by Kate Hewitt
Her words fell like hammer blows, shattering his illusions, and yet he still couldn’t believe it. ‘You didn’t want me to kiss you.’
‘How on earth do you know that?’ she demanded, looking entirely fed up. Still Alex couldn’t let it go.
‘Everything you said and did told me so. You didn’t want help with your zip...’
‘Because I was nervous and you seemed so cold—’
‘And when I did help you, you shuddered—’
‘With desire, not disgust. When you touched me... Alex, I wanted you to touch me more. I was desperate for it, but you stopped.’ Milly tilted her chin, colour flaming her face. ‘What is it going to take to make you believe me, Alex? Do you think this is easy? How much do I have to humiliate myself?’
‘The humiliation was mine—’
‘No. I desired you.’ Her voice trembled. ‘You’re the one who—who seemed not to want me.’
His mouth fell open as he stared at her, utterly shocked by this admission. ‘I think I gave evidence of my feelings, Milly,’ he said evenly.
‘You mean because you could—you could complete the act?’ She shrugged scornfully, her chin tilted at a haughty angle, her face the colour of a tomato. ‘Most men can do that, as far as I can tell. It doesn’t...it doesn’t actually mean anything.’
Alex turned away abruptly, rubbing his hands over his face. Was it possible that he’d got this so terribly wrong? Had he let his own fears and weaknesses distort his perception that much?
‘Why do you think I wouldn’t desire you?’ he asked finally, his voice low, his back still to her. Milly didn’t respond for a long moment, and when she did her voice was small, suffocated.
‘Because...because I’m plain. I know that. I’m a...a little mouse.’
‘A little mouse?’ He whirled around, furious on her behalf. ‘Did someone say that to you once?’
‘Yes—a man. Philippe.’ Her throat worked convulsively as she swallowed. ‘I thought I loved him, but it was just a mirage. A fantasy.’
Jealousy boiled through him, surprising him with its force. ‘And what happened?’
‘He didn’t feel the same way. Well.’ She let out a sad little laugh, her shoulders hunched as her gaze slid away. ‘The truth is, he was a cruel and dishonest man. Charming, but it was nothing more than a veneer, and, after living with my mother, I thought I would recognise that, but I didn’t. I fell for his lines.’
Alex’s fists clenched. He hated this man already. ‘What happened between you?’
‘Nothing, really.’ Her lips trembled as she tried to smile. ‘I made a fool of myself, basically, following him around, listening to his lies. He told me he’d fallen in love with me, but then I...’ She paused, swallowing hard, and he realised how difficult this was for her.
He was both humbled and shamed to realise she had her own painful memories, her own insecurities. Of course she did. How could he have been so selfish, so arrogant, as to think he was the only one?
‘You don’t have to tell me, Milly.’
‘No, I want to.’ Her chin lifted another notch. ‘Because then maybe you’ll understand where I’m coming from, for once.’ Ouch. He waited while she fought for her composure to continue. ‘He was one of my mother’s cronies, from when she lived in Paris. The circuit of impoverished aristocrats and D-list celebrities. Really, a stellar group.’
‘How did you meet him?’
‘He sought me out, because he knew my mother. That should have sent the warning bells ringing, but he seemed so sincere, and I wanted to believe him. No one had ever shown that kind of interest in me before.’
‘No one—’
‘I’m plain, Alex. I know that.’
‘You’re not—’
‘Anyway.’ She shook her head, refusing to believe him, just as he’d refused to believe her. ‘We started dating. He told me he loved me. He...’ Her voice faltered. ‘He wanted us to spend the night together, at a hotel. All very romantic, but I was hesitant. It felt too fast.’
‘Tell me,’ Alex said in a low, deadly voice, ‘that he didn’t hurt you.’
