“Sensible isn’t an option.” He pressed his forehead into his palm. “She’s furious. I guarantee it.”
Honestly, she had every right to be angry. He was aggravated with himself for being so weak and keeping those pills in the truck. And why didn’t he trash the bottle, too? That was why he had to get to Kelsey before it was too late. He’d apologize, beg for her forgiveness, commit to attending counseling and more therapy. If she wanted him to move to Hawaii, he’d consider that, too. Whatever it took to keep them both in his life.
“What if she left with Adeline already? Or made arrangements to enroll her in a daycare in Hawaii or hired some stranger to babysit her all the time?”
He stopped talking. The panic invaded, making his pulse race. He had to talk to her. While he didn’t blame her for being upset with him and fully acknowledged that he had let her down, some small part of him wondered if she knew he’d saved a guy’s life. No, that didn’t justify almost taking the pills, but selfishly he hoped she knew the truth.
“I know you’re hurting and the thought of not seeing your daughter makes you upset, but you’re not in any shape for a road trip.”
He found a remote on a cord buried underneath his bedsheet. A red button in the center displayed a phone icon, and he pressed it. There. Maybe that would get somebody’s attention.
“I appreciate your concern, Mom, but I don’t have time to sit around weighing the pros and cons. Kelsey could be packed up and on her way to the airport with a one-way ticket to Honolulu by now.”
He had to stop her.
The door opened, and a woman stepped in. Her sneakers squeaked on the linoleum as she grabbed the cart by the door with the computer and wheeled it to his bedside.
“Mr. Chambers, I’m happy to see you’re awake.” Her brown eyes crinkled at the corners when she smiled, and she wore her salt-and-pepper hair in a short, spiky style. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. Great, actually. No pain at all.” He lifted his arm. “Can you pull this thing out? I’ve got to go.”
She reached into her black scrubs and retrieved her stethoscope. “I need to check your vitals, then we’ll talk about next steps.”
“My vitals are super.” He offered his most charming smile. “If you’ll get the doctor to sign off on my paperwork, I’ll be all set.”
“Let’s make sure your lungs are clear.”
He stifled an impatient groan. What did his lungs have to do with dehydration and saving a guy from a fire? His breathing sounded fine.
She stood beside him and pressed the stethoscope to his back. “Take a deep breath for me.”
He obeyed.
“One more.”
He sat up straighter and filled his lungs.
“Good.”
She glanced at the numbers on the monitor beside him, then returned to the computer.
“What do you think? Everything good to go?”
She ignored his questions, her manicured fingernails clacking over the keyboard as she entered mysterious data. He tapped his hand against his thigh, mentally calculating how long it would take him to grab a change of clothes and a few essentials from the house. If he hustled, he might make it to Kelsey’s parents’ place before dark.
The longer he had to sit here, the more his stomach filled with a desperate, hollow ache. He wanted to drink about a gallon of water because his mouth was so dry, but he refused to admit any of that. Otherwise she might try to keep him here longer.
“Any pain?”
“Nope.” He knew the drill from his bull riding days. He’d keep telling her no until she stopped asking.
She eyed him skeptically. “No pain at all?”
“None.” He gestured to the IV in his arm again. “Now can you pull this out? Please? Like I said, I really need to get going.”
“Landon.”
He bristled against the doubtful tone in his mother’s voice. Wasn’t she supposed to be on his side?
“You can’t drive to Wyoming alone.”
He glanced over his shoulder and shot her an impatient look. “We just talked about this. I need to get to Kelsey before she tries to take Adeline to Hawaii.”
The nurse’s curious gaze pinged between them. He half expected her to add her own commentary, backing up his mother’s opinion. Instead, she put her stethoscope away and rolled the computer on its cart back toward the wall. “The doctor is with a patient in the next room. She’ll be in shortly.”
Shortly. That didn’t inspire confidence. This time he didn’t bother to conceal his frustration. He groaned and stared at the ceiling. Defeated. At this rate, Kelsey and Adeline would be in an airplane somewhere over the Pacific Ocean before they discharged him.
All he wanted was to see Kelsey face-to-face, apologize for making her believe the worst had happened and tell her that he loved her and couldn’t imagine life without her. A simple plan, really. And one that was becoming next to impossible to execute.
* * *
The next morning, Kelsey sat on her mother’s porch, exhausted and numb. No matter how hard she tried to avoid thinking about Landon, the image of his body on that stretcher going into the ambulance kept replaying in her mind.
Shivering, she pulled the orange-and-yellow-checkered quilt tighter around her shoulders. In the distance, cattle grazed in the fields against a backdrop of majestic mountains. The wooden rocker creaked as she glided back and forth, holding an insulated mug filled with coffee between her hands. Birds chirped, and a chill filled the air, hinting at autumn’s arrival.
She blinked against the grit in her eyes left behind from a night spent crying then tossing and turning in her mom and stepdad’s guest room. She’d finally given up and crawled out of bed just after 6:00 a.m. Adeline was still sleeping in the portable crib, so she’d crept outside on the porch with her coffee for a few minutes of peace. While she’d planned on praying, the words wouldn’t come.
