My phone rings, vibrating in my back pocket. I pull it out and decline an incoming call from home. I’ll deal with whatever consequences are coming my way later. Right now, Nora needs me.
Her purse is between us. Using my phone for light, I look inside for her iPod and put her playlist on shuffle. I scoot over into the middle seat and give her one of the earbuds. She puts it in and takes my hand. The harder I try not to watch the clock, the worse the sense of urgency builds up inside me. Nora must feel ten times worse.
The miles pass and minutes turn into an hour. Nora rests her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes. Stephanie tries to make small talk, but the car is too tense, and it feels awkward and forced, which is exactly what it is.
The parking lot of Meadow Haven is empty save for a few cars I assume belong to the staff. The front doors are locked at this hour, and we ring a bell and wait for someone to come get us. A nurse’s aide takes us to Mimi’s room and the sight of her lying motionless in the bed makes my stomach hurt.
Nora lets go of my hand and goes to her bedside. I hang back, not sure what to do.
“Should we go in?” I whisper to Stephanie.
Her eyes are glossy. “Let’s give her a minute. She knows we’re here.”
Watching Nora cry and not being able to do anything to ease her pain is one of the worst feelings in the world. She takes Mimi’s hand and talks to her, tears falling freely from her face. The nurse comes back, checks on Mimi and pulls Stephanie aside to talk to her.
I go into the room and stand behind Nora, hand resting on her shoulder.
“Do you think she can still hear me?” Nora’s voice is paper thin.
“Yeah. I do.”
“Good.” She brushes Mimi’s hair back. “I told her it’s okay to go. She doesn’t have to suffer anymore. She doesn’t need to worry about me. I’ll be all right.” Nora wipes away her tears. “I have you.”
Guilt twists inside of me. “Yes. You do. You will always have me.”
* * *
We walk out of the nursing home at three-thirty in the morning. Mimi hung on for hours, listening to Nora read her favorite book. I’ve seen death before. I’ve watched life leave and have seen a body become nothing more than an empty shell.
Watching it slowly happen over hours is different, and I can’t tell if it was better or worse. I tried to find the peace within the morbidity, to reassure myself ‘she’s in a better place,’ but it all felt like bullshit.
The sun is coming up when we pull into the Kellers’ driveway. Several times, I thought Nora fell asleep on the drive home. I’d look over, and find her eyes wide open, staring into space. It was her grandma’s wish to be cremated with no funeral. Nora told us Mimi thought funerals were a waste of money and didn’t want to put Nora through the heartache of planning one.
So this is it. Her ashes will arrive in the weeks to come. Nora boxed up the few personal possessions Mimi had in her room and brought them home.
“Thanks for coming, Jack.” Stephanie pulls her purse over her shoulder and Doug takes the box from the front seat. “I know how much you two care for each other.”
Did she know too? “Yeah. I do care about her.”
Nora gets out of the car and the wind tousles her messy hair. Her brilliant eyes are bloodshot and puffy from crying.
“We’re going to take this in,” Stephanie says, and she and Doug shuffle forward. “Come in soon and get into bed, okay? You need sleep.” They go inside through the garage, and I realize they’re giving us a few minutes alone on purpose.
I envelope Nora in an embrace and put my lips to hers, tasting salty tears. Nora throws her arms around me and kisses me hard. The desire I always feel for her surfaces, hot and desperate. I kiss her back even harder. She needs this just as much as I do.
And she has no idea this might be the last time.
Chapter 17
Nora
I wake up around two in the afternoon and sit up in bed. Bright sunlight streams through the window, but the world feels dark. I run my hands over my face, feeling like the same scared and angry girl I was when I first came here.
My phone vibrates from a text. The battery is almost dead, but I don’t feel like getting up to plug it in. Veronica sent me a handful of texts, telling me she’s sorry for my loss and letting me know she’s home again—but not contagious—and can come over with movies and junk food if I want her to.
The next is from Becca, and I have no idea how she knows. I didn’t text her about Mimi. I read her message twice, making sure I read it right.
Becca: I just heard about Mimi. OMG, Nora, I’m so sorry.
Me: Thanks :(
I send the text and get a response seconds later. The phone is like an appendage for Becca. She always has it on her.
Becca: She’s in peace now. Probably redecorating Heaven or something
Her words make me smile and miss her. My life back in L.A. becomes more distant with each passing day.
Becca: I’m trying to get my mom to bring me over spring break. Please tell me there are five-star hotels in the mountains.
Me: Keep dreaming. There is a nice motel along the lake. It looks like something Sam and Dean would stay in.
Becca responds with an eye-rolling emoji. It feels good to talk to her and will be even better to see her, well, if her mom brings her. Becca’s parents aren’t involved at all. She spent a week at my house once and it took them five days to notice she wasn’t home.
Me: How did you know about Mimi?
Becca: Some hot guy named Jack sent me a message on Facebook. Total creep if you ask me. He seems pretty obsessed with you ;-)
I lean back against the pillows, feeling my broken heart start to mend. I got rid of my Facebook account the day before I was put into foster care. I didn’t want my old friends seeing how shitty my life had become.
Me: I’m pretty obsessed with him too.
