“Because I warned Agatha that it was pointless,” she blurted. “I knew Helen-Mary would say no, and I knew that Agatha would then get depressed because that was the cycle.” Terra lowered her voice. “A depressed boss is not ideal.”
That much I knew. I’d once had a boss that left one day a week at lunchtime for her therapy appointment and inevitably came back to the office depressed afterward. The energy shift affected everyone in our section of the office. Her answers would become monotone. She’d close the blinds in her office to block the sunlight. It would take hours for her to shake off whatever misery she’d revealed to herself and I was relieved when she finally moved her appointments to evenings.
“Did you try to talk Agatha out of it?”
“A little, but I knew it was no use. If Roderick couldn’t convince her, then neither could I.”
“You’re in the same coven as Helen-Mary. Can you think of anyone who might’ve held a grudge against her? It sounds like she put the ‘bitch’ in ‘witch’ if you know what I’m saying.”
Terra frowned. “Itch is in witch. There’s no ‘b’.”
“Man, you’re a real spoilsport, you know that? I’m beginning to understand this whole admin and white paint mindset.”
Terra’s expression grew pinched. “No, I can’t think of anyone. A lot of us were intimidated by Helen-Mary, but there was no reason to want her obliterated. I mean, I’m glad that Agatha will finally stop complaining about her behind her back, so I guess that’s an indirect benefit for me.”
So much for my All About Eve theory. Terra truly seemed content with her administrative role. “If you think of anything, will you get in touch? My office is at the back of the HOA building in an old janitorial closet under the stairs.”
Terra blinked. “That’s unfortunate. You should make an offering to Fortuna and ask for better accommodation.”
“That’s not a bad idea.” Except why think small? I should ask her to use enough godly mojo to allow me to stay in Divine Place. It wouldn’t be as enjoyable as rubbing the Buddha’s belly, but I had a feeling that if I tried to rub Fortuna’s belly, I’d end up spiked over a fence.
“Am I free to go now?” Terra asked, already inching her way toward her friends.
“Have a drink for me,” I called after her.
“Or you can have one with me.”
I whirled around to see Cole standing behind me. He looked pretty darn good in the moonlight too. If I were staying, I’d see if I could get moonlight installed in my house, or at least in my bedroom.
“I’d love to have one with you,” I said. “Not Bloodlust though. It’ll be too crowded.” Usually I liked crowds, but under the circumstances, I preferred a quiet place to break the news to the demigod. There was a part of me that worried he would take it in stride and that prospect was more painful than the news itself.
“How about we go to Nectar?” He closed the gap between us. “Just between you and me, it’s a little nicer than Bloodlust anyway.”
“The dumpster outside my old office building is a little nicer than Bloodlust.” Although the lava lamp effects in the bar were admittedly kind of cool.
“Should we take the ferry so neither of us has to drive?”
I bonked him on the nose. “Have I mentioned that your brain is as sexy as the rest of you?”
The demigod offered his arm. “No, but why don’t you tell me in painstaking detail along the way?”
Chapter Fourteen
Cole sat across from me at an outdoor table at Nectar. He’d offered to split a slice of chocolate cake, which I’d promptly rejected in favor of each of us ordering our own dessert. I mean, he was hot, but I wouldn’t have shared dessert with an emaciated Tom Hanks if I’d stumbled upon him on that island with Wilson—and Tom Hanks was a national treasure.
“You’re going to regret getting the sundae instead of the chocolate cake,” he said with a smug grin.
“If you feel that bad for me, you can always give me half your chocolate cake to mix into my sundae.”
“Nice try.”
The server delivered our desserts. “Another round of drinks?” She seemed slightly taken aback that I’d finished my margarita so quickly.
“I’m good, thanks,” Cole said. “What pairs well with chocolate sauce and marshmallow?”
“Alcohol,” I said. I held up my empty glass. “I’ll have a chocolate martini next.” As the server took the glass and walked away, I smiled at Cole. “A girl can never have too much chocolate.”
“You really seem to be enjoying yourself in the afterlife. Was life in Chopping Chives that dismal?”
“Chipping Cheddar and no, it wasn’t dismal.” I leaned back and stretched my arms over my head. “But this is so much better. I’ll be honest, I was so afraid of death when I was alive. If I’d have known it would be this good, with sundaes and booze and hot semigods…”
“Demigods,” he corrected me.
I flicked a dismissive finger. “You know my position on that.”
“But you’re not even supposed to be here. Do you think you’d be this happy in human purgatory?”
“Not at all.” I stuck my spoon deep into the sundae and unearthed a chunk of ice cream smothered in chocolate and marshmallow. I knew this was the right time to tell him, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Maybe I wouldn’t tell him. I could just pretend the deal never happened and carry on as normal until the investigation was over.
Cole swallowed a forkful of cake. “I’ve been trying to decide how we should proceed.”
“Proceed? Are we entering into a business transaction? Wait, does that make me a prostitute? Because I used to have this Pretty Woman fantasy…” I paused, remembering. “Well, that mostly involved bubble baths and shopping in places I couldn’t afford.”
