by Stacey Lynn
Through the phone, his laugh was even sexier. Deeper and rougher. “I’ve been trying to go slow, take our time.” He paused and cleared his throat. “But I miss holding you.”
“I do too,” I admitted. It’d only been one night. But it’d been the best night of sleep I could have had after all I shared with him, and that was due to him. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll be up.”
“See you soon.”
I ended the call and dropped the phone onto the counter. A squeal I couldn’t contain fell free, surprising myself.
Huh. Apparently, I was the kind of girl who squeals. Shaking off the thought, I hurried to the bathroom where I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I quickly fluffed my hair and then went to the bedroom. Hudson had sounded like he was already in bed. Possibly wearing nothing but shorts or boxers. I was already dressed in flannel pants striped with a rainbow of colors and an old men’s sweatshirt in a size large I found at Goodwill. Underneath, I wore nothing, so I quickly whipped off the sweatshirt, tugged on a tight, thin T-shirt I wore to bed in the summer and threw the sweatshirt back on.
After grabbing my keys and phone, and locking my door behind me, the wait for the elevator took seventy-two thousand minutes.
The ride up took longer.
The short walk to Hudson’s door lasted hours.
But then his door opened, and he was in the doorway, hair messed, eyes sleepy. It was his chest, on bare display that held my attention. Time suddenly flew in fast forward because one second I was in the hallway and the next Hudson had pulled me into his condo, into his arms, and he was hugging me.
“You okay?” I asked again. This was so unlike him. Not that I was complaining, but there was something so ferociously needy in his embrace.
“Yeah.” He kissed my forehead and inhaled deeply. “I want my sheets to smell like your shampoo. Is that weird?”
“Little bit.” I laughed. “Why can’t you sleep?”
Why do you need me? I wasn’t brave enough to ask the real question on the tip of my tongue.
“Long day. Long week ahead, that’s all.”
“Work?”
“Mostly. Come on.” He led me toward his bedroom. My pulse thrummed with anticipation. I took in the artwork of a lone ship on a vast lake above his bed, the windows that were closed with navy blue and cream curtains that also matched his heavy duvet cover, thrown back and messy with cream sheets below. His furniture was walnut, or something close to the dark brown hue. All masculine. All dark and heavy. And all done with elegance that was so perfectly Hudson.
I toed off my slippers I’d thrown on and then removed my oversized sweatshirt. It was Hudson, standing there watching me that made me pause. We were going to spend the night together. Intentionally. This wasn’t because I was bawling my eyes out and Hudson felt bad for me and didn’t want me to be alone.
This was because he’d wanted—maybe, needed—me.
I was so inept, so inexperienced, fear and nerves twisted their way through my veins, rooting me to my spot.
“Hey.”
He came to me, squeezing my hand, and hadn’t let go until he was in front of me, peering down at me, his dark eyes dancing back and forth between mine. “Nervous?”
“A little.”
“There’s no need for that.” As he spoke, he slid his hand up my arm, to my shoulder and the side of my neck until his fingers were pressed to my scalp. His head dipped down, and he pressed his lips so gently against mine, they might as well have been a feather for as light as it was.
It still made me tremble like the force of an earthquake from top to toe.
I reached for him, hands falling to his waist, and he started walking backward. I followed him easily this time, letting him lead me with quiet, sexy confidence while he continued to kiss me, teasing, soft nips that only sent a craving for more deeper inside me.
He pulled me with him until his legs hit the bed and he sat down, bringing me with him until I straddled his hips, sat on his waist, felt how much he wanted more than just kisses against at my center.
“Hudson.”
“Shit.” He groaned and shoved his mouth into the crook of my neck. “This isn’t why I wanted you here. I really do want to take this slow, and tonight, I just wanted to hold you again.”
His breath came in heavy, thick pants. He might have wanted to take things slow because his chivalry demanded it, but his body and actions told a different story. I ran my hands across his broad, bare shoulders. His skin felt electrified, zapping heat to my fingertips with every brush along his muscled skin.
