by Kate Sander
“You had to give her a Civic hey?” he asked Amanda once Senka left.
“Consider it payback for bringing an unauthorized animal into this office,” Amanda answered coldly, and without looking up from her computer said, “make sure she doesn’t forget her dossier.”
8
Senka
October 22, 2023, 16:05
Location: Winnipeg, Canada.
They were fighting for their lives.
The mission was doomed from the start. The American Senator’s daughter was most likely dead anyway, even before they launched into Brazil. They were both surrounded by men. Senka was out of bullets and was panting. Tomo was on her knees, having taken a vicious blow to the stomach. Her bright green eyes were angry and glaring at the leader.
“Now,” said the leader, stepping towards Tomo, “how much money do you think the United Nations will pay to get their golden girls back?”
“The United Nations doesn’t negotiate with terrorists,” Tomo replied. She wiped her face. Blood was seeping from her eyebrow and running down her cheek. It was almost the same colour as her hair.
“But I think they will negotiate for you,” the leader said. Tomo was grabbed around her middle and dragged towards an army truck. Her arms were outstretched, reaching for Senka. Her eyes were wide with fear.
The dream shifted, as the dreams always did.
Senka was suddenly on a dirt bike, chasing the truck Tomo was in through the Brazilian jungle. Trees were ripping by, cutting her face and arms. She was so focused on Tomo and the army truck racing away through the jungle that she ignored the pain. She lost them for a second coming over a ridge. She was yelling at Carter to call off the airstrike but it was too late. The truck was engulfed in flames as it exploded. Senka screamed.
The dream shifted again.
She was in The Other Place, walking through her old town of Ismat. She saw her own body being burned on a pyre. It was surreal, watching herself being burned. She looked so peaceful.
The Shaman was suddenly beside her. She didn’t turn, she felt his presence. She watched the flames consume her.
“It’s only started,” he said.
“I know,” she replied.
“You will come back.”
“Haven’t I earned rest?” she asked. Her body was engulfed in flames on the pyre.
“While the evil lives, no one can rest.”
Senka turned towards him. He was just as he always was. White hair, dark crinkled face, carrying his staff with the bright red stone on the top. He smiled at her, knowingly. He had been one of the few who had shown her kindness in The Other Place. He had reached out to a Zoya, a person to be feared. Senka hadn’t seen him in three long years. She missed him.
The Shaman’s skin started bubbling. He opened his mouth. Flames burst from his mouth and eyes, consuming his body.
“No!” Senka yelled, reaching towards him.
The Shaman exploded outward in a mass of fire and sparks. Senka covered her face with her arm. The heat burned her skin.
Senka sat bolt upright in the plane, panting. She was reaching towards her sidearm that was hidden beneath her leather jacket. Leo was awake and standing. He had his head on her lap and was staring at her, big brown eyes worried. She stared at him and gradually calmed as the dream faded. Her hand left her gun and Leo licked her finger.
“It’s ok,” she said, taking deep breaths trying to relax, “it’ll be ok.” She was on the private ZTF plane, heading to Winnipeg. She had fallen asleep. She gradually returned to the present.
Leo stared at her, head on her lap. She rubbed his ears and gradually sank back into her chair. She was used to the dream about Tomo. That was a nightly event. But the one with the Shaman and pyre was new. Senka was perturbed. She knew in her gut that it was more than just a dream. That was disconcerting. She had died in The Other Place three years ago. Three years in Langundo without the Shaman present meant that it was, and most likely still is, in a state of emergency.
She stopped scratching Leo’s ears, lost in thought. Leo nudged her hand and she smiled. Her face hurt but was healing nicely. She restarted scratching Leo’s ears preoccupied with worry for The Other Place. It was bigger than Langundo. When she was over there she hadn’t realized The Other Place contained anything other than her own little world.
Tomo had been in The Other Place the same time that she was, but on a completely different continent. There were multiple places that Zoya woke up, all over that world. She wouldn’t be surprised if the whole world over there had gone to shit.
