‘You thought you loved Kathy at the time—’
‘Never,’ he denied implacably. ‘She was attractive and we liked each other, that was all there was to it. If I had realised she was a virgin you can be sure I would never have touched her,’ he rasped.
‘Don’t tell me you actually had some guilt feelings about her,’ Keilly scorned.
‘No.’
‘I thought not,’ she derided contemptuously.
‘She knew what she was doing.’ He shook his head. ‘You don’t know the full story, Keilly, you only know what your cousin has chosen to tell you.’
‘There’s more?’ she rasped.
‘Much more,’ he nodded. ‘But it isn’t my place to tell it to you.’
‘Isn’t it a little late to play the gentleman where Kathy is concerned?’
Anger flared briefly in the blue depths of his eyes, although it was quickly under control. ‘Your cousin has really poisoned your mind against me. Have you ever stopped to consider she may not be telling you the complete truth?’
‘Kathy is my cousin—’
‘And I’m your lover,’ he reminded fiercely. ‘Doesn’t that mean anything to you?’
Of course it meant something to her, she had known before they made love all that she was accusing him of now, but for a few hours it had ceased to matter. But it mattered now, and there could be no future for them together.
‘Keilly, answer me!’ He shook her as she didn’t—or couldn’t—answer him. ‘What do I mean to you?’
She moistened her lips, swallowing hard. ‘You were my lover—’
‘Are,’ he corrected determinedly. ‘I told you there would be no going back once I had made you mine. You belong to me now.’
‘Did you tell Kathy that too?’ she scorned.
For a moment he looked as if she had hit him, pushing her away from him so suddenly she almost fell, regaining her balance with effort. ‘Your cousin didn’t tell you the true version of what happened between us ten years ago,’ he rasped.
‘Then you tell it to me now,’ she invited again.
‘I can’t do that,’ he shook his head. ‘I think you should talk to Kathy about it.’
‘I’ve already talked to her about it,’ Keilly insisted stubbornly.
‘You aren’t even willing to give me enough of the benefit of the doubt to ask her about it again?’ His eyes were compelling, forcing her to answer him.
‘No,’ she said flatly.
He drew in a deep shuddering breath. ‘Then that’s that, isn’t it?’
‘Yes.’
He shrugged, very pale beneath his tan. ‘If you ever feel like asking Kathy for the truth you can reach me afterwards in London,’ he gave her the telephone number. ‘If I’m not there leave a message on my answering machine and I’ll call you back.’
Keilly gave him a startled look. ‘You aren’t leaving Selchurch?’
His gaze was steady. ‘It seems I have no further reason to stay.’
‘But I—You’re going now?’ she was astounded.
‘Yes.’
‘But—’
‘Don’t worry,’ he derided at her worried expression. ‘I’ll be back in time for the Fěte. It was a promise, after all.’
‘But you don’t have to leave just because—just because—’
‘Just because even though we’re lovers, even though you know I love you, you choose to believe someone else’s word over mine?’ he finished harshly.
‘Kathy is my cousin!’ she repeated desperately, little dreaming he would be walking out of her life so quickly.
‘You already know the answer to that,’ he said wearily. ‘Goodbye, Keilly. Don’t forget to call me if you change your mind.’
She was still sitting in the armchair she had dropped down into after his departure when her aunt came into the room.
‘Has Rod left?’ she realised with regret. ‘I was just going to offer him some coffee.’
‘He had to go,’ somehow Keilly managed to find her voice, although it wasn’t easy. Rod had implied that Kathy was the one lying about the past, but the other woman was her cousin, had been her best friend for the past fifteen years, she couldn’t have lied to her about something so important! ‘He’s gone back to London for several weeks,’ she added hardly.
‘Again?’ her aunt frowned. ‘He works much too hard.’
‘He didn’t say anything about working.’
Her aunt gave a worried glance at Keilly’s pale face. ‘The two of you haven’t argued, have you?’ she probed gently. ‘Only I couldn’t help noticing how friendly the two of you have become since he came back this time.’
