by JJ King
His forehead creased. “Training? With whom? Your guards?” His questions were rapid-fire in his concern. “I didn’t realize you were starting now.”
Slowly, I shook my head and immediately regretted it. Old Ones, I was sore, but it felt like a well-earned soreness, not like the pain of a gunshot, for example. “I didn’t know either, but Donahue surprised me with a lot of things today.” I squeezed his hand and stepped into his arms, then retreated when I recalled how much I smelled. “Ughh, I need a shower. Then I’ll explain.” When his gaze still bored into me, I touched his cheek and smiled. “Promise. Wait for me while I clean up?”
“Sure,” he said, not sounding at all sure. Bash turned and looked over at Darius, who was whispering something in Rory’s ear that made her turn bright red and giggle. My eyebrow shot up. Rory wasn’t exactly a giggler. “I’m going to hang here until Elena is ready. Meet you guys in the dining hall?”
“Yeah, no,” Darius said, looking up with a frown. “I think we’re just going to hang out for a bit.” He linked his hand with Rory’s and retreated into the second bedroom.
“They’re going to have sex,” I said with a chuckle. The word hung in the air between us for a moment, heavy with insinuation, loaded with the pressure of time. My skin ached to touch and be touched. I reached for Bash’s hand again and groaned when the muscles in my chest resisted. “I’m sorry.”
Bash’s half-grin and wiggled eyebrows washed away most of the awkwardness and made me laugh. “Don’t rush it,” he said softly, leaning into me to press a kiss to my forehead, possibly the only part of my body that didn’t hurt. “Go now, you stink.”
I pulled back with mock indignation and slapped at his arm then made a sad mewling sound when I hurt myself more than him. “Fine. I’ll be quick.”
“No, take your time, and maybe shift first. You’ll feel better for it. We might be able to get some night skiing in if you’re healed by then.”
I tried to shimmy my butt at him as I walked away but it hurt, so I just limped into my room instead. Inside, I struggled to take off my clothes and wondered if I should cave and call Bash in to help me. Least sexy situation in the world, I thought with a cringe, and decided against it.
When my sweater and leggings were in a heap on the bathroom floor, I stepped into the huge shower and turned on the water. It streamed out, instantly scalding hot, filling the glass enclosure with steam. I breathed it in and adjusted the water until it was perfect, then stepped into the spray.
It was like waking up on a cold winter morning with a snapping fire in the hearth. The water beat down on my aching muscles, soothing them, washing away the pain and the sweat. I moaned, lifted my face to the showerhead, and wished my shower back at Alpha Wolf Academy was half as effective as this one.
I squirted a handful of shampoo in my palm and came to a full stop when my arm wouldn’t rise above chest level. “Shit,” I mumbled, giving thought to Bash’s help yet again. I was clean now, and naked, and in desperate need of a helper.
My lips quirked up.
Then they fell. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, there was more to our not having sex than failed opportunities. I’d turned to Bash that night, after the blood and mayhem, for the wrong reasons. I’d been broken and wanted to feel whole, so I’d jumped in without looking back, and I’d felt dirty ever since.
It made no sense. I rested my forehead against the tile and closed my eyes. Sex wasn’t a taboo topic in our world, it was a natural part of life. It wasn’t as if I was a virgin, I’d had sex before… and that was part of the problem, wasn’t it? I ground my teeth together in frustration.
Connor was part of the problem. I didn’t want to be with Bash again to spite Connor. I didn’t want to pull away from Bash because of my past. I wanted to feel whole again but didn’t want to put that burden on the man I was desperately falling in love with.
I needed time and permission from myself to take it without feeling guilty.
And I needed to shift so my muscles didn’t feel like they were falling apart.
I called to my wolf. She was there, as always, waiting just behind my conscious mind, ready to protect me, to give me balance, and to set me free from the complexities of human life.
Pain flowed over me, joining the hot water to course over my naked flesh. I breathed through it and let my sore muscles relax, it was always harder if I tensed up. I lowered to the tile floor as my bones shifted, elongating and shortening. The magic filled me, pulling me in, then bursting free as thick fur, the same color as my russet hair, sprang from my skin and covered me like a blanket, warm and comforting.
