Her life had been hard enough, and now she had a new demon to deal with—and of course it was the very reason she came here today. This beach had been a favorite place for her and Matt. It also happened to be where he broke up with her four years ago.
And suddenly she was reliving that day in her mind…
“You’re back,” Em said into the phone, so happy to hear Matt’s voice. She’d been worried because in the first month of his travels through European wine country Matt had sent her a post card every few days. But then they had dwindled to nothing and she hadn’t heard from him at all in the last a month.
She kept telling herself he was wrapped up in his work. After all, this was not only a vacation. His father had designed the trip because he wanted Matt to meet and talk with vineyard owners and winemakers in Italy and France and Germany. And she knew how important it was to Matt to prove to his father he could come through for the Rocklyn Winery.
“Let’s meet at Sixty-seven Steps,” Matt said almost as soon as she answered the phone.
Was there something in his voice that sounded off? Distant? Or was it her fear around what she had to tell him that was making her hear things that weren’t there?
Em had rehearsed her little speech so many times and now as she raced down the streets to their favorite place she tried to convince herself that when she saw him it would just come out the way it should.
But no single guy wanted to be surprised by a girlfriend announcing that she was pregnant. If Matt had been here through the summer it could have happened slower with time to discuss it more—telling him she was late with her period, being together when she bought the test at the pharmacy and then when she peed on the stick.
But she couldn’t broach the subject in a letter. And the one rule his father had made before they left was that Matt could not take his cell phone with him, knowing he would spend too much time talking with his friends back home—friends like Em.
Yeah, she could tell Mr. Rocklyn would not like her much. Another thing to send nervous jitters through her.
Em reached the 67 Steps Beach and spotted him from the top of the stairs. Standing there in jeans and a T-shirt that hugged his broads back. Looking out at the water.
Oh, she loved this man. And he had told her he loved her. Twice now he had said it to her. Yes, once was in the throes of sex, but the other time they were just sitting side by side in the moonlight. And he had said she was the only one who really understood him.
So even if he didn’t want to marry her, she knew he would stick by her side and help her raise the child. That was the kind of person he was. Em had seen that over the last year when they spent time together almost every day and spoke on the phone every single night, even if they had only just said good-bye in person an hour before.
Em raced down the steps and ran to him. “Matt!”
She expected that sweet smile he usually gave her the minute they saw each other, but even though he opened his arms as she barreled into him, his almost-smile did not meet his eyes.
He hugged her tight, and when she lifted her face to him expecting his usual devouring kiss, he hesitated.
She was about to tell him how much she missed him, but he spoke first, saying, “Em, we need to talk.”
Her heart squeezed in her chest and her mouth went dry. That line always preceded bad news. “Okay.”
He took her hand and led her to sit on a big boulder, and instead of sitting close to her on the same rock, he perched on the one next to it, facing her.
“Em, do you remember when we first met it was after one of my buddies died in a motorcycle accident?”
“Yes.” Had someone else died? Was that why his normally strong and sexy voice sounded ragged and weak?
“Well, I was really upset by that and I started running around bar hopping and neglecting my responsibilities at the vineyard. And meeting you was so freeing, so exciting. You were different from anyone else I had ever known.” Matt heaved a sigh and ran his hand through his hair. He looked really upset.
“Did something happen to your father, Matt?”
“Yes, actually it did. He had a heart attack while we were in France and almost died.”
“Oh, my God. I’m so sorry.” She got up and reached for him, but he held up a hand.
“I need to tell you more, Em, something more. Remember I told you about Nicole, who was my girlfriend for several years before I met you? Her father and mine are close friends and business associates. And I didn’t know it, but they had planned this trip together and Nicole was on it too.”
Em’s stomach clenched. She knew what was coming next, and rather than waiting for the blow, she said, “You’re seeing her again.”
“Yes. We got close again during the summer, but it is more than that. When my dad was on his sickbed and I thought he was going to die, he asked me to promise I would take over the vineyard and marry Nicole, that I would join our two families together and continue with the business plans he was making in partnership with Nicole’s father. And I agreed.”
He paused, as if he expected Em to say something, but she was so stunned, so crushed, so shattered she literally could not speak.
Part of her wanted to challenge him, saying he was just obeying his father, that he didn’t really love Nicole, but even if Em were able to get the words out, she was afraid he might say she was wrong. That he did love Nicole. And Em most certainly did not want to witness those words passing through his lips.
The silence stretched on, and Em looked out at the sunlight reflecting on the water, as she fought back her tears.
She wondered if Matt was too, because his voice was almost hoarse when he said, “I’m sorry, Em, but it is my duty. Nicole fits in with my family and my life. My parents adore her, and it is time for me to get serious about my responsibilities to the family business.”
Em stood, and he must have seen her wet eyes, because he sprang to his feet, his arms reaching out to embrace her. But Em quickly stepped back, turned, and ran.
And she kept running. She ran up the sixty-seven steps. She ran down one street after the next. She ran across her front yard and into her house and up the stairs to her bedroom where she flung herself onto her bed and cried her heart out.
