Cushions? Pillows? “You seem to have me confused with upholstery,” I said, my voice flat.
His laugh reminded me of a barking seal. “Hot and funny. That’s the best combo. I don’t meet that kind very often in Divine Place.”
I eyed him closely. “Don’t you mean fat and funny?” The butterflies I’d been hoping to feel in my stomach had just dropped dead if the wave of nausea was any indication. If he considered himself a chubby chaser, that meant…
I stood abruptly, nearly taking the tablecloth with me. “Excuse me. I just need to pop in to the restroom to barf up everything I just ate.”
He gave an awkward laugh, not sure whether I was kidding. “Take your time.”
“Oh, believe me. I will.” I stomped toward the restroom, fuming. If ever there was a doubt that I was in purgatory, this moment proved it. What had I been thinking? A hot merguy like Aidan couldn’t possibly be interested in a middle-aged human with untrimmed fat and an expiration sticker on her forehead. Naturally he had a defective personality. It would be one thing if he happened to find a woman with extra weight attractive—that would be awesome. Unfortunately, I could tell by the way he spoke that it wasn’t about me at all. I was still an object to him, just a pleasantly plump one. And, even worse, he expected me to be grateful for his interest in me. He clearly thought that gratitude would be expressed in the bedroom—and a few other rooms as well.
I stood at the sink in the restroom with the faucet running and stared at my reflection. I’d always considered myself attractive. I didn’t really suffer from insecurity the way so many women did, especially those in my demographic. The extra pounds were there and annoyed me, but they didn’t dictate my life or my self-esteem. Except now Aidan had made it the thing he liked most about me, which meant his interest had nothing to do with me at all. It would’ve been the same if I’d been Angelina Jolie being objectified by the majority of the male population. Women weren’t objects. Period.
A stall door opened and a fairy emerged with a look of concern on her face. She thrust back her wings to fit through the stall doorway. “Are you okay?”
“Bad date.” I leaned forward and splashed my face with water before turning off the faucet.
The fairy offered a sympathetic smile. “I’ve been there more times than I care to count. I keep waiting for a new crop of villagers, but we seem to have experienced a slowdown recently.” She washed and dried her hands. “Hopefully things will pick up soon.”
I squinted at her. “Isn’t that basically wishing for them to die?”
She shrugged. “Everybody dies eventually. If that means I get a date out of it, all the better. Good luck.”
“Thanks.” I continued to stand there, weighing my options. In the end, I decided I really wanted those scallops. Some things were worth the sacrifice.
I returned to the table and scarfed down my food when it arrived, which only seemed to turn Aidan on more. He seemed disappointed by my rejection of dessert, not that I cared. I was eager to get away from him.
As we exited the restaurant, my stomach plummeted at the sight of Cole lingering outside the neighboring bar. The demigod looked even more incredible than usual, with his lustrous hair unruly thanks to the humidity and the late hour. He turned to face us, unable to disguise his surprise in time.
“Marshal. Aidan.” He nodded in greeting.
“Hey, Cole.” Aidan extended a hand and pumped Cole’s with enthusiasm.
“Good evening, Deputy.” I noticed Cole’s gaze drift from my face to Aidan’s arm around my waist.
“Have a nice meal?” Cole asked.
“Delicious,” I said. “The scallops were amazing.”
“And the company wasn’t so bad either,” Aidan added. “Are you heading home? We’re going to swing by Bloodlust for a drink if you’d like to join us.”
My heart skipped a beat. Please say no. Please say no. I didn’t want to endure another minute with Aidan and hadn’t actually agreed to the drinks when he proposed the idea.
When Cole’s mouth twitched, I knew I was doomed. “Another drink wouldn’t be such a bad idea. It’s still early.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “I’m sure you need your beauty rest.”
“I could say the same to you,” Cole said.
Aidan squeezed my waist. “I have to disagree. Eloise doesn’t need a wink of beauty sleep. She’s perfect as she is.”
