Sweet Hart

by Rae Marks

  Bray kept looking back at them. When he determined they were far enough away so they couldn’t hear, he started in. Sam mentally psyched himself up for the questions he didn’t want to answer—the questions he wouldn’t answer.

  “I did a little research,” Bray started.

  That statement caught Sam by surprise, but he didn’t say anything, just let Bray continue.

  “I obviously didn’t know I liked to play sub in the bedroom. I’ve never…at least I don’t know if it will always be something I want, but I get off when we do it.”

  “I know you do.” Sam smirked.

  Bray shook his head, but there was a smile on his lips. “I read about hard limits.”

  Sam’s footfalls stuttered a little in the sand.

  “I thought we should probably discuss hard limits. I mean, I’d like to know how to avoid…sending you to that place.”

  Sam was floored. He’d had men try to touch his ass before. They’d assumed it was a control thing when he’d backed off. It was a little bit of a control issue, but not to control the scene. It was about controlling his reaction.

  “At first I thought it was all ass play,” Bray rushed on. “But then you let me…and I liked it and I thought you did, but then you said ‘red’ and I…I don’t know what happened, but I don’t want to pull up your bad memories. I was thinking we could make some good memories. I know they won’t replace the bad ones…”

  “It was a long time ago,” Sam heard himself saying. “I thought I’d moved past it.”

  “I get it. I just seem to lose myself a little when we have sex. I knew about your ass but, well…it’s kind of irresistible.”

  Bray’s cheeks were pink from the admission and Sam felt honored that he would be so honest.

  “I’d like to know your hard limits,” Bray said. “I don’t want to send you reeling every time we have sex. We don’t exactly have time for me to try to learn on my own, so I’d like you to tell me.”

  Bray’s face betrayed how important it was to him. He was willing to try to discover Sam’s idiosyncrasies on his own, but was asking because they didn’t have much time together?

  “I actually do like swatting your perfect little ass. But it also keeps you where I need you.”

  Bray’s blush spread from his cheeks to his neck, but he seemed pleased that Sam truly enjoyed playing with him. Whoever actually got to keep Bray would be one lucky bastard.

  “But the rimming… You liked it at first.”

  “I liked that all the way through. Shocked the hell out of me. But when your fingers—”

  “That’s what did it? It seemed like you’d enjoyed the beginning, but I wasn’t sure if you’d been enjoying it at all or if it was just at the end that freaked you out.”

  “I enjoyed it. Believe me, I enjoyed it.”

  “I’d like to do that again. What if you tied my hands behind my back? Then you would know I couldn’t use my fingers. Would that help you relax?”

  The thought had Sam getting hard in the middle of a public beach. The thought of Bray on his knees, hands tied behind his back, was hot enough on its own. The idea that he wanted to be bound too so Sam could relax was overwhelming.

  “I think that might work,” Sam admitted.

  “I can see you at least like the idea.” Bray smirked and looked pointedly at the bulge in Sam’s pants.

  They were supposed to be in Spain for four days but only three nights. That was all they had left. A little voice whispered that they might be able to have more, but Sam was too chicken-shit to ask for it. Bray was experimenting, but Sam didn’t want to be a project. He didn’t want Bray to feel the weight of having to ‘fix’ him.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Brayden

  When Bray woke up in Sam’s arms that last morning, he felt a heart-sick desperation. He clung to a sleeping Sam. He didn’t want this trip to end. They’d been able to sightsee and even spend some time playing in the ocean.

  The meetings with Kozak had gone well. Bray had felt Kozak’s gaze on him constantly. He guessed it was morbid curiosity, but the weight of his stare made Bray uncomfortable. He felt like he was being dissected.

  The nights had made it all worth it, though. Bray had made Sam come with only his tongue, and the memory of that made him smile. He’d found a work-around for Sam’s issues and now he wanted their time to last beyond Spain. He wanted Sam indefinitely.

  The request had been on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t ask Sam while they were being monitored. Then Sam had distanced himself as they lay in bed. He’d given Bray short, one-word answers as he’d worked on his laptop. Bray squeezed Sam a little tighter at the memory.

