His lips twitch into a grin. “You think every man wants inside you, yeah?”
I arch a brow which causes him to chuckle. “Fair enough. Yeah, I want that cunt, but that’s not what I’m saying. You need more than just a cock and some money. I’ll explain it to you when you’re ready, or maybe I won’t have to explain shit, maybe you’ll just feel it.”
“Feel it,” I whisper to myself.
The assholes leave a few minutes later. But Daddy Hawk, and his words, they don’t just disappear. They linger longer than even his delicious smell does. They won’t get out of my head.
Every day I find myself wondering exactly what he meant and what the future holds, because I have a feeling that Hawk is going to be in there, somewhere.
Chapter One
AVAH
“Got a favor,” he says, his voice deep and warning.
Closing my eyes, I try not to show my reaction to his words. I already know what he wants though, I can tell by the way he’s speaking to me. Usually, he’s all soft and rumbly voiced. I love the way he says my name, especially when he comes.
“What or who do I need to do?” I ask.
There has always been something different about Hawk. He’s never treated me like a whore, he knows what I am, has since day one. He has his own whores in his club, but never has he treated me like that—not until this moment.
Until now, there has been an unspoken understanding between us. I like fucking him and he likes fucking me, end of story. He knows that I’m Trista’s girl and I know she’s his daughter, we would both die for her.
“We need to get over the border, without being searched. You know anyone?”
Pressing my lips together, I think about telling him no. I think about denying him completely, but I don’t. I don’t, because this isn’t about him and me. This is about so much more. This is about his club and the good they’re doing, though there’s plenty of bad mixed in there, too.
They’re going to take care of the men who are buying and torturing little girls and I can’t pretend that this won’t aid in that, because I know that it will, even if it is just another thing that will slowly destroy me.
“I know one of the senior executive officers at the Calexico checkpoints. I can get you guys in and out without an issue,” I admit.
His eyes widen. “Yeah?”
Nodding, I lick my lips, my eyes finding his and search his own, knowing that this will be one of the last moments that I ever see him. I can’t do this. I know that I need to whore myself for them, but after this I am no longer anyone’s whore, especially not a man that I have fallen for.
I need to find someone who doesn’t know what I have been in my past, because I no longer want to be that. I no longer want to sell myself for a bit of security. I thought that I was in charge of my destiny, that I was being a strong bitch, but I wasn’t. I was being weak and allowed my body to be used, and used, and used for a little money.
Maybe I’m being naïve, maybe we all sell ourselves for something whether it be money, a house, love, but I can’t do it anymore. I need something more. When I look in the mirror, I need to feel good, not aching sadness.
I need to figure out how to take care of myself, how to love myself again. Though to be honest, I’m not sure that I ever have even had an ounce of like for myself, let alone love. I need to find that though, if I don’t, then how can I expect anyone else to have any for me?
“Just let me go and get ready,” I murmur.
Standing from the comfy chair in my living room, I turn and start to walk toward my bedroom to call the officer, shower, and prepare myself for what I’m going to do. I don’t get far. Hawk’s hand wraps around the front of my throat causing my entire body to come to an instant halt.
His lips are right next to the shell of my ear, his breath washing over me, warm and delicious. I close my eyes, my lips parting slightly as I let out a silent sigh. His fingers flex around my throat, gently cutting off just a little bit of my breath, and my eyes roll back in my head just slightly.
Hawk’s other hand wraps around my waist and slides to the front of my stomach, his palm pressing against me to bring my back closer to his front. I press my lips together, biting the inside of my cheek when his hand begins to slide down my stomach and begins to unbutton my jeans.
“Hawk,” I warn.
He grunts, his teeth nipping my earlobe. “You ain’t goin’ to another man without me leaving my mark on you, babe.”
I let out a breath, trying to push away from him, but his muscles tighten and he holds me even closer against him. “I can’t, Hawk. You can’t. This isn’t about us, this is about more, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me, right?”
