?
He should leave this little siren alone before he became addicted to the way she made him feel. Before he got protective and defensive and claimed her. Before he ruined her life.
But sitting here in the SUV, vents blasting warm air on them, Ash holding onto his arm and singing softly to a hip hop song, he couldn’t even imagine walking away.
Not for himself, and not for the benefit of her either.
And that, right there, was proof he was a monster. A selfish one. One who put the little glimpse of happiness he felt before her safety.
The Reaper was here, waiting and watching her. Hunting her maybe, he didn’t know. Nothing made sense except he liked this high she gave him.
Hope.
He startled slightly. He still wasn’t used to the good lion’s voice yet.
Ash had both arms wrapped around his bicep as he rested his free hand on her thigh. She kissed his arm softly, and his heart rate raced a little less. She was a drug. Whatever made Ash Ash, spoke to him in a way that no one else ever had.
He was a chipped and damaged wrecking ball destined to always be just that, a destroyer, but tonight he’d watched her laugh and smile and tell him nice things that made him have moments where he thought, I can do this. I can be okay for her.
Was this just The Good talking? Was the good lion just so desperate to hold onto all the face time he could get that he would endanger Ash to have it?
He trusted his animals about zero percent. Maybe less.
He pulled to a stop in front of her little cabin. She’d left the front porch light on, and the little place looked homey. But a sudden homesickness washed over him, and it rocked him back a bit.
“I wish I could show you my den.”
“In the trailer park? In the Oregon mountains?”
Grim turned off the car and relaxed back. “Yeah. I wish I could show you my life. My mess of a life. Show you all the bad parts to test you and see how fast you run.”
“I’m not a huge fan of cardio, Grim.”
He snorted, and then another chuckle escaped him. She was smiling, so she knew she was being funny this time. She was so damn cute. The perfect combination of sexy, adorable, and funny. It was a hard balance to manage for a person, but she did it flawlessly.
He’d never felt this way about any person.
“I don’t know how to pair up or take care of a woman,” he admitted.
“You took care of me just fine today,” she said with a shrug.
Fuck, he couldn’t believe he was about to tell her this. It was a big admission. “In the Tarian Pride, after the Reaper was born, they made a rule for me.”
“I don’t like that. You’re a king. Why would a king have to mind rules?” Her voice was lower and had grit to it. Good girl. Protective she-grizzly.
“My value to the Pride was as an enforcer. I had no choice. I was wrecked, had very little control, couldn’t live with another Pride the way I was. They would have killed me as soon as they figured out how damaged I was. I was one of those lions you put down, not keep. The rule was that I wasn’t allowed to have a female. They were afraid a female would soften me, and I wouldn’t be as useful to them.”
“For fighting?”
“Yes. I built a reputation. The Reaper loved the fight, and I didn’t lose. Not after he was born. Most of the time I could just show up in a territory, and we could claim it. The shifters there would feel my attention on them, feel me hunting them, and they would pack up and leave. I fed the Reaper on the blood of those fights.”
“No, no, no. The Tarian Pride fed the Reaper.”
Grim ran his hands over his mohawk and sighed. “I wanted companionship, but the females were kept away from me. Everyone was kept away from me. I lived a solitary life so I would stay angry. So I would keep the chip they’d carved into my shoulder. I only left that pride six months ago.” He shrugged and shook his head. “I don’t know how to take care of something fragile.”
“Okay, well, that has nothing to do with me.”
“What?”
“I’m not fragile.” There was such pure honesty in those three words. It was something she knew to be true about herself, and it made him think.
What was fragile? Was it smiling and enjoying life and appreciating the simple things? No. Was it submissiveness? No, he’d never seen that as a weakness either. His grandma was submissive, but she’d been steadfast and strong and taken every awful and hurtful word the Tarian Pride had fed her and swallowed it down, and then lived her life despite them. For a second, he’d been mistaken that Ash was weak because she was choosing to be around him, a walking disaster. But perhaps that showed Ash’s strength, not weakness, to know in her heart he was part monster and stick beside him anyway.
“Can I sleep here tonight?” he asked.
She set her teeth to his bicep gently, and a purr ripped from his throat as he rolled his eyes closed with how good it felt.
“Only if you sleep in bed with me.”
“I have to leave tomorrow,” he admitted before he could change his mind. He should’ve just left without telling her and let her keep her normal life h
ere, but he was selfish, remember?
