~*~
Renat arrived back at the Arrowhead base, staggering through the door as he shifted back to human form. He clutched his burning chest and caught himself against the wall.
"Renat!" the gate sentry called out in alarm. Three of them converged to help him up, but Renat yanked away and threw an arm out to prevent them trying again.
"I'm fine." The rasp in his voice gave away the lie – he could barely breathe. A headache split the back of his skull. Every time he turned his head bright spots of light flared into his field of vision.
"Is someone pursuing you?"
Renat shook his head, then regretted it. He should've stopped running ages ago, but was worried he wouldn't be able to move again. "No, everything is fine." He straightened as much as possible, and tried to slow his breathing. "Return to your post."
When he entered the courtyard, the switchback line of stairs wavered in his vision. He shifted again, and padded up them as a panther.
He'd barely arrived in the office before Gawin rapped on his door. The younger man looked ruffled, as though one of the gate guards had roused him to figure out what was happening.
Renat shifted again, feeling faint. "What."
"Renat, is something--"
"I found out who was selling information to Demon's Breath."
"Oh! Who?"
Renat could not put voice to the words. He merely looked at Gawin. Could he even trust Gawin? Was anything safe?
"Who was it?" Gawin pressed, likely thinking something had to be done, to trap or otherwise deal with the traitor. What to do? Renat had no idea what to do next. "Get out, Gawin."
His tone brooked no argument, and Gawin gave up. Renat closed his eyes, and when he heard the door close, he sank back onto the bed.
~*~
Moon was almost home before her steps slowed, and she wondered if this was such a good idea. Should she give him space? Would it even be safe to go back? It was his crew, after all. His office.
But waiting until morning was not an option. She decided to take the back way in, climbing across the neighboring buildings until she was able to scale the balconies up to her and Renat's rooms. It was a familiar route to her, though she remembered the first time had taken some trial and error.
She entered the room and became visible. "Renat." The word came out angrier than intended, and she realized she was angry. Why had he run from her so quickly? What had he thought she, his wife, would do?
"Renat," she said, angrier than the first time.
He sat up on the bed abruptly. "What the hell are you doing back here?"
"In my own home?" she asked archly.
"This isn't your home anymore." His dark brows drew together and she saw he was in pain.
"How are you feeling today?"
Renat surged to his feet. "I'm not sure what sick game Loviva is playing, but it is a fascinating one. How long have you worked for her? Do you not have enough money with me, and she tempted you away? Or did you always work for her, even from the beginning?"
What in the name of the tower was he saying? Was he really suggesting she'd been at Loviva's beck and call for years?
"I already told you, I don't work for Loviva! I trailed her people to her manor to get information. How did you know where it was?"
He waved a dismissive hand. "I've known for a long time. You think I can't ferret out my own enemies just because I didn't notice you." He touched his fingers to his temple, then straightened violently. As if she couldn't tell he was in great pain. He needed to rest. For the past few years, whenever his pain had been too much, he had been able to rest because she had been there to take care of things. What would he do if she wasn't there?
She turned away from that train of thought. She wasn't planning on going anywhere.
"We should talk about this tomorrow."
"There's no tomorrow, Moon, what about that don't you understand?"
"I was getting us information from Loviva—"
"Even if that was true, why the attacks on our runs? Why didn't you just search her base?"
"I might've, if you'd told me we knew where it was this whole time!"
He was shaking his head, infuriating her with his casual dismissal. "You've been waiting for your moment, and now it’s come, hasn't it?"
"No! I was trying to help you – Loviva threatened to kill you!"
He scoffed. "Kill me? She doesn't even know what I look like. You have every answer planned, don't you?"
"It's true! I was trying to help the Arrowheads—!"
"Help the Arrowheads? How was helping our enemies helping us?"
She started to speak, but he raised his voice. "I'll tell you what's helped us! I've been planning our way out of Carnate. Loviva can try and kill me all she wants, I'll be gone in three weeks. I've been planning meticulously – your stunt with our last three runs will set me back, but not much. You can tell Loviva she can have all Carnate – or whatever's left when the Hji break down the walls."
His rant finally ran out of steam when he noticed she wasn't arguing anymore. In fact, Moon's shoulders had sagged in. All her anger had evaporated.
"You've never trusted me, have you?"
His eyebrows drew together in confusion.
She folded her arms around herself. "You've never, ever let me in. Small wonder you're able to throw me out over such a small thing. You never trusted me. Even after..." She drew a steadying breath. Then her arms dropped, and she straightened. She went to the hook by the door and draped her jacket over her shoulders. Not bothering to turn invisible, she swung herself over the balcony, and dropped to the roof below.
Once she was far enough away, she clutched her side, feeling strangely as if she'd been wounded there, and let tears pour down her cheeks.
~*~
Renat's fury had risen over the course of their conversation, but he had never expected her to say that. 'You never trusted me.'
Of course he had! Hadn't they slept next to each other? Couldn't she have killed me at any moment? She was a Fade! Empires were made on Fades.
