by Kate Hewitt
Milly stared at him for a long moment, her expression impossible to read. ‘Is that what you want?’ she asked finally, and Alex made himself nod. It was better this way. It had to be.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It is.’ He paused, searching her face, trying to see if there was any affection or hope there, but she wasn’t giving anything away, her face closed up, her eyes shadowed. ‘I assume it is what you want, as well. You said Naxos was your home.’
Her gaze slid away from his. ‘Yes...’
‘So there is no difficulty.’ He didn’t quite make it a question, but he waited, willing her to say something. Anything. One word from her, he thought, and he’d take it all back. He’d demand or even beg that she stay.
But he’d put himself out there too much already tonight. He’d told her everything; he’d made himself more vulnerable than he could bear, and he didn’t think he had it in him to do it again, not without a word, something from her to give him hope. Help him to believe.
And so he waited for a full heart-stopping minute, and she didn’t say anything. Not one word. She just nodded slowly, and, filled with equal parts anger and pain, Alex walked out of the room.
Milly slept in the second bedroom that night; Alex heard the click of the door, and then, to his further grief and pain, the turn of the lock. Did she think he was going to invade her bedroom, demand his rights?
It took him hours to fall into an uneasy doze, and in the morning, when Alex woke, gritty-eyed after a restless night, he found that she had already gone.
‘She called a taxi,’ the concierge informed him apologetically when Alex confronted the man downstairs. ‘Quite early...she said she was catching a morning flight back to Athens.’
‘Of course.’ He turned away, not willing to show a stranger how those words felled him. Clearly Milly couldn’t wait to leave him. He’d expected to have her accompany him back to Athens, and then take his yacht to Naxos. But, no. She’d gone her own way, without even saying goodbye. She’d wanted quit of him as soon as she could.
It was better this way.
The words felt meaningless to him now, because it didn’t feel better at all. He felt hurt and angry, filled with a grief that was deeper than he’d even imagined it could be. Yet could he really blame Milly for taking the out he’d offered?
No, he couldn’t. Alex took a deep breath as he cloaked himself in a cold, icy calm. He wouldn’t be angry, not this time, and he wouldn’t be hurt. Neither would he care.
Yet Milly’s absence ate at him all the way back to Athens, and then for the next two weeks as he heard nothing from her, and refused to reach out himself, out of both pride and hurt. He did satisfy himself that she’d got back to Naxos safely, having spoken to Yiannis, but with Milly he did not share a single word.
It was better this way.
Maybe if he kept repeating it to himself, he’d believe it one day. Believe that he could live alone and be, if not happy, then at least satisfied. But he felt neither, and every day that passed was a solitary torture.
Several times a day Alex found himself picking up the phone, starting to dial. He’d just call to see if she was all right. To check on her pregnancy. But every time he started to press her number, he stopped. He would not do it. He couldn’t.
And then, three weeks after that awful night in Rome, both the beginning and end of everything, Yiannis called, his voice sounding far too grim.
‘Alex,’ he said. ‘It’s Milly.’
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
IT ALL HAPPENED SO QUICKLY. One minute Milly was walking along the dusty road to Halki, trying to enjoy the crisp autumn day and not feel the swamping of misery that had accompanied her most days since leaving Alex in Rome, and the next she was sprawled belly-down on the road, grit embedded in her hands and knees and chin, everything stinging and smarting.
Too dazed to realise what had happened, Milly simply lay there for a moment, shocked by how quickly she had fallen. Painfully she got to her hands and knees, one hand cupping her belly protectively; at fourteen weeks, she had a small, neat bump. Then she felt a trickle of hot wetness between her thighs, and everything in her clanged with panic.
Somehow she managed to get to her feet; her body ached all over and her hands, knees, and face were smeared with blood and pebbled with grit. But worse, far worse, was the fear that she was bleeding. That she might be losing this baby.
The next hour was a blur; she stumbled back to the villa, terror clutching at her as she felt a band of pain start in her lower back and radiate out. Contractions. She was having contractions, and she was so early in her pregnancy still.
