by Alma Nilsson
“Possibly.”
Jane wanted to gauge if he knew anything about her relationship with Doctor Anu, “Why now more than before?”
Jei seemed impatient with the question, “You know why.”
“I want to hear you say it.”
“I won’t,” he said decidedly.
Jane ran her hand through his hair and thought, This is another one of those Alliance things. How can I get him to talk about what I want him to say? “If we were to marry, would I live on the Capital Planet?”
“No, I’d want you here with me.”
Jane smiled but that didn’t help her get the answer she wanted, “I’d like that.” Then she hedged her bets and went for it, “I’m concerned about my new 1,000 women.”
“What’s the matter?”
“I’m worried some of their memories of their time in quarantine will resurface and they will be traumatized by what happened there.”
“I doubt it. Our doctors are very good,” he said casually.
“You don’t suspect anything out of the ordinary took place then? They were there for a long time.”
Jei sat up and looked directly into Jane’s eyes. He couldn’t tell if she were baiting him for what he knew or if she was truly on the outside and Doctor Anu had wiped her memory too. He had to think quickly. “It was odd the women were kept for so long. What did Doctor Anu say about it when you questioned her?”
“Only that she was being thorough.”
Of course, Jei and many others suspected foul play, but they had no proof, just a couple human traders’ words which was nothing to go on. However, Ket’s wife James was still privately trying to figure out what was done to those human women. “Then I wouldn’t think too much about it. Unless it becomes a problem,” he said and lay back down.
Jane was relieved he didn’t seem to think it was anything she was responsible for or if he did, he was a great liar. She lay down and went to sleep with her hands in his hair as she liked to do and told herself she was safe with him.
Jane woke up in the morning to Jei kissing her. She was still half asleep and murmured, “You’re so cold.”
Jei stopped suddenly and moved away from her in the bed, “Jane, are you awake?”
She opened her eyes, “Yes,” she said pleasantly. Then she realized she was dreaming she was at home and he was Jim. They both knew it. She felt ashamed. “I’m sorry. It was only a dream.”
Jei couldn’t fault her for her dreams, but he would wait for her to come to him now.
Jane took in his unreadable expression and decided to quickly move over to him. She tossed herself so fast, he had to grab her, so she didn’t fall off the edge of the bed.
Jei laughed, “There now, let’s not be hasty.” His tone was light, but he was concerned. The forget-me-not was wearing off, and although he had never used it himself, he knew that it was a confusing time. Now Jane would have to deal with both realities she had created for herself. Her past human life and now her true Alliance life.
Jane straddled Jei’s naked body, “Thanks, falling off the bed wouldn’t be the best way to start the morning.” Then she leaned down and kissed him, “But this is good.”
Jei put his large hands on either side of her head and looked up at this little human with so much going on in her mind right now, “It’s a nice way to wake up.” He searched her blue eyes, looking for anything that would let him know what she was thinking.
“You’re looking at me as if I’ve something more to say,” Jane commented, not liking his inquisitive look.
“No,” he lied.
“Will you make love to me, Jei?” She purposely used his name to assure him that she wanted him.
Jei was too old to be passive-aggressive. She was offering herself to him, and he wanted her as he always wanted his Jane. He had become so accustomed to having her around to fulfill not only his carnal needs but also his emotional and intellectual needs as well, he didn’t want to jeopardize what little time they might have left if she decided she could not be with an Alliance man after the forget-me-not completely wore off. He put his hands on her breasts and began caressing them the way he knew she liked. Not long after, he had her on her back and was bringing her pleasure before he found his own.
Afterward, he said to her, “I’m only going to mention this once as your health in this regard is your business, but you should speak to Doctor Rea about the forget-me-not wearing off. It can be a difficult time.”
Jane was surprised that he mentioned this. They had never talked about her having the forget-me-not. She didn’t mind that he knew, but it was a discussion she really didn’t want to have.
“Jane, you are part of my crew. Of course, I knew from when you came onboard.”
“And you’re not worried?”
“That you still love the father of your three human children?” he shook his head, “No, I would be worried if you didn’t still love him in one way or another. The only thing I’m worried about is you. About you becoming overwhelmed and confused with these two parallel versions of yourself that you’ve created.” He left out, ‘And I’m scared of losing the best thing that has happened to me since my wife died.’
“I do feel a little confused,” Jane admitted. “But I know, Jim has moved on and I must too, that’s why I took the forget-me-not, to begin with, so that I could move on too. And I have moved on, I met you, and I like this,” she motioned between them. “But now the old feelings are creeping back in and overlapping with my new feelings for you, and it’s, well, confusing.”
He gave her a sympathetic look, “See Doctor Rea. If you need time away, a break from us, just ask.”
She was horrified then, “Do you want a break?” It was the last thing she wanted.
“No, but I don’t want to push this. I feel like we are good together, but if you’re not ready to move past your human man, you would only come to resent our relationship.”
Jane looked at him now and caught a glimpse of their age difference. He was about 170 years older than she was. She usually didn’t feel it, but at times like these, she felt like a child. That he knew what she was thinking before she did and could predict likely outcomes before she even thought of the questions. “I’ll see the Doctor.”
