by J. M. Dabney
“Is this about Derrick? Because I thought things were going good…maybe not what I’d call normal, but you people and your obsession with your boys is weird.”
He roughly chuckled behind his hands and smiled for the first time in days. “You might like having a Daddy.”
“I’ll pass, thank you very much. I want a husband and a houseful of kids one day.”
He dropped his hands from his face and stared at Pure, the fact the man wasn’t looking at him told him Pure was embarrassed he’d admitted his dream. “Kids?” Yeah, Pure was the type you’d see coming down the street and cross the road to avoid passing him, but the real Pure was sweet and shy, and more than a little repressed.
“Yeah, what’s wrong with kids? They’re sweet and fun, their love unconditional.”
“Having a Daddy doesn’t mean you can’t have a loving husband and all your kids. Daddies just want to make sure their boys are happy and safe, want them to trust enough to know that they know what’s best. Some men need more…guidance, support, Pure, some need comfort. There’s nothing shameful about it.”
Something flickered in Pure’s gaze, but while they were friends, they’d never been particularly close, and he knew his explanation didn’t satisfy something in Pure. He wanted to demand answers, ask if there was someone that needed to be taught a lesson. Except it wasn’t his place, Pure didn’t belong to him. What he did know of the man, he felt very bad about Raul’s chances with Pure.
“We’re not talking about me.”
“My old man was one mean sonofabitch. He beat the fuck out of my mom every day he was home from deployment. Said women needed to be taught their place. She had no friends. No family left. I fucking hated him. Some guys saw my mom talking with some guy in the grocery store, probably just telling him where the toilet paper was. My dad’s friends started joking that his old lady had a younger man on the side. He called her from training when he found out, and she killed herself an hour later. I’m fucking terrified I’m him.”
“Joker does just fine and Dem ain’t scared of him.”
Joker had been tortured by his old man for years until one day he blacked out and beat the fucker to death. They’d put sixteen-year-old Joker in prison with grown men, and that’s where the final step to becoming a monster began. Evil men were made, conditioned and hardened to violence.
“I blackout and—I’ve come to with men at my feet that I’d attacked for no reason. When we…we were on assignment, I was so focused on the job I had to do. On finding Cameron and rescuing Kray I had no chance to actually think about being with Derrick and what a normal, everyday life would be.”
“So you don’t want to be with him?”
“That’s not the problem, I want him more now, and that’s the scary part. It’s not want or need, it’s possessiveness. After we got home and I was away from him for a day, all my doubts and fears came back. I couldn’t survive if I hurt him.”
“Then you’re different. If you didn’t care about hurting him then I’d say leave him alone, but you do, and that makes all the difference. You may consider him your…boy, but Derrick is still a man who deserves to have his wishes respected.”
“But what if?”
He nearly flinched back as Pure stretched his arm across the expanse of the table and dug out the key hanging around his neck. “You gave him a symbol of promise. A physical vow of your care and affection, isn’t it cruel to make him wear your ownership and not claim the right to it?”
“For someone who doesn’t like the dynamic you sure as fuck get it.”
He smiled at Pure’s rough snort, and Pure dropped the key, then picked up his coffee with both hands.
“I’ve been with the Trenton team a long time and the rest of the Crews…you learn stuff. Beyond the bullshit answers, what’s your real problem?”
He slumped back onto the bench seat and pushed through the terror to what it masked. It was there hidden in the darkness, something that if he didn’t name it that it wouldn’t be true. What would happen if everyone knew the truth of what really held him back?
“What if the man I love, the only person I ever wanted to claim, thinks a razor and a tub of bloody water is his only way out?” He shoved his long sleeves up his arms and exposed his secret. The bandages that had covered fresh wounds tangled in the cotton and caught in the hollow of his elbow. “I’ve imagined a thousand times what her final thought was, the last thing she felt, and it fucking horrifies me that she thought this was her only way to happiness.”