  He wanted to have Sam one last time, but he couldn’t bear to watch Sam pull away again, so he gently snuck out of bed to get first dibs on the shower. While he washed himself, Bray had visions of Sam coming in, pressing him against the tile and fucking him. He lingered with his fantasies longer than he should have but finally turned off the water.

  As he snuck out of the bedroom, Bray asked himself some serious questions. Would he be able to work with Sam in the future? Would he be able to pretend to be Sam’s boyfriend again if needed? He worried the answer to both might be no.

  He’d taken this job to try to help his brother. He’d also selfishly taken it hoping he’d get to be a part of Mase’s life when he returned to the States. But that could be years in the future.

  Was it worth torturing himself? And what if Sam started dating someone else? What if Sam started dating another one of the guys they worked with? This whole thing was a mess of Bray’s own making.

  When he walked into the living room, Ax was there setting up breakfast on the balcony—breakfast for four. He and Sam had been having breakfast every morning just the two of them. Was this change Sam trying to avoid being alone with him?

  Bray had just helped make his wish come true by sneaking out of their bed, not that they could have a real discussion about their relationship—or lack of relationship, as it were.

  “You should be glowing after last night,” Ax winked.

  Bray’s face burned, but he couldn’t force a smile.

  “Hey, hey. What’s going on, Hot Cakes?”

  Bray did smile at that nickname. He shook his head because he couldn’t force the words past his clogged throat. He’d become friends with Ax. They’d sparred together, joked with each other. But he couldn’t betray Sam’s confidence, even if they hadn’t been monitored.

  “He’s a tough nut to crack,” Ax said quietly. “I’ve known him more than a year and I’ve never even seen him cut loose with the guys, let alone date or take some time for himself.”

  “You don’t cut loose either,” Bray said.

  “I have my reasons.”

  Bray couldn’t tell Ax that Sam had his own reasons too, so he just shrugged. Ax opened his mouth but shut it again when Mitch stepped out onto the balcony with them.

  “What am I missing?” Mitch asked.

  “Bray said he thinks the Niners will beat the Patriots this year.”

  “Blasphemy,” Mitch said.

  Bray smiled at the venom in Mitch’s voice.

  “I said they have a chance. They have a good team this year.” Bray shoved Ax for using the opportunity to haze him in front of Mitch.

  “Who has a good team?” Sam said as he stepped out onto the balcony.

  “The Niners,” Mitch scoffed. “Your boyfriend thinks they have a chance.”

  Sam stiffened but didn’t say anything. Ax gave Bray’s shoulder a squeeze as he moved to sit at the table.

  “Sam wouldn’t know a Niner from a Raider,” Ax teased. “He’s useless talking football.”

  “It’s like a foreign language,” Sam admitted. “I grew up playing soccer.”

  “You’re built like a linebacker. You totally should have played defense in high school ball,” Mitch said.

  “Too violent for my parents,” Sam said quietly.

  “Soccer’s no pi
llow fight,” Ax said.

  Bray was grateful to Ax for keeping the mood light.

  * * * *

  It was protocol to go through debrief separately. Debriefs were company policy, but this was more formal since they were consulting for multiple government agencies. Jazz and Wade were there, along with the nameless men and women asking a million questions.

  Bray had been called in first, probably because he was the newest member. He was heading back to the small office where the other team members were waiting their turn to be questioned. He was just about to round the corner when the words being spoken registered. His feet froze to the floor.

  “I was just saying be careful about shitting where you eat. I don’t get you, Magnum. You’re the one who voted against him joining HC, then you turn around and hook up with him?”

  “How do you know who voted which way? We don’t ask for feedback on candidates from the team until we’ve agreed privately to offer a position, and our votes are supposed to be confidential.” There was suspicion in Sam’s voice.

  “Pfft. We all know,” Mitch said. “Even if he hadn’t taken a bullet for him, Mase would have approved him. Jazz was thinking about offering him a job after the first debrief when he was still injured. The only one who voted against him was the one screwing him.”