“I feel like I should court you.”
I laughed. “Court me? Cole, we’re in the afterlife.”
“All the more reason to take our time. There’s no rush.”
There’s no rush. If he only knew the truth. Obviously now was the right time to mention the deal—so naturally I kept quiet. He’d find out the hard way, which made me feel horribly guilty. Hadn’t he suffered enough? Did I really want to add to it because I was too afraid to share an emotionally honest moment?
“Do you still love your wife after all these centuries?” I blurted. Ugh. Even my attempts at diversion were hurtful.
Cole averted his gaze. “Eloise, my wife has been gone for a long time.”
“And if you had a choice, you’d be with her now, wouldn’t you?”
He turned to look at me. “I don’t have a choice so the question is moot.”
The server set my martini on a napkin. “How’s everything?”
“I don’t know,” I said, still looking at Cole. “How’s everything, Cole?”
“Everything is good, Eloise,” he said, although he didn’t smile.
The server seemed to sense the tension because she gave us an awkward smile and hurried away.
“Are you trying to sabotage this?” he asked.
“What are you talking about? I don’t…” I stopped abruptly. “Wait. Yes, I do. All the time.” I took a bewildered sip of my martini. “Why do I do this?”
“Could be a whole host of reasons. You don’t feel worthy. You worry I’ll abandon you. You’re afraid of getting hurt.” He shrugged. “Everybody has a thing.”
“What if I have all the things?”
His mouth twitched. “You don’t have all the things. You’d be much more of a disaster.”
I inhaled the rest of my sundae. “How much more of a disaster could I be? I died in a hot dog suit. I went to the wrong afterlife. Who ends up in the wrong afterlife?” I wiped my mouth with my napkin and kept right on talking. “I ended up getting a job that nobody in the history of Divine Place has ever had. Why, you ask? Well, because this job wasn’t needed until I showed up. Coincidence? I think not.”
“You’re overthinking it.”
I ignored him, my brain churning too much to process his comment. “Have you ever sent a letter to the Elysian Fields? That’s where your family is, right?”
His face hardened. “Why would you ask me that?”
“Because Hera mentioned that villagers send letters to loved ones in other places and she gave the example of someone sending a letter to his former wife in the Elysian Fields.”
“And you think she was making a vague reference to me?”
I nodded. “I think it was a deliberate choice. Like she knows we’re into each other.”
“And what would she hope to accomplish by mentioning it to you?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Guilt? Bitchery? She was known for being a jealous goddess, right? Maybe she was trying to spread the wealth.”
Cole smirked. “Is bitchery even a word?”
“Sure, it’s like butchery but with bitches.” I licked both sides of my spoon.
He paused for a beat. “To answer your question, I haven’t sent a letter in a long time.”
I sipped my cocktail. “How long?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes. A long time ago would be…” I performed the mental calculation. “Okay, a long time to you would be an incredibly long time to me.”
“Exactly.”
“Are you over her?”
“She was my wife, Eloise. I loved her very much. I’ll always love her, but I’m finished pining. I’ve accepted our fates.”
“Are you finished punishing yourself too?”
His face softened and I admit that I got a little lost in those eyes. “I am.”
“Then I guess my work here is done.”
Cole observed me with wry amusement. “Are you finished?”
I peered into my dish. “No, there’s some marshmallow stuck to the bottom, but I think I can get it if I use the other end of my spoon.”
“I’m not talking about the sundae, Eloise.” He gave me a pointed look. “Maybe you’re on to something.”
“Oh, I’m definitely on something.” I held up my glass. “It’s called alcohol.”
“No, I mean what if you’ve been looking at this whole accidental arrival the wrong way?”
I licked the chocolate off the rim of my glass. “I’m listening.”
“What if you were sent here because the universe knows that you’re exactly what I need and that I’m exactly what you need? What if we’re finally getting what we both deserve?”
“Do you really think that after all your years of suffering that you deserve this?” I clucked my tongue. “I think you should ask for a refund.”
He reached for my hands across the table. “I’m serious, Eloise.”
“You think I’m a…gift from the universe?” I was stunned into silence. Nobody had ever thought of me like that before.
He squeezed my hands. “Don’t you feel that way? That we’ve been brought together for a reason?”
Nausea washed over me. I had to tell him the truth now, didn’t I? On the other hand, the truth would crush him all over again.
I withdrew my hands. “I’m afraid the universe isn’t that kind to either of us.”
“What do you mean?” He stared at the empty space between our hands.
I told him about the visit from upper middle management as well as the deal we struck. “You’re regretting that cake now, aren’t you?”
Cole sat back, still reeling from the news. “Who wrote to them about you?”
“The killer, presumably, but the HOA doesn’t keep records and the letter was anonymous.”
“They have files on everyone, but they don’t know who wrote the letter?” he asked, his voice rising in anger.
“The letter isn’t important anymore, Cole. If they knew the identity, then that means I’d be leaving here that much sooner. I’m kind of glad they don’t know. It buys me more time—with you.”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “This can’t be happening. Isn’t there anything Hera can do?”