“You’re thinking about it wrong. For someone who never had a choice in life, what’s the one thing that you have the ultimate control over?”
“What?”
“The power to escape, death to her may have been taking her life back the only way she knew, and it was a shitty thing to do to you as a kid, but some people just want to die on their terms. He’d isolated her until she knew nothing else but the inside of her prison. Her death was quick, what death would your old man have given her?”
I’m Sorry, Boy
Two weeks, three hours, twenty-seven minutes and some odd seconds elapsed since Gage had left town for what Derrick had thought was a single job. He made plans about getting his Daddy back, forced himself to forget about it, then devised more plans. He didn’t know what to do with himself. While he’d thought they’d had a great start, a little unconventional but they were members of four insane Crews and it was par for the course. He’d dreaded his days off and had even offered to pull overtime, but a booming metropolis Powers County wasn’t. While on the large side for a town with the recent growth of new business and residents, it was one of the safest places to live.
While he stood at the counter with his ankles crossed, he spooned ice cream into his mouth from the carton. A real meal would be the adult thing to do, but he didn’t feel like cooking and Heidi’s Diner was packed on Friday nights.
His phone rang, and he debated a minute whether to ignore it or not, but he couldn’t, in case it was an emergency. He picked it up without checking the display and connected the call.
“Come outside,” Gage ordered before he even had a chance to say hello and then the call was disconnected.
He set his phone and ice cream aside and strode towards the front door. When he opened it, he found Gage seated sideways on his motorcycle, painted with a hypnotic blend of purples and reds, and the elegant chrome stood out starkly against the dark paint. Gage wore a short-sleeved shirt that hugged his muscular upper body and his jeans hinted at the strength of his legs. His man’s normally neatly styled hair was mussed from the wind.
“You know you’re supposed to wear a helmet.” He fussed as he approached Gage and nearly stumbled as the man gave him a sexy smirk. That was new.
“More dangerous things in life than riding without one, I like to live dangerously.”
“Is that so, and what are these more dangerous things of which you speak?” He stopped a few feet from Gage to keep himself from touching him. “Did you come to get your collar back?” As he asked the question, he raised his hand to the item in question. While Gage had sent texts over the time the man was away, they became fewer and shorter. It was the only reason he could think of for Gage to be there.
“No, that will always belong to you because you belong to me.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Boy, come here,” Gage ordered as he stood up.
Gage held out his arms, and he was too weak to resist, he couldn’t think of anywhere he’d rather be no matter how brief. He held tight to Gage and sighed as he inhaled the sandalwood scent that always seemed to cling to the man. It wasn’t overpowering, it smelled like home, and he’d missed it. He felt the brush of Gage’s lips to his temple.
“I wanted you too much. I thought it would be safer to talk out here.”
“What did you want to talk about?” He stepped back with an uneasy feeling. Gage wanted him, but the man’s past still held too strongly to his psyche. The what-i
fs of what could happen if he ever lost his temper. He respected Gage’s limits and knew after Gage had told him the story that starting a relationship with the man wouldn’t be easy. The man he needed had darker demons to slay than he did.
“I told you a half story. I left out a part of why I cut.”
“And?”
“I wanted to know what my mother experienced in her last moments. Why it was easier to slit her wrists than it was to fight for her freedom? I know the sting of the razor, the first moment of hesitation, and then the release as the first drop escapes. I’ve had nightmares where you’re in that tub and not her…that you were so fearful. I know, I know.” Gage paced with irritation. “Intellectually I know, I’m not him. But I see it, the feelings all too real. In my nightmares, I’m him, and I’m making an appointment with Kieran as soon as I can. I have to work through it.”
“Until you do, what’s that mean for us?”
“Dates. Learning to be a team, I don’t think we did too badly while working together. This will be all new for me, I’ve never dated before, and we don’t have to be on guard. I’m sorry, boy, but I had to get my head around it before I came to you. The more days that went by, the more insecure I got that you’d still want me. I’m no prize, and I take the Daddy thing to the extreme sometimes.”