“But Rhett said he had two more days of recording,” she said, sitting up straight.
Her eyes were so blue, her cheeks a pretty pink to match the lip gloss on her pout. Beautiful girl. He would give what was left of his soul to keep her.
“Vyr is claiming territory. He has his eyes on the Tarian Pride’s mountains. It’s a big territory, but I don’t trust the Red Dragon. My grandma is there. I need to get her out before he pushes to take over. Before he burns the damn mountains and eats the ashes.” Oh, he’d seen the news footage. He knew exactly how a dragon claimed mountains. The border of the territory would be burned to ash, eaten, and then the stink of dragon’s smoke would cling to the land. It clung to the mountains in Oregon where he lived.
“But…Vyr is good.”
“Is he?”
“Yes,” she said, a frown furrowing her perfectly arched dark eyebrows. “He’s good. I know these things. I can feel them. I grew up with him, and I know how he is now. He’s got a good Crew, a good mate. They’ll keep him steady. He’s okay.”
But Grim couldn’t be sure. Vyr had admitted to compromising with his monster, and Grim knew all about inner monsters. There wasn’t real compromise. They sat inside of a man until they fancied destruction, and then they mauled everything. And Vyr wasn’t some lion that was easily put down. He was a motherfucking dragon. Grim didn’t trust him where his grandma’s safety was concerned. He didn’t trust anyone except Ash.
“Rose is special,” she murmured about his grandma.
She’d remembered his grandma’s name. “Yes. She’s very special to me.”
Ash dropped those pretty blues to her hands clasped tightly in her lap. “Then you should go. Tomorrow. Bring her somewhere safe so your lions can stay calm and settled.”
Smart girl. She was so much more clever than she realized.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” she asked.
He hated that she was looking away, so he gently pulled her face back to him. What he saw in her eyes gutted him. They were rimmed with tears. Sweet bear. “I told you I would hurt you.”
She hugged him tight and buried her face against his chest. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”
Fuck, what was this awful feeling in his chest? Guilt? His damn heart hurt. He was gonna miss the hell out of her. Out of this feeling…whatever it was.
So right here and now, he decided he was going to take her mind off of separating and give her a good last night. He was going to force the Reaper to stay in his skin for one night, and he was going to hold Ash while she slept. For one tiny little night, he was going to pretend they were normal, that he was strong and deserved someone as inherently good as Ash.
She’d told him tonight was her favorite of all her nights, and he was going to make sure that stayed true for her.
Tonight, he was damn determined they would be just Grim and Ash.
Even if it meant swallowing the pain of The Reaper.
Because taking care of her felt more important than taking care of himself.
And that, he realized, was the good lion inside of him speaking up again.
The clock changed to 10:10. The blue numbers sat there taunting him, glowing, beckoning him. Juno and Remi did this dumb thing where they wished on the number. Something about an old trailer that was magic in Damon’s Mountains. Wishes weren’t granted for devils like him, but he could feel that small, quiet, green-eyed goodness watching Ash. The Good would keep her safe. He would help Grim fight the Reaper tonight if it made Ash happy.
The Good cared about her smiles.
As the final seconds of the minute ticked by, he pressed his finger to the clock and closed his eyes, gripped Ash tighter against him with his other hand, and for the first time in his life, he made a wish.
I wish The Good would stay.
Chapter Fourteen
Ash had watched him place his fingertip on the number 10:10 and close his eyes. He’d made a wish. A man who didn’t believe in magic had made a wish. A hopeless man had wished for something.
Ash rushed and put her finger on top of his, closed her eyes, and made a wish for him.
I wish The Good would stay.
Then Grim wouldn’t hurt so bad on his insides.
She did believe in magic, and she did have hope, and for the rest of always, no matter where they ended up, she was going to do her best to give Grim hope, too. Because he deserved happiness, peace, and to be steady. Or as steady as a man like him could be.
When she opened her eyes, Grim was watching her with an unreadable expression. His eyes were so bright green.
She loved him. She was a silly girl who had fallen in love with a boy in a day. One day, and her heart had just decided that it belonged to him, her Grim. It had recognized his heart, pointed to him, and said, “That’s mine.” She didn’t have many people, so her bear became very loyal and protective to the ones she did have. She wasn’t anything special. A submissive bear shifter who was easily confused, but no matter what, Grim was safe with her. He would always have someone at his back, even when he left and moved on to live his life. She would always be there if he needed someone. If he needed anything.