“Good,” Jei said.
They got out of bed and Jei had a shower alone, then got dressed. “I’m sorry we can’t have the morning meal together today.”
“It’s fine,” Jane said touched that he was worried about her.
“But please be here for lunch, otherwise,” he touched his lover’s bracelet with a knowing look. Whenever she accidently missed lunch with him because she was finishing up something in engineering, he made her orgasm wherever she was on the ship. She had never done the same to him though.
Jane replied honestly, “Sometimes I love that you make me orgasm while I’m surrounded by your men in engineering. I think you must do it on purpose to torture all of us for what you have, and they don’t.”
“Could be,” Jei replied and then left his quarters. His guards followed him as he walked towards the bridge, and his squire soon caught up, rattling off everything that needed to be done that morning. However, Jei’s mind was still focused on Jane. The look on her face. He was worried she was going to leave him when the forget-me-not completely wore off, and what he was going to do about it.
Jane walked into sickbay before going on duty. The sickbay was quiet, and she found her friend Doctor Rea in his circular glass office.
He looked up as she walked in, “Yes, I was wondering when you were going to drop by.”
“Please, at least pretend not to be reading my mind,” she said, slightly irritated.
“I wasn’t reading your mind. I know the forget-me-not has begun to wear off. It’s in your records.”
“Oh,” she said.
“Please, let’s go see how this all looks,” he gestured for her to come into sickbay, but instead of using one of the standard medical beds, he led her to the back. A priv
ate area reserved for the Admiral and Imperial ranking citizens.
She stopped, “Where are we going?”
Doctor Rea stopped as well and touched her lovers’ bracelet, “This puts you at the same rank as if you were the Admiral’s wife.” Then he turned back around and began walking again.
Jane followed him into the private room and laid down on the luxurious medical bed.
Doctor Rea began pulling up 3D computer images all around them, comparing brain scans. Then he looked into Jane’s eyes and said, “I need to dispel the last of the barriers, or else they will linger for months and create even more confusion. The only way to do this is to enter your mind and your memories, do you agree?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Yes, you can let them linger and cause yourself even more grief, but I wouldn’t recommend it.”
“Go on then,” Jane said and closed her eyes. She felt Rea’s cool hands on hers, and then like a narrator flipping through memories, he began bringing them forward and clearing away the cobwebs. After fifteen minutes, she opened her eyes again and declared, “I feel terrible.”
Doctor Rea gave her a sympathetic look, “Take the rest of the day off. That’s an order. Go to your quarters, don’t meet anyone, don’t send any VMs or messages, and try to sleep. If you are too restless, do some exercise or pray. But above all else, do not speak to anyone but me for the rest of the day.”
“The last thing I want to do is to be alone right now,” she admitted. She desperately wanted to VM Jim, but from Jei’s naked embrace, it was all very confusing.
Rea caught her last thought and said, “And that is exactly why you need to be alone. Your emotions will settle in about a day. If not, come and see me again.”
Jane nodded and left sickbay. She spent the rest of the day alone in her quarters. Some hours she was happy and others, she was sick with guilt and crying.
Doctor Rea walked into Admiral Jei’s ready room off the bridge and waited to be acknowledged.
Jei dismissed his squire and then said, “Tell me about Jane’s health.”
“She still has very strong feelings for her human husband. He is the only other man she has really been with besides you. She cares for you deeply too. When the forget-me-not began to wear off, it merged these feelings and memories.” It was forbidden for him to tell the Admiral these things. Still, Doctor Rea was loyal to Jei and also believed that Jane herself would tell him this if she could articulate it, but at the moment, it was doubtful she could articulate any of her emotions surrounding the two men in her life very well.
“I assumed as much,” Jei responded, thinking of what had happened that morning in bed. Her comment about his cold touch.
“I’ve sorted her memories and emotions as well as I could. It will take a day, but then she will be fully aware of everything. During this time, she should be isolated, and I’ve blocked her communications.”
“Did you tell her you blocked them?” Jei asked, amused.
“Of course not, I just told her not to contact anyone. If I had told her I had blocked them, you know she would be in here demanding they be unblocked. Humans are the worst patients.”
“Yes,” Jei agreed. “Any advice for me?”
“Let her know your feelings regarding the human man and children. She carries a lot of unnecessary guilt that she feels she is lying to you and betraying them by enjoying your intimacy. Despite my best efforts, this was difficult for me to understand or overturn in her mind. She is quite stubborn.”
Jei nodded, “Humans have odd ideas about loyalty and sexual relationships. I don’t understand it myself, and I don’t know if I ever will. It’s driven by the individual’s emotions almost entirely without much regard to the bigger picture. It’s a strange way to see one’s place in the galaxy.”
“The Lost People indeed,” remarked Rea. “Let the gods guide Jane on her true path.”
“The gods will shine their light for her to follow,” Jei said and dismissed the doctor with his hand.