“Move your hand up an inch and you’ll probably change your mind,” I said, momentarily forgetting that my spare tire would probably be a highlight for him.
“Isn’t she something else?” Aidan asked.
“She certainly is,” Cole said. His blue eyes lingered on me for another moment before we began walking toward the bar. Jules would have a field day when she saw me enter with two guys. I almost wanted to pretend to drop something so that they could go in ahead of me.
Unfortunately, it was a slow night at Bloodlust, which meant that we had no trouble hearing each other and Jules wasn’t too busy with customers to keep coming over with a fanged smile and an offer of more alcohol.
“I can’t believe you didn’t let me know about Helen-Mary right away.” Cole blinked in disbelief. “I need to be able to do my job, Eloise.”
Aidan seemed amused by the witch’s demise. “A golf club to the heart,” he repeated. “That’s some real rage.”
“Don’t repeat it,” I said. “I’m trying to keep it quiet during the investigation.”
Aidan laughed. “Good luck with that. Helen-Mary was a popular witch thanks to those potions of hers.”
Cole was uncharacteristically quiet. Aidan excused himself to go to the restroom to “splash water on his skin” and I took the opportunity to check on the demigod.
“Are you mad?” I asked.
“Well, I’m not happy. We’re supposed to be a team. You’ve already interviewed a suspect and done work at the lab.” He downed the rest of his beer. “Makes me feel like you don’t want me around.”
“Why would I not want you around? You’re charming, smart, easy on the eyes.”
A vague smile emerged. “Tread carefully. You’re not on a date with me, remember?”
“I tread like the hippopotamus in a china shop that I apparently am.”
He shot me a quizzical look as Aidan returned, his skin glistening with much-needed moisture. “There. That’ll save you looking at my unsightly scales later.”
I didn’t miss the slight lift of Cole’s eyebrow at the mention of ‘later.’ After my third drink, my usually resistant bladder failed me and I needed the restroom. As much as I hated the thought of leaving Cole alone with Aidan so they could talk about me, I forced myself out of the chair before I left a puddle in my wake.
I returned from the restroom a few minutes later to find Aidan flat on his back on the floor and Jules with the sole of her boot pressed down on his chest. Her fangs gleamed in the dim light and she looked ready to rip out his arteries and use them for arts and crafts. Cole was nowhere to be seen.
“What in the hell happened?” I demanded.
Jules lifted her boot and Aidan rolled to his feet, straightening his shirt with indignant fingers.
“Nothing,” he said. “Just a misunderstanding. I think I’ll be going now.” He reached into his pocket for his wallet, but Jules waved him off.
“I don’t want your money. Besides, Cole already paid for the drinks.”
My gaze flicked to my date. “Aidan?”
The merman rubbed his jaw and I noticed a bruise already beginning to form. “I’ll see you around, Eloise.” He left without another word, bumping into customers and chairs in his haste to flee.
“You dodged a bullet there,” Jules said casually. She began to clear the empty glasses off the table.
“I’ll take your word for it, but would you mind telling me what happened? Where’s Cole?”
“He left after he punched Aidan.”
I blanched. “He punched Aidan?”
“Then
Aidan got an attitude, which I promptly sorted out with my butt-kicking boot. The boots pair nicely with my cruelty catsuit.” She smiled. “Anyway, that’s where you came in.”
“That was my date.” I stared at the spot where Aidan had been sitting with mixed emotions. I mean, I’d already ruled him out, but I wanted the final say on the matter.
“Not anymore,” Jules said. “And if you ever go out with that douche canoe again, I’ll personally give you a vampire-style smackdown.” She paused. “I know that sounds promising, but trust me, you won’t like it.”
“Why did Cole punch him?” I followed Jules to the bar with her tray of glasses.
“Because Aidan said something Cole didn’t like.”
“As in Aidan told Cole his pants didn’t match his shirt or more along the lines of telling him the Easter Bunny isn’t real?”