‘We were just friends,’ Keilly dismissed abruptly. ‘You must know that I could never become involved with someone so much in the public limelight as Rod,’ she added with a resolve she was far from feeling.
Her aunt frowned again. ‘Isn’t it time you put those old prejudices behind you?’
‘I have, it’s other people who still find my background so interesting.’
‘Are you sure?’ Aunt Sylvie said gently. ‘What happened to your mother happens to thousands of women every year now, and they are thought none the worse for it.’
‘What did happen to my mother?’ she looked pleadingly at her aunt. ‘Did she love my father or was it just a chance meeting that mistakenly resulted in me?’
Her aunt’s expression softened. ‘This is the first time you’ve shown such interest in the past.’
‘It’s the first time it’s been so important to me!’
Her aunt sat down in the chair opposite her. ‘Your mother always told me that once you were really old enough to understand, and if you really wanted to know, that you should be told the truth. Before I’ve always sensed in you a resentment, a distinct lack of understanding for your mother’s feelings. That isn’t there now,’ she smiled. ‘I think you’ve finally grown up, Keilly.’
She knew she had, the resentment she had always felt towards her mother now replaced with the knowledge of what it was like to love a man so much you ached to belong to him. She had loved in the same way, she felt she could now understand her mother. ‘Is my father still alive?’
‘Probably,’ Aunt Sylvie nodded. ‘But he never knew of your existence, Keilly, so if you plan to go looking for him I would recommend caution,’ she warned.
‘There’s no point in looking for a father I’ve never known, we would be strangers to each other,’ she shook her head. ‘But tell me about them. Did they love each other?’
‘I think so, yes. Your mother certainly loved your father. He was up here working for his company, missing his wife and son dreadfully—’
‘He was married?’ Keilly gasped.
‘Separated,’ her aunt corrected. ‘His wife had left him several months previous to his coming here. He was lonely, your mother fell in love with him, and he seemed very fond of her too.’
‘You knew him?’
‘He was staying here when they met.’ Her aunt sighed. ‘His wife changed her mind, decided she wanted to resume the marriage, and because of their little boy he thought they should too. By this time your mother already knew she was pregnant, but she decided not to tell him, that it would be better for everyone if she didn’t. I think she was right. To have told your father the truth would have pulled him apart, and in the end no one would have been happy.’
‘I—If—’ she moistened her lips. ‘If my mother had told him about me do you think he would have stayed with her?’
‘I think so,’ Aunt Sylvie nodded. ‘Estelle knew it too, which was why she didn’t tell him. In the end he could only have resented her for making him choose between his son and his daughter.’
Keilly nodded, feeling very close to her mother in that moment. ‘I would have done the same thing she did.’
‘I know,’ her aunt smiled. ‘I hope you can see now that you have nothing to be ashamed of?’
‘I don’t think I was ever actually ashamed,’ she replied slowly.
‘I just didn’t understand.’
Her aunt stood up. ‘Until this moment you didn’t want to. Oh you always loved your mother, but you resented her too for making you different to other children. Your feelings for Rod have matured you, in more ways than one. If they hadn’t I would never have told you about your mother.’
‘Why not?’ she frowned.
‘Because Estelle deserved your understanding, not your contempt.’ She shrugged. ‘Until today you could only give her the latter.’
She knew it was the truth, but having loved Rod in the same way her mother had loved her father she could understand what had made her mother make the decisions she had. In the circumstances she would have made exactly the same decisions herself.
Time dragged slowly after Rod’s departure, although Kathy finally seemed to be relaxing a little in his absence. Keilly had mixed feelings about his return in April, knew that she wanted to see him again, but feared it too. He despised her now, could do no other.
‘You aren’t looking at all well lately,’ Kathy frowned at her one afternoon about six weeks after Rod’s departure.
Keilly had come over to help with the preparations for the Fěte to be held in three weeks’ time, although the advertising posters she had agreed to distribute twisted a knife in her chest every time she read the name of the guest of honour.
