by E. L. Todd
“I’m tired.” Alex moved into his lap. She cuddled into him like he was a teddy bear.
“Alright, I’ll put your to bed.” Theo stood up and picked her up with one arm.
Conrad rose to his feet. “I’m going to hit the sack too.”
Silke eyed Cayson and I. “Me too.” She jumped up quickly and left.
Once they were gone, I cleaned up the trash and tossed it in the garbage. Cayson didn’t leave and I hoped he wouldn’t. I tried to act like everything was normal, that my heart wasn’t in my throat.
Cayson tossed the beer bottles then put away the game just like he used to. Then he grabbed his coat.
My heart fell when I realized he was leaving. “Thank you for coming,” I said politely. “It was a great way to celebrate my first day.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want any leftover cake?” I asked. “If you don’t take it, I’m just going to eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
“And I would never take that away from you,” he teased.
I headed to the door and opened it, trying to act natural.
Cayson turned to me before he walked out. It looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the right words. His hands were in his pockets, and his eyes contained his confusion.
I wanted to say something to make the situation better, less tense, but I couldn’t think of anything.
“Congratulations,” he said quietly.
“Thanks…” I was hoping he’d say something else.
“Good night, Skye.” He walked out.
“Good night,” I said to his back. When I shut the door, I sighed in sadness. What was he thinking? Did he still want me? Was it just as hard for him as it was for me?
Chapter Eleven
Conrad
Theo and Alex were starting to get on my nerves. They were so happy and affectionate together, constantly sharing quiet whispers and heated kisses. Whenever I tried to watch TV, they would make out on the couch, moaning quietly. I constantly had to remind them they had a private bedroom they could utilize.
I knew I was only being grouchy because Beatrice left me. Every day without her was hard. The bitterness and anger would rise up and make me see red. Her treatment of me wasn’t fair. I didn’t spend a year trying to win her over if I didn’t love her with everything I had. The idea that I treated her like the others was complete ludicrous.
Roland asked me to lunch so I joined him at a pizza place. It was nice seeing him all the time like I used to, but my happiness was empty since Beatrice broke my heart.
Roland hardly mentioned it. “I could eat pizza every day.”
“You sound like Skye.”
“Please, don’t insult me,” he said.
I finished my piece then washed it down with a soda. “The job hunt hasn’t been successful?”
“No,” he said sadly. “Dad had to give me lunch money because I’m broke. That’s how pathetic I am.”
“Keep looking. You’ll find something.”
“Whatever,” he said. “Knock off those meaningless words.”
I shrugged. “Just trying to make you feel better.”
“I’ll keep looking, but if I don’t find something soon, I may have to work for my dad.”
“That’s a last resort.”
“It is,” he said. “Can you imagine Skye as my boss? Hell would break loose.”
“I would pull jokes on her left and right, embarrass her in front of her employees.”
“Dad would fire me,” he said immediately. “And throw me out on my ass.” He took another slice and ate half of it in a single bite. “How’s job hunting going for you?”
“I haven’t been looking much, honestly.” All I could think about was Beatrice. I was in constant pain over her, carrying a slab of bricks on my shoulders.
“You’ll find something,” he said.
“Empty words,” I teased.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m just trying to make you feel better.”
“Any ladies in the mix?”
“I’ve met a few here and there. Nothing serious.”
“Are they ever?” I asked sarcastically.
He shrugged.
“At least Cayson and Skye can hang out again and it not be weird,” I said. “I thought that was going to be the most awkward thing in the world.”
“Well, if he moved here, I’m assuming they’re getting back together.”
“I don’t know…they don’t act like it.” I crumpled up my napkin and tossed it aside. “They act like friends.”
“Cayson has been in love with my sister forever,” he said. “There’s no way he doesn’t want to get back together.”
“Then what are they waiting for?”
“I haven’t got a clue. You think I ask my sister about her personal life? I don’t give a damn.”
“It seemed like you did when you were bringing her groceries and spending time with her,” I teased.
“Only because my mom made me,” he said defensively.
“Sure…”
He grabbed his bag and stood up. “I’ll see you later. I have to hunt down an editor and beg him to look at my resume.”
“Desperation…that’s what employers want.”
“Shut up,” he said. “You have a better idea.”
“No.”
“That’s what I thought.” He left the pizzeria.
I stayed in my spot and picked at my food. Anytime I was alone, my thoughts wondered to Beatrice. I wondered if she was thinking about me. Was she over me? Did she hate me so much that she forgot about me? How was her life in Cambridge? Was every quiet moment haunted by my memory?
My phone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out, assuming it was my parents or maybe Theo.
But it was Beatrice.
My hand shook while I stared at the phone. I blinked several times, trying to refocus. Was it really her? The longer I stared at it, the truer it became. Beatrice’s name continued to shine on the screen.