And now, four years later, Matt Rocklyn wanted her back.
I never stopped loving you.
I made a terrible mistake.
How she had longed to hear him say those words.
During those first few months when she was having morning sickness and crying nonstop over Matt, she kept putting off her move to her aunt’s house in Pennsylvania because some part of her kept believing Matt would realize how wrong he was and come back to her. Even after she had moved, Em never looked at her phone without hoping there would be a text or voice message from him that would end the nightmare, the heartbreak.
Then she gave up. She stopped crying over him, stopped longing for him, stopped hoping he would come back to her. Her heart went dry and flat. She doubted she could ever love again and didn’t care. Instead, Em focused on the new job she had started in Philadelphia—and on taking care of the baby inside her.
When her child was born, Em’s heart woke up as if from a deep sleep. And the love she felt for her precious little Sadie was greater than anything she had ever known.
***
Matt parked in a public lot and walked through the town until he came to Jack’s Bait and Tackle. He wanted to tell Em about the situation before she found out it was the Rocklyn Winery Association that made the building purchase that would close her father’s shop. Matt intended to change that, but the trouble was, he couldn’t do anything to sway Matt Sr. until he found another building for the wine bar and had his bid on it accepted.
Uncle Michael had agreed to work with Matt on this—and not reveal their plan to Matt Sr. Funny how time could change things. Uncle Michael—Shannon, Kip, and Rainy’s dad—had been the failure of the family, a guy young Matt had seen as a charming mess whose family and
career had one calamity after the next.
But yesterday Matt saw another side to his uncle—and to his dad. Uncle Michael’s mature understanding and compassion made him skyrocket in his view of the man. While his dad was a real disappointment with his refusal to even consider what Matt said this move would do to Em and her father.
Inside the shop, the space was narrow and long, which Matt was not so sure would be best for the wine bar anyway. But it worked for the abundance of rods and reels and the colorful collection of lures, both salt water and fresh water, buckets of live bait, and all kinds of fishing equipment. Matt couldn’t help being slightly intimidated. Although he loved boating, he came from a family of farmers, not fishermen, and he really knew very little about fishing.
A young blonde-haired guy walked up to him and said, “Can I help you find something?”
Matt smiled at the T-shirt he wore that said: “In the Hamptons they call it sushi…in NoFo we call it bait.” It epitomized the difference between the glitzy South Fork where celebrities vacationed in the Hamptons, and the laid back North Fork that was still dominated by farming and fishing communities.
“Is Em here?” Matt asked, hoping this would not be answered with a “who wants to know” since his name would no doubt get him a “she’s not available” response.
But the guy said, “Em’s not in today. She works at home on Wednesdays. Jack is here, but he is out at lunch right now. He should be back in about twenty minutes if you want to wait.”
Even better. Matt had wondered how he would manage talking to Em privately and avoiding her father, who must hate his guts for breaking his daughter’s heart. If he could catch her alone at the house, they could talk undisturbed.
“Thanks, but I think I’ll come back another time,” Matt said and strode out the door.
It only took about ten minutes to get to the house where Em grew up. She had been living in an apartment with her friend Ivy back when he was dating her, but Matt had been to her dad’s house a couple times, although he could not remember why. And it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that he find Em and explain to her what happened so she would not hate him—any more than she already did.
There was a pickup truck parked in the driveway and for a moment Matt wondered if it meant Em had another man. But then he remembered her car had broken down and this was most likely her father’s truck that she would be needing to use today.
The walk was shoveled and the house looked like it was kept up well. Jack Cliffords was pretty handy from what he remembered and not the type to let things fall into disrepair. Matt rang the doorbell and waited. When no one answered, he rang it again, thinking Em might be upstairs working at a computer.
When the door opened, Em stood there looking as beautiful as ever in leggings and a sweatshirt. She had puffy purple and green slippers on her feet that made him want to smile. She had always liked goofy colorful things. Her straight ash brown hair was messy, and sexy—the way it used to look after they made love.
Matt tried to get control of his thoughts. This would be delicate verbal surgery here.
He saw the moment Em realized it was him because her eyes widened and she went still. Afraid she might slam the door in his face, Matt raced out his words. “I just need to talk to you about something. Something you need to know. It’s important.”
“I have to be somewhere in fifteen minutes.”
“This will only take ten, maybe even five minutes. Please.”
Without saying another word, she opened the door wider and Matt pulled open the storm door and stepped into the house. It looked exactly the way he remembered it. Nothing matching, nothing new, but clean and kind of cozy.
But he was not here to look at the furniture. As he followed her into the living room he tossed his leather jacket on the sofa, assuming she would choose to sit in one of the upholstered chairs rather than the sofa so he could not sit next to her.
Except she did not sit down. Em reached the center of the room, then turned to face him, crossed her arms over her chest and said, “Okay, tell me.”
As Matt took a couple steps closer to her, Em quickly stepped backward. She must have caught her big slipper on something because she tripped and started to fall.
