Rachel wasn't sure how to react, it took her a moment just to process the whole situation and it was only the stinging of her cheek that brought her back to reality.
Her mother seemed just as surprised by her own actions as she was and realising what she had done, made a weak attempt to apologise.
Unsure of what to do next, Rachel did the only thing that came naturally, she retaliated, forcing her father to intervene, splitting the two up.
Needless to say, that altercation didn't aid matters and a heated argument only became more aggressive, resulting in her mother demanding that she find somewhere else to live, since she wanted to live a life of perversion rather than a respectable Christian one the way she was raised. Rachel happily obliged, so there she was just after eight in the evening, an emotional wreck, making her way back to the house by cab to clear out her things and wondering if she could have delivered that without losing her cool so easily.
She always suspected this would ultimately be the conclusion, her moving out after revealing the truth, but she never thought it would be so soon, nor was she of the belief that it would be so dramatic and she had to admit that a part of her had always clung to the hope that her parents would accept her for who she was, she’d have even settled for them needing time to process.
This was inconvenient, it was only by stroke of fortune that Terri had room in her shared flat for her to stay a while, but without her landlord knowing an extra person was living there, it was only a short term solution.
To describe her state of mind at the time, disarray was a good one, the perfect definition to describe the concoction of different feelings she was experiencing, from overwhelming anger and immense sorrow, to suffocating dread and surprisingly even some sense of relief.
It was only reasonable to imagine every possible scenario in her head, whether or not this was over, whether or not she would ever see her parents again, what she would do now and quite possibly a million other thoughts.
She arrived at the house and grabbed a suitcase, stuffing into it all the most crucial things as quickly as possible just to avoid another confrontation with any of them should they arrive home sooner than expected. Within the hour she had everything she would need most, everything else she'd collect later. She called a cab and was out of that place, making her way to Terri’s.
She explained the entire series of events to her friend and for the first time that night, broke down, all her emotions releasing in a downpour of tears and it was more than just the night's event worth of emotions pent up, years worth of feelings came out in that single night, emotional diarrhoea and what a revolting mess it made.
Honestly, it was probably the angriest Rachel had ever been and she took no particular pride in being so blind with fury that she didn't care what came out of her mouth, a steady stream of putrid verbal vomit. It was probably a good thing that Terri was so level headed.
Terri always had a calming effect on her, she was brutally honest, didn’t pull her punches, mostly had a positive outlook on life and whatever brought negativity into her life, she punched. Her influence helped Rachel to see sense and tackle this traumatising moment in her life head on.
Terri’s place became Rachel’s permanent residence for the next few months, ducking and dodging the landlord whenever he came by. This lifestyle wasn’t ideal and she had every intention to find herself a place of her own, it was just a little challenging with the recession.
Despite her father's pleas to return home, she refused, preferring the precarious conditions of her new living standards, than any possibility of living once again with that narcissistic, bigoted woman she called her mother.
With a little of both time and patience, Rachel found a shared apartment available for rent down in Brighton. It was a little far out from the only two people she cared about and she'd need a job to sustain her living standards, but it was substantially cheaper than anything she could find in London, plus she could actually start working on building a career, as opposed to working her ass off in a dead-end job just to help pay rent.
Moving so far away from everything she knew was equally terrifying and exhilarating, but she could always hop on a roughly hour long train to visit her friends and they could the same. She'd certainly miss how accessible they both were, but the good times were bound to go on, maybe just a little fewer binge eating, drinking and shitty movie watching nights, which would likely do wonders for her health in the process.
There were also great memories, friends to be made, foods to be tried, drinks to be drunk, clubs to be visited and romances to be experienced just waiting for her on the other side. So with great courage and plenty of emotional fluctuation, Rachel was off to the great unknown, a future paved before her and uncharted.
Brighton was a better lifestyle, a happier more content one. Settling in took some time, but once she was, she soon discovered how riveting life by the sea could be. Parties, bars, clubs, young people, peacefulness and an overwhelming feeling of acceptance were just a few things that made this seaside town a haven of sorts.
All frets Rachel had once had of moving to a place she hadn't visited since she was a child quickly dissipated upon discovering just how liberating living here could be. Making friends came easier than she had thought it to be because everyone was so friendly, too friendly, a stark contrast from the miserable grumpiness of London; eight million people and it could still feel like the loneliest place in the world.
The three bedroom house with a garden and a basement that she shared with two other lovely people, was nice, spacious and airy, plenty of light. It didn't take them too long to decorate it and make it homely, leaving her mark on it. Her ensuite room was on the top floor and she filled her closets with all her favourite clothes, filled the air with the relaxing scent of incense and filled every one of her walls with posters and pictures of friends.
Finding work that would progress her career was also surprisingly much easier, if lower paid than it might have been in London. She might have to move back to London in future if she wanted a higher pay package, more perks and career progression, but for now this was a small price to pay for cheaper and easier living conditions.
Even the weather seemed brighter in Brighton, perhaps explaining the name.
