by Voss, Deja
“No,” she says. “It’s not like you’re teenagers. I’m not saying that you’re old, but I am saying that you’re old enough to give a child a good life, no matter what’s going on in the outside world. You’re both good people. That kid would be so loved. And spoiled, obviously. I am dying to spoil a grandkid.”
“Mom,” Tank says sternly, walking through the kitchen door. “Are you being a creep?”
“She’s fine.” I smile, squeezing her hand.
“You can’t just ask people to birth my children so that you have a kid to play with while Dad’s at work. We’ve talked about this before, Mom,” he teases, kissing her on the cheek. “I swear, she’ll go up to girls in the grocery store and ask them, as long as they ‘look nice’.”
“I only did that once, and I had already known her from my church group. She just seemed like your type.”
He shakes his head and laughs. “Besides, Mom, women are having kids well into their seventies now. Why don’t you and Dad just make your own?”
“You’re a little shit, you know that?” she jokes. “Olive, there is no hurry whatsoever.”
I smile thinly. She might be pleasantly surprised here in the near future. It’s really not her business though, and I definitely need to talk to Tank about it first. It does make me feel better knowing that no matter what happens, though, this child is going to have a lot of people who loves him or her a whole lot.
She pulls an apple pie out of the oven and my eyes grow wide. “That looks amazing.”
We have dessert together, and Tank’s mom promises to bring me lots of pictures of him from high school the next time we see each other. Captain of the football team, he used to bleach his hair blond and sing in the school’s concert choir.
“Were ya any good?” I ask him.
“Football, yes. Singing, no, but it was a great way to pick up chicks.”
“His mother never had the heart to tell him he had a terrible voice. I just made sure I was good and liquored up every time he had a concert,” his dad laughs.
It’s getting dark outside and Connie doesn’t like driving at night on account of the deer, so we say our goodbyes, and she hugs me warmly. “I am so happy to have you in our family,” she says. Her kindness is overwhelming. I feel like I could cry. Instead, I just smile and nod, and we wave as they drive down the road.
“Your parents are awesome,” I say as we head inside and flop down on the couch. I rest my head on his chest, and he puts his arm around me. The silence feels good. I’ve missed this so much.
“Thank you for doing that. I know you probably weren’t in the mood, and my mom is a lot to take in, but I feel like that was really important to them.”
“It was important to me, too, Tank,” I sigh. “You really manned up.”
“I want to. I want to do whatever I can to show you how serious I am. I had a lot of time to think this weekend, and the only thing I could think about was what my life would be like if I lost you. I’m going to make sure that that never happens.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I feel the same.”
“I’m sorry, I know you’re exhausted and probably not in the mood, but the guys are going to stop by in a little bit to check on you.”
“It’s ok, that’s really kind of them. Did Gavin get the bar opened back up yet?”
“I think we’re going to take a week or two off.”
“Why? That’s not right, Tank. The best thing to do is go on like normal. I know I want to go back to work at least. It’ll be easier to put this all behind me.”
“Well you should definitely bring that up to him. Whatever you need, you know you will never want for anything again.”
“All I want is normal,” I sigh. “Or at least our kind of normal. And a new tooth.”
“Maybe we can get you a gold one. You can be like a sexy pirate.” I giggle as I curl up in his arms, closing my eyes for just a second, totally wiped out from all the excitement of the day. I need to tell him. He’s going to find out one way or another, especially if the upcoming mornings of my life are anything like the one I had today.
“I need to tell you something.” I stare into his eyes, trying to think of the right words to say. As I take a deep breath, I feel suddenly nauseous. I leap from the couch and go straight into the bathroom, unloading my guts.
“Holy hell, Olive, are you alright?” he asks as I wretch. I break out in a cold sweat and my head is spinning. I think this child is mad at me for not coming clean sooner. Or maybe he or she doesn’t like apple pie, but if that’s the case, I’m fairly certain it’s not my kid.
“I’m fine,” I gasp. “This baby, though. It’s kind of a jerk.”
30
Tank:
I don’t even know how to respond to that. Maybe that’s code for something else. Maybe she’s cracked from being in jail. Maybe she’s saying exactly what I think she’s saying. Knowing Olive, I think she’s trying to tell me that she’s pregnant.
I cringe as I hear the motorcycles pull into the driveway. I know I didn’t lock the front door, and before she can even pull her head out of the toilet, there’s shouting in the living room.
“Are we interrupting something?” Brooks’ voice booms from the living room. “Put some pants on, guys.”
“I’ll get rid of them,” I say to her. “You stay put.”
“No,” she says, grabbing my hand to pull herself up from the floor. “I’m fine.” She’s splashing water on her face in the sink and takes a pull from a bottle of mouthwash.
That’s all well and good that she’s fine, but I’m not sure if I am. I mean, she just dropped a major bomb and I need some time to process.
I peek out the bathroom door into the living room, where my brothers are making themselves comfortable. “We’ll be out in a second,” I yell.
“You’re pregnant?” I ask in the softest whisper I can fathom, wrapping my arms around her. “How long have you known?”
