“You’re a damned sight prettier than the last gal he brought in.” How many had there been?
Then Ginny’s voice chimed in. “Well, I knew that, Killian. You’re a reprobate.”
And again with, “Oh, you got yourself a live one this time, Killian.”
This time. How many times had there been?
He put his hand on my knee. “Hey. You okay?”
I twisted around. “Yes. Sorry.” We were in my driveway. “Oh, what about my car?”
He stared at me. “I just said I’d give you a ride to work tomorrow. Get your keys, and fix ya right up?” He pushed my hair away from my face, looking concerned. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been awfully quiet on the road.”
“Yes. I’m tired, I guess.”
“Aye. Poor thing. You’re shattered. Let me get you to bed.”
I watched him walk around to my side of the car. I loved everything about him. The way he walked. The way he opened my car door. His laugh. His voice. My heart tightened as he reached my door.
But I was the flavor of today. What about tomorrow?
I refuse to think about it.
Killian
I sat on the side of the bed and she came to me. She straddled my lap and kissed me silly. I flipped her onto her back, ripped her clothes off and made love to her. I must have fallen asleep.
I woke and listened in the dark. It was still. But something woke me. Then a sniffle came from the other side of the bed.
“Jo?”
“What? Hmm?” She wiped at her face furiously.
I put my hand on her shoulder and rolled her onto her back. “Oh, shite! Did I hurt you, Josie?” The first time I’d been so careful. What was I thinking?
“No. No. I’m fine.” She rolled over. “Go back to sleep, Killian.”
I lay down for a moment, confused. “Can I hold you?”
She didn’t say anything, but moved closer and lifted her head for me to slide my arm under. The pillow was wet. I rose onto my elbow and reached over her for the lamp and switched it on. We both blinked in the sudden light, but there was no mistaking the tears she was trying so desperately to hide.
I put a hand on the side of her face. “I did hurt you. What can I do to make it better?”
She blinked, her mouth hanging open, and a big fat tear tracked along each cheek. She looked away from me. “It’s nothing. I’m being stupid. Let’s go back to sleep.” She tried to reach for the lamp, but my hand covered hers.
“Joz.” I wiped away the tears with my thumb. Then they kept coming faster. “What did I do?”
She covered her face with her hands. Her shoulders began to shake.
It was a stab to the gut. I curled my feet under me, crouched in a ball beside her. “Josie, honey. Please talk to me. I want to know how I hurt you.”
She slammed her arms into the mattress. “You didn’t hurt me.”
“Then who did? If someone hurt you, you tell me and I’ll take care of them.”
A small smile peeked through the tears. “No one hurt me. I’m being silly. Please, let’s—”
“Your crying is not silly. Something is upsetting you, and I’d like to know what it is.” She looked away. “Jo, I don’t want us to share only our bodies. I want more than that.” Her gaze flew to mine, her forehead wrinkled. “Don’t you?”
She was still for a long moment, staring at me. Then she pushed up to sit with her back against the headboard, knees drawn in. I sat by her side and mirrored her position, my feet near her tush.
“Killian….” She took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can explain myself, but I’ll try. I’m not sure it will make sense to anyone but me.” She paused. “Here’s the thing…you’re cute, and sweet, and you’re a good man. A truly good man. You’re funny, you’re sexy…and all this makes it hard for me.” She looked at me as if her words explained it all.
I frowned. “So, I should be mean?”
She smiled. “That would be helpful.”
“Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.” We chuckled, then we grew quiet. I tried to make sense of what she’d told me. “You said I’m making it hard for you to…hard for you to do what?”
She looked away, shaking her head. “So…my way of dealing with life is by keeping everything contained, organized, neat. Inside and out. But…since I met you….” She looked at me and exhaled. “I’ve been…a different person. I’ve…opened up. Let go of my hold.”
I rubbed her foot. “Aren’t those good things?”
“Oh, yes. In some ways it’s been so freeing. And I’ve never been happier.”
The girl is crying herself to sleep, but she’s never been happier. Lord, help me to understand.
“Jo…I’m trying. I’m really trying to understand. But…it makes no sense to me.” The truth was in there somewhere, I simply needed to find it. “Okay. Maybe we can start with what, specifically, upset you tonight?
She folded and unfolded her hands, staring at them. “Tonight, everyone kept saying stuff like, ‘the last gal you brought in’ and ‘got yourself a live one this time.’”
My head ached from trying to understand. “That hurt you? You didn’t seem upset. I thought you were having fun.”
“That’s because I’m an expert at hiding how I’m feeling.”
“I told you that you don’t have to act around me.”
“I know. And I appreciate that. But it’s automatic for me. Maybe it’s something I need to work at.”
I nodded, though still confused. So, she was upset at McGillicutty’s…
“Is it you don’t like that I’ve been with other women?”
“No. I’m not judging you about that at all. I think you’re…wonderful. You’re the normal one. I’m the one who’s screwed up. I’m not you, Killian. When all this is over, you’ll go back to your life, and I’m going to ache for you. I already ache for you. I’m not made for this type of thing. I should have never tried. I’ve tried not to think about this ending. Tried to enjoy my moment in Killian’s sunlight. I just can’t do it.” Her voice choked on the last.