Nocturnal as she was, work plus an added sense of value encouraged her to wake up earlier than she usually would and instead of taking public transport everywhere, she made it a habit to ride, walk or jog to work every day, for what would be the beginning of a healthier lifestyle.
Smoothies made with fresh fruits she picked up at the markets or grew in her garden, became her pride and joy and she made it a routine to spend Friday and Saturday nights out on the town, widening her pool of friends and romantic run-ins, as such, her group of friends grew, as did her romantic escapades and one day she bumped into a familiar face at a house party.
Whether due to a lapse in memory or obscured by alcohol, she initially didn't recognise them, a woman she had met before, a woman she had had a fairly close relationship with in the past and with her was a friend.
The woman recognised her first and approached her, which instigated the most awkward start to a conversation Rachel had ever had, pretending to know who she was talking to until it was abundantly clear she didn’t. The gig up and her cover blown, Rachel was left with egg on her face, feeling silly and regretting not having simply confessed at the beginning.
The woman didn’t take offense to it, if anything she found it both endearing and amusing. She then took the liberty of reminding Rachel of who she was and where they met, university second year and like a surge of cold water, it hit Rachel, this was Lori!
Now she felt even more guilty, how could she forget Lori and why had they lost touch after university?
Fully aware of whom she was talking to now, the two reminisced on days past and caught up on more recent developments. A great deal had happened to the both of them in the time since they had last spoken. What a small world it was, it w
as certainly more than a coincidence that they two should stumble across each other again at a party and great that they had been granted the opportunity to rekindle their relationship.
It wasn't until weeks later during a tipsy heart to heart did Rachel reveal that she was gay and explain in more detail why she had come to live in Brighton. She wasn't entirely sure what reaction to expect from Lori; disgust, acceptance, maybe even no reaction whatsoever and to be honest, she didn’t care, she was done hiding herself from people.
At least she thought she didn’t care, but when relief was Lori’s reaction to hearing that news, Rachel couldn’t help but be surprised. As it turned out, Lori had always been gay, she simply wasn't an outgoing type, so it wouldn't have been immediately obvious and if that wasn't already a surprise, she had liked Rachel during university, but chose against involving herself in Rachel’s romantic dramas and uncertainty. Those words were brutal, but true, she was a mess in university.
Rachel revealed her entire journey from delusions to self discovery, a story which prompted plenty of curious questions from Lori as they drank and snacked on into the night.
Much of the conversation of that night was a blur now and probably for good reason, because for what it was worth, the night got more interesting than that, concluding in the hottest sex Rachel had ever had and whatever the case may have been, fate had certainly played its part, because here she was at the ship dining table opposite her parents, her grandmother and next to her beautiful girlfriend, Lori Hempstead.
She shot Lori a smile before their waiter, a nicely dressed, rather friendly looking man approached the table.
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Lakshman and I'll be your waiter for the extent of this journey. Now how can I make your experience more heavenly?”
CHAPTER 9 - LORI & MARTHA
9:56am - 4 Days until outbreak
. . .
. . .
To use the word awkward to describe that evening’s dinner was an injustice to the word itself. Lori had never been in such a tense situation in all her life, any thicker and it would have been considered foggy.
It was not as though Lori wasn’t prepared for a tense encounter, on the contrary, she was more than prepared, but really and truly, no amount of pre-psyching herself up could have prepared her for that. Honestly, she had never been so relieved and thankful to have a waiter make attempts to entertain her and the people of the table.
The worst part is that Rachel didn’t seem the least bit fazed by the frosty reception, if anything she was quite content sitting there firing off snarky comments every now and again whenever her parents tried to make general conversation. It was becoming clearer that she wanted next to nothing to do with them and simply wanted the cruising experience, but if she wasn’t going to make any real effort, what was the point of them being here with her family? It felt as though they were needlessly torturing themselves. They could have just as well booked a different awkward-less cruise, they had paid for their own tickets after all, refusing the offer Rachel’s mother had made to pay for her because it didn’t include Lori, unless the purpose of this trip was for her to show her parents just how much she didn’t care for them.
Lori could have counted the number of times Rachel’s mother - and it was always Rachel’s mother, because her father appeared aloof throughout the night and her grandmother’s silent burning gaze was still imprinted on her mind - asked questions about her life, ambitions, family, education and more.
Honestly, the entire dinner was one small room, a one way mirror and an angry police officer away from a full on interrogation. Rachel had assured her not to be intimidated by her mother, but that was easier said than done, it was one thing being introduced to the parents of your partner and worrying that they might not like you, it was a whole different thing being introduced to parents you already knew hated your guts.
She groaned and ran her fingers through her hair. Never had she been so stressed, her stomach in a knot and her mind abuzz with thoughts.
“Stupid, stupid”, she muttered to herself, tapping her forehead with the palm of her hand, why had she let Christine get to her? Why had she allowed herself to feel threatened and inferior?