“Well, it can join this world then,” she mumbled at Leo. He was panting happily, having done his job ensuring that Senka didn’t accidentally shoot the pilot. Senka needed a drink. Amanda had made sure that the plane was left with only non-alcoholic beverages. Amanda needs to mind her own business, she thought grumpily.
The plane lurched as they landed. Senka and Leo left the plane directly on the tarmac, away from the main airport. Senka didn’t like people, especially in large groups.
She grabbed her bag and hoisted it over her shoulder. The blue Honda Civic was waiting in a Canadian Military hanger. She dropped her bag in disappointment. It looked like it was from 2002. It had duct tape on one of the bumpers, the mirrors were bent and the back window had so many hail chips she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to see through it. She thought she saw pink fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror. If Senka could cry, she would.
They walked to the Civic and she tossed her bag unceremoniously in the back seat. Leo jumped in the passenger seat, happy as ever, looking out the window. She tried to close the door and it bounced open. She threw her head back and sighed audibly. She held the latch and finally got the door to close. She adjusted the rear-view and tore down the fuzzy dice, tossing them in the back seat. She didn’t need pink fuzzy dice in her life right now.
She fired up the car and ripped out of the hanger, pushing the Civic as fast as it could go. Which was a disappointing eighty kilometres an hour. She merged into traffic and prepared herself mentally for the evening. She would make it just in time for her mother’s birthday supper. She had to survive the night then she could leave in the morning. This was worse than her mission to Siberia and she was more nervous than during any other mission in memory.
She limped her car to her mother’s house and parked it. She moved her gun to the holster concealed at the small of her back. She didn’t expect to need to use it. “Unless I blow my brains out,” she muttered. Leo looked at her and growled lowly. “Yah I get it. Not a funny joke,” she muttered to him. She grabbed her bag and opened it, seeing a handsome leather collar with a tag on it. Carter sure knew how to take care of her.
“Yah, see? Not as fun when you have to join me in embarrassment,” she told Leo as she attached his collar. He actually seemed happy, moving his neck to jingle the tag and wagging his tail.
“Of course you like it,” she muttered. She took out a leash. Leo’s ears went back and his tail stopped.
“Don’t pout at me,” she said, attaching the leash. “Bylaws are bylaws.”
She grabbed her bag and exited the car with Leo. The door bounced open and she kicked it viciously. It finally latched closed. “Fucking Civic,” she muttered under her breath.
Her mom was at the door, waving excitedly. Senka took a big breath in and smiled as wide as her healing face would let her.
“Hey mom!” she called. Leo was having trouble staying by her side, he always took point. He kept pulling at the leash then looking at her with sad brown eyes when the leather leash stopped his progress.
“Elizabeth!” her mother yelled, running out of the house. Her mom seemed pretty put together, wearing clean jeans and a nice cardigan. Her mother wrapped her in a hug. Senka let her, and actually felt herself going soft in her mom’s arms.
Her mom held her at arm’s length, taking her in.
“Oh, honey I’m so sorry about your face!” she said, raising her hand to brush Senka’s hair ou
t of her face and get a better look at the cut. “I would have come to see you in the hospital in Brandon but I didn’t know you were there.”
“It’s ok, mom,” Senka said awkwardly, “it looks worse than it is. Just had a run in with a parked car when I was biking to work.” Her stomach lurched when she said it. She hated lying to her mom. Plus this lie was embarrassing.
“And this handsome fellow must be Leo!” her mother said, crouching and giving Leo pets on the ears and neck. Leo was loving it and rolled on his back panting happily for a belly rub. Her mother obliged. “Your Facebook said you got him from a shelter! He’s a handsome boy! I think you’ll be good for each other.”
Senka felt the rising guilt. Her mother loved her so much and Senka gave her nothing in return. Her mother was so desperate for information about her that she clung to the fake messages Amanda posted in her name, desperate for information about her reckless and lost daughter.