He’s silent for a moment, but doesn’t loosen his grip on me. His breath washes over my skin and I close my eyes, trying not to allow the tears that are filling them to fall down my cheeks. I cannot let them fall, not right now and not in front of him. I am not weak, at least not emotionally, unless I’m drinking—but that’s a whole other story.
“Goddamnit,” he grinds out. “You’re mine.”
“No,” I breathe. “I’m really not.”
Without another word, I push his hands from my body and he allows it. Hurrying away from him, I make my way into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. Sinking down to my ass, I pull my phone out and search for the officer’s name.
Inhaling a deep breath, I close my eyes and calm myself. I need to make this call, I need to do this. I tell myself over and over again that this will be the last time. I’m doing this for a good cause, and even if I hate myself, I will be okay and I will survive all of this and move forward.
“Hey, baby,” he coos.
Clearing my throat, I nod my head. “Hey, Drew,” I breathe. “I have a favor to ask.”
“A favor?”
I hum, then I begin to explain what I can of the situation. He chuckles, obviously liking the fact that he’ll not only be getting me for free, but he’ll also have a carrot to dangle. Once I’m finished with my explanation, he chuckles again.
“You got it, babe. Come on down, I’m at the office.”
“I’ll be there in a few hours.”
“Be here all night, baby.”
Ending the call, I make my way toward the shower and wash with the hottest water that I can. I scrub my body until it’s red and raw. I’ll have to do the same when I come back here. But I need to at least feel as clean as possible until I feel vile and disgusting.
“I’m ready,” I announce as I walk into the living room.
Hawk is sitting in the chair that I abandoned about thirty minutes ago. He lifts his head, his eyes shifting up and down my entire body. I watch as his gaze darkens directly before me. His lips turn down in a frown, then he slowly stands to his feet. He’s got a sweatshirt in his grip and he’s wringing it tightly.
“Let’s fuckin’ go,” he barks.
Wordlessly, I nod my head and watch as he spins around and starts to march out of my apartment. I follow behind him, my heels clicking with each step that I take, the sound deafening.
HAWK
Waiting for Avah outside of the border patrol office is fucking humiliating. Not only am I waiting for her while she fucks someone else, but I’m driving her goddamn Beemer like I’m her fucking chauffeur and pimp.
Gripping the steering wheel, I can’t deny that I hate myself a little more with each passing moment. Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and try not to think about what she’s doing in there. Is she sucking his cock the way she did mine just yesterday morning?
Regret fills me, though it’s an emotion that I’m used to at this point. I can’t really expect anything else, I’m fucking up with a woman I give a shit about, yet again.
I wait and wait, then about two hours later, I watch as Avah walks out of the building and stops. There’s a man at her back, his eyes trained on me. He’s built, about ten years younger than me, and his sunglasses are focused directly on me.
My gaze stays focused on him, especially when he wraps his hand around the back of her neck and roughly tugs her toward him. I can’t look away, even when he slants his head to the side and plants his lips on hers.
My blood boils at the sight.
Mine.
Avah is mine and he’s touching her. My stomach roils as I imagine him fucking her from behind, her riding him, and coming on his cock. Gripping the steering wheel even tighter, I hear it make a noise beneath my hands.
It doesn’t take long for Avah to slip into the seat beside me. Reaching behind me, I grab ahold of the sweatshirt that I had in my grip not long ago in her living room.
“Put that on,” I growl.
I can smell him on her. The least she can do is attempt to mask it with my own fucking scent. Wordlessly, she slips the hoodie over her head as I shift the Beemer into drive and punch the gas.
Lifting my gaze to the rearview mirror, I notice the fuck is smiling as he gives me a two-fingered wave. Next chance I get, I’m coming back here to put a knife in that son of a bitch. I’m going to enjoy that shit too, immensely.
“You good?” I ask her.
She’s quiet, her head turned so that she can look out the passenger window. “Yeah,” she lies.