‘No, not like that. Just my feelings. We were at a party and I’d gone to the ladies’. I wasn’t very comfortable there—it was his crowd, not mine. Anyway, as I came back I overheard him talking to his friends.’ She bit her lip, sinking her teeth into it just as she had on their wedding night, her face shadowed with remembered pain. ‘They were joking, taking bets as to when he would—when he would deflower me. I stood there, hardly able to believe it, and then he joked about how he’d have to grin and bear it, because he found me so...’ She stopped, and Alex took a step towards her.
‘Milly, don’t. The man sounds like an utter bastard.’
‘Well, I’m sure you can imagine what he said. And then one of his friends saw me, and nudged him, and he turned around and laughed in my face. He didn’t even try to deny it. He told me he’d been given a dare, to seduce the plainest girl he could find. That’s when he said it—“Do you honestly think I could fall for a little mouse like you?”’ She bowed her head. ‘Look, I know he was a jerk. I realise in that moment he was trying to save face in front of his friends. I know his words aren’t some gospel truth. I’m... I’m over that.’
‘Are you?’ Alex asked in a raw voice. She’d faced the kind of rejection he hadn’t let himself face, because he’d hidden himself away. She was, he realised, far braver than he’d ever been.
‘Yes,’ Milly said firmly. She lifted her head to look at him, blinking back tears, her jaw set. So brave. ‘Yes, I am. But perhaps now you understand, Alex, why I acted the way I did on our wedding night. I had painful memories, too.’
His jaw clenched with self-recrimination. ‘I wish I’d known.’
‘You never gave me the chance to tell you. And I admit, I didn’t really want to lay myself bare like that.’ Despite everything, she managed a wry smile. ‘I was bare enough.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Alex managed, the words feeling both strange and sincere. ‘I didn’t realise that. I didn’t...’ He shook his head. ‘I suppose I was only thinking about myself.’ Even though he’d convinced himself he was thinking about her, being kind when in reality he’d just been protecting himself. Again.
‘So here we are.’ Milly flung her arms out. ‘Two people who got it all badly wrong, because they were both so scared.’
He opened his mouth to deny it, but how could he? As much as it shamed him, he had been scared. Scared of being rejected. Of being hurt. And so he’d hurt her instead.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said again.
They stared at each other for a long moment, the air tautening between them. ‘So now what?’ Milly finally asked softly. ‘Are you still determined to annul our marriage?’
‘I thought I was doing you a kindness.’
‘And I’m telling you now you aren’t.’
He took a deep breath, forced himself to ask the question. ‘Do you really want to be married to me, Milly? Anna can stay in school. You can keep the five million euros—’
‘I honour my commitments, Alex. My vows.’ Her voice shook. ‘And the truth is, I don’t want to be rejected again. I’m not looking for love, but I thought—I hoped—we could have some kind of affection between us. But perhaps now I need to ask you the same question—do you really want to be married to me? Do you—do you desire me?’ Her voice trembled and broke on the words.
For a moment Alex couldn’t speak. He couldn’t believe she’d suffered from as much doubt as he had—and he hadn’t even realised. And now she was asking him point-blank to admit the truth, and he knew he would, he had to, no matter what it cost him. Even if she turned away. ‘Yes,’ he said in a low voice. ‘I do. Truly, I do. You’re lovely, Milly. The freckles on your shoulders...’
She let out an incredulous laugh. ‘Of all the things...the freckles on my shoulders?�
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‘I dreamed about kissing them,’ he admitted, heat unfurling through his body at the thought. He wanted to kiss them now. ‘Kissing all of you...’
Her eyes smoked and blazed as she met his gaze boldly. ‘Then do it,’ she said.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
HEAT BLOOMED AND rushed through Milly as she stared at Alex, daring him to prove his desire. Needing him to desperately, because if he didn’t do something, she would. Or else she would combust.
‘You mean...’ he began, looking startled, and she wondered how such a powerful and beautiful man could have become so uncertain. The scars were deeper than they looked.
‘Yes. Now.’ Her voice turned ragged with her need. ‘Please.’
He took a step towards her, and then another. Milly held her breath. Then he was standing in front of her, looking at her in wonder. ‘Are you sure...?’
‘How many times do I have to say it?’ Milly demanded.