Her mother rose from giving Leo attention and said, “Gang’s all here! James arrived a couple hours ago. We can have supper!”
Senka followed her into the house, it had been a full year since she had been here, but it hadn’t changed. She noticed a bouquet of yellow daisies on the dining room table and felt guilty. Her dad had always brought home daisies for her mom on her birthday. James must have brought them. Senka had been so self-absorbed she hadn’t even brought her mom a gift.
“Go put your bag down and say hi to the boys,” her mom said. “They sure are excited to meet Leo.”
Senka took off Leo’s leash and followed him to the basement. Leo’s tail wagged excitedly as he followed his ears to the chaos below. The boys had out the old gaming system and were playing a hunting game. James was yelling at sixteen year old Kenny. Billy and John were playing on another team. She watched them for a second, noticing how bad their shots were and smiled. Leo ran up to them and James immediately paused the game.
“Liz!” he yelled and ran up to her, wrapping her in a giant hug. She could hear Billy laughing as Leo jumped up and licked his face.
“Hey big brother,” she said, looking at James’ green eyes.
“Good to see you sis,” he said, squeezing her tighter.
“Hey boys!” she said awkwardly as James let her go. They all waved and said hi, coming single file to give her a hug. Leo was sticking close to Billy, licking his hands and bouncing excitedly.
“I just have to put my bag in my room,” she said. She turned as Billy started wrestling with Leo on the ground and suppressed a smile.
She walked into her basement room and her heart fell again. Her mother had moved to Winnipeg to be closer to her after the accident and had moved her bedroom with her, keeping details as close as possible to the original in The Pas.
She had her camo bedsheets and her bow was hung over her bed, just as it had been when she was growing up. Her mother had even brought all the pictures that were on the desk.
This was why she hated coming home. It was a reminder of who had died in that accident.
She tossed her bag on the bed and opened it to put Leo’s leash back. A small silver package that shouldn’t have been there caught her eye. She picked it up and saw that the box said Tiffany’s in white across the top. She opened it and saw a beautiful silver necklace of a bow and arrow. There was also a card. Senka opened it and the front read, “Happy Birthday Mom!” in bright yellow writing.
She shook her head. Leave it to Carter to make sure that she had a birthday present and a card for her mother when she came home to visit. She felt so inadequate. She exchanged her leather coat for a sweater and slipped the box and card inside the front pocket.
She returned to the boys, leaning on the wall quietly and watching them play their game. They weren’t good, missing as many shots as they hit. But their giggles and laughter meant it didn’t matter.
James noticed her silent form and yelled, smiling, “Move over, boys. Let the master show you how it’s done.”
Senka laughed and took the fake gun. She hit every shot, to the applause and laughter of her brothers.
“Kids! Dinner’s ready!” her mother yelled from above.
The younger boys launched out of their chairs and off the couch and ran upstairs. Leo looked at her for permission. She gave him a quick nod and he followed. She could hear Billy’s laughter as the dog caught up with them.
“Billy really likes him,” James said.
“Yah he’s a good dog,” Senka said.
James was staring at her intently, “Sure does listen to you. You’ve only had him, what, a week?”
“Five days.”
“Wow. You must be a dog whisperer.”
Senka shrugged, “Match made in heaven. I saw him and I knew.”
James kept staring at her. Finally, he rose and said, “Good to see you, sis.”
Senka nodded. She was getting choked up. James understood and patted her on the back and walked past her up the stairs.
“Where’s your sister?” her mother asked from above.
“Just going to the bathroom,” James replied, giving her a cover.
Senka gathered her courage and went upstairs.
Supper was wonderful. The family laughed and talked like there were no years between meetings. Her mom didn’t even bring up the relationship that Senka was supposedly in. She heard all about Billy’s drama and Kenny’s hockey. John was into soccer. James was a successful engineer in Winnipeg. She looked at them all, her mother listening attentively. They were so happy. No one asked her how her job was going. They allowed her to listen and laugh with the rest of them. She didn’t even think about why that was. They just let her be Liz for a while.