‘Please, no,’ she gasped, and then she rang Yiannis. He was there in minutes, bundling her in his truck and taking her to the hospital in Naxos’ main town.
‘I must call Kyrie Santos,’ Yiannis told her as she sat in a plastic chair in the hospital’s crowded waiting room. Although Milly hadn’t spoken of it, she knew Yiannis suspected there had been an acrimonious separation between her and Alex. ‘He will want to know.’
Would he? Three weeks and there had not been one word. Not one word.
Milly had talked herself round and round in circles, first cursing herself for not being brave enough to tell Alex she’d fallen in love with him, and then trying to convince herself she’d done the right thing in leaving, when it had been so painfully obvious he was pushing her away. He didn’t want what she wanted. He wasn’t willing to take the risk. And in any case, this was what they’d agreed on, when they’d discussed those cold, clinical terms. This was what she’d expected all along.
But now all she could think about was her baby. Her precious baby, so tiny and fragile inside her. Stay safe, baby, please...
Yiannis left her to make the call, and when he returned his face was grim. ‘Kyrie Santos is sending an air ambulance immediately to take you to Athens.’
‘What? But—’
‘The facilities here are not adequate for emergency maternity care,’ Yiannis continued. ‘Many women go to Athens for such care.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘It is going to be all right, Kyria Santos.’
But Milly feared it wouldn’t be. And ridiculously, perhaps, it hurt that Alex was sending an ambulance rather than coming himself. He didn’t care about her; it was only his precious heir that mattered. Stay safe, baby...
The short flight to the hospital in Athens was the loneliest and most terrifying experience of Milly’s life. The contractions and bleeding had continued, making her dread the worst. As the helicopter could only hold one patient, Yiannis had not been allowed to accompany her. She was completely on her own, and she felt it every second of the hour-long flight.
The sense of fearful loneliness continued when she arrived at the hospital in Athens, and after some initial checks, she was scheduled for an ultrasound to check on her baby. Although some of the consultants and technicians spoke English, it wasn’t enough for Milly to understand whether they were reassuring or warning her, and her Greek wasn’t up to the standard to ask the questions she desperately needed to.
As she waited for her scan, still not knowing what was going on or whether her baby was alive or dead, all she wanted was Alex. She’d been so stupid, so stubborn and foolish and afraid. She’d gone back over that night in Rome and rewritten it a thousand times in her head, but now, facing this alone, she knew exactly what she should have done.
She should have been brave. She should have told him she loved him, no matter how much he was trying to keep his distance, and that the regrets of his past made no difference to her. She should have held him in his arms and kissed his scars and promised him that their love could heal him. If she’d done all that, all the things that had been in her heart, perhaps she wouldn’t be alone here now. Perhaps Alex would have admitted he felt something for her; perhaps he would have been brave enough to say what was in his heart.
But she hadn’t done any of it, Milly acknowled
ged in the cold, sterile loneliness of an anonymous waiting room. She’d looked at Alex’s furious face, heard his cold tone, and she’d taken him at his word and retreated. Every insecurity she’d ever had had begun to blare in her brain.
No one has ever loved you. No one has ever fought for you, or stood by you, or cared enough to take a risk. Why did you dare think this man would?
And so she’d stayed silent. And she’d let her heart break.
Worst of all, she feared now it was too late. Alex wasn’t even coming to see if she was all right; in three weeks, he hadn’t contacted her at all, not even to ask about their own child. If there had been a moment when he’d cared, or could have cared at least, it was gone. She hadn’t risked her own heart, just as she’d told Alex three months ago. She’d said she hadn’t seen the point, but unfortunately now she very much did. The trouble was, it was just too late.
* * *
‘Where is my wife?’ The words came out in a low growl of both menace and authority. The receptionist’s eyes widened as she took in the full force of him, six feet three of powerful male on a mission.
‘Your name, kyrie...?’
