“I think you’ll find that initially even the smallest problems can feel like bigger problems. Time alleviates that”.
Edward scoffed.
“My good man, you couldn’t be more on the ball”, Edward sighed, “positive thinking, positive thinking”.
“That's the spirit”, the barman replied, placing a glass of Marley Brown upon a napkin on the counter before Edward.
Edward took a sip and shuddered.
“Ooh yes, that hit the spot perfectly”.
“Glad you like it, sir. See that as the commemoration to a voyage that will hopefully be more life changing than you could hope to believe”.
“I'll drink to that, Adam”, Edward replied and raised his glass in the air.
CHAPTER 4 - RACHEL
9:07am - 5 Days until outbreak
. . .
. . .
Rachel couldn’t have been more satisfied with where her life was right now. There were of course a few loose ends, but who didn't have those? The relationship with her parents was a prime example.
Fixing the broken always took longer than building something from scratch and her family were broken, there was no arguing that, though how long it would take to repair was another question. They were exhausting at the best of times, downright unbearable at the worst and coming out to them a year after meeting Sadina was still a memory she buried deep in the crevices of her mind, it just created undue stress she didn’t need. Yes, it was cathartic to get the secret off of her chest, but the way her parents treated her she wouldn’t be able to forget easily.
She was already well acquainted with the feeling of disappointment by then though, so heartbreaking though it was that her parents didn’t show more solidarity, she couldn’t say she was surprised and perhaps it was safe to say that she had already anticipated things not going as she would have otherwise liked, she could thank Sadina for instilling that newfound lack of faith in society. On the topic of Sadina, after seemingly toying with Rachel for her own entertainment, she had the luxury of simply moving on with her life, no love lost attitude. Of course it pissed Rachel off, but what could she do? It really wasn't worth dwelling on.
But the question still remained, how exactly did she move on from that. She had been forced to confront her sexuality in possibly the most humiliating way ever, there was no ointment in the world for that burn, she'd only be lying to herself, because she certainly couldn't wipe the memories clean of anyone and everyone who not only saw her kiss Sadina, but get into an altercation with she and that loser she was kissing.
For a while she attempted to convince herself that perhaps she was pansexual or bisexual, only to return to square one again with no sexual feelings towards men whatsoever, pretty woman, all the feels, handsome man, nothing. Eventually she gave up, deciding to churn her energy into what type of woman she liked, all the while trying her utmost and mostly failing to avoid Sadina, an ever present, frustratingly beautiful distraction, who kept her fantasizing and not focusing on work or relationship goals and all it took was a glimpse of her, she didn't even need to be semi-clothed.
This couldn't be healthy for Rachel's sanity, it was the carrot and stick theory and it was driving her crazy enough to consider moving out altogether.
It was in fact the day that she had finally summoned the resolve to move out, that she chanced upon Lori, a pretty half Ghanaian, half Thai woman, who sustained her interest for some time.
Lori was part of her seminar group and was partnered with her for a group dissertation project and whether it was because of her stupid rose tinted glasses for Sadina, or her ongoing sexual conflict, she hadn't noticed Lori before. To be fair, she had barely taken heed of anyone.
Lori was cute, super nerdy cute, with a lot of really geeky interests. She could quite happily sit and discuss something as intricate as the difference between the camerawork in her favourite films from the 90s to modern day and Rachel found that to be somewhat endearing. She was the polar opposite of Sadina, no interest in the spotlight whatsoever and preferring to wrap herself upon in a onesie and watch her favourite sci-fi, than to hit the clubs and make out with as many people as possible.
Their relationship was fairly ambiguous and that made it difficult for Rachel to ascertain whether or not Lori was gay. She didn’t seem to have any interest in males, but that could be simply down to priorities. She also didn’t seem to overtly express interest in females, so that wasn’t helpful and for all the time Rachel spent with her, she couldn’t deny that her feelings towards Lori were purely curious, nothing had developed yet, though whether that was because of the blurred lines, or her fixation on Sadina still, it was difficult to determine.
Lori knew about Sadina and certainly didn’t rate her. She also knew about the kiss she and Sadina had shared, apparently privy to information thanks to the churning university rumour mill. She suggested that Rachel could do better, but left the conversation vague.
So there was that front to contend with and if that weren’t enough of a mind fuck as it were, just as she was beginning to piece back together some semblance of normal life and routine, Sadina, whether out of spite or attention seeking, decided continued to push the boundaries of what was possible in the house, evidently more so than usual. Loud sex, strutting around naked without a care in the world, leaving her underwear everywhere and more.
Rachel had to find reasons to avoid the house, spending more time at the library studying and in doing so, spending more time with Lori, something of a study workhorse herself.
Lori did a great job of quizzing her on the respective modules before and after intense study sessions, so in the end, it all paid off and she managed to make it through the second year, progressing on to the third.
Presented with the option to move out again and possibly move into a shared accommodation with Lori, the decision seemed obvious, but nothing was ever easy.