Gently he touched his fingers to her lips, and even that sent need arrowing to her core. ‘I haven’t kissed a woman since before the accident. I haven’t so much as touched...’
‘Touch me.’
And then he did. He bent his head, one hand anchored to her waist as his lips skimmed hers. Her mouth opened hungrily, already wanting more. She reached up and put her hands on his strong shoulders, drawing herself to him. As their bodies collided she sucked in a hard breath. Everything in her felt as if it were on fire.
And amazingly, wonderfully, Alex seemed to feel the same, for his brush of a kiss turned into something hungry and demanding, something wonderful. His mouth plundered hers as he pulled her tight against him.
‘Now do you doubt me?’ he demanded in a growl against her mouth, and she let out an incredulous laugh, intoxicated by the need she felt in both him and herself.
‘Show me more.’
And he did, hoisting her by the hips and seating her on his desk as he swept papers away with one commanding hand. He parted her thighs, standing between them, as he kissed her with both thoroughness and urgency. She drove her hands through his hair, careful even now to avoid his scars, unsure if they might pain him. Not wanting anything to break this moment.
‘Touch me, Alex,’ she half whimpered. ‘Touch me more, please.’
He slid his hand along her thigh, making her squirm as his fingers found her bare flesh. And then higher still, and she let out a moan of both pleasure and frustration. More. She still wanted more.
And then he was at her centre, touching her with such intimacy and expertise that she felt as if she were flying apart. Still it wasn’t enough.
Emboldened by her desire, she reached for his zip. Alex tore his mouth from hers. ‘Milly...’
‘You don’t receive visitors, remember?’ she said, feeling reckless, and his little smile made her want to sing.
Then his face darkened with passion as he tugged at his zip and pulled her even closer, settling himself between her thighs.
Milly braced herself against him as he began to slide inside her, the invasion both sweet and strange and so much.
‘Tell me if I’m hurting you,’ he gasped, and she shook her head, her head pressed against his shoulder as her body adjusted and together they found their rhythm.
‘You’re not. You’re not at all.’
And then she lost the power to speak, to think; all she could do was feel the exquisite pleasure of his body inside hers, the overwhelming intimacy of it, this act that would bind them together for ever. Nothing could split this asunder. Nothing.
And when she came, it was like the splintering of stars, the word dissolving and then coming together again with a new, crystalline brightness as he cradled her in his arms, holding her as if he’d never let her go. And in that moment, she knew she didn’t want him to.
Yet he did, easing back slowly, looking stunned by their explosive interaction. ‘Did I hurt you?’ he asked in a low voice, and Milly nearly laughed aloud.
‘No.’ She regarded him closely, trying to figure out what was going on behind those shadowed eyes. ‘Did you think you did?’
‘I lost control.’
‘So did I.’ She paused, the confidence that their lovemaking had given her starting to seep away. She was cold and sticky and her skirt was rucked up to her hips. She wriggled to try to get it down and give herself a modicum of modesty. ‘Does that have to be a bad thing?’ she asked cautiously.
‘No, I...’ Alex shook his head, raking his hand through his hair as he turned away to do up his trousers. ‘I never expected this.’
He didn’t sound particularly pleased, and Milly had no idea why. Surely a physical attraction between them was a good thing, especially if he wanted a child? Briefly she thought of the pregnancy test in her bag, and then pushed the image away. She couldn’t be pregnant. She couldn’t deal with being pregnant, not now, so soon. Surely it had just been stress.
‘Expected what, exactly?’ she asked as she eased herself off his desk and straightened her skirt. Her lips felt swollen from his kisses, her body aching in a rather lovely way. Still, she felt the need for caution; Alex certainly seemed guarded. No matter how uninhibited they had been moments before, in the throes of passion, things clearly were different now.
‘Expected us to have...a physical attraction.’ He turned back to her. ‘It wasn’t in my planning.’
‘Well, surely you can make room for it?’ Milly suggested, trying to smile. ‘It will make trying for a baby more pleasant, at least.’