‘Alexandro Santos,’ Alex bit out. The nurse glanced at his scars but he barely noticed, hardly cared. ‘And my wife is Milly Santos. She was brought here by air ambulance twenty minutes ago for a suspected miscarriage.’ The words felt like a punch in the gut, leaving him breathless with pain. ‘And I want to see her immediately.’
It had been just over an hour since Yiannis had rung him with the news that Milly had fallen and her pregnancy was threatened. An hour of raking himself over the coals, again and again, because it would never be enough.
How could he be failing someone he loved again? Having walked away again, instead of staying where he was needed, if not wanted? He never should have let Milly return to Naxos alone. He should have never stayed silent, too proud and ashamed to reach out to her. If something happened to the baby...their child...he would never forgive himself.
‘Kyria Santos is in the ultrasound department,’ the receptionist told him. ‘If you go to the left—’
Alex went to the left. He strode down the hall, fists clenched, heart pumping. This time it had to work out. This time it couldn’t end in tragedy and despair, not like before...
But he, more than anyone, knew there were no guarantees. No fairy promising a happy ending, waving her pointless wand. Life didn’t work that way, and as he turned the corner he steeled himself for the worst.
‘Alex.’ Milly’s voice sounded as if it were torn from her chest, a ragged cry that reached in and wrapped around Alex’s heart.
He dropped to his knees in front of her, wrapping his arms around her slight frame as she pressed her face against his shoulder, her body shaking with the force of her sobs.
‘Milly...agapi mou...’ My love. The words had slipped out, spoken from the heart, and he was glad. He put his hands on her shoulders, easing back so he could look into her face. ‘Are you all right in yourself? You are not hurt...?’ Her chin was smeared with blood, a bruise on one cheekbone. It made Alex ache.
‘Just scraped.’ Milly sniffed. ‘But, Alex, the baby, our baby...’
A fist closed over his heart. ‘You have had the scan?’
‘Not yet. But I’ve...’ She dropped her voice along with her eyes. ‘I’ve had bleeding and contractions...oh, Alex, I’m so scared.’
He pulled her to him again, stroking her hair as he offered her words of comfort. Agapi mou. Kardia mou. My love. My heart. He didn’t know if she understood what they meant, but he couldn’t keep himself from saying them. From meaning them. Now that she was in his arms again, the life of their child in danger, he knew he meant them more than anything he’d ever said in his life.
He loved her. And he would tell her, whether she loved him or not. She deserved to know. He wanted her to know. He needed it.
‘Milly Santos?’
They both tensed at the sound of her name on the nurse’s lips. Alex helped her rise shakily to her feet and then he accompanied her into a darkened room for the scan.
‘Please make yourself comfortable,’ the nurse instructed. ‘The technician will be with you shortly.’
Moments later the technician came in, a kindly-looking woman with a sympathetic smile. Alex watched, his heart caught in his throat, as Milly lifted her shirt, revealing the slight swell of her baby bump. Their child, right there. Tears clogged his throat and he swallowed hard. Their child.
‘Let’s see how baby is doing,’ the technician murmured in Greek, and they both waited breathlessly as she squirted the cold, clear gel on Milly’s stomach and then began to swipe and probe with the wand. Within seconds an image appeared on the screen, black and white and blurry. Their baby.
And it wasn’t moving.
‘Alex...’ Milly’s hand grabbed hold of his hand, and he held on tightly, wanting to imbue her with his strength. His hope. Please, God. Please, not this time...
And then, like the miracle it truly was, the tiny form on the screen flung out an arm. The technician turned up the volume on the ultrasound machine and the room was suddenly filled with a loud whooshing noise.
‘Baby’s heartbeat,’ the technician explained. ‘Sounds a bit like a galloping horse.’
‘You mean...the baby is okay?’ Milly asked tremulously, in halting Greek. She turned to Alex. ‘Can you ask her...? I don’t understand enough Greek...’
‘Of course.’