“Officially less than twelve hours,” she says. “I started feeling sick yesterday, and Sloan made me pee on a stick this morning. I swear it was an accident. I thought my birth control was enough. I’d never do that to you.”
“You didn’t do anything to me, Olive. Except make me the happiest man alive.” I kiss her on the lips, the thought of her carrying my child, the thought of us starting a life together, everything I wanted from our relationship is coming true before my eyes.
“I promise I’ll get a paternity test as soon as I can. The doctor’s office said eight weeks is the earliest.”
“I don’t care about that,” I say. Red’s out of the picture for now, and it’s my job to take care of her. “I just want you healthy and comfortable.”
“I have to go get some blood work tomorrow and then have my first checkup.”
“Well, I’ll come with you,” I say. I want to do it all. I want to be there for everything the next nine months is going to bring.
“You don’t have to, seriously,” she says. “It’s not a big deal. It’s still so early. Anything could happen.”
“I want to.” She smiles up at me like she knows everything is going to be ok. Of course it is.
“Don’t tell the guys yet,” she begs.
It’s going to be hard, considering they are all over our personal space right now.
We walk out of the bathroom together and everyone cheers.
“Wow, guys, I’m flattered,” I laugh.
“We’re not cheering for you, dipshit,” Austin groans. He grabs Olive and squeezes her in a tight bear hug until she squeals. “You’re a good woman, Olive.”
“Thanks,” she says, blushing.
“I can’t believe you were able to keep your cool like that,” Gavin says. “You know we would’ve never asked that of you.”
“I can’t believe you guys were able to keep your cool all weekend long and not blow my cover,” she laughs.
“It was very thoughtful, Olive, but it was really fucking stupid,” Brooks says sternly. “Do
n’t pull shit like that ever again, please. This isn’t your club to serve. What if the DA had decided to press charges?”
“But they didn’t.” She shrugs.
“I still don’t like this,” he says. He wraps his arms around her. “You’re very important to all of us, girl. You got lucky. We have guys on the inside to protect our men, but if you would’ve got sent to women’s prison, there’s nothing we could do to keep you safe.”
“I don’t care,” she says, bursting into tears. “Whatever would’ve happened, it would’ve been fine. It was my fault anyway. I’m the one with the closet full of skeletons. It was only a matter of time before something stupid I did when I was younger came to bite me in the ass.”
“You don’t think that everyone in this room has a closet full of skeletons?” he asks. “You did what you had to do to get by. So you blackmailed some scumbags. They were the ones dumb enough to get taken for a ride by a teenage girl.”
“As much as I try to tell myself that, I know what I did was wrong. Nobody ever got hurt, though. At least that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night,” she says.
There’s so much I want to talk to her about. There’s so much I need to know. I’m worried about the fact that she’s holding herself together right now with everything that has gone on over the last few days. I can’t believe she’s not traumatized by the incident at the bar. Or spending the weekend in jail. I know for a fact that a baby wasn’t in her game plan. She watched a man die. She watched a man she loves go into hiding, and hasn’t heard from him since. She’s blotting her tears with her finger, a sad smile across her face.
“I really appreciate you all stopping by,” she says.
“We were worried sick,” Goob says, tracing the bruise on her face.
“Well stop worrying. It’s over. As soon as I can figure out what I’m going to do about this hole in my mouth, it’s back to normal for me. I’m ready to come back to work, Gavin.”
“I’m really not in love with that idea. Let’s just keep the place closed down for the time being. I think we could all use a little break.”
“No,” she says defiantly, her hands on her hips.
“Your bills are paid. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask,” he says. “Maybe you and Tank could go on a vacation or something.”
“Absolutely not.” Her face is turning red and it looks like she’s about to start crying again. She’s biting her lip and clenching her fists.
“Olive, you need a time-out. Everything is going to be just fine. We’ll open back up when the weather turns.”
“I don’t need a time-out,” she barks. “I need normal. In case you all didn’t notice, my life is in fucking shambles right now. You expect me to sit around here on my hands and pretend like everything is ok? I don’t need spare time or I will lose my damn mind. I need to be busy. That bar is the only little piece of my sanity that I have left right this moment. It’s the one thing I have control over right now. I don’t care if you all want to go on a vacation together. By the end of the week, I’m going to slap on a miniskirt, turn on the lights, and do what I came here to do. End of discussion.”
She pokes him in the chest for a little added drama and storms into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
“She’s a fucking soldier,” Gavin chuckles. “Who would’ve thought telling her to take some time off work and go have fun would be the thing that makes her crack?”
We’re not laughing at her sadness, but the fact that none of us could’ve seen her reaction coming from a mile away. It’s just the kind of girl she is. So loyal, so responsible, so dedicated. Taking away her job is the lowest blow in her mind.
“I’ll get the cleaners in tomorrow,” Gavin says. “Maybe do a couple little renovations while we’re at it.”
“You better ask her first,” I laugh. “If she comes in and everything is different, I can’t be responsible for her actions.”
“And one more thing,” she shouts, throwing the bedroom door open. “No more smoking in the bar. I’m fucking pregnant.”
She slams the door again, and all eyes turn to me. So much for not telling the guys. Everyone looks like they have something to say, but nobody wants to be the first.