Seeing she was about to land on her butt, Matt reached out and grabbed her, but instead of stopping her fall, he went down with her. Landing on top of her.
Despite the bruise he would have from slamming his knee into the floor, Matt could not have asked for a better turn of events. His arms wrapped around Em, clutching her to him, the length of his body touching hers. Em’s breasts pressed against his chest, her hands gripping his shoulders.
With their faces only inches apart, he could smell the coffee on her breath and see those sparkly lines in her crystal blue eyes that were staring into his right now.
Before he could stop himself, his lips were on hers. He was so hungry for her it was not a gentle kiss but a possessive, claiming kiss, his tongue thrusting deep into her mouth. Em did not push him away—she moaned, kissing him back, her hands sliding around his back and tugging him closer.
His shaft went rock hard and Em responded by wrapping her legs around him. Matt began grinding into her sweet spot, as his tongue traced along her throat, one hand moving to massage her breast.
The doorbell rang and both of them froze. Em gasped as if waking from a wild dream. But it had often been like that between them. So many times they would just fall into a time and place where they forgot everyone and everything else in the world—as if only the two of them existed.
Matt pulled back and Em got to her feet, scolding herself in a harsh whisper. “I am such an idiot. And now I’m late. I have to pick up my—” With another gasp, she cut her words short.
The doorbell rang again. “Where did you park?” Her expression was frantic.
“The truck was in the driveway so I parked in the street. Don’t worry—no one would know I’m here.”
She peeked out through a crack in the curtain on the front window. “It’s Jerry returning my car. Hide in the kitchen while I talk to him.”
Not a good sign that she didn’t want anyone to know he was here. Not if he was hoping to rekindle things between them.
He waited by the stove, looking at snapshots of Em with a little toddler, probably one of her aunt’s kids that she’d been babysitting when she lived with her.
When she came into the kitchen she said, “Okay, he’s gone. You have to leave.”
“We still have to talk.”
“No, we don’t. What happened was a mistake and it will never happen again.”
“But you have to hear this,” Matt said, “and we need to talk face to face.”
“Can’t. I need to pick someone up and I’m late.”
“But this is really important.”
“Right. So important that you forgot all about it a few minutes ago.” She opened the back door. “Out. Now. If you make me late…”
“Okay, I’m going.” Matt knew it was hopeless at this point, so he hurried out the door. As he walked back to his car he felt like such an indulgent dope. Maybe his father was right—he thought with his dick.
But no, it wasn’t that simple. Even though he’d messed this up, the fact that Em’s father would never be able to afford the latest real estate prices to relocate the shop was still a reality. Aside from being just plain wrong, it would hurt Em. And Matt had hurt Em badly once before in order to please his father.
No way would he let that happen again.
Chapter Four
“No, Mommy! I do it myself! I do it myself!”
Em heaved a sigh, but her dad snickered.
“Just leave her alone to struggle with it,” Jack said.
“But she might fall out of the jumper chair.”
“No, she won’t. I’m here. I’ll watch her.”
Sadie squealed out a word Em could not decipher, but the pitch was excruciating.
“Maybe I should get her to b
ed.”
Jack pointed to the hallway. “Go sit with Ivy and finish your coffee.”
“All right. Thanks, Dad.” Em shuffled to the kitchen, poured a hot cup of coffee, and sat across from her friend. “They call the twos terrible, but I’m beginning to think the threes are even worse. Or maybe it’s just that I am a terrible mother.”
“Stop it,” Ivy said. “Sadie is fine. She just gets dramatic. Like you.”
“Thanks for bringing this dessert over.” Em cut another slice of apple pie for herself. “I can’t believe you actually made this.”
“Keeps me sane.” Ivy sipped her coffee, set down her mug and said, “You will not believe who is a new member over at South Fork Golf and Polo.”
While Ivy was working on her doctorate in literature at Columbia University—yeah, she had always been a smarty pants—she also worked several part-time jobs, including waitressing at a fancy country club in East Hampton.
“Robert De Niro?”
“Does he even play golf? Doesn’t seem like the type. More like a baseball man, I’d guess.”
Em laughed. “Okay, I give up. Who?”
“Brandt Dresner.”
“What? Brandt? I thought he moved to LA.”
“He did for a while. But he is back on the East Coast.”
“Hmmm.”
“That’s all you’ve got to say is ‘hmm’? You used to dig the guy.”
“It has been seven years since I dated him, and that was back when I was a naive twenty-two-year-old.” Pre-Sadie. These days she found herself labeling all events as post-Sadie or pre-Sadie.
Or pre-Matt. Em could hardly believe what happened yesterday afternoon when he came over. The way she ended up in his arms, kissing him. She would have done a lot more than kiss him if Jerry had not shown up. Meanwhile, she wound up racing like mad to pick up Sadie on time at daycare.
After having a mother who often left her hanging as a kid, either making her wait forever and showing up late or not showing up at all, Em had vowed she would never do that to her daughter. More proof that getting close to Matt again was a bad idea.
Sweet and Sassy Baby Love Page 4