Trouble was, he knew in his heart that Emerson Cliffords was the woman he should have married. His ex-wife had even said so more than a few times. And while he and his ex were no longer in love—if they ever had been in the first place, which he doubted—Nicole was a bright and insightful woman whose opinion he respected.
So what should he do? A part of him wanted to stalk Em and hound her until she gave him a second chance. But he didn’t even know if she was involved with someone else. Or married.
No. Please no.
A pang of guilt surged through him. Now he understood what Em must have felt the night he broke up with her and told her he was going to marry Nicole. He also understood why he had driven home that night with a cramp in his gut that would not let up.
It had not taken long for his marriage to Nicole to fall apart. They discovered they were good as friends, but as a couple they made each other miserable. So over the last three years Matt had forced himself to surrender to the fact that Em was living a life somewhere else without him and accept that he’d lost the best thing he ever had when he lost her. Before Matt saw her today on the street in downtown Greenport, he had still believed she was living happily in Philadelphia, probably married by now, maybe even a mother.
But when she ran up to him and dusted the snow off his jacket, all giddy with that effervescent energy of hers, her clear blue eyes as bright as crystal and cheeks glowing and flushed from the cold, Matt’s heart came alive and he knew without a doubt that he still loved her.
Something inside him believed this was a gift. That nature was giving him another chance to get it right. But how? And what if she had found someone she loved more than she had loved him?
“Speak of the devil,” Matt said to himself, as he pulled to the side of the road where Em stood next to an aging black Camry that was parked at an odd angle on the shoulder, its hood lifted.
“Car trouble?” Matt said when he got out of his Range Rover and walked toward her, a part of him worried she would refuse to talk to him as she did a couple hours ago.
Em looked up at him, her eyes going wide, then her face took on a look that said “of all the people who might have driven by it had to be you.” But she recovered, gave him a small nod, and said, “I think it might be the battery. I have jumper cables. Would you mind…?”
“Happy to help. Let me pull my car around.” Luckily there was very little traffic, so Matt turned his car so the hood was near hers, eager to play hero.
When Em returned from getting the cables out of her trunk, Matt took them from her hands—a good sign that she let him—and attached them on both cars. As he worked, they stood close to each other, Matt noting the puffs of steam forming in the cold air from her pretty mouth, the snowy silence and a distant car the only sound. Neither said a word, and the awkward tension got pretty thick, even when he climbed back into his SUV and looked at her through the windshield as she got behind the wheel of her car.
The car jump did not work. When he saw her exasperated expression, he hopped out and jogged over to her car window.
“Could be the alternator,” she said before he could get a word out. “I’ll call for a tow.”
“Fine. I’ll give you a ride wherever you’re headed. You have an apartment around here?”
“Don’t need a ride. Jerry, my auto mechanic, can give me a ride in the tow truck.” Her sharp reply and skittish behavior gave him pause.
“Are you married and afraid your husband will think—”
“Nope. I’m at my dad’s house now. But maybe you should consider how Nicole would feel if—”
“We’ve been divorced for over a year.” Matt watched to see her reaction, hoping for some inkling that would show she cared. But Em just looked away and made a call on her mobile. He couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
While Matt had traveled enough and matured enough to no longer act like the self-assured big guy in a small town he had been most of his life, he was still a man who went after what he wanted.
So when she ended her call he dove in. “Look, I know you’re still angry at me, and I don’t blame you. I made a terrible mistake that hurt us both. But even if you ride home in the tow truck, who knows how long you will be sitting here in a cold car waiting for him to get here. And it’s getting dark fast. At least come wait in my car. I’ll put the heat on. And I won’t say a word to you if you don’t want to talk.”
Matt drew his hand across his mouth in a zipper gesture and followed up with a silly face that he hoped would crack her shell and make her laugh. He had always been able to charm her in the past and make her smile.
Today she let out a small snort and an almost-grin, then rolled her eyes. “Okay. Thanks.” She grabbed her purse and got out of her car.
Matt opened the passenger-side door for her and watched as Em climbed gracefully into his SUV. She wore a short down parka, its stony beige color almost matching her sandy shoulder-length hair. Her long legs were covered in skinny jeans, her black lace-up boots practical, unlike the high-heeled styles Nicole would wear even in the worst weather.
As he slid into the driver’s seat and turned on the engine to get the heat going, he glanced at her wonderful face, those crystal blue eyes, those full lips that had touched every part of his body, as his had explored hers. A thrill rushed through him to have her sitting so close to him again. This woman had always brought out a myriad of crazy, unexplainable feelings in him. As a younger man he had chalked most of them up to how beautiful she was. But he knew now that it had always been much more than that. Too bad it took him so long to realize it.
True to his word, Matt kept his mouth shut as they sat and waited, though he secretly hoped Jerry would take his sweet old time getting here. Matt knew Em could never stay quiet for too long. She’d always had an abundance of energy and ideas and things to say. He could almost feel it now, ready to burst forth.
But he was not the only one who had changed. Instead of the expressive flood of thoughts and questions he would have expected from her back when they were an item, she came out with one simple question. “So, what were you doing in Greenport?”
