“Much.”
“I see why you come out here,” he says softly after a few minutes pass. We’ve been sitting in silence, but it’s anything but awkward.
“It’s peaceful. And cozy now that I cleared out all the spiders.”
“Spiders don’t bother me. Growing up hiking in the woods and the mountains made me used to them, I guess. But bees.” He shakes his head. “If I see one, I’m running.”
I laugh and put my palm to his, aligning our fingers. “I don’t mind bugs as long as they’re not on me. Or near me. Or inside.”
“But you don’t mind them,” he teases.
“Nope.”
“So that spider above your head isn’t bothering you?”
“Funny.”
“I’m not joking. It’s dangling from a web two inches above us.”
“Kill it!” I squeal and duck forward, burying myself deeper in Jack’s arms. He laughs and falls back, bringing me with him. His hands slip from my arms to my back, and I hook a leg over his. “Was there really a spider?”
“No.” He pulls the blanket over us. “But if I knew this is what scaring you with spiders gets me, I would have done it sooner.”
I’m glad for the fading light. He can’t see the blush his words brought to my cheeks. I close my eyes, breathing him in. I don’t know how long we lay there, but the next time I look outside the treehouse, it’s dark. Stars dot the sky and the mountains stretch to the clouds, big and black and blending into the clouds.
Jack trails his fingers up and down my arm, relaxing me further. The air around us is cold, but the heat from Jack’s body keeps me warm. In any other setting, laying on the wood floor of this treehouse would be uncomfortable. But right now, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
“Are you cold?”
I tip my head up to look into his eyes. “If it wasn’t for you, I would be. What about you? You’re the one without a jacket.”
“I’m fine. Guess I’m hot enough for the both of us.” He wiggles his eyebrows and laughs.
“I like hearing you laugh.”
“I like laughing.”
“Am I wrong to think you haven’t laughed much lately?”
He stiffens. “No.”
“I’m glad I can make you smile.” I lick my lips, mind going to everything else I can make him do. Heart in my throat, I slide my hand over his stomach, feeling every ridge of muscle. I find his scar and move my face closer to his. Jack’s lips part and the moonlight reflects the desperation in his eyes.
“Nora,” he groans, fingers digging into my skin. “We shouldn’t.”
“Why?”
“You’re sixteen. The same age as my sister.”
“I’m older than her by almost a year.”
“You’re still sixteen.”
“Only for a few more weeks. You want to, don’t you?”
He turns his head, unable to tell me no. Shakily, I slide my hand down so that my fingers push past the waist of his jeans. I’ve been kissed more than once, but I’ve never gone further than that. Becca was experienced and told me all about it.
Still, the thought of getting naked with Jack scares me as much as it exhilarates me. I want to make him feel. I want to make him happy.
“I want to,” I whisper, feeling the spark bust into a wildfire.
“Stop,” he growls and sits up. “Not now. Not here.”
He doesn’t have to explain it for me to understand. Things won’t end with a kiss. I take my hand from his side and interlock our fingers again. I move up and lean against the wall, looking through the cut-out window at the stars.
He tightens the grip on my hand. “How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Keep going like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”
“Because there has to be. I’m scared of the dark, and the only way to get back to the light is to keep going. Even when the light is fading, and things seem impossible. You just keep going.”
“Don’t you ever want to give up?”
I’m nothing but honest. I don’t need to hold up a front around Jack. “Yes. Especially lately. But what good would that do? My grandma used to tell me ‘you can’t lose if you’re trying’, and I never really got it before. I guess it’s kinda like losing a battle but not the war, and the only person you’re truly at war with is yourself.”
“I never thought of it that way.”
“Mimi had a unique way of looking at the world. She was tough. The strongest person I’ve ever known. My grandpa died like a year and a half before my mom. She lost her husband and then her daughter so close together. And then had to take in a six-year-old.”
“You’re tough too.”
“So are you.”
Jack shakes his head. “No. I’m not.”