He spoke swiftly to the technician, and then turned back to Milly, unable to keep the emotion from his voice, his eyes. ‘The baby is all right. Perfectly healthy. They want to keep you in hospital for a few days, and then bed-rest for a while after that, because the contractions are a concern. But everything looks okay, Milly.’ He broke off, finding it hard to speak. ‘Our baby is going to be all right.’
They didn’t talk as Milly was taken in a wheelchair to a hospital room, the best Alex could procure. She looked exhausted, her face pale and grey with fatigue, and Alex knew she needed to sleep.
‘Alex...’ she began, sounding uncertain, and gently he pressed his fingers against her lips.
‘Shh. You need to sleep. We can talk later, Milly.’ He settled himself into a chair by the bed. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
She nodded slowly, her eyelids already fluttering, and within minutes she was asleep.
* * *
Milly woke slowly, blinking the hospital room into focus as memories rushed through her. The fall. The ambulance. Alex.
She turned her head, her heart leaping into her throat at the thought that he might have left, but he was there, just as he’d promised he would be. His unmarked cheek was resting on his hand, his scarred cheek turned to her, his eyelids drooping in sleep. He looked wonderful.
Alex’s eyes fluttered open and then his electric-blue gaze trained on her and he straightened. ‘You’re awake.’
‘Yes.’
He leaned forward, scanning her face. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Aching all over. And still so tired.’ Tremulously, wanting to be brave, she reached for his hand. He took it, twining his fingers with hers. ‘Alex...’
‘Wait.’ His voice was rough. ‘Don’t say anything, Milly.’
Her heart felt like a bird fluttering in her chest. ‘Why not?’ she whispered.
‘Because I want to say something first.’
She swallowed hard. She had no idea what he was going to say, but she feared it. He looked so serious, so intent. ‘All right,’ she finally managed.
Alex bowed his head. Several moments passed before he looked up again, and when he did Milly saw the sheen of tears in his eyes. ‘Milly, I’m sorry. So, so sorry.’
‘For...what?’
‘For letting you down. I never should have...there are so many things I shouldn’t have done.’ He drew a shuddering br
eath. ‘I shouldn’t have assumed things on our wedding night that made it such a disaster. I shouldn’t have asked to have the marriage annulled. I shouldn’t have pushed you away, time and time again, because...because I was a coward. An emotional coward.’
‘Alex...’
‘And most of all, I shouldn’t have kept myself from telling you that I love you.’
Milly felt as if her heart had somersaulted in her chest. For a few seconds she couldn’t make sense of the words, was afraid to trust them. ‘You...’
‘Love you. Yes. I think I fell in love with you right from the beginning, although I convinced myself I felt nothing. And over these last few weeks...the time we’ve spent together...the courage and kindness you’ve shown...’
‘Courage!’ Milly let out a trembling laugh. ‘I was as much a coward as you, Alex. Why do you think I said nothing that night in Rome?’
He winced, shaking his head. ‘That was my fault...’
‘It was mine, as well. After so many years of feeling pushed aside and unloved, I let those fears govern my head and heart. I wanted to tell you I’d fallen in love with you, but I didn’t because I was scared.’ She shook her head, regret turning her voice ragged. ‘It was the same reason I didn’t tell you I was pregnant. I was afraid that once you found out I was, you’d send me away. Tell me you didn’t need or want me any more.’
Alex grimaced. ‘And that’s just what I did, because I thought it was for the best...except I didn’t, really. I didn’t at all. The last three weeks have been hell for me, Milly. I’ve picked up the phone a dozen times a day to ring you, but I never did, because I was too proud. Too afraid.’ He shook his head. ‘And I left you alone while you were pregnant...if something had happened to our child...’
She reached over to take his hand between both of her own. ‘Alex, you have carried the weight of the world on your shoulders for too long. You can’t blame yourself for everything.’
‘But if I’d been there—’
‘I still would have walked into Halki on my own. Do you really think you could have stopped me? And if it hadn’t been a walk into the village, it might have been on the stairs, or going down to the beach... You’re not God, Alex. You can’t control everything, and you can’t blame yourself every time something goes wrong.’