I lifted my lupine face into the spray of water and opened my mouth to taste.
My shift back didn’t hurt as much, as the change had healed my bruised muscles and righted all the wrongs I’d done to myself in training. When I was standing back on two feet, I reached for the shampoo again and easily lifted my arms to wash my hair.
By the time I stepped out of my room, dressed in fleece-lined leggings and a thick sweater, Rory, Darius, and Bash were watching a movie on the enormous flat-screen TV that had apparently been hiding inside a big wooden cabinet mounted on the wall. They looked up as one and grinned.
“Better?” Bash asked as he turned the TV off and stood up just as a knock sounded at the door. Since I was the closest, I started in that direction.
“All better. We should definitely hit the slopes after supper.” I called over my shoulder and held up my snowsuit. “Where did you guys stash your stuff?”
“They have lockers for us down in the main lodge,” Rory explained. “Take everything you need and just leave it there.”
My hand closed over the handle and twisted automatically, unlocking the door in the most natural way. It wasn’t until it was swinging open and leaving me vulnerable that fear skittered through me and seized my muscles. Panic screamed like a banshee in my head, echoing painfully off my skull as adrenaline pumped into my veins. My fingers curled into fists and my lips pulled back in a snarl.
Daniella’s perfect eyebrows shot up in surprise at my not-so-welcoming appearance.
“Okay,” she drew the word out in an exaggerated way that made me feel like a complete moron. “I didn’t expect a warm welcome, but that’s a bit much, don’t you think, Elena?” Daniella’s ruby-colored lips tilted up ever so slightly.
I unfurled my lips but couldn't quite get my fists to relax, so I just stepped back and let her stride into my suite as if she owned the place. I took a second with my back turned to the room to close my eyes and will myself to calm and regain the balance my wolf had given me. When my eyes opened, icy blue ones stared straight back at me.
“Are you alright?” Connor’s voice rasped out from full lips and brushed against my skin. It was like being touched by the hot summer sun and a sharp knife all at once.
I shut the door in his face.
♀♀♀
The dining hall was fit for a Queen, I decided, or an Alpha, more likely. Like Sylvie’s rooms, it was all stained wood, high ceilings, and amazing decor. Instead of long tables that would make the room feel like a cafeteria, the room had round tables of varying sizes, all dressed with deep burgundy tablecloths and centerpieces of fragrant evergreens with pinecones and red berries that made it feel Christmassy, even though the holiday had already passed.
We chose a table near the roaring fireplace then moved through the buffet gathering as much food as our plates would hold. I groaned with pleasure at the first bite of baked ham then didn’t stop until my plate was clean.
“Sweet Old Ones,” I said, leaning back in my chair so I could rub my Buddha belly. “That was amazing. I could live here forever.” I remembered the pizza I’d shared with Sylvie and shifted to lean in.
There must have been a sparkle in my eye because Bash, Rory, and Darius all leaned in with grins and waited.
“So,” I kept my voice low so the entire dining room wouldn’t hear. “Donahue came and got me earlier. She said she
had to bring me somewhere but was super vague about the whole deal.”
“I told them that part,” Rory said with eager eyes. “Where did she bring you?”
I leaned in further and they shadowed me. “To Sylvie LaFlamme’s suite.”
Their identical looks of utter shock filled me with a laughing pleasure. I’d been poleaxed by the experience when it had happened, but sharing it was fun.
“No fucking way,” Rory breathed. “Seriously?”
I nodded and glanced at Bash. “Have you ever met her?”
“Not really,” he said, blowing out a breath. “That’s crazy. What did she want?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. To talk, to get to know one another. It was weird for a minute when I first met her, but then she poured us hot chocolate and ordered pizza and burgers.” I laughed. “She took off her high heels and curled up on the couch with me. It was nice.”