‘Yes, I suppose.’ He still didn’t look happy about it, though, and Milly wasn’t brave enough any more to try to tease him out of it. In truth she had no idea what to do now.
‘So you’re not going to annul the marriage,’ she said at last, because that felt like the most important thing.
Alex hesitated, making her freeze. Surely after what they’d just experienced, what they’d shared, he wouldn’t...?
‘No,’ he said at last, sounding reluctant. ‘I won’t.’
* * *
Alex had no idea how to feel. What had just happened...what he’d just felt...what Milly had felt...
It had blown his mind. Destroyed all his preconceptions. And left him spinning in a void of unknowing, because nothing about their business arrangement had made him expect that. And that had been amazing. Incredible. The best sex he’d ever had, because it hadn’t just been sex.
And therein lay the problem. They were treading on thin ice, moving into dangerous waters. Emotional ones.
‘Alex?’ Milly straightened her skirt, looking uncertain. ‘Why do you look as if you’re not happy about this?’
‘It’s fine,’ he said, which was no real answer at all. ‘I just didn’t expect...’ he shook his head ‘...any of this.’
‘Right.’ She smiled shyly. ‘Can’t we just...consider this a bonus?’
A bonus. He stared at her as if seeing her for the first time. Her hair was tumbled about her shoulders, her face still rosy, her lips still swollen from his kisses. Looking at her now, he wanted her all over again, with a deep and abiding need that shocked him.
Of course Milly didn’t know, and he wasn’t about to tell her, that he hadn’t physically desired a woman like this in nearly two years. He hadn’t desired a woman at all in that time; he’d never thought to feel that need again—and now it was overpowering him. It was thrilling, but it was also alarming. It made him vulnerable. It made him weak.
‘Alex...?’
He retrained his distant gaze on her. He was being irrational. Emotional, which was something he tried never to be, because he knew where it led. A physical relationship didn’t have to mean anything. It hadn’t before. Yes, they were married now, and that meant something, but this didn’t have to. This could be just what Milly had said...a bonus. A very nice bonus.
‘Sorry.’ He gave her a quick smile. ‘I l
ike your thinking.’
Her face lit up as she smiled shyly. ‘You do?’
‘Yes, I most certainly do. It’s just taken me a little while to catch up.’ She scanned his face, waiting for more. Alex reached for her and she came willingly into his arms, something else that felt strange. He could get used to this, he realised, and then where would he be?
‘This is an unexpected perk,’ he murmured, and then brushed a kiss across her lips. She responded instantly, fitting her body to his, wrapping her arms around his neck, tempting him to take it further. A lot further.
But now was neither the time nor the place, despite what had just happened right on his desk. He needed to regroup, regain control, and figure out exactly how he was going to handle this unforeseen complication. This bonus.
‘Why don’t you go back to my flat?’ he suggested. ‘Make yourself comfortable, order in food. I’ll join you as soon as I’ve finished up here.’ He turned to reach for his phone. ‘The doorman will give you the key. I’ll call a limo...’
‘I already have a key,’ Milly confessed. ‘Yiannis gave it to me when I told him I was coming to Athens.’
‘He did?’
‘I told him I was coming to surprise you. I made it sound like...well, exactly like it happened, as it turns out.’ Laughter bubbled up inside her and spilled out. ‘I just didn’t realise that was going to be the case.’
She sounded so happy, and Alex could hardly credit he had made her that way. And yet it made him wary too, because what happened when he inevitably disappointed or hurt her? When she found out the truth?
‘That’s easily dealt with, then,’ he said with a smile. ‘I won’t even have to ring the doorman.’
‘All right.’ She hesitated, and he simply stood there, hands in his pockets, waiting for her to go. Half of him wanted to snatch her up in his arms and bury his head in her hair, bury himself inside her again and again and again. Because he could. Because she wanted him to. Because he’d never, ever expected this much and it scared the hell out of him.
‘I’ll see you soon?’ she asked, a gentle query, and he nodded.