“Who said anything about this having to end?”
“Killian, I may have been a virgin when I met you,” she snapped. “And I may have had zero relationship experience, but I’m not stupid. I know how these things work.”
She thinks it’s going to end. Why does she think it’s going to end? Oh…wait….
“So you think, because of my other relationships, this is only a short-term thing. A fling.”
“Isn’t it? Let’s be honest.”
“Okay. Okay.” Now I knew where she was coming from. I just needed to explain myself to her. “You know, we’re not so different, you and I, Jo.”
She snorted. “Right.”
“No, listen. Like you said earlier, you…avoid forming connections with people to protect yourself. I do the same thing.” And as I said it, it made sense to me, too. “Only I protect myself from getting hurt…I avoid meaningful connections…by being involved in shallow relationships that don’t mean anything. You said being with me has changed you. But what you don’t understand is being with you has changed me, too.” She didn’t speak. “Why do you think my friends are making such a big deal of this?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why was Quinn so fast to hop up and play music for us at Paddy’s? Why was Mick so interested in getting to know you? Why did Darcy get us a snug so we could have more privacy? It’s because they can see it. They can see things are different with you.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” I took her hand. “Honey, I know I haven’t said anything about how I was feeling. I didn’t know how you felt, and I didn’t want to scare you. But…I’ve fallen in love with you, Josephine Compton. And I’ve an inklin’ there’s no going back.”
She covered her mouth with her hand. “You’re not just saying that, are you? So we can go back to sleep and you can run away all together tomorrow?”
“Jo.” I stretched
to put my arms around her. “I’ve never meant anything more sincerely in my life.”
Epilogue
Killian
My phone buzzed on the back bar. I finished pouring the first half of a pint before I checked it. It was a text from Josie.
WHEN ARE YOU OFF?
I clicked my response and went back to top the Guinness and serve it. The phone rattled again.
MEET ME AT 232 W. FIFTH STREET
I tipped my head with a smile, puzzled by the strange request. What could my little bird be up to?
When my shift ended I clocked out, fed the address into my GPS and followed the directions. She was on the sidewalk when I arrived at the address in the middle of downtown.
I got out, speaking to her as I came around the front of the car. “What are you up to, Miss Josephine?” I kissed her. “Mmm. I missed you today.”
She hopped around like she truly was a bird. “So what do you think?”
Oh, shite. She’s done something to her hair? A new dress?
I stood back to get a better look. It didn’t reveal anything to me.
“Uhh…I love it.”
She frowned. “You have no idea what I’m talking about do you?”
“What? Yes…no. Haven’t the foggiest.”
She extended her hand. “This building.”
It was an old brick bank building. On the elaborate, but dirty, glass doors was a FOR SALE notice.
“Are we in the market for a bank?”
She swatted my arm. “No.” She moved toward the door and I saw now she had a key in her hand. “Let me show you the inside.”
I surveyed the building again, then looked at her. “I repeat, what are you up to, Josie?”
Without answering she entered the building, giving me no choice but to follow her, shaking my head. Were we checking something out for Dani, or Sam, or one of the other girls? What was I missing?
Her heels rang on the dusty wood floors as she crossed to a huge construction lamp and switched it on. The place was a disaster. Saw horses were set in three different spots with odd bits of two by fours spread randomly on the floor, and some particle board. Everything was covered with a thick layer of dust, saw dust, and plaster powder.
She spun around in a circle with her arms outspread, palms up. “How about this ceiling?”
That, at least, was a beautiful piece of artistry. A black tin ceiling with elaborate scroll work and geometric shapes. I whistled. “She’s a beaut.” I looked at her. She was smiling to beat the band.
She stomped her foot. “Come on.” Looking at the wall to the left as you came in the door, she put her hands out in front of her, then spread them wide. “Can’t you just see it?”
I stuck my fisted hands on my hips and was about to ask her what the devil she was talking about when it struck me. I looked again. “Yeah!”
She turned. “And I was thinking the stage over here.” She indicated a corner, banked by windows, that was the perfect size for a stage.
“How long have you been looking into this?”
“Since the first time we went to McGillicutty’s.”
I took her arms. “Jo, it’s a grand idea. But do you know how much a place like this would cost?”
She drew some papers out of her coat pocket. She unfolded them and handed them to me.
I took a glance. “I can’t afford this.”
“Yes, you can. With an investor.”
I chuckled. “You’re so sweet to do this, and I really, really appreciate it but, honey, no one is going to want to invest in me. I don’t have any track record as a business owner.”
She walked away a bit, still looking around, her hands clasped behind her back. “That’s where you’re wrong. I already have an investor.”
“Who in the world would—”
“Me.”
I folded the papers again and tried to hand them to her. “Oh, no. That’s not happening. I’m not risking your life savings on a dream of mine.”