“I don’t mind the Daddy thing, twenty-four-seven or just in the bedroom is fine with me.”
“After you went away to college—”
Gage paused as if he were looking for the right words. “Don’t make it pretty, Daddy, I’d prefer if you were honest.”
“Your first trip home that Christmas after you left, I hadn’t paid much attention to you when Linus adopted you, but he invited me over for Christmas, and I saw the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. You were laughing at something Pride had done. I’d never seen such joy before. I felt like a bastard, but every time you came home, I made an excuse to get a peek at you. The day you graduated, you looked so proud of your accomplishment, and I was proud of you. That night I went back to my hotel and looked in the mirror, fuck, I looked old and—”
“I didn’t care about your age, but I wanted to be a grownup when I came back. I needed you to see me as a man.”
“I did long before you moved home. So, can we try this again, as equals? Two men who like each other.”
“I more than like you, Daddy.”
“Ah, there’s my bratty boy I adore.”
He started to back up, giving Gage a small smile. “You want to come in and have ice cream with me?”
Gage stalked him just like the night in the hotel after their date. “If I come in I don’t want ice cream.”
“What does Daddy want then?” he asked as he backed through his open front door.
He waited for Gage to speak, but an almost frightening need filled Gage’s eyes, and the door slammed. He barely had time to catch his breath as Gage was in front of him, his shirt ripped over his head, and he was in his Daddy’s strong arms. It was a frenzy of Gage’s boots being kicked off, clothes removed until they were both naked. Their labored breathing filling his ears as his heart seemed to want to pound out of his chest.
When his back touched his mattress, he was shocked. He was lost in kisses and gruff whispers, his cock ached, and Gage wasn’t in any hurry to touch him apparently. He pouted, and his Daddy chuckled.
“We’ll get there, boy, patience, it won’t be long…I’ve missed you. Supplies?”
“Shit, I don’t have…all I have is lube.” He didn’t bring anyone home, once he returned to Powers it was going to be Gage or no one else at least until his broken heart mended or if it ever had.
“I’m negative, and it’s been years.”
“Same.”
“You ready for me?”
“Yes, Daddy.” He’d wondered if he’d like to bottom, but since Gage had fucked him, his toys were a daily thing.
Gage’s deep rumble was the sexiest thing he’d ever heard, and he only released Gage long enough for the man to grab the lube from the nightstand. Gage moved to a kneeling position between his thighs and two slicked fingers easily thrust inside.
“Have you been playing with yourself without my permission, boy?”
“Yes, Daddy.” The last word broke off on a moan as a third pushed in beside the two. He squeaked as cold lube trickled down his crease.
“Pull your knees to your chest, boy, and keep breathing, nice and even.”
The pressure increased to almost pain, and his hole was on fire. He closed his eyes and whimpered when the pressure increased with a fourth finger and then he screamed as Gage swallowed his entire length. He grunted and awkwardly tried to ride Gage’s fingers when he felt Gage’s thumb massage his rim. Gage tortured his hole and gland until sweat dampened his hair and it stuck to his face.
There was a bite of pain and words fell from his lips, they had no sense nor rhythm as agony and pleasure were swirling together. He kept his legs to his chest but reached down to tug his cheeks farther apart.
Gage swallowed around the head of his cock, and he had no control, he was at the mercy of the man who owned him. Then his system went into shock as it all ceased. His eyes flew open, and he parted his lips to beg, but all that came out was a grunt as Gage took him with one powerful and brutal thrust that pushed him up the bed. He could no longer breathe or think because everything came down to his Daddy savagely fucking his ass.
Gage’s body came down on his, and then teeth nipped at his throat right before his Daddy’s big hand wrapped around the front of his throat. Pleasure became an overwhelming mix of panic and pain. He held his cheeks wider, and his fingertips brushed his Daddy’s cock with every thrust.