  Bray was going to lose his lunch all over the floor. Sam hadn’t wanted him to join the team? Even with the other guys on board, Sam had voted against him? And yet he’d been more than willing to fuck him in Spain.

  He had to get out of there. His heart was beating so hard with anxiety and fury that he was worried he was going to have a heart attack. Even though his mind told his feet to run, they stayed rooted to the floor.

  “So you screwed him then screwed him over? Fuck, Magnum, he’s a sweet kid. That’s cold,” Ax said.

  “He’s also the boss’ brother,” Mitch said.

  “First of all, Mase isn’t my boss or anyone’s boss really. We’re employee-owned, for fuck’s sake. Second, us being boyfriends unfortunately became part of the cover in Ukraine and you can blame this douche over here for that,” Sam said.

  “Me and my big mouth,” Ax grumbled. “Between you and Hot Cakes, I’m never going to hear the end of the Ukraine op.”

  “Look… You don’t owe me an explanation. I was just telling you to be careful. If Mase had to choose between you two…” Mitch let the sentence hang.

  “I’ve known Mase almost seventeen years. I was there for him when his ‘family’ wasn’t. He and I are just as much brothers as he and Bray.”

  “Doesn’t that make you and Bray brothers too? That’s sick, man,” Ax said.

  His comment seemed to break the tension in the room. Bray could hear them chuckling. He knew they weren’t laughing at him, but it felt that way all the same.

  “The op is over and so is the cover,” Sam said.

  “I just hope Bray knows that,” Mitch said.

  “I just hope you know that,” Ax said.

  “Fuck you, Ax.” Sam said the harsh words with no anger.

  “I’m just trying to make sure we have a nice, drama-free work environment. You guys might be nice to look at, but I wouldn’t risk my job over it,” Mitch said.

  “No one’s risking their job, for fuck’s sake,” Sam said. “We’re adults. We both know what a no-strings hookup is. Last thing I need is some kid with hero worship thinking I’m something I’m not.”

  “You just contradicted yourself. First you said he was an adult, then he’s a kid. But in both scenarios, you’re an asshole,” Ax said.

  Bray didn’t want to hear any more, so he made sure his footfalls were loud enough that the other guys would hear him. When he turned the corner, they all looked up and gauged his face to figure out how much he’d heard. Bray gave his best impression of a smile.

  “Sam, you’re up,” he said.

  Sam hesitated before standing. Bray couldn’t stand the sight of him, so he looked at Mitch.

  “You’re on deck,” he told Mitch.

  “Bray—” Sam started but was interrupted by the ringing of Bray’s phone.

  Bray didn’t want to know what he was going to say, so even if it hadn’t been Nick’s ringtone, he would have answered. He picked up his phone from the table where he’d left it while in his debrief and pressed the button to accept the call as he moved past the other men and out of the office.

  “Hey. Everything okay?”

  “You on the job?” Nick asked.

  “I’m back. Just finished my debrief. I have the rest of the weekend plus two days of R-and-R that come after an op.”

  “Then you should probably head west.”

  Bray wasn’t certain what that meant. Was the end near? Sometimes Nick got worked up over nothing. Then again, even if it was just Nick needing some support, Bray would fly out for that as well.

  “Let me pack a bag and I’ll head to the airport,” Bray said.

  “Let me know when your flight lands. Either Mom or I will pick you up.”

  “I’ll text you.”

  “All right.”

  After ending the call, Bray turned around and headed toward the stairs, but bumped into Ax. He didn’t want to see pity in Ax’s eyes so he pushed past him.

  “Where you off to?” Ax asked as he followed.

  “Home.”

  “Don’t go, Bray. Sam’s just got his head up his ass.”

  “I’m not going because of Sam. I’m going to see my family.”

  “All right. Let me know how you’re doing. I’ll be in NorCal, so let me know if you need anything.”