“What you did was so brave.”
“Being brave and being tough are different. The toughness comes after you did that brave thing. And I…I’ve given up.” He trains his eyes on mine, airing his vulnerabilities. “I didn’t see the point in trying to find the light again.”
“Do you see the point now?”
“I see you.” Jack’s brow furrows, jaw tensing. He’s fighting against his emotions, and I want him to lose. I want him to give in to me, even though I shouldn’t.
I can’t help it.
“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before.” His words come out slowly as if he doesn’t want to admit it but can’t help the truth from slipping from his lips.
“Neither are you.”
He lets go of my hand and cups my cheek. “Fuck it,” he mutters to himself and tips his head down. He’s going to kiss me. My heart leaps out of my chest and the warmth spreads through me. I part my lips, moving to him. He wraps his other arm around me, hand landing on the small of my back. With a gentle push, he brings me to him.
And then we kiss.
The heat inside me explodes, going off all around me like brightly-colored fireworks. The stars swirl and time stops. Jack kisses me harder than anyone ever has before, and if we weren’t sitting down already, my knees would have weakened and given out.
“Nora!” Stephanie shouts from inside the house. Jack and I freeze. “Nora, it’s time to come in.”
I pull away from Jack, heart racing.
“Ohh-okay,” I sputter, out of breath. I inhale, finding my voice. “I’ll be right in!”
“She doesn’t know I’m up here.” Jack gives me a devilish grin. “No one can see us.”
“Not back here.” I bite my lip and turn back to Jack. We kiss again, and this time he pulls me forward. I get on his lap, straddling him. His hands go under my shirt, and the roughness of his palms against my soft flesh makes me shiver.
He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.
The back porch light turns on, spilling into the tree house. “Nora?” Stephanie calls again. Jack and I break apart once more, and I push him down. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah. Just trying to finish this chapter.”
“Finish it inside, honey. It’s late.”
“Okay. I’ll be right in.” I let out a breath and put my lips to Jack’s once more. It’s a quick kiss, and not enough to satisfy either of us. “I should go in before she comes out.”
“Yeah. I’ll hang back. Give you a minute to get her distracted. Then I’ll leave.”
“I wish I could come back out.”
“Me too.”
I gather my things and climb down the ladder and steal a glance back at the treehouse. I can’t see Jack, but I know he’s there. Suddenly, the dim light at the end of my tunnel bursts into a supernova.
Chapter 9
Jack
I never should have kissed Nora. It’s one thing to long for the forbidden fruit, to crave what it might taste like once you finally sink your teeth in.
It’s another to know just how good it is.
And Nora is the sweetest thing I’ve ever had.
If I could go back to that da
y, I’d tell myself not to do it. I’d tell myself to stay away, because one kiss is never enough, and the moment her lips touched mine was the beginning of the end. I’d tell myself she’s dangerous. Risky. Addictive.
And I’d tell myself how it’s been over a month since I gave into my yearning for her, and the kisses we steal when no one is looking are just as good as the first. I don’t know what to consider this thing we have going on between us. She’s not my girlfriend, but she’s more than a friend. We don’t hang out just the two of us, but we’re always looking for ways to be together.
Our time together is fleeting. I was busy with football—we made it to semifinals—and Nora filled her schedule with anything and everything she could. Staying busy kept her mind off of things, she told me, and I watched in awe as she dealt with her grief in the complete opposite way I do, making Nora the most productive pissed-off, grieving person on the planet.
Mrs. Freeman and her caseworker told her it wasn’t a healthy way to cope, that she was going to reach a breaking point and was putting too much stress on herself. They didn’t get it, but I did. She was desperately clinging to her old habits, making them a bit extreme without realizing it. Her grandma ran a tight ship and made sure Nora was doing everything she could to get into a damn good school. Plus, we were coming up to the holidays, and facing them without her grandma was harder than Nora was willing to admit.