Sadina somehow got wind of it and at first it wasn’t apparent that that was the case. Her behaviour had changed, but it wasn’t obvious enough to put a finger on. It began with a few chance encounters with each other in the house and out, despite Rachel’s best efforts to avoid her and then those encounters became more and more frequent.
Then she apologised for her behaviour at the club one random night, the very first indication that she even remembered any of it. The admission and apology left Rachel flushed with embarrassment all over again, but she accepted the apology and forgave her. That must have been the sign of the floodgates opening, because suddenly she started behaving as though they were best of friends again, despite the awkward past few months.
The first sign that she knew something about Rachel’s decision came when one night, whilst Rachel was reading in her room, Sadina knocked at the door and entered when acknowledged. She was behaving more coy than usual and asked if they could talk. When Rachel obliged, she took a seat at the end of the bed and asked what Rachel had planned accommodation wise for the following year.
Unable to maintain eye contact and lie to her face, Rachel gave her a wishy washy answer about potentially moving, despite every intention of doing just that. Sadina went on to butter her up about how well they got on, how Rachel would be missed and how it wouldn’t be as much fun without her, a steady stream of bullshit that Rachel annoyingly found herself mulling over, as though they had ever had the type of relationship Sadina claimed it to be.
Having made her point, Sadina left for the night, leaving Rachel in a state of uncertainty.
The days to follow didn’t get any easier to make her decision either, as Sadina turned things up a notch further in an effort to get Rachel to stay, but what was her ulterior motive?
She would first use guilt tripping to chip away at Rachel’s resolve and when that wasn’t working fast enough, gaslighting and manipulation, adopting physical touch where and when she needed to make a lasting impact and the worst part of it all was that it was working. Rachel was now so thrown by it all, that in a spat of complete madness, she wa
s genuinely considering staying with Sadina for another year.
With time, the physical elements went from playful spanks at every available opportunity, eventually working up to surprise embraces and neck kisses from behind, as though they were a fucking couple already.
This was absolute bullshit, why was Sadina fucking with her? Who does that? Why couldn’t she muster up the gall to call her out on her bullshit? Why the fuck was she going along with this? She knew Lori was the better option, the safer option and yet, she was on the precipice of potentially making a grave mistake, one that defied the voice of reasoning.
She felt like she was attempting to swim against the clashing currents of logic and emotion and emotion at this point was threatening to drown her.
Then she decided. Against her better judgement, she would stay. She informed Lori and understandably, Lori was disappointed in her, in the situation, in all of it, but she accepted, so long as Rachel felt sure she was making the right decision.
Rachel could neither confirm nor contradict that, she had no idea what she was getting herself into.
That very night, Rachel returned home after spending an entire day deliberating over her decision and took the silence and darkness of the house to mean she was alone, until Sadina surprised her with an embrace from behind in the kitchen, scaring the shit out of her.
Everything in Rachel compelled her to snap at Sadina, or at the very least shuffle away and giggle awkwardly about it like she usually did, but she couldn’t move, Sadina had broken the final pathetic walls Rachel had tried so hard to put up between them and now she was pushing the boundaries even further, throwing everything in, holding nothing back.
She wasn’t aware of what Rachel had already decided and it was only too good that she wasn’t, because this new and shocking level of aggressive persuasion left Rachel feeling tremendously uneasy and it was even beginning to frighten her.
Sadina began kissing her neck, begging Rachel to stay, all the while, Rachel stood paralysed, not sure what to think, feel or how to act.
“I know you want me, I’ve known for the longest time”, Sadina whispered and that should have been the point that Rachel put a stop to it, but she couldn’t, why couldn’t she move? Where were these words coming from?
“If you stay, we could be an item. You could be my girl. I’d rock your fucking world in the bedroom. Don’t go”.
Rachel couldn’t think, this was all too much to process and it was beginning to make her dizzy. This was all wrong; this was not how she pictured this going in her fantasies at all.
“You know you’d like it and we’d make such a hot couple”. Sadina spun Rachel around and before Rachel could contemplate what was happening, they were locked in wild kissing.
What the fuck! What the fuck! Rachel’s mind screamed, as Sadina’s hands crept all over her body, groping her breasts and squeezing her butt.
Sadina aggressively pushed her way between Rachel’s legs like a sex blind voracious teenaged male or rabid animal and that was the tipping point.
“No!” Rachel shrieked and forcefully shoved Sadina back into the kitchen table, making her stumble and knock over the fruit bowl.
Taking a few seconds to catch her breath and compose herself, they stared at each other in silent shock. No one could possibly imagine how much willpower it had just taken then to do that.
“No?” Sadina replied with a puzzled expression. “Don’t you like me? Did I read your signals wrong?”
“Yes… I mean, no, no you didn’t… I don’t know, I just…”
“So what’s wrong then? Don’t you want to have sex with me?”
“Don’t say it so crude like that! I don’t even know if I’m…!”
“You‘re what? Gay?”
“That! Yes… that”.
“Fuck me, dude”, she sighed and rubbed the back of her head exasperated, “anyone with half a brain can see that you’re as gay as a bear with ponytails and you don’t even know it”.