Whether it was by design or she was truly just making small talk, he heard no emotional overtones or interest in her voice. So Matt tried to be as neutral and as matter-of-fact as she was. “I had a meeting with one of our distributers.”
“So you’re still working for your dad.”
“Yep. You too?”
She nodded. “I also have my own graphic design business.”
Matt smiled. He remembered how hard she had been working that year they were together. Trying to finish up part-time college courses while working part-time for her father as well as another job at Kinko’s. He used to feel guilty trying to get her to spend as much time with him as possible.
“You are so talented. Did you get a job offer in Philadelphia? Is that why you went there?” Matt knew he was treading on dangerous ground, but he wanted to see her reaction. He knew in his heart that she had left the area because of him and he almost wanted her to yell at him for it now so he could tell her how sorry he was and ask her to forgive him and start over with him.
Her lifted eyebrow and flared nostrils made it clear. She looked like she wanted to slug him for asking that. After glaring at him a moment, she surprised him by saying, “Yeah, I got a good job there. And my aunt offered me a room in her house in exchange for chauffeuring her kids around.”
“What made you move back here?”
Em looked like she wasn’t sure what to say, but then she gazed down at her hands and said, “My dad had some worries and needed me here.”
Matt knew that meant he had started drinking again. She used to tell him about her father’s blue moods. Luckily Jack Cliffords was a melancholy drunk and not a mean one. He was straight shooter who would never hurt a soul and certainly not his daughter. “I’m sorry. Is he doing better now that your here?”
“Much better, thanks. Although…”
“What?
”
“Got some bad news today about my dad’s shop.” She shook her head. “You don’t need to hear about it.”
Matt did want to hear about it. He wanted to know everything that was going on with her now, but he was glad she was talking to him at all, so he wasn’t about to push his luck and pry. “Well, I’ve moved back home too,” Matt said. “I’m living in that bungalow I built on the north end of my parents’ land. Do you remember it?”
She turned her head away from him and looked out the window, but Matt caught the slight tick in her jaw before she said, “Sure.”
Did it mean she still wanted him? They had shared so many X-rated nights there making love and then lying in each other’s arms talking about their dreams. Matt had been certain she was the one he would spend the rest of his life with, the woman who would be the mother of his children.
“Em, I know I screwed up, but we were good together. I never stopped loving you.”
“Yeah, right. Did your wife know that?”
“Actually, she did. She called me on it several times and that was one reason we broke up.”
“It’s been four years, Matt. You could have gotten in touch with me.”
“I assumed you were happy in Philadelphia and would not want to hear from me. I figured you would be involved with someone else by the time I got out of my own mess. And then one of the waitresses at Henley’s where we used to hang said she’d heard you were married so I tried to put the possibility of ever seeing you again out of my mind. Please, Em, let’s try again and this time—”
“In your dreams,” she said, cutting him off and practically growling her words. Then she opened the car door and got out and started hurrying back to her Camry.
Matt gripped the steering wheel to keep himself from running after her and begging. He’d do it if he thought he could change her mind. But he knew the depth of feeling Em was capable of when it came to love, so why shouldn’t her hate for him be just as strong?
As Matt tried to come up with words that might convince her, as he debated whether or not to get out of the car and chase after her, Jerry’s tow truck arrived and his chance was gone. She would only hate him more if he caused a scene in front of her friend. So Matt turned the ignition, pulled out onto Route 25 and continued his drive to North Cove, with Em looming in his mind and heart.
I am going to find a way to win her back. I’m a Rocklyn. I don’t quit.
***
Em thanked Jerry as she got out of his truck and sauntered up the steps of the roofed porch to the front door of the house she had grown up in.
“Sadie?” she called out as she stepped inside. “Mommy’s home.” Em scanned the medium-sized living room and dining room that made up the front of the first floor. It wasn’t a big house, but the three cozy bedrooms upstairs meant she and her dad and her daughter all had the space they needed.
“Mommeee!” Sadie came running out of the kitchen in her awkward toddler way. Em’s heart swelled at how well she moved for a three-year-old and at the adorable smile she always had for her.
Em scooped her daughter up in her arms, and the two of them went into their daily ritual of hugs and kisses.
Between the smell of something cooking—Em usually made dinner—and the sight of Em’s friend Ivy walking out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a dish towel, Em wondered what was going on. “Where’s my father? He told me he would pick Sadie up from daycare today.”
“He did, but then he called me and asked if I could come watch her until you got home.”
“I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to get your thesis done.”
“Don’t be. You know I love being with Sadie. She is so easy to watch.”
“No tantrums?” Em asked.
“Not since I’ve been here. Sadie’s always happy when her Auntie Ivy is around,” she added with a cheeky grin.
Em and Ivy had grown up together as next-door neighbors and best friends. They had remained close over the years and had shared an apartment before Em moved out of state. Ironically, they were both back home in their parents’ houses. Ivy because her folks had moved to Florida and wanted someone to keep up their house for them. Em, because her dad needed her right now.
“Did my father say where he was going?” Em asked, ambling to the kitchen, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Could he have gone out drinking? He had promised her he wouldn’t. But she knew today’s news about the store being sold had hit him hard.