Hudson pulled back, gave me a coy smile. I didn’t have time to ask what he was up to before he said “hold on” and immediately shifted, rolling us so I was on my back and he hovered over me.
All nerves from climbing into bed with him were gone and as he smiled down at me, new nerves took their place.
“I’m trying to be a gentleman here,” he whispered, kissing my cheek, my jaw, my lips.
“I didn’t ask for that.” My breath was thready. My voice raspy.
“Not tonight,” he murmured against my lips.
I dug fingers into his hair to hold him to me. My body was ready. So was the rest of me. Somehow, over the weeks, with his gentle guidance, Hudson had gotten me to trust him. In a way I believed he would never do anything to hurt me.
He indulged, kissing me longer, swiping his tongue into my mouth where I eagerly accepted him. His body collapsed, giving me his weight and my heart skittered out of control with the feel of him against me.
This was no more than we’d done on my couch, or his, make-out sessions reminding me of high school and carefree summer nights but we weren’t kids, and we were in his bed.
I slid my legs apart, allowing him to fall between them and as he did, his hardness rubbed against my center through my pajama pants I hadn’t yet removed.
God. I wanted nothing between us. I wanted us stripped bare to enjoy each other freely.
His hips rolled, pressed against me, and he groaned into my mouth at the feel of it.
“Yes,” I gasped. “Please.”
Hudson shook his head, pulled back from the kiss. “You’re killing me.”
I wrapped a hand around his wrist at my cheek. “Why do you keep stopping?”
Blinking up at him, I swore I saw a moment of hesitation before he shook his head, clearing his thoughts. I was afraid he was going to push me away again, but his hand drifted down. He had a hand at my hip, thumb brushing beneath the waistband of my pajama pants and he glanced up, hair a mess, inky black eyes setting me on fire with the urgent desire in them. “Have you… ever?”
Of course. That was his hesitation. I was barely eighteen when I was sent to prison. Of course he’d think I was a virgin.
“Once.” I cleared my throat. I wasn’t embarrassed. If I could have said no to give that to this man, I would have easily. “Before.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. You couldn’t.” I leaned up and pulled him to me right as I saw a pained expression in his eyes before he closed them.
“Let me take care of you then. Can I?”
“God. Please do that.” He laughed at me, kissed away my smile and laughter, and soon, I didn’t find anything funny.
Hudson kissed me, ran his hand along my lower stomach, warming my already heated skin until his fingers finally pressed below my waistband and into my underwear. Where he found me hot and soaked for him.
“Damn,” he whispered against my mouth right as his finger expertly found my center, that bundle of nerves at the top. He played with me, drew out noises I wasn’t certain I’d ever made before he pressed a finger inside me, slowly.
“Oh.” I pushed my head back into the pillow, arching into him. He watched my every response to the way he touched me while he slid kisses to my neck, to the sensitive area behind my ears.
“Okay?” he asked.
I could only nod. This felt so incredible. His body. What he was
doing to mine. So much better than my own self-ministrations I’d become so accustomed to. “More. Please.”
He kissed me while he added another finger, swallowed the pleasured sounds bursting from my throat while other sensations were igniting down lower. My body was on fire. My thighs shaking and there was a tightness in my belly that seemed to grew with every brush and flick of his fingers.
“Hudson,” I gasped, as that tightness uncoiled and unraveled. It sparked and sizzled, and I yanked my mouth from his right as my climax pulled me under. I rode every glorious wave of pleasure he gave me, until I returned to his bed, to the same universe as him and stupidly, grinned up at him.
“Wow,” I breathed. “That was… that was nice.”
He laughed, sliding his hand back up my stomach to my side. “Nice?”
“Really nice.”