Feeling sick to his stomach, Renat shut every door and window, not caring how stuffy it might become. His left eye was already blinded by the searing headache. He collapsed back on the bed, and sank into a deep sleep.
~*~
Moon holed herself up in a lodging house she'd used in the days she'd first come to Carnate. Though in Arrowhead territory, the lodging house had no affiliation and was not beholden to Renat for dues or protection. He and Loviva owned much of this city, and she thought she might need to leave the southern neighborhood entirely. It was much-battered by the Hji in any case. As for leaving... she had no ties here but her husband. But had it really come to that? She'd been stunned to hear of his plan for leaving the only city he'd ever known. She would never have guessed it, not the least because she was certain he told her everything.
She grimaced. Sewn into the lining of her jacket was enough gold to feed and house her for some time, and she had stashes throughout the city. She'd intended it as a safety net for herself and Renat...but the truth was she'd never told him about it. Why not? What would he have thought to learn her jacket was sewn with gold pieces? He'd probably think it practical! In case she ever needed to bribe her way out of a situation. But she questioned her own motives, even as she grieved. She should've just told him about Loviva's attack. Perhaps he would have told her his plan for leaving the city. Or, she thought, he might've kept up the lie, and told her he'd deal with it. When was he going to tell her she must uproot and flee the city? Was all the crew coming? What about those he protected in Carnate?
She flushed with fury, kicking her blankets away from her. How dare he not tell her! Not that she had any attachments but him...but it wasn't the arrogance of the plan, but what he'd revealed. He'd revealed the depth of his mistrustful nature. Of how he would do anything to preserve his own autonomy, even when he'd chosen to give himself in marriage to her. Their wedding felt like a dream now, like a betrayal. Wh
y had he agreed if he'd never truly loved her?
~*~
Renat awoke suddenly in the night. He'd been dreaming of Moon, and the sick feeling in his stomach had not alleviated. At least it was still dark, and his migraine receded, or was at least held at bay.
Damn her! How long had she played this game with him? When was she expecting to kill him? Why had she stayed for a year, why had she agreed to marry him? He wished she'd killed him sooner, to spare him this agony. Every peaceful moment, when the fight that had been his life seemed so far away, had been with her. What had she been thinking then, when he had been so at peace?
Thank the Great Eye he hadn't told her about the plan to leave Carnate. If he had, Loviva would have known, and who knows how that shark would have taken the news. Would she have bided her time, or would she have struck then? He was most vulnerable not when he was feeling ill, but when he wanted something.
Moon's face entered his vision, and he pushed her away. Of course. He had wanted her. Not just to sleep with her but to marry her, to be with her forever. And he had created a vulnerability.
He tried to regret it but all he could think of was Moon's pursed lips when she tried not to smile. Moon's shifting hips when she wanted to draw him into spending some time in bed together. Moon's concentration when she planned a new route around guard routes and curfews.
He almost smiled, making it all the more painful when reality crashed around him. What would he do without her now?
Despite what she thought, she was the only one he'd ever trusted. Gawin didn't know everything he did, he had no other family. It had been such a sense of peace. And he found himself wishing he had told her everything. That he had been so glaringly open would have been embarrassing, and yet if he'd been betrayed, at least he wouldn't have the regret he felt so deeply now.
Slowly, Renat returned to sleep.
Mattias
"Freas!"
Mattias paused at the gate and looked back to see Cleo Jawego striding toward him. He flushed and looked around, but no one in the yard seemed to think anything of it.
"Heading into town then?"
"To the Wishing Well. You as well?"
She fell into step beside him. They both wore identical off-duty outfits of brown breeches and plain white shirt. Cleo's hair was pulled back with her usual leather thong.
Beneath their clothes were the allowed personal touches: a braided bracelet of red string on his wrist, a multicolored necklace for her, visible whenever her collar pulled wide.
"Yes. My friends have gone on. I'll walk with you, if you don't mind?"
"Of course not. I'm meeting the others there as well." All the guards went to the same watering hole, though they had a big crew tonight. It was almost Alveas, and they all had to work the holiday, and so they celebrated liberally on the lead-up to the official holiday. The siege saw to a good humor amongst the guards for once. There was no jostling and trading days off in the hopes of being able to leave the city to see family for a few days. They were all stuck together.
Mattias walked stiffly, eyes dead ahead. He hadn't seen Cleo for a week, and though his thoughts had wandered to her from time to time, now that she was here, he didn't know what to say. Should he talk about horses? No, that was what he liked again, and they'd spoken of it last time. He did not know what she liked.
"What do you—" he began, but she cut him off.
"Did you hear that?"
They both drew to a halt. The main street off the guardhouse was as free of petty crime as one might hope, but the side streets and alleys of Carnate soon took on a life of their own. The Wishing Well was a few blocks south yet, and the south side of the city was not as well-off as the north, broadly speaking.
Sounds of a scuffle ensued, that was clear enough now that they'd stopped moving.
Cleo shook her head. "I don't mind working on my day off, but at least let me get a drink or two in me."