  Bray looked up at Ax. There was no pity there, just understanding. He took a deep breath. He appreciated having a friend, an ally, in Ax, even if they did pick at each other a little. They were almost like, well…like brothers.

  “Thanks, Ax. For everything.” Bray darted his eyes back to where Mitch was still sitting.

  Ax gave Bray a pat on the shoulder and he was grateful it didn’t feel at all like a pat on the head.

  “As the great Dolly Parton said, ‘He doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.’”

  A startled laugh burst from Bray. He’d been choking back tears a moment ago, for two different reasons, and now he was laughing. He’d have to think about that statement a little, and he wasn’t sure why a guy like Ax would be quoting Dolly Parton. It gave him something else to think about as he packed a bag and headed to the airport.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Sam

  When they had to ask him the same question three different ways, Sam knew he’d be summoned later by Jazz. He could see it in his friend’s eyes. He’d felt nothing but hollow when he’d seen Bray come around the corner.

  He’d held his breath until Bray had smiled—or had at least tried to. Sam’s gut had roiled and tightened when Bray had acted like nothing had happened. He would have much preferred to have been called out.

  Lying in bed with Bray in Spain, Sam had received an email from Mase asking how his brother was doing. While Sam’s heart rate was still slowing from the orgasm he’d just shared with Bray, Mase had been worried about him. He’d wanted to know if Sam thought he was enjoying himself, if he was a good fit.

  Sam had felt like the worst friend in the world at that moment, because he had no intention of replying that he’d slept with Bray…again. He’d tell Mase in person, not over the phone or by email. He deserved the chance to punch Sam in the face if he so chose. While Bray was lying naked in his bed, Sam had been emailing Mase to tell him his brother’s first op was going as smooth as glass.

  Even with the email from Mase, his guilt hadn’t overridden his want. He’d been forming words in his mind about how to ask Bray to continue what they’d started.

  Thoughts had been rolling around in his head as he’d tried to go to sleep. He’d been tempted to ask Bray to try to date for real but had settled on offering to continue experimenting. It wasn’t easy to find someone a person trusted enough to try
new things. He didn’t want Bray ending up in a precarious situation because Sam had introduced him to power exchange.

  Sam had decided to offer as soon as they got back to HC, until he’d woken to Bray sneaking out of bed that next morning.

  There had been a distance between them as they’d traveled home. He had wondered if Bray was reconsidering everything due to Sam’s past. They hadn’t had a moment alone to talk before the debrief, then he’d gotten defensive when Mitch had come after him.

  Normally Sam would have rolled his eyes and laughed or told Mitch to mind his own business. But he hadn’t done that. He’d gotten a severe case of verbal diarrhea, and from the look on Bray’s face, he’d heard every fucking word.

  “Mr. Fletcher?”

  Sam shook himself out of his reverie. He’d missed another question. With a deep breath, Sam did his best to put Bray out of his mind and move through his debrief.

  By the time he was finished with his interrogation, Bray was nowhere in sight. Sam couldn’t remember all the bullshit he’d spouted after Mitch had blindsided him. He’d made it seem like he hadn’t wanted Bray in the first place, which was a lie.

  He’d wanted Bray from the moment he’d laid eyes on him. He never would have done a thing about it if they hadn’t been in the scenario they’d found themselves in, and he definitely wouldn't have made the first move. That didn’t mean he wasn’t attracted.

  After his little speech, there was zero possibility that Bray would be willing to play, even if he had to pretend to be Sam’s boyfriend again.

  Sam hadn’t wanted Bray on the team. He’d almost abandoned his post in Kiev when he’d found out Bray had run, and he’d been temped again when Bray had been wounded. He’d only known Bray for less than a week at that point. His emotions were even more fucked-up now.

  After he’d had time to think about it, Sam was glad Bray had joined HC. He had a group of elite operators watching his six.

  It wouldn’t erase the sight of Bray hog-tied on a dirty mattress in the basement of a club owned by a drug dealer, but he wouldn’t have to worry that the kid was out there doing some kamikaze bullshit all on his own.