Becca: Why have you not shown me pictures of him before? He’s fucking gorgeous.
He’s so much more than that. I start to type a reply and my phone dies, forcing me out of bed. My stomach grumbles, reminding me I haven’t eaten since yesterday. I go to the window, looking out at the mountains. Right when I thought I was all right, all the emotion catches up.
Mom, Dad, and Mimi are all up there without me. Waiting for me. Watching over me and wanting me to live my life.
“I’m trying,” I whisper.
Movement catches my eye. Jack’s jogging down the alley with Charlie. Melting snow splashes under his feet, and he looks up, catching my eye. I point to the treehouse and hold up my hands, trying to send him the message of ‘meet me in ten minutes.’
He nods and cuts through his yard, disappearing into his house. I plug in my phone and get dressed. Stephanie is downstairs in the living room, sipping a cup of coffee while watching TV. She sets her mug down on the coffee table and stands when she sees me.
“Hey, sweetie. How are you holding up?”
I’m grateful for her concern. Really, I am. But when I’m sad, I just want to be left alone. Being pitied is awkward.
“I miss her,” I say quietly. My words trigger a hug from Stephanie. “I’m going to sit outside and read.” I step back and hold up my Kindle. “I want to be alone, and the snow is melting. It might be the last time I see it for a while.”
“If we’re lucky. Wear your coat. It’s still chilly out even with the sun.”
“I will.” I pull a blanket off the back of the couch and get something to eat on my way out. My Kindle battery is dead, but I didn’t plan on actually reading anyway.
Melting snow drips through the open windows and cracks in the treehouse. I find a dry spot to sit and look around, imagining this little place as brand new. It probably wouldn’t take much to get it looking nice again, though my knowledge of construction is next to nothing.
Squinting from the sun, I look through the door of the treehouse at the mountains. Mentally exhausted, I fell asleep soon after arriving back at t
he Kellers’ last night, and self-preservation allowed me to sleep through the night. I haven’t been awake long enough to process everything, to let myself feel.
And what I feel isn’t what I expected.
“Hey.” The treehouse shakes a bit as Jack climbs the ladder and gets inside. He moves away from the door as fast as possible, going to a damp spot on the floor.
“Come here,” I tell him, patting the blanket. He eyeballs it then looks out the door as if he’s trying to figure out if anyone will be able to see him or not. He sits and takes my hand but doesn’t kiss me.
“Were you able to sleep?” he asks.
“Yeah. You look tired, so I’m guessing you couldn’t.”
He looks away. “I slept enough. How are you?”
“I don’t really know. That doesn’t make sense.”
His arms go around me. “It makes perfect sense.”
“It’s like I lost her three times.” My voice is small, and the emotions start to surface. “The day I found her was the hardest. Things went from normal to my worst nightmare. I held out hope they’d be able to reverse the brain damage. We’d get that normal back again. When they told me it was permanent and there wasn’t much of Mimi left inside anymore, it was like losing her again. I lost all hope. I lost my home. I had to put my grandma in a nursing home and was taken hours and hours away.”
“But she was still there.”
“Right.” I rest my head on Jack’s shoulder. “But it was almost worse. If she was aware of what was going on, she would have hated the rest of her life. She told me before she never wanted to end up that way. Her mother died of dementia and I don’t know how many times she told me if she ever got like that, she’d want me to end her misery.”
“I agree with her there.”
“Me too. I felt so guilty every single day. I was here, and she was there. Now she’s not there, and I’m just here. Am I a terrible person for feeling some sort of relief?”
“No. You’re the furthest thing from a terrible person.”
“I’d give anything to have her back. Her old self back. Not the version of herself she’d hate. Seeing her sitting there in that wheelchair…” I feel myself start to crumble. Jack kisses me, sealing the cracks in my heart. He takes me in his arms, leaning back against the wall. He’s stiff, and the darkness is back in his eyes.
I twist in his arms to look into his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“You seem tense. What’s going on?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Saying ‘don’t worry about it’ makes me worry even more. Talk to me, Jack. What’s wrong?”
A line forms between his eyes. “My parents know about us.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It is a bad thing,” he spits. “They know about us sleeping together. My dad wants me to break up with you.”
The world spins around me and I’m afraid if I move I’ll topple out of the treehouse and shatter into a million pieces when I hit the cold hard ground. “Why?”
“You’re a minor. I’m not. He thinks if your caseworker found out she’d be obligated to report it and I could get in trouble.”
My heart speeds up and panic takes over. I can’t lose Jack. He’s the only person I love who’s left. “We’re so close in age though. And I’m more than competent enough to know what we’re doing.”
“I agree, but my dad is being an unreasonable asshole over it. And it’s my fault they found out.” His jaw clenches and he looks away. “Remember that bra you couldn’t find? Well, my mom found it.”
I cover my mouth with my hand. “Oh, shit.”
“It must have been balled up in the sheets or something. I forgot about it and took the sheets downstairs to the laundry. My mom offered to do my laundry to be nice, and I didn’t think anything of it until it fell out on the floor. In front of my dad.”
I clutch Jack, afraid if I let go he’ll disappear forever. “What’s going to happen?”