"Should I dash over and ask them to hold off for a bit?" Mattias asked with a grin.
"Don't be cheeky, Freas, or I just might head to the Well and let you deal with them."
The fight was not winding down. In fact when they turned the corner, it was just heating up. Two men were coming to blows while three people cheered them on. It appeared to be two women cheering for one man, while another man cheered on the second man.
"Can I help you two?" Cleo called out, putting on an expansive and authoritative guard's voice.
Her voice caused the watchers to jump to attention, but the two men continued their brawl.
"It's my fault," cried one of the women, who was wringing her hands. Freas had thought she was cheering on the fight but he had mistaken her meaning. She shouted for them to stop while the others egged the fight on. From what Freas could glean, it was a lover's quarrel of some sort.
"I support your forthright way of expressing you displeasure, but as a guard I cannot stand by while this display goes on," Cleo said. "Freas, break them up. I'll keep onlookers back."
He looked at her incredulously and then caught the glint in her eye. Pursing his lips, he dove into the fray.
"Break it up, gents, break it –" He twisted out of the way as an elbow flew by his face. "Hey now!"
He didn't have a pole to separate the two, so he was forced to choose one of the brawlers to restrain. This did not go over well, as the second man seized the opportunity to hail blows upon his opponent once he no longer posed a threat.
Mattias dragged the first man back and tipped him on his backside, but the motion unbalanced him too, and his nose met the fist of the first man as he fell.
Then water doused them all as Cleo and the nervous woman tossed two buckets on them.
"Anyone who doesn't want to spend the night in the guardhouse ought to high-tail it out of here," Cleo said in her most commanding voice.
The brawlers seemed to develop cooler heads in mere seconds, for they both rose and booked it in opposite directions. The nervous woman looked torn as to which she should follow, and the other woman and man looked about to devolve into a fight of their own. Cleo pressed her bucket into the woman's arms before anything more could develop. They took the hint and cleared out as well.
"All right, Freas?" Cleo clapped him on the back.
Mattias pressed two fingers to his nose and glared daggers. "I think I could've carried a bucket."
Cleo cackled. "Don't be in a bad mood now! I sent the best I had... unfortunately the best I had can't duck a single punch."
"I didn't get punched," Mattias muttered.
"What was that?"
"I didn't get punched...his fist just hit me on the way down."
Cleo's jaw clenched.
"Go on... just laugh."
She did so gleefully and loudly.
Once he'd determined his nose was going to be fine, he chuckled ruefully too.
"There's no opponent more dangerous than an untrained drunk," Cleo declared as they set off toward the Well again.
"I'll say."
"You're fine then?"
"No, I'm terrible."
She stopped walking. "What, why?"
"I'd hoped for a suave scar."
She swayed toward him, pushing his arm as she laughed. "That opportunity might yet come, Freas!"
They arrived at the Well without further incident, where Cleo's friends greeted her at the door and Mattias' called out to him from a table by the fireplace.
He lingered, but there was no reason for him to sit with a table full of older guards, not with his own friends so clearly calling his name. He smiled at Cleo and parted ways.
He kept his eyes on his drink, not daring to check if Cleo ever looked his way.
Later in the evening, the whole place trickled to the back of the building.
To call it a courtyard was a bit grand. It was actually a bare stretch of tan dirt, surrounded on all sides by neighboring buildings. But in Carnate such a space was like gold, for it was large enough to play dice.
"Dice"
was the guard shorthand for their favorite shifting game. The game rules were simple. Pass the ball from one end of the court to the other. But the magics allowed were determined by a dice roll.
The evening got off to a rollicking start with all three of the first team rolling human, while all three of their opponents rolled shifted. The humans lost spectacularly, despite the dexterity of their fingers. When a jaguar runs at a human, there's little hope for the human escaping.
After that, the teams had more variety, and Mattias' throat began to ache from cheering.
"Are you in, Freas?" Cleo appeared at his side, grinning. "Time to reclaim some of the dignity you lost in that street brawl."
She had two older guards with her, and Mattias quickly picked two of his friends to join his team. This swung the crowd in his favor, for there were more younger guards there that night. Cleo noticed the jeers and narrowed her eyes at him over the dice table. "Think you're smart?"
"Just playing the game at every level," Mattias said, a little smug.
She rolled a shifted, and smirked when he did, too. The others on their teams got a mix of human and smoke. Smoke was the formless djinn state, powerful magic with no guiding body.
“An even match,” Cleo declared as she took the far end of the pitch.
Mattias followed her across. With the spread as it was, they would act as defense while the humans fought for control of the ball.
Cleo started to shift and then paused. “Are you going to watch?”
He started, realizing now he’d been staring. He flushed, and hoped the onlookers couldn’t tell, or hear their conversation over the raucous environment. “No, I was only interested—”
“What state were you interested in?”
He knew she was teasing but his embarrassment deepened. Half-shifted was, well, the state in which most people had sex. Of course you were a prude if you hadn’t tried human sex at least once, and shifted sex was good, especially if your parts happened to match up, but the standard was half-shifted.
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