She hadn’t told her cousin of Rod knowing of her identity all the time, deciding it was better Kathy was left in ignorance of the fact. It would only upset her anew, and there seemed little real point in that.
‘I feel fine,’ she dismissed, knowing it was sleepless nights that made her look so awful. ‘He’s still coming then?’ she indicated the poster in her hand.
‘Hm?’ Kathy frowned as she looked up, then nodded as she realised Keilly was talking about Rod. ‘He telephoned me a couple of weeks ago to confirm that he was.’
‘Oh?’
‘I thought it was quite decent of him to do so,’ Kathy added grudgingly.
‘Very,’ she agreed abruptly. ‘You never mentioned the call before.’
‘You haven’t seemed to want to talk about him lately,’ her cousin shrugged. ‘I didn’t think you would be interested.’
Not interested! That had to be the understatement of the year; until this moment she hadn’t realised how starved for information about Rod she really was. She had tried to tell herself that a clean break was best, that it was better not to know anything about him, and yet her eagerness to hear about him now told her that for her it wasn’t true.
‘How did he sound?’ she asked casually.
‘The same as usual, damned sexy,’ Kathy grimaced. ‘He was very polite, quite friendly really,’ she added thoughtfully.
‘Did he—did he ask about—any of us?’ She held her breath as she waited for the answer.
‘Only generally. I—’ she broke off as the telephone began to ring. ‘Hello?’ she spoke into the receiver, glancing up at Keilly as she received an answer. ‘How strange, we were just talking about you. Who is we?’ she glanced up at Keilly once again. ‘Keilly and me,’ she answered. ‘We were just discussing the Fěte. You’re still coming, aren’t you?’ she asked anxiously.
Keilly knew who the caller was, of course, her whole body tensing. She turned to look out of the window, could almost imagine Rod at the other end of the telephone line, tall and strong, and so achingly handsome.
‘Keilly?’
She turned with a start as she realised Kathy had been talking to her and she hadn’t heard her. ‘Mm?’ she quirked dark brows.
‘Rod called to talk to you,’ Kathy held out the receiver.
Keilly stared at it wordlessly, moving forward jerkily as she sensed her cousin was becoming impatient with her. ‘Yes?’ she spoke breathlessly into the receiver.
For a heart-stopping few moments there was complete silence on the other end of the line. ‘Keilly?’ Rod finally spoke.
‘Yes,’ she confirmed huskily.
‘I called the hotel first and your aunt told me you were here; I hope you don’t mind my telephoning you at your cousin’s?’
He sounded so distant, like a stranger and not the man who had made love to her. ‘Not at all,’ her own voice was as stilted. ‘What did you want to talk to me about?’
‘The second letter you wrote to the magazine,’ he said instantly. ‘You didn’t have to do it, but I appreciated it.’
She had written to the magazine again just after Rod left Selchurch, telling them how wrong she had been about the film ‘Beginning Again’, that it was a beautiful and sensitive film, and that Rod played it as such. It had been the least she could do in the circumstances, and the magazine had published the second letter in this month’s issue.
‘I only wrote the truth,’ she told him abruptly.
‘Well I appreciated it,’ he insisted again. ‘How are you, Keilly?’
Was it her imagination or had his voice warmed a little? She decided it must be her imagination, that she wanted it to be that way when it really wasn’t. ‘I’m well,’ she answered curtly. ‘And you?’
‘Working when I really intended to take a holiday, but otherwise I’m well too.’
‘I’m glad,’ she ignored the jibe about his holiday. ‘Well if that was all…?’ She was very aware of Kathy listening to her side of the conversation at least, even if he wasn’t.
‘Keilly!’ he sharply stopped her as she would have rung off. ‘How are you really?’ his voice had lowered huskily, and this time she knew she hadn’t imagined it.
‘As I said I’m fine,’ she replied stiffly.
‘You damned little coward!’ He rang off abruptly.
She knew the reason for his anger, but she had no intention of questioning Kathy about something that caused her cousin to much pain.