“Nothing,” he promises. “I’m not breaking up with you. I love you, Nora. I always will. We’ll have to make sure we don’t get caught. My dad’ll make it hard for me to be alone with you but give it a month and he’ll loosen up. He and my mom have never been good about sticking with punishments.”
“We can still be friends, right? Technically the only thing that can get you in trouble is sex. Should we wait until my birthday?”
Jack looks appalled I’d even suggest it. Then he sighs and nods. “If we have to wait, we will. Or we can be more careful. I don’t think I can go nine days without touching you let alone nine months.”
I rest my head on his chest and hear his heart beating just as fast as mine. “You know, the legal age of consent is sixteen in Nevada.”
“Let’s take a really long road trip there.”
Some of the tension leaves. “I’ll pack my bag.”
“I’ll keep the Jeep gassed up. Just tell me when and we’ll go.” He hugs me tighter. “Sorry, Nora. I didn’t want to tell you this so soon after everything that happened yesterday. My dad’s an asshole.”
It’s easy to agree with Jack and be angry at his father, but I also admire his concern for his son. “He just wants what’s best for you.”
“You’re seriously defending him?”
“No, not exactly.” I push my hair back. “I guess not having parents anymore gives me a different perspective, and I don’t mean to pull the orphan card. You’re lucky they care about you.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Did you get in a lot of trouble?”
“My dad wanted to put me on house arrest, but my mom put a stop to it. He’s at work right now, which is how I was able to get away.” He runs his hand over my hair. “Veronica tried to say the bra was hers to keep us out of trouble.”
“That’s really sweet of her. But no one even came close to believing her, did they?”
“Not for a second.”
“The price to pay for having big boobs, I guess.”
Jack looks down at my breasts. “Fuck, I’m going to miss them if we really do have to wait.”
Seeing him look at me with such lust makes my desire match his. I want to push away the grief and heartache and fears of being alone and just feel good. Really good. The kind of good making love to Jack brings.
I bite my lip and look at him, and it’s like he knows my thoughts. We kiss, falling back onto the damp floor of the treehouse. Jack is on top of me, and I widen my legs, feeling him against me.
“No one can see us up here,” I pant between kisses.
“They can from certain angles.” Jack bunches up my shirt. I don’t think he cares if anyone can see us. Charlie runs to the fence line and starts barking. Jack and I break apart, and I move to the window, peeking out.
“Jack?” Mrs. Harrington calls. “Are you out here?”
“Shit,” Jack mutters. “Stay here. I’ll, uh, I’ll say I was here alone.”
Mrs. Harrington calls Jack again, and he climbs down from the treehouse. She asks him what he was doing up there, but I don’t hear his response. I wrap the blanket around myself again and stare at the mountains. Mimi isn’t there anymore, but it feels like she’s here. I never bought into the whole ‘they’re in a better place’ crap before, but now I’m seeing some merit in it, and it gives me a sense of peace.
“Nora?” Stephanie steps onto the back porch a few minutes after Jack left. I move to the door of the treehouse.
“Yeah?”
“You have visitors.”
“I do?” I grab the blanket and my Kindle and climb down, meeting Stephanie on the deck.
“The Harringtons are here.”
My heart stops, mind flashing back to what Jack said. I’ve lost everything. Literally everything. I can’t lose him too. He just got through telling me how we need to be more careful and we almost got caught. Again.
Maybe we should wait until my birthday, because the moment his lips touch m
ine, all control is gone.
“If you’re not up for visitors I’ll tell them to leave. Laura brought cookies and wants to give her condolences.”
I want to ask if Jack is with her, but I bite my tongue. She did say the Harringtons, so it has to be more than just Jack’s mom. Charlie is still at the fence line. I speed walk over to give him a pet before heading into the house.
Mrs. Harrington, Jack, and Veronica are in the living room. My eyes go to Jack and it dawns on me just how incredibly awkward it is to be in the same room with his mom, who knows we’ve been getting naked together.
“I am so sorry for your loss,” Mrs. Harrington says and gives me a hug. “If you need anything, you let us know, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks.” I leave it at that, since saying I need thirty minutes alone with your son won’t go over well. “How are you feeling?” I ask Veronica.
“Much better. I’m bored.”
Stephanie laughs. “That’s always a good sign.”
“Will you be back at school tomorrow?” I pull my hair over my shoulder and twist a strand around my finger.
“No, I have to stay home and rest for one more day. And then the weekend,” she grumbles. “Are you going back?”
“Yeah, I don’t want to get behind.”
Jack blinks. “Really?”
“There’s no point sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I’m already stressing over the decrease in extracurriculars I’m in from last year.”
Stephanie’s brows come together in concern. “Take time if you need it, dear.”
I move my head up and down, then grab a cookie from the plate Mrs. Harrington brought.
“Do you want to come over and watch a movie?” Veronica asks. “I’m not contagious.”
Mrs. Harrington shifts on the couch. “I think it’s best to give Nora some time alone. I have to go to the store in a bit anyway.”
Veronica’s eyes narrow and she looks at Jack. The only reason I can’t hang out with her is because her parents don’t want Jack and I alone together.
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