“I’ll take nice.” He kissed me again and then rolled to his side, where the proof of his need was hard at my thigh. “Thank you,” he said, and there wasn’t a single joking tone in his voice. “For giving that to me. Trusting me with it.”
I wound my arms with his where he’d settled his over my stomach and hips and squeezed. “I do trust you.”
31
Hudson
Thanksgiving weekend was what I considered hell week. While the city threw up decorations on what felt like every storefront and restaurant, every light pole and building entrance, I fought to resist the burning desire to tear it all down with my bare hands.
Joyful Christmas carols blared in every store and gas station, and sometimes straight onto the streets. I hadn’t considered this year would hit me as hard as the previous two. I was falling in love with Lilly, a woman was giving me everything, slowly, in pieces wrapped with her trust and all the while, I felt the weight of that responsibility pressing down on my shoulders, almost pummeling me straight through the cement.
And then there was how this time of year hit us to begin with.
Melissa died the night before Thanksgiving Day two years ago, at home, cold and frail and reeking of medicines that couldn’t save her and barely muted her pain. She passed away squeezing Dad’s hand in one of hers and mine in the other, her grip so weak and her body so thin, I had been too terrified to squeeze back for fear of breaking bones in her hand.
We toiled through that first year, burying her and grieving her as we should have and then when last year rolled around, that was when Dad spent all of his free hours, and many of his working and sleeping ones, researching Lilly’s story, her history, trying to figure out any way he could fulfill Melissa’s wish.
And now I had her, in my arms at night, in my life during the day. I’d fought the pull of her for so long, before I ever stepped foot into Judith’s that night and now there was no more fight left in me. Lilly had all of me. She made me want to wrap her in bubble wrap even if I knew she’d punch through it and tell me to fuck off for protecting her.
She made me laugh, truly laugh for the first time in years.
Which was why I felt like a complete dick, walking home with her from work because she wanted to enjoy the warmer night and listen to the sounds of Christmas coming from the restaurant’s outdoor speakers as we passed them.
It made me want to jab forks in my ears, but I would do it for her. Even if I was completely lost in my own throughs while she talked about her workday, how nice it’d been to have a week off of school.
“Are you even listening to me?” Her hip bumped into mine, jolting me back to the present.
“What?”
Lilly rolled her eyes and scrunched her nose. She had her plaid scarf wrapped heavily around her throat, a gray fluffy hat with a ball on top pulled down low over her ears. I flicked the ball, and we came to a stop at an intersection.
“You weren’t listening, were you?”
“You were talking about work.”
“No… I was wondering what I should get Jenna for a wedding gift.”
“Sorry.” I scrubbed my chin. I must have zoned out far more than I thought. Shaking my head to clear all the thoughts running through it, I then shrugged. “Jenna and Brandon don’t need anything.”
“I know, but I want to get them something. Do they have a registry?”
“A what?”
“Never mind.” She sighed playfully. “I’ll ask Jenna tomorrow.”
Tomorrow. Right.
“Are you okay?” she asked me, peering up at me. Only the area between her eyes and mouth were visible, those freckles of hers on bright display against the pink in her cheeks.
No. I wasn’t okay. Not at all.
I shoved my gloved hands into my coat pockets. “Yeah. I’m good.”
“Because for the last few days you’ve been quiet. Broody.”
“Broody?”
The light changed and we walked with the small crowd gathering around us.
“Yeah, I don’t know. Like you’re sad or have a lot on your mind. You can talk to me you know.”
I could. Someday I’d tell her every single thought I had, but today wasn’t that day.
And since it wasn’t, I needed to work on not having my shitty mood affect her, too.
“Just distracted with work I guess and making sure Dad doesn’t screw up the meal tomorrow.” It was Thanksgiving. Where we’d all gather around the table and spread lies as thick and rich as the pumpkin pie would be.
“Is it possible for David to do that?”