Senka was lying in bed downstairs after the fun filled evening, Leo curled up at her feet. She hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. She wouldn’t sleep that night. She knew it. She heard a scrape of a chair upstairs. Leo’s ears twitched and Senka sighed. She rose and they went upstairs. Senka had seen it in her mother’s eyes that afternoon. She had hoped she was wrong. Senka was rarely wrong.
Leo beat her to her mom, sniffing and licking her hand. Her mother was sitting at the kitchen table, the lonely oven light casting dark shadows around her face. She tried to hide the bottle when she saw Senka. Senka shook her head and went and grabbed herself a glass. There were bags under her mother’s eyes. She couldn’t have known how much they looked alike in that moment.
Leo put his head in her mother’s lap. She sunk her hand into his fur, much the same as Senka did.
Senka picked up the bottle of Jack Daniel’s and poured herself a glass, topping her mother’s up as well.
“Elizabeth. You can’t sleep either?” her mother asked. She looked so old.
“I don’t sleep much. Looks like you don’t either.”
“I used to drink too much, right after the accident. I shouldn’t be drinking at all. If the boys found out–”
“Mom, stop. I’m not going to tell the boys.”
Her mother looked at her gratefully. Senka drank, relishing the burning feeling in her throat. Her mother wiped her eyes.
“I miss him. It’s been over seven years and I still miss him. Isn’t that silly?”
“I miss dad too, mom. But… it’s different for me.”
“You died,” her mother said suddenly. “You woke up, but it wasn’t you. I don’t know how to deal with that. You died and I grieved. You woke up and I grieved. It’s hard, seeing you.”
Senka wasn’t hurt. This was honesty. This was more honest than the laughter at the supper table that night. Time for her to be honest, “I hate coming here,” she admitted. “It reminds me that I died. It reminds me that I’m not the same. It reminds me of everything I put you through.”
Her mother grasped her hand across the table. They both finished their drinks. Senka filled their glasses.
“You don’t work at Starbucks, do you?” her mother asked tentatively. “I missed you and I couldn’t get a hold of you so I went to Brandon. I sat at every Starbuck
s there for hours every day. I never saw you.”
Senka thought to argue then didn’t. She just shook her head.
“Plus, you know, I can tell that you have a gun in your lower back,” her mother added with a smile. “I felt it through your leather coat when I hugged you this afternoon. Your dad used to keep it in the same place when he took you hunting and didn’t want me to know he was taking the handgun.”
“Damn. Not used to getting hugged,” Senka admitted. “Thought I was being sneaky.”
Her mother looked at her and smiled, “You never were good at being sneaky with me.” She held her hands up in front of her. “I don’t want to know,” her mother said. “If you haven’t told me then I don’t think you want to or you can’t. That’s fine honey.”
Senka appreciated the sentiment more than her mother knew. She filled their glasses again.
“If I go, mom, you’re going to hear a lot of things. Don’t believe them, ok? I’m doing the best I can. I’m doing the right thing. It’s hard, but it’s the right thing.”
Tears filled her mother’s eyes and she gripped her hand tighter. But she nodded. Senka felt the heaviness in her sweater and realized that she hadn’t given her mother her necklace.
“My partner got you this,” Senka said. She couldn’t take credit for Carter. “He knew I’d fuck it up and forget. He slipped it into my bag.”
She slid the box over the table. Her mother opened it and her eyes welled up again. She took out the silver necklace and played with it in her hands, “Tell him it’s beautiful. It’s something you would buy.”
Senka smiled at her. Her hand went inadvertently to her own necklace that she wore under her clothes. The ring Jules gave her was always with her, just out of sight, on a chain around her neck.
They sat in silence and finished the bottle. Her mother took another bottle out of her hiding space in the kitchen and they finished that bottle as well. She helped her mother to her bed and left a garbage can beside her head in case she puked. She weaved her way downstairs and fell face down on her bed. She grasped her necklace in her hand and went to sleep.