‘Is everything all right?’ Kathy asked curiously.
‘Yes,’ she dismissed, turning away from the telephone. ‘Now shall we get on with sorting these posters?’
Kathy took the hint not to probe, although she did give Keilly several curious looks. Keilly was aware of them but chose to ignore them, and soon they returned to work as if Rod had never telephoned. As far as Kathy was concerned anyway!
CHAPTER NINE
EVERYTHING looked wonderful for the Fěte, the stalls and sideshows all laid out nicely in the extensive grounds of The Hall, the weather holding out for them too, the sun shining brightly, with not a cloud in the sky to mar the day.
There may not be any clouds overhead, but Keilly had several inside her that refused to go away. She was very nervous about facing Rod again, so nervous in fact, that she had invited Michael Fenwick to accompany her this afternoon. She had been out with him several times in the last weeks, mainly to take her mind off Rod more than any real desire to go out with Michael. She wasn’t being fair to him, she knew that, but for this afternoon at least she needed the support of his company.
‘Well we’re all ready.’ Kathy came to stand at her side to survey their morning’s work. ‘Let’s just hope the people turn up this afternoon.’
‘I think the whole town is coming,’ Keilly told her dryly. ‘Everyone I’ve spoken to has said they are.’
‘We’ve got a big drawing attraction this year,’ Kathy nodded. ‘And I don’t mean the Fěte!’
‘Er—Has Rod arrived yet?’ she tried to sound uninterested.
‘Not that I know of. Didn’t Mum say something about him booking into the hotel?’
‘Yes,’ she answered abruptly. A woman she presumed to be the capable Barbie had telephoned the hotel the previous week and booked two rooms for overnight in Rod’s name. She had been wondering ever since who the second room was for. ‘He’s bringing someone with him,’ she added stiltedly.
‘Probably a girlfriend,’ Kathy dismissed it as of no importance.
Keilly eyed her curiously. ‘Doesn’t it bother you? After all, you did think you loved him once.’
Her cousin gave her a glaring look, taking her arm to lead h
er towards the house. ‘I wish you would stop making remarks like that where we can be overhead,’ she hissed.
‘Sorry,’ Keilly grimaced. ‘But doesn’t it bother you he may be bringing a girlfriend down here?’ It certainly bothered her!
‘Not in the least,’ Kathy dismissed. ‘She’ll help divert his attention.’
Keilly couldn’t view the fact that Rod wasn’t coming here alone quite so dispassionately. He must know what it would do to her to see him with another woman, he couldn’t be that insensitive, in fact she knew him to be the opposite. Maybe he wanted to hurt her as he claimed she had hurt him.
Whatever the reason, and whoever his guest was, she dressed with special care that afternoon, wearing a dress of turquoise, its silky material clinging to her lovingly, her make-up a little heavier than usual in an effort to cover her pallor and the dark circles beneath her eyes, eyes that somehow seemed to have taken on the colour of her dress. Her hair was dark and gleaming, secured back lightly at her temples with two turquoise combs, her only jewellery the cross and chain about her throat that her mother had given her years ago.
Michael was openly appreciative of her appearance when he called for her at two o’clock, the Fěte due to open at two-thirty, Keilly agreeing to get there early in case she had to help out at all.
She froze as she and Michael turned to leave and walked straight into Rod and the woman talking animatedly at his side. They stared at each other for long timeless minutes, both Michael and the beautiful blonde woman fading into the background during that time, their senses attuned only to each other.
Finally it was the blonde woman who broke the tense atmosphere. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce us, Rod?’ she prompted pointedly.
He dragged his gaze away from Keilly with effort, looking at the woman at his side. Keilly followed his gaze, the woman about Rod’s own age, possibly a little older—although she knew age wouldn’t matter to him if he were genuinely attracted to a woman! She was a tall woman, very slender, very beautiful, and more important, very confident in herself. Keilly felt decidedly inadequate next to her, despite the care she had taken with her own appearance.
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