I never expected her to call me, and I had no idea what she wanted. My biggest hope was she wanted me back, missed me so much she couldn’t be away from me. But knowing her, that wasn’t it. I probably left something at her apartment, or I accidentally took something of hers with me.
Knowing the call was about to go to voicemail, I answered it. But I didn’t speak. I just sat on the phone, waiting for her to stay something. The nerves were getting to me and I didn’t know how to act.
“Conrad?” Her voice was just as beautiful as I remembered. It was deep, and it had elegance to it. She reminded me of a queen, upright and perfect. She had the grace of someone from money but the humility of someone who was poor. Just her voice brought me back to our relationship. I remembered the way she breathed while she slept. I recalled the way she slept on my chest when she was cold. Every conversation and every touch swam before my eyes. My heart ached because I missed her so much. I tried to lie to myself and say I was doing fine without her. But knowing her voice brought me to my knees just reminded me how lost I was without her.
“I’m here.” I kept my voice emotionless, not wanting her to know I was gripping the table in fear. I controlled my breathing so she wouldn’t hear how panicked I was.
What did she want?
“Um…hi.” She seemed nervous.
“Hi…” The first thing I wanted to say was I missed her. My natural instinct was to beg her to take me back. But I already tried that and she rejected me brutally. I wouldn’t go down that road again.
“Are you in New York?”
What kind of question was that? “Yeah.”
“I was hoping we could talk…in person.”
She wanted to talk? About what? In person? She wanted me to go to Cambridge? “Okay.”
“I’m at the Starbucks on fifth. If you have time, please stop by.”
What? She was in New York right now? I tried to keep my cool. “Now?” It was nearly impossible to make my voice sound indifferent.
; “Yeah…or whenever you can manage.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I gripped the table so harshly my knuckles were turning white.
“Okay. Bye.”
I hung up without saying anything, not sure if I could say something even if I wanted to.
***
I called Roland as I headed up the street.
“What?” he barked.
“Beatrice just called me and wants to meet for coffee?”
“What?” he repeated. “When did this happen?”
“Just now.”
“Shit,” he said. “Are you going to?”
“Yeah…I should, right?”
“Well, what does she want?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know.” I sounded panicked.
“Maybe she wants to get back together.”
My heart fluttered with hope. “You think?”
“Why else would she want to meet you?”
“Maybe I left something at her place…”
“But wouldn’t she just mail it to you?” Roland asked. “I’ve never been through a break up so I don’t know the rules.”
“Rub it in, asshole.”
“Hey, that’s why you don’t fall for them. That’s the first rule.”
“Whatever,” I said. “What do I do?” I kept walking up the street as I approached Fifth.
“Why are you asking me?” he demanded. “I don’t know anything!”
“Should I act like I don’t care? Should I act like I don’t miss her?”
“Yes,” he said. “Be cool until you know what she wants. Make sure she doesn’t know you’re hurting. Women like feeling powerful. Don’t give that to her.”
“Okay,” I said. When I saw Starbucks in the distance I knew I had to hang up. “I got to go.”
“Okay. Just be cool, alright?”
“Alright.”
“I love you.”
“Wait…what the hell?”
“Sorry,” he blurted. “I just got nervous and it just came out.”
“Don’t say that again.” I hung up then crossed the street.
As I approached the windows, I squared my shoulders and tried to make my face seem slack. I tried to act like I was meeting someone who meant nothing to me, that my heart wasn’t about to fly out of my mouth.
After I walked inside, I casually scanned the tables. She probably saw me approach from a street away so she had the advantage. My eyes found her at a table in the corner. She was sitting perfectly straight, her dark brown hair pulled over one shoulder. Her neck was exposed, and from her lobes hung silver earrings. It highlighted her slender neck, showing the curves down to her shoulder. She wore a gray cardigan with a black scarf. Her dark jeans hugged her body like a glove.
I forgot how beautiful she was.
For a moment, I faltered. I tried to seem indifferent, but I knew my eyes were filling with passion and longing. It was difficult to look at her and not let my heart hang on my sleeve. I was always so open with her and affectionate. How could I hide how I felt when I was face-to-face with her?
I moved across the room then dropped into the seat facing her. I was grateful I wore a shirt that highlighted the strength of my body. When I looked into her eyes, I saw the look she used to give me. Whenever I stepped out of the shower in just a towel, she gave me that look. She wanted me, needed me.
My heart was beating so fast it was about to break.
She stared at me, her green eyes on fire. They shined bright despite the limited lighting in the coffee shop. Jazz music played overhead but I didn’t listen to it. The only sound I heard was the pounding of my blood in my ears.
She spoke first. “Hi…”
“Hello.” My voice sounded deep to my ears, deeper than normal. I was trying so hard to hide my feelings I wasn’t being myself.
She fidgeted with her hands, clearly nervous.
Why was she here?
Beatrice looked at me, and her green eyes clouded with fear. “Thanks for meeting me.”
“Sure. I was passing this way anyway.” I was a terrible liar.