Leaving Merritt’s Crossing with Adeline had been the right decision, hadn’t it?
It was her only option, really. At least that was what she kept telling herself as Colorado disappeared in her rearview mirror yesterday. He’d started using again, and she couldn’t allow their daughter to live in that kind of environment. Still, she wanted to believe that this was all a horrible mistake. That she hadn’t seen the empty bottle. That he hadn’t passed out from taking too many pills.
Laramie had texted her to let her know they’d admitted Landon to the hospital in stable condition, but Kelsey hadn’t bothered to respond. While she was grateful he was okay, she didn’t want to know any additional details.
It hurt too much.
The front door opened, and her mother stepped out carrying a mug of coffee in one hand and a baby monitor in the other. Her gray hair was matted on one side, and she offered a tired smile as she sank into the rocking chair beside Kelsey. She smoothed her faded housecoat over her bare legs then put the monitor on the wood slats between them.
“Did you get some sleep?” her mother asked.
“Not really.” Kelsey looked away and sipped her coffee.
“I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, but I think you made a mistake leaving Landon.”
Anger flared in Kelsey’s stomach. She stopped rocking. “Mom, you can’t be serious.”
Her mother reached over and covered Kelsey’s hand with her own. “Listen, I know what you’re thinking and feeling, because I’ve been there myself—”
“Then why are you giving me such terrible advice?”
“Because you need to stop blaming Landon. He’s not your dad, and he won’t treat you like your father did.”
“Ha.” Kelsey barked out a laugh. “Did he pay you to say that? Because he used the same argument with me.”
“It’s true. Your father made a lot of mistakes. We all have. Landon has wrestled with addiction and mismanagi
ng his money, but I saw how he cared for Adeline and the way he looked at you, and that is not a man who’s going to leave you.”
“Right. Because I left him first.”
Her mother pulled her hand away. “Is that really something to be proud of?”
“No, I meant that I left before he could cause Adeline or me any more pain.”
Her mother’s gaze bored into her. “You’re feeling confident you made the right decision, then?”
Yes. No. She shifted in her chair.
“That’s what I thought,” her mother said softly. “Honey, I haven’t done a good job of talking to you about my faith. I get all nervous and tongue-tied, worried I’ll say the wrong thing or people will call me a hypocrite, but knowing the Lord and leaning on Him is the only thing that’s carried me through the hard times.”
More tears slid from Kelsey’s eyes.
“We all mess up, and we all need grace. It took me a long time to even understand the concept. I’ve finally learned to accept that because God extends grace to me, I can do the same for others. There’s so much freedom in living that way.”
“That’s great, but what does that have to do with me and Adeline?”
“I’m trying to say that you need to be gracious. For now, Adeline belongs with Landon, and when you’re finished with the navy, the three of you can be together. You can build the life and the family I know you’ve always wanted. So don’t let your stubborn pride keep you from all that God has for you. His plans are much better than yours.”
Kelsey used the edge of the quilt to dab at her tears. “It’s so hard for me to trust,” she whispered. “I mean, look at me. After all these years, I still have issues because of my father. How could I possibly leave Adeline with Landon, knowing she’s probably going to experience a similar hurt if she stays with him?”
“What if you’re wrong? What if Landon’s mistakes and shortcomings have set him up to be the ideal dad?”
“That’s an enormous risk.”
“Loving someone is often risky. Humans mess up all the time, but nothing is a surprise to the Lord. Landon is her father.” Her mother’s eyes filled with empathy. “You can’t keep them from one another. That’s not right.”
“I’ll be so far away,” Kelsey insisted. “If something goes wrong...” She couldn’t bring herself to say the words out loud.
“What are you planning to do with Adeline when you go back to Hawaii? As much as Bill and I’d love to help, you know we can’t take care of her. At least not right now.”
Kelsey tipped her head back against the rocking chair. “We never made it to our appointment with the attorney, but depending on what he said, I figured I was going to have to ask someone in Landon’s family to be Adeline’s guardian. I can’t take her with me to Hawaii, and I still have to file a new care plan. The childcare I need isn’t available, especially when I deploy for dives.”
Mom reached for her coffee. “I agree, that’s too much stress and upheaval for a young child to tolerate.”
Kelsey’s heart fisted. Oh, her sweet precious girl. What was she going to do?
At the end of her folks’ long driveway, a vehicle slowed then turned in at the entrance to the ranch. As the familiar white pickup truck moved toward them, Kelsey squeezed the armrest of the rocking chair.
“That’s Landon,” she said.
Her mother’s smile stretched wide. “I knew he’d come.”
The truck’s engine rumbled, and the pungent aroma of exhaust floated toward the porch. Kelsey stared at him through the windshield. His gaze locked on hers, sending her heart into a free fall.
“I’d better go check on Bill. You two take as long as you need. I can take care of Adeline for a few minutes.” Her mother quickly gathered the baby monitor and her coffee and hurried inside.
* * *
Once his eyes met Kelsey’s through the windshield of his truck, he couldn’t look away. He’d made it. Finally. Thank You, Lord, he prayed silently as he cut the engine then climbed out of the truck.