Jules spared me a glance as she slipped behind the counter. “You don’t want to know, Worthington.”
“As a matter of fact, I do, which is why I’m asking.” I leaned my elbows on the counter. “Tell me or I won’t let you play in the forensics lab anymore.”
Jules gasped. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me,” I said, exaggerating each word.
Jules folded her arms. “Fine. I’ll tell you. That dumpster fire of a supernatural called you a porker.”
A laugh escaped me. “You can’t be serious.”
“As a funeral.”
“He literally used the word porker?”
Jules nodded. “And he said it in this weird way.” Her lip curled. “He was fetishizing you in a way that was gross.”
Okay, that part I believed. “And Cole punched him?”
“Oh yeah.” Her smile broadened. “It was pretty awesome. We basically tag-teamed him, but not in a threesome way.” Her brow creased. “Shouldn’t you be more upset?”
“It sucks that my date didn’t pan out, but I’ve handled worse.”
“Would you have had sex with that loser?”
“I’d already decided it was a hard pass. He ordered a salad as his main course but wanted to watch me eat a huge meal.” I wrinkled my nose. “It was a weird vibe. And then we ran into Cole and I lost my chance to escape and go home.”
Jules tipped her head back and laughed. “I think Cole was actually concerned this guy was going to get a piece of the marshal.”
The back of my neck warmed at the thought of Cole going Hulk in defense of my honor.
“He likes you,” Jules said.
“Clearly, but he’s a pervert, so no thanks.”
The vampire wiped down the counter and I lifted my elbows to accommodate her cloth. “Not him. Cole.”
“Oh, well that’s because we work together.”
She stopped wiping and looked at me. “Do you really think that?”
“You don’t?”
She tossed the cloth aside. “Listen up, human. I’ve known Cole a long time. I’ve never seen him punch anybody. He’d rather hide in his house and brood than be confrontational.”
“He never punched anyone when you two were together?”
She flashed a proud smile. “I did all the punching in our relationship.”
Shocker. “Well, I appreciate that he was looking out for me.”
“You should tell him. Maybe go over to his place now and say it in person.”
I adopted a cautiously playful tone. “Jules, are you trying to hook us up?”
“You like him. He likes you. What’s the issue?”
“The issue is I’m a human that doesn’t belong here and Cole’s a demigod with a past that clearly still haunts him.”
Jules poured herself a shot of tequila and downed it. “So help him evolve. It’s time. He’s been brooding for centuries. It’s boring.”
I laughed. “You want me to get together with Cole for your entertainment?”
“No, I want him to stop living in the past and I think you might be the person to make it happen.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Because you’re the only two villagers I haven’t wanted to kill.”
I slumped on the stool. “I guess I’ll take the ferry across now that my ride home ditched me.” I plunged a hand into my purse and scrounged around for a coin for Charon. I pulled out the iron coin that the leprechaun had given me at the golf course. My lucky day!
“Be careful out there. Lots of undesirables wandering around at this hour. I’d take you home, but I need to close up.”
“I can take care of myself.” I slid off the stool, only mildly tipsy. “Night, Jules.” I took my time leaving Bloodlust and peered around the darkened corner before committing, just in case Aidan had decided to linger.
“Eloise?”
I was relieved to see Cole cut through the shadows. “Hey, Rocky. How’s that right hook?”
He grinned. “It was a left hook, but I’m fine.”
I craned my neck. “Is he gone?”
“Yeah, I saw him get in his golf cart and speed off.”
“Speed in that contraption? I think not.”
“You need a ride? I’ve got my scooter and I’m sober.”
“Better you than me.” I fell in step with him as we walked to the parking lot. “I’m sorry about the Helen-Mary thing. I wasn’t trying to exclude you. I guess I still feel awkward about what happened at my welcome party.” Really, what happened afterward was the issue—when Cole rejected my advances after a toe-curling makeout session.
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot.”
“Which part?”