“You don’t get to judge me. You don’t know what or who I am”.
“Are you seriously in fucking denial after all that? You could have shrugged me off ages ago, hell, when we first kissed, and don’t even try and deny that your eyes are all over me when I’m half naked, I’m not an idiot”.
“I was not!”
“You’re seriously going to lie about it? Really?”
Rachel felt as though her heart was in her throat and her stomach tied tight in knots; where was this embarrassing onslaught coming from?
“Don’t presume to know me!”
“You don’t think I know that you masturbate over me when I’m having sex next door?”
Rachel was stunned, what the fuck? Where the hell did she get that idea?
“Wha... I…”
“There we go, lost for words”.
“I fucking don’t!”
“You probably do some other perverted shit too. What sort of freaky shit are you in to?”
“What are you saying? I don’t do anything of the sort!”
“Liar”. Sadina said that with such venom, leaning back against the counter as though she had already claimed the win for this dispute.
“Fuck off! I’m no liar!”
“You’re lying to yourself though”.
“I’m not!”
“Say it then, admit that you’re gay”.
“She’s totally gay”, came a muffled voice.
“I told you, you owe me”, Sadina replied.
“That wasn’t the deal; I said prove she was by having sex with her and filming that shit. You barely kissed”.
Sadina stepped aside, revealing her phone propped up on the counter filming everything and that guy she was making out with in the club on the screen. Rachel was mortified; this betrayal was more than she could take. She knew Sadina had her ways, but this? This was what a monster did. What were they going to do with the footage if she had gone ahead with it all?
She couldn’t deal with this, she felt sick to her stomach.
“Fuck off, you have enough wank material right there”, Sadina snapped back, angrily.
“No deal”, the guy protested.
Rachel, broken and wanting out of there right away, attempted to leave, but Sadina leapt in front of her, blocking the doorway.
“Let me go!” Rachel growled under her breath.
“Not until you tell me what the deal is. Is it a vadge or cock you’d like?”
“Fuck off!” Rachel screamed, aggressively pushing Sadina back into the fridge. Knocking the back of her head against it. Sadina yelped, probably more in shock than pain and was immediately propelled into a fit of rage.
“You fucking bitch! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She roared.
“Leave me alone! You’re as disgusting as the fucking guys here!”
“Fuck off, you little psychopath! Fucking slobbering all over me like a fucking dog to a bone the past year. Your tongue was permanently hanging out and you didn’t even realise it, now you want to fucking virtue signal?”
“I’m leaving!”
“Whatever! I’m hot as fuck and I was giving you an opportunity you’ll never fucking get again in your life, you ugly bitch!”
Rachel couldn’t muster the energy to argue with her any more, her eyes welled up with tears and she ran out of that house, no idea of where to go, no desire to go back and overcome with feelings, betrayal, heartbreak, anger, extreme sadness, frustration and more she couldn’t yet decipher. After running for ten minutes, she sat beneath a tree in a dark, damp, empty park and wept until she could weep no more.
After what felt like hours of sitting there, she knew she needed to make a decision, both about tonight and about her future here. She called Lori.
Lori was sweet about the whole thing, inviting her in for the night, offering her bed, making her a hot chocolate and sitting with her all night to hear her out. She went as far as offering to let Rachel stay in her room and share her double bed for the remainder of the
two weeks of the year. She and another young woman were the only ones remaining in the house anyway.
Rachel was a mess, she hid there for several days before mustering up the courage to step outside again and when she did, she made any final rent payments towards the shared accommodation she had been in, collected her things from the room whilst Sadina was away and never returned there again, finishing up the rest of the year and returning home for summer.
She never did reveal to the mutual friend that she and Sadina shared, why she wouldn’t be living with them going forward or what had happened that night, but her friend accepted her choices nonetheless. They’d remain somewhat close throughout the year, but distance would eventually take its toll on that relationship, what with her attempts to actively avoid Sadina.
Of course she couldn’t completely avoid Sadina on campus, but Rachel was quite content pretending that monster didn’t exist.
Surviving three years of uni and stepping out with a first was probably the greatest sense of catharsis. She’d learned a great deal about herself and had in many ways changed for the better. Her whole life was ahead of her now, a new ship with an ocean of opportunities and a greater awareness of where those icebergs were that she’d have to navigate around.
She wanted to land a good career, move out, find love and more, but she would need to take it step by step. Steady does it and steady was better than the messy rush that Sadina was. Little did she know that her life’s adventures were only just beginning.
Skipping over the mess of clothes scattered across the floor, she crawled across the bed and planted a kiss on her girlfriend’s lips, with flashbacks of her past still fresh on her mind
“What was that for?” Her girlfriend asked, a little taken aback.
“No reason, just felt like kissing you is all. What do you say we skip the unpacking and go explore, we can come back and sort out the rest after the ship departs”, Rachel replied.
Cryptophobia | Book 2 | Hell & High Water [Fear The Unknown] Page 4