I think about how she told me when we were lying in bed at the clubhouse how she was done being an escort. She realized she wasn’t happy when she saw Taz and Trista, when she gathered that there could be more for her, something she hadn’t thought possible. She decided that she wanted more in life, she wanted an actual life.
Though escorting gave her the financial security she thought she always wanted, it didn’t give her even an ounce of actual happiness. She’d been living a lie and being with me, in my arms, being around the brothers and their Old Ladies, it made her see that.
“Babe?” I ask.
She turns to me, her eyes void and lifeless, fucking terrifying. “I’m fine,” she lies again.
We drive in silence the rest of the way back to her place. When we arrive, I see Dutch and Mountain waiting for us. Mountain is smiling, but when he takes in the fact that we aren’t pleased as punch, his smile fades.
Before I can even shift the car into park, Avah is out and headed toward her place. I follow behind her, my gaze unable to leave her body. Nobody says anything as we ride the elevator car and make our way up to her floor.
Once we’re inside of the apartment, I watch as she continues on and quietly closes her bedroom door behind her. Dutch shuts the apartment door, locking it, then I turn to my brothers.
“Thought she could do this and be good, thought that I could be good.”
“Shit,” Mountain hisses. “We would have figured out another way, we could have.”
I open my mouth, but it’s Avah who speaks. Spinning around, I see her in a pair of leggings and my sweatshirt, her hair pulled up in a high ponytail and her face makeup-free.
“There was no other way,” she whispers. “This was the only way. But this is the last time. Trista never belonged in this life. I pushed her into it, dangled all of the pretty pieces about it in front of her as a way to entice her. I brought her down to my level when she shouldn’t have ever been there, she’s so much better than I could ever be.”
“Avah,” I rasp.
She shakes her head. “No, what happened today. This is nothing less than I deserve, and I was happy to do it for your club. This club that has come to mean so much to me. But I can’t do it again, please don’t ask me to.”
“Never,” I growl. “Not fucking ever. Now, pack your shit and let’s go home,” I demand.
Avah smiles, her lips trembling. “I’m not going with you. I’m staying here, or maybe going somewhere else. I’ve given you all of Layne’s contacts. I’ve done what I promised. I need to just breathe for a while.”
I want to demand that she comes with me, but I don’t. My eyes search hers and I can tell that she means exactly what she’s saying. Forcing her to come with me right now, it would do more harm than anything else.
Instead of grabbing her and throwing her in the back of her car and driving toward Arizona, I make my way toward her.
Lifting my hand, I wrap my fingers around the back of her neck and tug her head forward. Resting my forehead against hers for a moment, I whisper to her.
“You take your time, babe. Heal. I’ll come back for you when you’re ready.”
“Please don’t,” she breathes.
I ignore her words, shifting my head down, I kiss her, my tongue tasting her and filling her the way I wish that my cock could, and reclaim her as my own.
When I break the kiss, I turn my head, my eyes finding Mountain’s. “Let’s get the fuck back to Arizona,” I growl.
“Let’s go home,” Mountain rasps.
“Home,” I grunt.
I’ll give her a little time to lick her wounds. I’ll be back and when I am, I’m bringing her home.
Chapter Two
AVAH
Bringing my feet up to the seat of the chair, I wrap my arms around my shins and look out at the night sky. It’s been hours since Hawk kissed me, then did exactly what I told him to and walked away.
I didn’t expect it, not from him, not after all we’ve shared, but it shouldn’t surprise me. Hawk told me that he isn’t necessarily known for his staying power. I know he turned his back on Trista and her mom, though it wasn’t because he didn’t love Trista, he thought he was doing the best thing for her.
Maybe that’s what this is too? Maybe he thinks walking away from me is doing what’s best. I doubt it though, I’m more inclined to think that he had his fun and now he’s scraped me off, my demons and drama being too much for him to handle and I wouldn’t and don’t blame him, not in the least.