“She’s only in charge of Divine Place, you know that. Her power doesn’t extend beyond these borders.”
“For once, I wish it did.”
I smiled. “Do you really think she’d be fighting to keep me here? She blames me for the obliterations. Look on the bright side, you’ll be promoted to marshal.”
He scowled. “Don’t make jokes, Eloise. This is serious.”
“I’m sorry. This is how I handle uncomfortable situations.”
The demigod raked an anxious hand through his hair. “There has to be something we can do.”
“There is. Let’s review everything we know about Helen-Mary’s case.”
He stared at me. “How can you even consider solving the case when you know what happens afterward?”
“Because that’s my job,” I said. “And because Helen-Mary deserves to have her killer brought to justice. You should want that too, Mr. Lord Protector of Order in the Court.”
Cole shook his head, vaguely amused. “Not even close.”
I downed the remaining millimeter of martini. “Look, I definitely considered dragging my heels on this so that I could stay longer, but what’s the point? The reasons I want to stay have a long-term component to them. An extra few days won’t make any difference to that. Might as well rip off the Band-Aid.”
“What are your reasons for wanting to stay? I’m especially interested in those with a long-term component.” His gaze was so penetrating, that for a second I was convinced he possessed Superman’s X-Ray vision.
I fiddled with the base of my glass. “I think we’ve covered them already.”
He started to tick off the reasons with his fingers. “Spa treatments. Potions. Friends with fangs.”
“You make me so sound so shallow.”
“Did I miss anything?”
I lowered my gaze. “You know you did.”
“Friends with magic? Friends with a twenty-four-hour access pass to the Gods Complex?”
I pointed at him. “That kind of access can’t be undervalued.” I motioned to the passing server for another drink. “Truth be told, the friends I’ve made here already feel more like family than my own family ever did.” Whenever I relocated in my former life, my family’s main concern was whether I’d hired movers because they didn’t want to get roped into helping me. As if I’d ever ask them for help. A lifetime of being treated as an afterthought pretty much guaranteed that I’d be self-sufficient.
“You’ve managed to bond with more villagers in a short timeframe than I’ve seen in my entire afterlife.”
I cracked a smile. “Really? So I’d win a medal if they were handing out medals for that sort of thing?”
He gestured to my badge. “I already gave you one.”
I touched the star pinned to my shirt. “You did, didn’t you?” I hoped they let me take it with me, one small memento of my time here. “I’ll really miss you, Cole.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, fighting the urge to cry in front of him. This had to be menopause hormones at work, right?
“Don’t give up yet. That’s the not the Eloise I know. In fact, your stubbornness is one of the things that drew me to you.”
“Because it was like looking in a mirror?”
He reached again for my hand and, this time, I let him hold it. “I’ve been a very patient demigod and I am not giving you up without a fight.”
“Under different circumstances, that might come across as stalkerish and creepy, but I feel it’s appropriate here.”
“I’m glad we’re finally on the same page.”
“Just in case we lose and realize once and for all that the universe hates us, where do you stand on coming home with me tonight?”
He lifted a finger for the server. “Check, please.”
My body tingled with excitement. “Ooh, we really are on the same page. On that note, I have one more very important question.”
He leaned forward in anticipation. “What’s that?”
I eyed the
remaining square of chocolate cake on his plate. “Are you going to finish that?”
Chapter Fifteen
I awoke to the heavenly scent of bacon. Had I been relocated already? I pulled myself to a seated position and looked around the bedroom. Clothes were scattered everywhere and Mischief was nowhere to be seen. She made herself scarce when Cole and I came home last night, wrapped in each other’s arms. If I had to go, at least I’d have the memory of last night to comfort me in my future home.
I wandered into the kitchen and smiled at the sight of a bare-chested demigod cooking breakfast. “Bacon and you in one room? This has to be one of the most perfect moments of my existence.”
“Do you put sugar on your bacon?” he asked.
I grimaced. “That’s a worse abomination than pineapple on pizza.”
Relief rippled across his handsome features. “Phew. I didn’t want that to be a wedge between us.” He loaded bacon onto a plate and handed it to me. “What are your plans today? I assume ‘solve the case’ is top of the list.”
I bit into a strip and was pleased to note that it was exactly the right level of crunch. Cole really was a keeper. “I figured I’d stop by the HOA office, that way I can confirm Terra’s story about filing paperwork the day of Helen-Mary’s obliteration.”
“You don’t believe her?”
“Oh, I do, but I’m just crossing it off the list. I also want to go to the lab and review the evidence. Maybe see if there’s any magic Mitzi can do to help with the case.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
I shrugged. “She’ll never improve if we don’t let her keep trying.” I shook my bacon at him. “Remember that after I’m gone. If you take over as marshal, maybe even make Mitzi your deputy.”
He watched me as I inhaled another strip of bacon. “How would you feel about stopping by to see Fortuna with me later?”
“Why? I already interviewed her at the Gods Complex. She’s not our killer.”
“Not for the case, for you.”
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