He was owned and used, loved and tortured until reality was an abstract concept. Nothing existed beyond that moment. Gage’s fingers squeezed tighter until his breaths were ragged, but he could still breathe. He trusted his Daddy with his life. Gage pounded his gland without mercy until his felt his sac drawing up tight and every muscle in his body tightened, and he opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out as cum spurted between their bellies.
“Fuck, boy, you were hungry for Daddy’s cock.” Gage grunted then sunk his teeth into his bottom lip as long strokes became shorter.
He felt the pulsing of Gage’s cock against his fingers as the man came sealing their bodies together. It was an odd and powerful sensation as he felt Gage filling him. He dropped his legs to the side, exhausted and sore, but happier than he’d ever been. Gage lay heavy atop him, and he stroked the man’s back, felt the powerful muscles shifting beneath his hands.
“I’m going to make you addicted to me, boy.”
“Daddy, I already am.”
Gage Forgot He Had a Family
As always, the Trenton Crew loudly yelled around the living room. To make his boy happy he’d finally agreed to come back into the Trenton circle. The last time he’d attended a dinner was nearly a year before, and he was feeling out of place. He’d fought his demons for so many years the fact he was pulling away didn’t become clear until it was already too late. Derrick was talking with Pride in a corner and Pride had a mature expression on his face that didn’t fit his pre-teen years.
Derrick had shared with him that Pride had a crush and was a little insecure about that. This life was far removed from the one he’d had growing up. Gender identity and sexuality were embraced, he felt like he’d taken his chosen family for granted.
“Still hiding?” Hunter asked from his right.
He turned his head to look at the man and took in the slight wrinkles beside the man’s eyes. Time passed too quickly, and he realized he hadn’t noticed.
“Not really, just…thinking.”
“Would you like to share?”
“Do you have an issue with me dating your son?” he asked.
“Is that what you really want to know?”
Hunter wore his usual smile, and he remembered when Hunter had started freelancing at Trenton Security. Unable to work o
n the books due to it being a parole violation. Over the years, Hunter had come into his own, no more awkwardness or clumsiness. Hunter had found himself and his home with Linus and Wren. The love between the triad bright enough for all to see.
“Yes.” He brought his attention back to the room. “I never felt a part of the team, and it was never more painfully obvious as everyone started falling in love. I wanted what y’all had and felt so inadequate.”
“My son is happy and healthy, and while I have my reservations because I know y’all too well, he’s a grown man. If you ever hurt him, I will kill you or have my husband do it.”
He chuckled because he knew which husband would take him out and he didn’t doubt Linus would make him suffer first.
“Do these have something to do with you fighting your feelings for Derrick?”
He didn’t even flinch when Hunter ran slightly calloused fingertips over the exposed scars on his right forearm. Since he’d claimed Derrick as his, he only concealed his forearms when he’d added to the already countless scars. He’d carried them too long as his secret shame—a weakness—he couldn’t share. Accepting himself was a slow battle but became easier the more time he spent with Derrick and spoke with Kieran. His doctor helped him process it all and realize where his need to harm stemmed from—a lot more complicated than he'd anticipated.
“More the reason behind them kept me from being happy. When I hired on with Trenton, it was a paycheck, a life as far removed from my old one as I could get. It was fine for a while, and then I realized I wanted to belong, but it was already too late. When I saw Poe react to seeing Little in the facility and it was fucking crazy, you could feel the love and pain. That’s when I started pulling away.”
“It wasn’t like we didn’t notice. You rarely attended Crew parties or went on runs with us, but each month you pulled back even more. I can see the love you have for Derrick. It’s as clear as when Linus and Wren look at me or each other. You deserve happiness, Gage, we all do. Yes, we all have our secrets, some darker than others but none of them make us unworthy of finding love.”