Rachel herself had been standoffish that entire night, demanding of Lori not to answer her, not to entertain her bigotry, but Lori wasn't used to this nature of sheer hostility between people, not people she knew anyway, so of course she wouldn't have had the slightest idea of how to handle it, it was like standing at the center of friggin no man’s land, watching the bullets whiz past you and attempting to remain upright even as the explosions threatened to topple you, or worst yet, blow you to bits.
Somehow they made it through the night, though considering how well the evening banquet had gone, it was doubtful they would be doing that again, it was doubtful she would be putting herself into that situation again anyway.
She couldn’t say it was all bad though, despite the deathly glare, Rachel’s grandmother didn’t contribute to the incineration and her father, despite his aloofness, could potentially be reasoned with.
Besides that, the food was delicious, one of if not the best meal she had ever had; three tantalising appetisers of honey garlic shrimps, a light seasoned butternut squash soup and chicken and yellow corn Vol-au-Vent with tarragon, followed by an entrée of braised, confit and roasted Herdwick lamb with gently honey glazed summer vegetables and finally for dessert a mouth watering Pistachio Soufflé.
Of course she had a glass of red wine to wash it all down with and by the time it was over, she was well and truly stuffed, it took a great deal to even convince herself to have the dessert, since it was all inclusive. That night she slept like a baby.
Today was a new day however, on a cruise ship to boot, so it only seemed natural to make the most of it, of course by lying on a deck chair doing absolutely nothing. Nothing was something too, so she had no reason to feel guilty about it, besides, most of her life consisted of endless somethings, so doing nothing for a change was a welcome departure from the norm.
It wasn’t particularly warm, at least not yet, something she’d come to expect as they drew closer to the Caribbean, but only fantasize about in these chillier seas. Still, the very idea of hotter climates and the hot latte she sipped slowly, trying not to burn her lips, was enough to warm her soul, even if the dreary clouds overhead sought to ruin that dream.
Admittedly, this was Lori’s first time out of the country; she had always wanted to travel, work and studying had always just taken first priority. It always felt as though everyone but her had spanned the vast expanse of the world and returned with stories to tell and yet the furthest she was proud up to this point to say she had travelled to was Brighton, pathetic really, for someone her age with dreams of travelling around the world. Mind you, it wasn’t a particularly attainable dream at the time, she had other rather more pressing concerns to occupy her mind with.
Lori’s father, a profound man with ambitions to be a great police officer, was heartlessly gunned down in what was supposed to be a routine disorderly conduct call. Arriving at a bar and finding two groups of angry drunkards merely threatening each other, what should have ended with a calm resolution, turned into two people being shot, one of which was her father who died in hospital later, his wife, Lori’s mother at his side screaming out his name. Lori was only five at the time, but even then she suspected that her father would probably never return home again, despite her mother’s best efforts to lessen the blow.
Lori had a little sister, at the time only two months old, who flourished into a bright and wonderful little girl, but became dependent on Lori when their mother began to show signs of dementia, resulting in confused anger much of the time and forgetting the both of them.
At this point, it felt as though if God did exist, he was most certainly punishing them for something and naturally in her immature naivety, Lori assumed it was because of her sinful lust for the same sex, something she noticed in her
adolescence, but pushed to the back of her mind.
Even with maturity kicking in, those tragedies, losing her father, her mother put into care, the two siblings fostered, were more than enough to overshadow any of her own confused feelings and so her reluctance to express who she was, fear of being happy with who she was, resulted in her constant suppressed feelings and overall introversion. Honestly, meeting Rachel was the first time she could say she felt like her true self, pride and certainty in who she was. Rachel wasn’t the first relationship Lori had had, but she is by far the best.
Despite her past being replete in misery, Lori was trying her best to be optimistic about the future; if she had learned anything in this life, it was that the tides could change from good to bad and back again just like that and that her sexuality was not indicative of something she or anyone in her family had done wrong. Her self confidence was slowly improving and she could safely say she was a great deal more confident than she was all those years ago, heck even than she was when she first met Rachel in university. She even had a sense of pride now that she could have only wished to have come five years ago.
Her attention was averted to a little ginger haired boy walking by with a somewhat sour expression on his face and a seemingly severe case of the sniffles. Instinctively, Lori covered her mouth and nose, the last thing she wanted was to catch whatever he had and spend what enjoyment she should be having on her first time out of England locked up in her cabin. She didn’t even have any medicine to hand, so that would be an utter fucking disaster if there ever was one.
As the boy and his parents disappeared from sight, Lori glanced out towards the ocean. To think something as simple as seeing the ocean could be deemed a luxury for some; Brighton was the first time she had ever laid eyes on the ocean and here she was sailing out into it. She had never been on a plane either and wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to experience being in one. Rachel had tried to convince her it wasn’t worth worrying about and she’d be fine once she was up there, but just the thought of leaving the ground, being high in the skies and trapped on a flying contraption with nowhere to escape to, sent shivers down her spine. To add fuel to the fire, disappearing planes and worst still, crashing ones, were enough to put her right off.
Cryptophobia | Book 2 | Hell & High Water [Fear The Unknown] Page 8