Darius whistled and pushed back. “I don’t know, Bash,” he said with a shrug. “I think Elena might be getting too fancy for the likes of us.” He took Rory’s hand and said in a dramatically sad voice. “Maybe she’ll remember us little folk when she’s big and famous.”
“Fuck that.” Rory grinned. “I’m going to the top with her! Just try to stop me.”
I laughed and the lightness of the moment felt amazing. Sylvie had said I’d need my family, and as much as I knew she was right, I had these guys to help me through until I could work up the courage to talk to my parents.
They asked a million questions that I happily answered as we finished the meal and made our way to the main lodge to gear up. I smiled and laughed and meant it, but there was a part of me, a part I was trying to push way down so I could just relax and have fun, that couldn’t dismiss the twinge of doubt and fear that always came when I thought of my future. The Sisterhood had plans for me, big plans that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be part of. Stress twisted my stomach for a second before Bash slipped his hand into mine and lifted it for a kiss.
“You look happy,” he murmured against my knuckles. Shivers raced up my arm and over my body.
“I am happy,” I replied, stepping into the cocoon of his arms. I leaned my head back and gazed up at him. Old Ones, he was beautiful, I thought, and freed my fingers from his hold to trace the sharp contours of his jaw and cheekbones. His eyes, so green they sparkled like emeralds, watched me beneath a thick sweep of ebony eyelashes. “You know,” I said softly, leaning up to kiss him. “I should be jealous of those amazing eyelashes of yours.” I nipped playfully at his lower lip. “But I adore looking at them more than I’d love having them.”
The L-word slipped from my lips easily, though not quite hitting its mark. I felt it, Old Ones knew, I felt more than love for Bash. He filled my thoughts and made my blood sing. I wanted to shout how I felt from the rooftops, however cliché that was. Still, I held back.
I knew it wasn’t fair to him or me, to keep my feelings reserved. I just wanted to be sure, to know that what I was feeling wasn’t mixed up with survivor’s guilt and the bonds I knew could be forged in the heat of battle. I’d been drawn to Bash from the moment we’d crashed into one another on the first day of school, and I trusted that connection. I just needed to trust myself a little more before I said anything.
Still, it tugged at me, those three little words. I’d wanted to whisper them against his mouth more than once, to see the reaction in his eyes and feel that pulse between us. Rory believed in soul mates, she’d once told me, but I still had doubts.
“You can look at them any time you wish,” Bash said magnanimously, with a gentlemanly bow of his head. He leaned down to capture my mouth and I melted into him.
Someone cleared their throat loudly and with a definite air of annoyance just behind us. Recognizing the tone, I ignored the throat clearer and focused on melting my boyfriend’s brains.
“Get a room,” Daniella muttered as she moved around us.
I smiled into the kiss then pulled back to glance at Bash’s twin sister. “Break a leg,” I said cheerfully, knowing full well that was only a positive wish on the stage.
Daniella didn’t even glance back. She slipped through the wide doors with a gentle sashay of hips and joined the bitch squad outside.
We got dressed quickly while we argued over the hill we wanted to take. I hadn’t been skiing yet this year and suggested starting with an easier slope than the double black diamond Bash and Darius wanted to try. They’d spent hours on the slopes earlier and had warmed up plenty. Rory just shrugged and said she’d follow whoever. She was a solid skier, according to herself.
“How about the Full Monty?” I suggested, referencing one of the black diamond runs. It would be challenging without the added risk of the double black slope.
Bash nodded with a grin. “Yeah, sure. We ran it earlier and it’s awesome. Not a lot of skiers on it, either.” He lifted a hand to signal one of the snowmobiles that ran the grounds constantly. “Let’s grab a ride over to the lift. It’s pretty far out.”
We piled in the back of the trailer attached to the back of the machine and held on as it pulled away from the lodge and headed towards the far end of the mountain.
Tall lamps lit the night up and down the slope. The resort stayed open to skiers until midnight, then closed until 9:00 a.m. the next morning. We’d have several hours of prime skiing before the announcement was made to come in from the cold.
I rode up the mountain in the wide four-man lift between Bash and Rory and took the opportunity to enjoy the simple pleasure of holding his hand while we took selfies for posterity. I barely even noticed Connor riding in the lift behind us.