“He didn’t say. All he told me was that your car broke down.”
“Yeah. Jerry came to get it.” As Em stuck the bag of leftovers from Phil’s lunch in the refrigerator, she saw Ivy go stir a pot on the stove that looked like spaghetti sauce. “Ivy, you didn’t.”
Ivy shrugged. “I thought I might as well cook you some dinner as long as I was here. But don’t worry, Sadie ate already. Some of those chicken nuggets and peanut butter on crackers.”
Em leaned over and gave her friend a one-armed hug. “You are an angel.” Although Em was grateful to have such generous friends, she was beginning to wonder if the slight desperation she and her dad were feeling lately was obvious to all.
“Hey, it means I don’t have to eat alone tonight,” Ivy said.
Em sat in a chair at the kitchen table with her daughter on her lap. “Well, Sadie-lady, did you have fun today at Miss Julia’s house?” Julia was a former nurse who ran a local daycare center in her home.
As Sadie babbled about one of her toys, some of what she said clear, while some words were anybody’s guess, Em couldn’t help seeing Matt’s amber eyes on her daughter and Matt’s mouth and his russet hair.
“Do you need to talk?” Ivy asked, sliding into the kitchen chair across from Em and Sadie. “What’s going on? You look stressed and sad and something tells me it is not about your car.”
Em shook her head and set Sadie down on her tricycle that she liked to pedal around on the kitchen linoleum. “No, that was just the capper on a banner day from hell.”
“Tell me what happened.”
“You know our landlord had warned us he wanted to sell the building the bait and tackle store is in. And the bank turned us down when we thought maybe we could buy it.”
“Right. Don’t tell me it’s been sold already.”
“Yep. Sold. He called this morning. And we’ve got one, maybe two months to get out.”
“Then your car breaks down. A one-two punch.”
“Actually that was the fourth thing. The second and third were seeing Matt Rocklyn.”
“What? I mean, I suppose it might have happened eventually, since he only lives about ten miles away…”
Em and Ivy had been sharing an apartment near downtown Greenport when Em was dating Matt, so her friend had been privy to the whole drama. Em described this morning’s snowball meeting with Matt. “And then who do you think came along to help when I was stranded on the side of the road on my way home?”
“You’re kidding.”
Em recounted her conversation with Matt. “It was so hard, Ivy. I wanted to slug him at one point and at another I found myself wishing he would kiss me.”
“Because you love him and hate him. Both.” Ivy got up and dumped a package of pasta into boiling water.
Em stood. “Let me help.”
“No. Sit down. And listen, because I have something to say that you’re not going to like.”
After checking on Sadie, who was now sitting at her toddler desk in the corner of the kitchen, talking to her doll, Em sat in her chair again. “About what?”
“About Matt.” Ivy came back to the table. “I saw him recently at the farmer’s market in Laurel. We talked briefly and he asked me how you were doing.”
Em let out a mini shriek. “You didn’t tell him about Sadie, did you? You swore to me—”
“No.” Ivy held up a hand to stop Em’s oncoming rant. “I didn’t even tell him you were living here in the North Fork again. I just said you were doing really well and quickly changed the s
ubject. I could tell he was dying to ask more about you and was struggling to hold himself back.”
“What’s the part I’m not going to like?”
“I think you should tell him about Sadie. Regardless of how you feel about him, he deserves to know. And even though your dad is wonderful to Sadie, he is her grandfather, not her father.”
Em nodded, twisting her fingers together. “I know. I’ve been thinking about this for the last several months because Sadie is getting to the age where she asks questions about things. And sooner or later she will start asking about daddies and mommies, and I don’t want to lie to her.”
Ivy reached over and touched Em’s hand. “I know this is painful stuff for you, but you are such a good mother I know you will find a way to do what is right. And I’ll support you in any way I can in this.”
“Thanks, Ivy. I appreciate that. Because after seeing Matt today I realized this won’t be a simple thing. Once I tell him about Sadie, I can’t go back, and I don’t know what kind of avalanche it is going to create in our lives. That’s why telling him has to wait until I get my dad and the store settled first. My father did everything he could to take care of me when my mother dumped me like a piece of trash and forgot I even existed. I can’t let him down now when he needs me.”
She heard a key turning in the front door lock and a cold draft swept down the hall to the kitchen when it opened.
Em whispered to her friend, “I hope he hasn’t been drinking.”
She glanced at Sadie, and Ivy said, “Go ahead. I’m here with her.”
Em nodded her thanks and hurried forward to see—“Phil! Oh my god.”
The ex-NYPD fireman was carrying her father over his shoulder in a fireman hold. He looked at her with sympathetic eyes and said, “He’s okay. Just had a little too much to drink. Let’s get him to bed.”
Chapter Two
Matt tugged the collar of his jacket up against the frosty wind that came off the Sound as he walked across his family’s seventy-six-acre vineyard. He loved this land that had belonged to the Rocklyns since the seventeen hundreds. His father had refused to let it be chopped up and sold for townhouses and Mat was just as committed to preserving the Rocklyn legacy for his son and the children of his siblings and cousins.
Sweet and Sassy Baby Love Page 2