“Oh, well that worked out…” She rested her hands on the table and continued to fidget.
Maybe she was meeting me because something happened. Maybe she was in trouble. Maybe her father broke his word to me and was harassing her. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah…everything is fine. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“About what?” I asked calmly.
She took a deep breath and found her confidence. “Theo paid me a visit.”
I dropped my cool act. “He what?”
“He came to my apartment last week.”
Why would he do that? What the hell was he thinking? “What did he say?”
“He told me…you arranged for me to go to Harvard.”
My heart stopped for a moment. Everything stood still. My breathing faded to the background. I couldn’t believe Theo told her. I intended to take that secret to my grave.
“He was telling the truth?” she asked.
I didn’t answer. All I did was nod.
She continued to stare at me. The noise of nearby conversations played in my ear. A blender went off in the background.
I felt like I had to explain myself. “I only did it because I knew how important it was to you. Another student wasn’t kicked out to accommodate you. And you were qualified, they just didn’t have any room…” My voice trailed away when I realized explaining myself was pointless.
“I can’t believe you did that…”
“Well, I know how much it meant to you. You know I’d do anything for you.” I couldn’t look at her after I spoke. I turned my gaze to the window, watching the people pass on the sidewalk.
“I do…”
I turned back to her.
“That was really sweet, Conrad. I knew how much you wanted to move here but…you put me first.”
“It shouldn’t be that surprising,” I said. “Our entire relationship was me jumping through hoops to get you to trust me. I had to spend every day making you feel comfortable around me. My life was dedicated to winning you over.” Bitterness rose in my throat. Our entire relationship was one-sided. It was me trying to make her happy while she couldn’t make up her mind what she wanted. She constantly pushed me away and watched me with suspicious eyes.
“You’re right…”
What did she just say? My eyes moved to her.
“Conrad, I’m sorry…for everything.”
Was this really happening?
“When I think about the man you used to be, it still…makes me uneasy. Candice said so many horrific things. The idea that someone could hurt another person like that is…sickening.”
“I never said I was proud of it.”
She ignored my comment. “But, you were nothing like that with me. You were always patient and understanding…and you never rushed me. Even when we were together for months, you never pressured me for anything. And…you were wonderful to me.”
Those were words I longed to hear for so long. I couldn’t believe she really said them. When we spoke on the staircase in front of her apartment, she turned away from me so coldly. She slapped me in the face and made me feel hollow. I thought we were done—forever.
“I’m sorry, Conrad—for everything.”
“It’s okay,” I said automatically.
“It is?” she asked hesitantly. “I know how much I hurt you.”
“And I know I hurt you too.” I rested my elbows on the table, my hands just inches from hers. “I understand why it’s hard for you to trust people, especially men. I knew that from the beginning.”
“You’re really going to forgive me that easily?” she whispered.
“As long as you’re mine.” I leaned forward and looked at her, feeling my heart burn in desperation. I woke up this morning feeling like shit. Every day was exactly the same as before. I never expected to sit across from Beatrice in a coffee shop, have her look at me with those beautiful
eyes.
Her hand slowly moved to mine and she interlocked her fingers. “I’ve always been yours, Conrad.”
I breathed through the emotion and tried to control it. The weight of the pain hit me hard now that she was mine again. I suffered so much without her. I tried to bury it under layers of anger and regret. But it was still there, lingering.
I brushed my thumb over her knuckles while I stared at her, the most gorgeous woman in the world. Her eyes shined bright just for me, full of apology and remorse. I never thought I’d have this moment with her, a connection that surpassed a worded conversation. I wanted more of her, all of her. I wanted to hold her and never let go. I wanted to confess all the pain I felt, but the words wouldn’t leave my lips.
“I’ll move back to Cambridge, but I need some time,” I whispered. “Theo is my roommate and I can’t just leave him hanging.”
Her other hand covered mine, enveloping it with her warmth. “I’m going to New York instead.”
My heart stopped for a moment. I stared at her, surprise flooding through me. “What?”
“I’m going to New York,” she repeated. “I know this is where you want to be.”
“But Harvard is your dream school…”
“Relationships are about sacrifice,” she said quietly. “And it’s just a school. I’ll be the best DA no matter where I go.” She added a smile that lit up the room.
When I woke up this morning, I never expected my day to turn out like this. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” There was no doubt in her voice. “I’m just grateful you forgive me…”
“It’s impossible to stay mad at you.”
“I consider myself lucky.”
My free hand moved to hers and I leaned forward and pressed my forehead to hers. I didn’t have anything to say, any words to express how I felt. Just the fact her hands were in mine was enough to cripple me. I breathed hard, feeling my body come back together after the devastating loss.
“Conrad?” she whispered.
“Yeah, baby?” I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent. It brought back memories of long nights and days where we shared ear buds. I remembered the way her body felt against mine when we lay in bed. I remembered the night she called me for help. I was the man she turned to, the person she trusted.