“Once or twice it’s happened.” In reality, it never happened. I think the last time turkey was ruined was when my mom tried to cook one. She had talents for days but cooking wasn’t one of them. Thank God for Dad. We would have survived on macaroni and cheese and cut up hot dogs if Mom had been in charge of meals.
“I’m sure it’ll be perfect. Are you still heading over there tonight?”
“Yeah. I’ll be there late, probably.” Not because of the dinner though, although we’d probably make pies while we tried to keep our emotions in check.
“Are you sure I can’t come? I only served Judith’s pies and didn’t bake them but maybe some of her talent rubbed off by osmosis or something.”
She grinned at me, so bright and playful, and yet there was a lingering sadness in her eyes. She wasn’t dumb.
It was nearly impossible to hide the way I’d pulled back over the last few days. I gave her an orgasm with my fingers a week ago and since then we haven’t done more than kiss. My fault, my issue. It was obvious it was causing her to doubt what was between us.
“I’m sure he’ll have lots for you to do tomorrow. I think he just wanted a guys’ night tonight.”
“All right.” She pushed her lips to one side, pouting.
Unable to help myself, I bent down and kissed it away.
Once we reached the building, she grinned as Samaya was also ushering her kids inside.
“Hey girls!” Lilly exclaimed, peeling off her scarf and gloves. “Are you on break this week?”
“We get a whole week off!” one of them cried out.
“I miss school,” the other one pouted.
“Oh. That’s okay. You’ll be back soon enough. Have any fun plans for the weekend?” Lilly asked them.
Samaya replied, “We have family in Omaha. We’ll be leaving first thing in the morning.”
“I hate car rides,” the girl who was still pouting said.
Samaya settled her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “It will be fine. And you love Nana and Papa, right?”
The little girl’s pout vanished and she all but shouted at both Lilly and me. “They have horses!”
“That’s lovely,” Lilly said. Her grin stretched the span of the Mississippi River, it was so wide.
The elevator stopped at their floor and Samaya shuffled her girls off, wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving.
“You too,” Lilly and I both said at the same time.
“Those girls are a riot,” I told her once the doors closed and we were alone again.
“A handful for sure. I don’
t know them really well, but it’s not hard to figure out they’re complete opposites in everything.”
“What are their names again?”
“Yasmine is the one who hates school. Amala the one who hates car rides.”
The elevator stopped on Lilly’s floor, doors opening as she stepped out. “You don’t have to walk me to my door if you need to get going.”
“I have a few minutes.” Dad wasn’t expecting me until after dinner anyway. Another white lie I told Lilly. She thought I was rushing right over. Mostly, I just needed that time to myself, to think of Melissa before I had to face Dad.
I walked her to her door where she was digging keys out of her purse that seemed to swallow the keys every time she dropped them in.
“Thanks for walking home with me. I know how much you like the warmth of your truck cab.”
“Spending time with you isn’t a sacrifice.”
“Then maybe when you get home later, we can hang out? You know, since we don’t have work tomorrow.”
“Maybe.” I doubted I’d be in any sort of mood for company. “It’ll be late though.”
“I don’t mind.” Her hand pressed to my cheek. Her palm was cold but her smile soft and warm. “You sure you’re okay?”
I’d be better once this day was behind us. “Yeah.” Although it came out sounding unsure.
“All right.” I hated the lingering disappointment in her tone. “Tell David I said hello. Call me later if you’d like.”
“I will.” She rolled to her toes and kissed me.
As soon as her lips touched mine, that unraveling thread on my self-control frayed more. Every damn time we touched I wanted more. Wanted to take more and wanted to give her all of me. Today, more than any other, I wanted to bury myself in her and forget everything except how good she felt. How kind and good she was despite the walls she still held up.
Which was why I stepped back, ending the kiss and pressed my lips to her nose, leaving her smiling and her eyes hazy.
“Goodnight, Lilly.”
“Later, Hudson.”
She unlocked and opened her door and I waited until she closed it, fingers giving me a playful wave through the small opening as she closed the door.