She swung around. “I have quite a bit of money in the bank. That’s what happens when your college loans are paid off and your house is paid for. I guess there is some advantage to not having a life.” She walked toward me slowly. “What else am I going to spend that money on? My parents won’t let me help with their bills, and I don’t know anything about stocks and bonds. I—”
“You’ll need to save for retirement.”
“I already have a plan in place for that.” She tilted her chin. “Have you forgotten who you’re talking to?”
I laughed at that and surveyed the area again. “I don’t know. What would Mick say?”
She smiled. “I don’t know. Maybe you should ask him.” She extended her arm in the direction of the doorway.
“Wow. This is great, Josie.” Mick McGillicutty stood inside the doorway. He looked as excited as Jo was. “You should do it, Killian.”
“Are you pure crazy? I’d be takin’ your business.”
He shrugged. “There’s plenty to go around.” He walked over and gave Josie a kiss, then rested his arm on her shoulders. “Besides, like your Jo here, I have more money than I know what to do with. Sorry, Jo. I couldn’t help but overhear.”
She pressed him to her side. “No problem.”
“I don’t know. Can you imagine what the utilities would cost in a place like this?”
“Page two.”
“What?”
She pointed at the papers still in my hand. “Page two.”
I stared at her for a second, then opened them, shuffling the front page to the back. “Hmm.” Could this actually work? “Repairs would cost a pretty penny.”
She nodded at me.
Mick spoke. “I’m guessin’ those would be on page three.”
“Three through eight.”
I looked through the numbers.
“Of course, you may want to make some changes to the plans. But we could do the work ourselves, for the most part.”
“Would you be ownin’ the whole buildin’, or only this floor?” Mick asked, walking with Josie toward the huge staircase in the back of the room.
“Whole thing.”
“And where would the kitchen go?” Their voices faded away.
My own place? Was I ready for that? Uncle Seamus’ voice emanated from the dusty corners of my mind. “You have to do your own growin’ lad, no matter how tall your father was.” I went outside so I could picture the front. We’d need a cool logo. Maybe Dani’s Zoe could design something like that for us. She was good with graphics. When I came back in, Mick and Jo were coming down the stairs.
“So?”
I grinned. “What do we have to do next?”
“You’ll do it?”
I nodded.
“You’ll do it?” she squealed, running toward me.
I swept her off her feet and swung her around. “I’ll do it.” I kissed her.
Mick came over and clapped me on the back. “That’s me lad. Let’s go to my place and celebrate.” We followed him out. “I’ll be expecting an invitation to the grand opening, though.”
I shook his hand. “You’ll have it.”
* * *
I was sweatin’ like a priest in a brothel, and not only because it was the grand opening of Pint Well-Taken. At the moment, all of our rooms were filled to the rafters—which we actually had in our upstairs sports bar, Extra Pints. That room featured fifty taps, thirty-two of which were provided by local breweries and named after the counties of Ireland. My personal favorite was the Kildare Ya, which, of course, was “Good for what ales ya.” The four walls featured four ginormous flat screens, each with a flag of one of the four providences of Ireland draped behind it. The square bar in that room had been one of the biggest challenges for Jo and me, inlaid with sixty tiles with raised trinity knots.
Halfway through renovating the space, the building next to us became available. We sold Jo’s house and purchased that building, adding to our loan on Pint Well-Taken, but it took care of what turned
out to be a problematic kitchen design. Plus, Besides The Pint had additional seating for sixty-six patrons—more if people were willing to smash in a snug—and an added stage. The second floor we turned into a savage living space. We were stayin’ at my place at the moment, but my hopes were it would be shared by Jo and me. I’d know the answer to that question soon, and that’s what was really causing the turmoil in my stomach.
I lifted my head as I added money to the till behind the bar. Me granddad’s hat hung in the alcove above, and it was like he was watchin’ over us. Across the room, me ma’s bodhran, or celtic drum, hung with an Irish harp in a nook beside it. It made the place like home. And on top of that, we had music on all three stages and Irish dancers who rotated between them.
Jo was doing a hell of a job bartending. Amazed the devil out of me. Plus, she looked way too cute in her uniform. Short, pleated, green plaid skirt that hung low on her waist, a velvet vest embroidered with Celtic knot-work around a low neckline, a white linen blouse beneath it with short, puffy sleeves. I wanted to throw her on the bar and take her, but I figured that would be breaking a few indecency laws, so I better wait until after close.
She must have sensed me ogling her, because she turned. “Are you hungry?”
Is it that obvious I want her? “What?”
“Have you eaten anything yet?”
“Oh. To tell ya the truth, Jo…I could eat a reverend mother.”
“Hmm. Well, we’re fresh out of reverend mother this evening. How about ham on rye, or Irish stew, or….”
“A sandwich would be grand.”
She smiled. “Back in a flash.”
A few minutes later, a shout rose over the crowd noise.
“Killian.”
I turned to find Kyle and Tucker had fought their way to the bar.
“Ho! There’s my lads.” Reaching through an opening, I shook their hands. They’d dressed for the occasion, wearing outfits similar to our uniforms for male employees, tweed vests, collarless linen shirts, and dark green or brown trousers (or jeans during the day). “My. Aren’t ya fellows looking fine?”
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