Barely.
The Full Monty started with a deceptively smooth and easy angle. I skimmed over the powder, stretching my legs and letting my muscles remember the flow of the sport. I’d skied every winter since I’d been old enough to strap on skis and ride the Bunny Hill. It came back quickly and, soon, I was freestyling, taking jumps with shouts of laughter and cutting around moguls as if it hadn’t been a year since I’d practiced.
Ahead of us, two men with sharp eyes took turns being near and far guard. It was easy to ignore them and pretend they were just fellow skiers, enjoying the slopes. It was harder to ignore Connor, but I was doing my best.
Rory took a jump ahead of me, spreading her legs wide with a whoop of laughter as she landed perfectly and darted across the hill to follow Darius, who’d entered a mogul field and was expertly zigzagging around the tricky little bumps.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Connor moving in on my position, getting too close for me to keep that bubble of happiness I was desperately trying to maintain. I leaned into the jump and let it propel me faster down the hill.
Memories flooded my mind, unbidden, unwanted.
Connor, laughing as we raced down the slopes of Marble Mountain. Connor, bringing me hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, just the way I liked, back at the lodge. Connor holding me in his arms and kissing me breathless under the light of the full moon.
I gritted my teeth and pushed the memories back violently. Instead of cutting across the slope, I took the straight path, picking up speed like an arrow with deadly accuracy. The cold night air slapped at my cheeks, numbing them, as I overtook my near guard and my friends. Behind me, I heard my name being shouted by more than one voice.
The world faded away until there was nothing but me, the night, and the mountain. I felt the stillness in my bones. All my doubts and fears seemed to blow away with the wind. The tears that fell from my eyes froze in little icicles that adorned my cheeks.
My eyelashes fluttered, just for a moment, just so I could appreciate the stillness one second longer, and froze shut.
And in the darkness, I fell.
Chapter 7
“You may be accident-prone.” Bash pulled me to my feet then stepped back to look at me. “Are you sure nothing hurts?” Worry darkened his eyes.
I shook my head and winced at the pain the movement sent up my
neck. “Not entirely.” I stretched my head slowly to each side, testing the brutalized muscles there. Sharp pains raced across my shoulders, so I stopped and just breathed through the spasms.
“Sit,” Bash ordered, pulling his gloves off and tucking them into his pockets. He reached around and undid the snap on my jacket, lowering it enough to reach my shoulders beneath, then gently began to knead my screaming muscles while I tried not to cry.
His fingers warmed my cold skin and forced blood to the damaged muscles, and slowly, the pain subsided enough for me to draw normal breaths.
“Thank you,” I murmured, reaching up to touch his hand.
He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my exposed neck. “That should get you back to the lodge, at least. Then you’re getting a proper massage.”
I smiled, enjoying his sweet bossiness and conceded to his terms, then let him help me to my feet.
“Found it!” Rory cried from further down the slope. She held up my missing ski, which had flown off when I’d hit a jump I hadn’t seen because my eyes had been frozen shut.
“Thanks.” I balanced precariously on one ski with the help of my poles and Bash and made my way down to her and Darius. “Glad I didn’t crack it.” I pictured myself wobbling down the steep slope on one ski and frowned. Connor was responsible enough for my mortification. That would have been too much.
I lowered my gaze at the thought of him as acid churned in my stomach. Remembering that way, so vividly… I didn’t understand why it was still so painful. I thought I’d gotten past the pain, to the pissed off portion of the breakup. Not that it had been a breakup, really. He’d been the center of my world, then nothing. I swallowed the lump in my throat and squeezed my eyes shut until I could find balance, physically and emotionally.
The others escorted me down the slope then left, at my insistence, to try a few less deadly runs before finishing for the day. While they skied, I followed Bash’s suggestion and got one of the lodge’s highly trained masseurs to smooth the knots from my shoulders. I could have shifted and gotten the same results, I thought as a woman named Tawney rubbed satsuma oil into my shoulders, but this was better.