In the moonlight, his blue eyes sparkled with mischief. “Both.”
I held my breath and waited for the other shoe to drop because—let’s face it—it always did.
“I’d like to spend more time with you,” he said.
I stopped walking and looked at him. “That’s it?”
“Would you like me to declare my intentions?”
“That would be nice.” I suddenly felt like a Southern debutante on the front porch, aiming to be courted by my beau. All I needed was a mint julep, except that particular cocktail tasted like toothpaste mixed with bleach, so I’d substitute it for a watermelon margarita.
Cole placed a hand on each of my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “My intention is to deliver you safely to your front door.”
“Is that all?” I was mildly disappointed by the declaration.
“Where I will proceed to kiss you senseless.”
I broke into a huge smile. “I’ve always believed that sense is overrated.”
Chapter Seven
I woke up the next morning and rolled onto my side, placing my face directly in the line of fire, i.e., Mischief’s breath. I coughed and turned away. “How does your morning breath manage to be this extreme? It’s not like you were the one out drinking last night.” I looked back at the cat. “Or were you? Man, that would explain a lot.”
Mischief began to purr and I stroked her head. Truth be told, I felt like purring too. Cole and I were on the doorstep for a good hour before he finally headed home. As tempted as he was to come inside, he didn’t want to take advantage of me after my evening of alcohol consumption.
“He’s such a gentleman, Mischief,” I said. “What’s wrong with him?”
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing was wrong with him.
It felt strange, yet also pretty amazing.
“Take that, Aquaman,” I said. I scratched Mischief under the chin. “You had good instincts. That guy was a complete tool.”
A knock at the door prompted me to look at the clock. It was still early. I flipped back the covers and padded to the front door. A quick peek out the window showed an empty front step. I opened the door a crack and peered outside. No one. As I was about to close the door, I spotted an envelope on the doormat. I picked it up and brought it inside.
“Uh oh, Mischief. It’s from the HOA.”
I tore open the envelope and scanned the contents of the letter. Sure
enough, they’d denied my request to paint my golf cart. I tossed the letter onto the counter in a huff.
“You know, back in Chipping Cheddar, this kind of treatment would bring out the hot dog suit and a megaphone.” But I knew that would never work with Hera. The goddess would obliterate me before she’d let me humiliate her.
I retrieved two waffles from the freezer and popped them into the toaster. Smothering my annoyance with syrup should do the trick. Sugar made everything palatable.
“I want to paint that cart,” I complained. Mischief jumped onto the countertop and meowed. “Fine. Fine. You’re hungry too.” I fed her while waiting for my waffles to warm. “This just makes me want to paint my golf cart even more. You get that, right?”
Mischief flicked her tail from side to side as she devoured her bowl of kibble. She acted like she hadn’t eaten since the extinction of the dinosaurs. Drama queen.
After breakfast, I showered and dressed, thinking about Helen-Mary and the petal fragment on her clothes. Jules was right; it was probably nothing. Still, it might be worth a quick conversation with a flower expert, and I just so happened to live next door to one. I wasn’t sure what Gia’s schedule was, but I grabbed the bouquet of yellow roses that Aidan had given to me. Gia would never come empty-handed to my house, so I had to return the favor.
“Eloise, what a wonderful surprise. Come in.” The goddess of cheer was, indeed, remarkably cheerful given unexpected company at an early hour. I would’ve grumbled an apology, scratched my bedhead, and slammed the door. She took the flowers and sniffed them. It hadn’t even occurred to me to literally stop and smell the roses. Some grateful recipient I was.
“I have a flower-related question for you,” I said.
Her face lit up. “Ooh, my favorite kind. How can I help? No, wait. Let me guess. You want to brighten that dismal space in your front garden and you’d like suggestions for colors.”
“Not quite.”
“You need flower options for the border that won’t be threatened by the weeds you’ve left to overtake the yard?”
I frowned. “I sense a theme here.”
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