Turning my head, I watch my cell phone dance on the table, Trista’s name lighting up my balcony. I think about ignoring it, but decide against it. I wouldn’t want her to ignore me if the tables were turned.
Picking my device up, I slide my thumb across the screen and press the speaker icon.
“Hey,” I answer, trying not to sound as sad as I feel.
I doubt it works though, I’m sure that she can sense my melancholy demeanor, but she doesn’t mention it, because that’s Trista. She will wait for me to come to her, she’ll wait for me to unload my burden, whatever it is, on her, and then she’ll hold me or advise me, whatever she thinks that I need.
As far as I know, she doesn’t realize that what’s between me and Hawk is over. I don’t think she even knows what we really had anyway, I never confessed it to her, it just felt too intimate and it was just too good to last—I was right.
I’ve never had a friend before, but I have a feeling that Trista is one of a kind.
“Everything’s okay? If you’re not, I’ll come over there and stay with you.”
I snort. She would try, I’m sure. But I don’t need her to. I’m a big girl, at least mostly—kinda.
“I’m okay,” I partially lie.
I am okay, but I’m not. It’s a very weird feeling. I’m not sure exactly how I feel or if my emotions will change tomorrow, which I’m sure that they will. I’m under no illusion that the life changes I’m getting ready to embark on will no doubt cause a roller coaster of emotions day in and day out.
“But really?” she asks.
I hum, pressing my lips together. “Really, I’m okay and I will be just fine. I think that I needed all of this to happen. I was blind to who Layne really was, and now I’m not. I need a change. I’m going to downsize my place first, then find a job second. I’m going to be okay. I need to be alone and heal. I need to figure myself out, fall in love with myself, and then maybe one day, someone else will do the same.”
“I already love you, Avah,” Trista rasps with a sniffle.
She’s far too soft for this world. Even as a badass biker chick, she’s way too soft. Smirking, I lean back in my chair, my gaze shifting from the phone to the cityscape in front of me.
“I lo
ve you too, Trista. But I need to love myself.”
“You do,” she exhales. “You really do. I’m right here if you need me though. Don’t forget me.”
“Never,” I say “Not fucking ever.”
“Anytime at all, Avah. You just get in your car and come out here. I can’t believe this has all happened, that you’re not going to be right next door anymore. I wish you would just come back here and live. The club, someone could get you work if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“It’s not. I need to work through everything and stand on my own two feet for a while,” I say, admitting it aloud, it feels so odd.
I’ve never done anything on my own and succeeded though. I was homeless and then Layne scooped me up, fixed me up, and whored me out.
I can tell there is hurt in her voice when she speaks, it’s clear as day. I want to reassure her that everything will be fine, but I don’t. I can’t make promises, not like that. All I can do is tell her that if I need her, I’ll go to her, which is exactly what I do.
“Okay, I miss you,” she whispers.
Smiling, I sink my teeth into my bottom lip before I admit that I miss her too. I don’t tell her that I miss her father as well, because that would be weird. Once I got started talking about Hawk, I wouldn’t be able to stop. I’d tell her, in detail, all the ways that I miss her dad and then she’d probably puke everywhere.
We end the call, but I don’t move from my spot. I continue to stare out at the city, wondering what tomorrow is going to look like. Reaching for my phone, I tap on the Zillow app and start to look for apartments.
I don’t know anything about my finances, but I’m not so naïve to think that I can continue to stay in this fancy apartment now that I’m not working. Plus, when I do finally find a job, I know without a doubt, it won’t be for the bank I was making as an escort. I’ll be lucky to make minimum wage.
Filling out my filter requirements, I search for one-bedroom, one-bathroom apartments from lowest to highest price range. I’ve lived in complete shitholes, hell, I’ve lived in my car, nothing is above me, but even some of the places on page one are a little scary.
UnWreck Me (Savage Beast MC Book 7) Page 3