She stayed in the rocking chair on the porch, a faded quilt wrapped around her shoulders. Her hair was piled in that same messy bun she’d worn that stormy night she showed up on his porch. The night she’d walked back into his life and turned his whole world upside down with the news that he was a dad.
He walked toward her slowly, his heart thrumming. Her frigid gaze stopped him at the bottom of the steps. “Hey,” he said, letting his gaze roam her face. “It’s good to see you.”
“Why are you here, Landon?”
Okay, a little exasperated—he could work with that. She obviously wasn’t going to roll out the red carpet or offer him coffee and cinnamon rolls. Not that he blamed her for being suspicious. He deserved it.
“I came to see you and our daughter. I would’ve been here sooner. Yesterday, actually, but once I was discharged from the hospital, I had to meet with my sponsor and my counselor.”
She kept staring at him, those gorgeous eyes boring right into him. He’d prayed several times on the long drive for the right words. For another shot at redemption, and that the Lord would soften her heart. Help her to trust him, trust that he could be the man that she and Adeline both needed.
“I’m glad you’re getting some help.”
Not exactly the response he’d hoped for, but he wouldn’t let it stop him from saying everything he’d come to say. “Kelsey, I am sorry. After the fire at the silos, I was worn-out and hurting and afraid that we might’ve lost a huge portion of our harvest. And I had those pills hidden in my truck. Given my past behavior, I shouldn’t have done anything that gave you a reason to suspect that I’d started using again. And I almost took them. But I—”
“Don’t lie to me.” Her voice crackled with raw emotion. “I found the empty bottle.”
“I’m telling you the truth. I had the pills in my hand, and I planned on taking every single one. Except I realized that if I did, I’d be breaking my promise to you. Worse, I’d wreck any shot I had at a future with you and Adeline. So I went inside and flushed all of them, then passed out on the floor. I’m sure you must’ve been terrified when you found me, and I don’t blame you for assuming the worst. I should’ve called you or sent a text and told you about the fire, because things might’ve been different. Again, I’m sorry, and I hope that you can forgive me.”
“Wait.” Her eyes narrowed. “Go back to the beginning. What fire?”
“I got a text alert in the middle of the night calling all volunteer firefighters to the silos out on Highway 22. A lot of farmers in the area store their grain there until it’s ready to be transported to market. No one knows what happened exactly, but something ignited a fire. We tried our best to put it out.” He stopped short of telling her about the rescue and the AED. That wasn’t why he’d driven all this way. “Anyway, I’m not here to manipulate you with that story or try to justify my behavior. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m in recovery, and with the Lord’s help and support from my church, my family and friends, I promise that I will be the best man that I can be. You have my word that I’ll keep trying to stay clean and sober.”
“It’s not that simple. I can’t pretend none of this happened.”
“I’m not asking you to pretend anything.”
She twisted the edge of the quilt around her fingers. “Why should I believe you? Finding you facedown on the floor scared me to death. What if Adeline had been with you?”
“I’m grateful Adeline was safe with you. That doesn’t change the facts, though. I was dehydrated. I didn’t take the pills.”
“I want to believe you. I do. But if I leave her with you and I’m on the other side of the world, how can I trust that you’re going to keep her safe? That you’re not going to be tempted to start using again?”
If?
Something that resembled hope zipped through his body. “Hold up. Does that
mean you’re thinking about letting me keep Adeline when you go back to Hawaii?”
“I was willing to consider it, especially when you said you were hiring an attorney and asking for primary parenting responsibility. Now I don’t know what to do.” She trapped her lip behind her teeth. “I thought about asking your sister or your parents or even Gage and Skye. Except they have busy lives and families and your sister’s going to have a newborn soon. Your parents are lovely, but they don’t want to be responsible for a young child.”
She’d given him an inch. The door to the future he’d longed for eased open. And he was more than willing to seize the opportunity to convince her Adeline could stay with him. “My family, especially my parents, would be thrilled if Adeline’s close by. You don’t need to worry that I won’t be able to handle being a single parent, because I will have plenty of help. In case you haven’t noticed, people in Merritt’s Crossing love to help. It’s one of the many blessings of living there. That and Mrs. Wilkerson’s peach cobbler.”
Okay, so now he was jabbering like an idiot.
Her mouth tipped up in a half smile. “That cobbler was amazing. You’re right about that.”
“You know what else I’m right about?” He moved toward her and slowly climbed the porch until he stood next to her rocking chair.
“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
He reached for her hands then pulled her to her feet. “You’re beautiful and talented, and Adeline is incredibly blessed to have you as her mother.”
“Landon—”
He reached out and pressed his finger to her pink lips. “Let me finish, please. I am so sorry for everything I have done that has caused you pain. I hate that I left you alone in that hotel room, forcing you to figure out pregnancy and motherhood on your own. I’m sure I’ve scared you multiple times and probably made you cry gallons of tears. More than anything, I regret all the time I’ve missed with you and with Adeline.”
Moisture shimmered in her eyes, and that tiny number eleven appeared between her brows.
The Bull Rider's Fresh Start Page 17