Fantasies Fulfilled
A week later, Jei walked into his quarters and his heart beat faster when he saw Jane there in an Alliance dress. She was at his desk writing a message. A few weeks ago, this would have been a common occurrence but since the forget-me-not was no more, he reveled in every second that she behaved as she had done previously.
Jei came up behind Jane, put his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, “It makes me happy to see you here like this.”
Jane looked up at him, “It feels better to be here than in my quarters.”
That wasn’t the reply he was necessarily looking for, “Finish what you are doing and then let’s talk. That is if you want?”
Jane nodded and Jei went into the other room. He sat on a sofa and waited.
Jane finished her message to Kara,
K,
The forget-me-not is no longer affecting me. I’m with Jei and I love him, but at the same time I still love Jim. I feel like I’m betraying them both. I don’t know what to do. They are such different men that a part of me cannot believe that I could be with such different men, but then I remind myself I am almost a completely different person in the Alliance, so maybe this is just natural. I am adrift with my emotions and miss someone who has known me from before to anchor me now. Please write back with any advice.
J
Jane was just about to get up from the desk when Kara RVMed her. Jane hesitated answering as Jei would be able to hear their entire conversation from the next room, but then she reckoned that speaking to Kara was more important than Jei listening in. Nothing would be discussed that he didn’t know or guess anyway.
“Jane, what’s the matter with you?”
Jane winced, she had forgotten how direct Kara could be when she really just needed a kind word, “Well, I’m suffering from coming off this Alliance treatment, that is what’s the matter with me. Have some sympathy.”
“I’m calling, aren’t I?”
Jane put her hands up, “You are.”
“Sorry, Tir is driving me batty. He doesn’t want me doing anything even though this baby is not due for some weeks. Ridiculous. This is what happens when men know nothing about these things.”
Jane smiled, it was good to have all of her memories back, “Jim used to fuss over me the same way. They don’t understand. Try not to listen.”
“Easy for you to say. Now, let’s talk about you. Why are you still thinking about Jim? Have you spoken to him since he told you he was moving in with your best friend?”
Jane shook her head, “No I still don’t know what to say. I know he wants me to forgive him. Or rather them, but I can’t. Is that wrong of me?”
“Why should you be the bigger person? They’ve done something that makes you feel terrible and they know that. Why should you give them your forgiveness when you don’t feel like it just to make them feel better?”
“Because I didn’t leave, I was forced to go and so they were forced into this situation and I didn’t even try to escape.”
“Have you thought about escape?” Kara asked almost in disbelief.
Jane was quiet.
Kara looked into the screen directly and said, “Of course you haven’t why would you? We are all so happy here. And you are happy with Jei. I see your clothing. And why shouldn’t you be? But just because you are happy with Jei doesn’t mean that you need to forgive Jim or Sandra.” Kara realized then that Jei or his squire was probably in earshot of their conversation.
“Thanks, I needed to hear that.”
“Good. I’m glad. Now let’s talk about something exciting. Tell me what Jei is like as a lover?”
Jane laughed, “Do you want a play-by-play or what?”
Kara smiled, “No you can generalize. But start from the beginning.”
“Well, I initiated a lot. You know there are no male slave artists truly interested in women on the Kzi. I mean, the slave artists here would have come to me for UCs, but you know that just feels so
wrong when the man you know is thinking about another man… “
“I’ve never let that bother me, but go on…”
“As the whole Alliance knows, I kissed Jei outside Leld or rather asked him to kiss me, I don’t remember but he’s really perfected his kissing. He kisses as a preview to how he performs.”
“He’s over 200 years old, it would be frightening if he hadn’t perfected his kissing and lovemaking skills. And how about his tongue on your clit? I imagine he can make you come just by saying he is going to do it.”
“Well, now that you mention it, it’s something like that.”
“I knew it. Gods, I should have gone with an older man if I had been given the choice.”
“I thought you and Tir had a healthy sex life?”
“Oh, you know we do, but he gets so jealous and protective of me sometimes, I feel like I am missing out on this whole Alliance world of orgies and fun sex games. And when I’m pregnant Tir doesn’t want to do anything fun. I bought some whips and I wanted him to tie me up and play some really kinky games, but he refused. What man refuses that?”
“I don’t know Kara. I once put only a bow on myself and was waiting for Jim in bed and he didn’t want to have sex. It happens.”
“I bet you if you asked the Admiral to do it, he wouldn’t hesitate would he?”
Jane didn’t answer.
“Oh gods, you’ve already done that.”
“Well not exactly. And not the bow,” Jane admitted.
“And you’ve probably had orgies too. I’m so jealous.”
“No, no orgies.”
“Why not? Live this Alliance life, forget Jim. That’s all in the past.”
“I don’t know,” Jane said, “I just can’t imagine…” she trialed off.
“Jane listen to me. Jim has moved on with your best friend and maybe I’m the only one who is going to tell you this, but they were probably sleeping with each other for years before now. Don’t waste another second thinking about him. If I could find the evidence for you to prove that to you, I would. But unfortunately, humans aren’t nearly the stalkers that Alliance people are so it would be impossible to prove, but trust me, you don’t suddenly hook up with your wife’s best friend after a year. Even you aren’t that naïve.”