The Good. The Bad. It was all hers, and there was nothing he could ever do to change her mind. She told him, “Even if someday you admitted to me all the bad things you had to do as the knife of the Tarian Pride, I’ll listen, and then I’ll hold those memories with you. You can tell me anything, and I won’t think less of you. I won’t make you pay for your past.”
“What are you saying?” he asked softly.
“You’re safe.”
Grim ripped his gaze away from her fast and stared out the window on the other side. He was hiding from her—another line of his book that she could read. Men did that sometimes, the strong ones. They hid when their hearts were touched. He’d probably never heard those words before, so he couldn’t tell if they hurt or if they felt good.
So she wrapped her arms around his bicep again and rubbed her cheek against the goosebumps on his skin. He didn’t feel cold, but he had chills. Poor Grim. She didn’t like when he had chills. She kissed his arm, right over a tattoo. Then suddenly, he leaned forward and yanked the handle under his seat, and the whole thing slid backward. She squeaked in shock as he reached over and pulled her entire body over on top of him. She barely had time to position her legs on either side of his hips before he set her down.
That shouldn’t have been graceful. She should’ve messed that up and got them all tangled, but she hadn’t. She kind of wished someone had caught that on video. She wasn’t very good at stuff like that unless it was rehearsed and she’d had lots of time to mentally prepare—
Ooooh, Grim rolled his hips against hers, and now his eyes were the bright gold of the Reaper. And that smile…the devil lived in that smile.
Ash cupped his cheeks. “Good man, bad man.” She lifted her chin and looked him right in his eerie eyes. “My man. My monster. Mine no matter what.”
His wicked grin faltered.
Take that, Reaper. Eat those nice words and figure out you won’t be able to chase me away.
Ash leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. The snarl in his throat was instant as he gripped the back of her neck and pulled her closer. Harsh, sexy kiss. He pushed his tongue into her mouth, his hands rough on her neck and waist.
Ash loved it. She rolled her hips against him, slid her arms around the back of his neck, and held him tight. Fire trailed up her skin where his fingertips searched under her sweater. She could feel the back of his knuckles now, pushing up, up, until he found the bottom of her bra. His hands on her skin felt like everything she’d been thirsty for. Her breath came in short pants as he pulled his hand back and shoved her jacket off her shoulders. She struggled out of it, not so graceful now, because they were in the front seat of the SUV and he was a very big man. But he didn’t seem to mind. He shoved her sweater up the second she freed herself from her coat.
This was no
rmally the part where she would’ve flinched away and covered her stomach, but Grim’s reaction to her body made it impossible to be shy. He let off a long moan and leaned back as far as he could, staring with those hungry gold eyes. His hands went to her waist, and they were so strong there. “Fuck, woman. You have me.” There was desperation in his voice, and she wanted to cry and laugh and sing and hug him all at once for making her feel so good. For the first time under a man’s stare, she felt like a queen.
It made her braver with him. If tonight was all they had, she didn’t want to wake up tomorrow and think of all the things she wished she’d been bold enough to do. She just wanted to do them. So she pulled at the hem of his T-shirt. He lifted his arms for her and moved to help her. As the shirt was pulled out of the way, she let off a hungry sigh. His chest was massive with a perfectly cut line right down the middle, diving down into his six-pack abs that flexed with every breath. She was staring. She knew she was, but she couldn’t stop. The upper part of his torso was covered in tattoos, but the artwork was stunning. It didn’t hide the scars this close up, and she could see his chest was covered in crisscross patterns. How many times had he been badly clawed to mar his skin like this?
“Is this why you got the tattoos?” she asked, tracing a raised scar.
He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her open palm. “It’s not fun to see my past etched into my skin every time I look in a mirror.”
Her heart broke a little for him. Or maybe opened up a little more for him. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to the worst scar. And then another and another until his hand went gentle in her hair and he relaxed back against the seat.
Ash ran her palms down the uneven skin of his stony chest, down the hard mounds of his abs to his jeans. She popped the button and filled the car with the sound of a slow zipper. His dick was swollen and hard, pressing against the fabric of his pants to be released. Grim lifted slightly so she could shimmy his pants down his powerful thighs.
When Ash gripped his dick in her fist and pulled up slowly, Grim let off a long, low, sexy sound in his throat, and his legs tensed under her.