When my alarm goes off that Monday morning, I get up without hitting snooze. Getting up in the mornings used to be one of the hardest things I’d do all day. When I’d finally fall asleep at night, I’d have to get up just a couple of hours later. Well, if I was lucky to get that much sleep.
Ever since Nora laid in bed next to me—even before we kissed—I’ve been sleeping better. I’d still rather not get up early but knowing that Nora is often up and outside listening to music in the morning is all the motivation I need.
It’s mid-November, and the air coming down from the mountains is cold. Nora isn’t outside, and the disappointment of not seeing her makes me want to crawl back under the covers. Instead, I get dressed and drag my ass downstairs. I’m the first one up this morning, and I have eggs and bacon on the stovetop by the time Mom comes down.
“Good morning, Jackie. You’re cooking?”
“Yeah. Remember those breakfast burritos I used to make every morning?”
“How could I forget? You ate one every morning for a year straight. Is that what you’re making now?”
I flip a piece of bacon in the skillet. “Yeah. It sounded good.”
“It does.” Mom stops in the middle of the kitchen, looking at me like I just came home after a semester away at college. Though I suppose the reality was worse. Physically, I was here the whole time, but I was just a shell of my former self.
Once the food is done cooking, I get myself a plate and sit at the table. Dad and Veronica are up now, and Veronica gets herself a small portion of eggs and one piece of bacon. She gets caught up in the diets along with Mom, though she has nothing to lose. Veronica is tall and thin, nothing but knees and elbows, and gaining a few pounds could do her some good.
I finish breakfast and go outside, needing to get out there before Veronica. Nora is on the porch again, face up to the sun as she listens to music. She’s wearing a black dress with combat boots, and her hair is hanging straight down her back.
She smiles when she sees me, getting up and hurrying over. I take her hand, pulling her around my Jeep. It’s parked on the street, giving us a bit of cover. We’re out of direct line of sight, but still visible if anyone looked hard enough. Without a moment to lose, I take her by the waist and put my lips to hers. Nora’s arms hook around my neck and she kisses me back just as hard as I kissed her.
A car drives by, but I don’t care. I don’t stop. Neither does Nora. We weren’t able to get any time together this weekend, and two days without her lips on mine is two too many. She slides one hand down and around my back, pulling me to her. I step forward, pinning her between the Jeep and my body.
“There’s no chance we can skip school again, is there?” she pants. “I want to do this all day.”
“Me too,” I grunt, pressing myself against her. I’ve learned an unwelcome lesson in self-control since I first kissed her. “But we’d do more than just kiss.”
Nora sucks in a breath and her eyes widen. Then she smiles and kisses me again. I close my eyes and melt into her. She is the light at the end of my tunnel. Kissing isn’t enough, and I don’t care if I’m being greedy. I want all of Nora.
“Charlie!” Veronica’s voice rings out from the porch. “Jack! Charlie’s headed for the road!”
Nora and I break apart. Another car is coming down the road, and I know Charlie is going to run out to greet me. I jump away from Nora and barrel around the front of the Jeep, catching Charlie at the last second. We both go down, and the base of my palm scrapes along the pavement.
“Oh my God.” Nora rounds the Jeep and crouches down, slipping her hands under Charlie’s collar. “That was too close.”
“I’m going to fucking kill my sister.” I stand, and it hits me how close Charlie came to getting run over. Nora has a death grip on his collar, but it still worries me he’s going to pull away and get hit.
“You’re bleeding.” Nora looks at my hand. The pain is pushed to the back of my mind, not a concern when I’m worried about my dog.
“I’ll be fine.” I take Charlie from her, and she grabs my hand, inspecting the injury.
“You have gravel stuck in it. Let me wash it for you. You have to take Charlie in any way.”
“Yeah.”
Keeping a tight hold on my dog, I head back into the house, seething when Veronica walks by. She gives me a guilty smile and says she’s sorry, but I ignore her.