“Congratulations?” Gavin half asks.
“Yeah,” I say, smiling. “I think I’m a little more happy about it than she is.”
“She’ll come around. She’s had a rough couple of days.”
“I know, it’s just, we’ve got a lot of stuff to think about.”
“You gonna tell Red?” Brooks asks.
“I don’t know. She wants a paternity test. I guess it’s only fair to the kid. Doesn’t matter to me either way.”
“You’re a good man, Tank,” he says. “We’ll do whatever we can to make sure that baby has the best life possible.” It’s true. Most of my brothers up here on the mountain have been dealt the bad parent card. We tend to overcompensate when it comes to new additions around here. Gavin’s daughter, Evie, got a pony for her second birthday thanks to the club. No matter who the ‘real’ father of this child is, he or she has more than enough aunts and uncles to spoil them shitless. Between the men and my parents, they will want for nothing.
And me, too.
I’ve always wanted to be a father. I’m trying to hold back my enthusiasm just to keep her calm, but I’ve already got Red’s room transformed into a nursery in my mind, and the next time we go downtown the first thing I’m doing is getting a gun safe.
“I’m sorry,” Olive whispers, sneaking out of the bedroom. “I’m being really rude. I just…” She takes off in a sprint towards the bathroom, and everyone cringes as the sound of her puking echoes through the house.
“Well, on that note,” Gavin says.
“We should probably get out of here,” Brooks says. “You guys need anything?”
“Not that I know of.” I shrug. “Thanks for stopping by.”
As the men shuffle out of the room, I feel relief wash over me. Today has been too eventful. Too much chaos. Today should have been about her and I, our future together, our baby, but instead, I jam-packed every second with everyone else’s needs.
“You didn’t have to send them off,” she whispers from the bathroom doorway. “They’re your friends. This is your house.”
“It’s fine,” I say. I just want to wrap her in my arms. I just want to hold her and tell her I’m going to make everything ok. She’s more beautiful to me right now than she’s ever been before, even with mascara smeared across her face and that defeated little scowl. “They weren’t here to see me, anyway.”
She slumps into the couch, and I join her, taking her feet in my hands the way I know she loves.
“Do you really feel like your life is in shambles right now?” I ask.
“No,” she sighs as I press the pads of her feet between my fingers. “I know everything is going to be ok. I just don’t do well with change. And everything around me… everything is changing.”
“You know what will never change, right? This. I don’t care if you get so huge you can’t even see your feet. I don’t care if all your teeth fall out or your hair turns gray or you decide you want to quit your job and catch butterflies for a living. How much I care about you will never change, Olive. There’s nothing you can do. And I’m going to love that child inside you just as much.”
“I feel too guilty to feel happy,” she says as she begins to cry. “After this weekend. After what happened. I feel like I don’t deserve you.”
“You stop with that right now,” I say. “You deserve to be happy and loved more than anyone I know. If anything, none of us deserve you.” I kiss her big toe and she giggles as I kiss my way up her calf.
“Even after you just watched me puke for an hour?”
“Just point your head the opposite direction of me if you think it’s going to happen again,” I laugh.
“You’re not right,” she giggles, whistling from her missing tooth hole. Of course I�
�m not. Neither is she. There’s a reason why us misfits found each other, and even though we might not be the most upstanding citizens, we have our place here on the mountain.
We have each other. We have our club. And now, we’re going to have our very own family. There’s just one piece of the puzzle that’s not quite there.
31
Red:
“You know things aren’t looking good right now, Red,” my coach says when I show up for training. I’m sure I look like shit. My mouth tastes like vodka and stale cigars, and my stomach feels like it’s eating itself.
“You know I’m going through some stuff,” I say, grabbing my gloves from my bag and sliding them over my fingers. He doesn’t really know the full extent of the situation, but he knows about the club, and when I showed up at his doorstep at 4 a.m. that night and told him I needed to get out of town, he didn’t ask many questions.
Now we’re in Atlantic City at his brother’s gym, far enough away that nobody could really find me here, but close enough that I could get on my bike and be home in a couple hours. That is, if my bike were here.
That wasn’t part of the deal though. My coach basically has me in jail at this point for my own good. No bike, no cell phone, and I’m sure by the way he’s staring at me like he wants to rip me in half with his bare hands, I probably won’t even have my own shitty motel room to hole up in after last night. I feel so helpless. I’m angry. I’m miserable. I’m worried about my club and I’m worried about Olive. I’m filled with hatred for myself, and the only thing that makes me feel better is walking the boardwalk at night, getting blacked out on cheap booze, and staring into the ocean.
My training has gone to hell.
My diet is nonexistent. I’m about to reach the peak success of my career, and I don’t even care. I don’t care about any of this.
When we first got here, I borrowed a cell phone from a guy at the motel who recognized me from my last fight and I called Gavin’s house phone. I knew he wouldn’t answer a phone call from some random number on his cell. I probably should’ve called Tank’s burner phone, but I couldn’t bring myself to face him right now. Hearing his voice, knowing how badly I let him and Olive down, leaving them both to clean up my mess, I didn’t have it in me to give them the apology they deserved.