“I’ll be right there,” Nora tells her and comes into the house with me. We go into the kitchen and I give Charlie a treat before going to the sink. Nora turns on the water and holds up my hand, inspecting the wound in the light.
“Blood doesn’t bother you?”
“No,” she answers. “I like gross things as well as creepy. Though this isn’t really gross.” She brings my hand closer. “But it might hurt to get the gravel out.”
“I have a high pain tolerance.”
Nora carefully washes my hand with soap and water. Bloody water swirls down the drain, and I’m hit with the memory of showering for the first time after getting shot.
“Jack?” Nora turns off the water and wraps my hand in a towel. “I’m right here. Talk to me.”
“Blood doesn’t bother me,” I mumble. “But just then, seeing it go down the drain reminded me of taking a shower after I got shot. Some of it was my blood. Some of it was Jason’s. I tried to stop him from bleeding to death.” My vision starts to blur, and my chest tightens. “It’s like I’m there all over again. All I can see is blood. All I hear are the screams. Even now.”
“Look at me.” She steps closer. “There’s only me. No blood. No screaming. Just me and you.”
I exhale, and my heart rate slows. “Just me and you.”
“I don’t know much about PTSD,” she says gently. “But I know it’s terrible.”
“It is. I can’t escape it.”
“Yes, you can,” she says with such determination I almost believe her. “There’s always light, Jack. Sometimes it’s hard to see, but it’s there. You’ll find it.”
“I think I already did.” My heart is in my throat and my stomach flutters. I’ve never felt this way around anyone before. Whatever Nora is doing to me…I don’t want her to stop.
The floorboards creak and we both turn, seeing Mom come into the kitchen. Her eyes are misty, but she hides it with a smile. “I thought I heard voices. Hello, Nora. How are you, dear?”
“I’m good, thanks. And you?”
“Running late for work, as usual.” Mom’s eyes focus on my hand. “What happened?”
“Veronica let Charlie out. I had to dive to get him befor
e he got hit by a car.” I unwrap my hand and inspect the damage. My skin is torn, but it’s not deep. It’ll make playing football a bitch, though. Mom gets me a bandage, smiling and stealing glances at Nora.
“Have a good day,” Mom says, and walks us to the door. “And thank you, Nora.”
“Uh, you’re welcome,” Nora replies, unsure what Mom’s talking about. She catches my eye and winks, and I get it. Mom was listening to us the whole time.
* * *
“You have some nerve.” Alice Bloom puts her hand on her hip, narrowing her eyes the moment Nora and I stop in the hall near her locker. She drills her gaze into Nora, then looks up at me, batting her lashes and smiling.
“What are you talking about?” Nora pulls her heavy backpack up on her shoulder. She’s stuffed it so full of books it looks like it’s gonna burst.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Alice shifts her gaze back and forth from me to Nora. “I saw you two this morning.”
Fuck. “Yeah, we ride to school together.” I take the heavy bag from Nora and force myself to stay calm. “She’s my neighbor.”
“Don’t play dumb with me.” Alice’s nostrils flare and she stares daggers at Nora. “We have a girl code, and you had to go whore around. I should have known you’d be a slut. You could do so much better than this piece of washed up L.A. trash, Jack.”
“Shut the fuck up.” My voice rings out louder than I anticipated, but I’ll be damned before someone insults Nora. God forbid anyone hurt her.
Alice is taken aback by the venom in my voice, but she recovers quickly. “You just proved it.”
Veronica, having heard me swearing, is on her way over. “Proved what?”
Alice bites her lip and smiles. “Nora is fucking your brother.” She holds her hand up, giving a little wave with her fingers as she walks away. “Have fun, kids.”
Nora looks up at me, shaking her head. “We’re not—I’m not—we aren’t fucking.”
Veronica’s brow is furrowed, and she turns her head down, staring at the floor. She’s always been possessive of her friends, having accused me in the past of flirting with them. In her defense, a few have used her in an attempt to get to me. Little did they know hurting my sister was a one-way ticket to get on my shit-list.
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