Nora circles her thumb over my palm. “Do you still have the nightmares?”
“Yes. Peaceful sleep is still a foreign concept to me.”
“I should bring you my salt lamp and set up a diffuser in your room with lavender oil at night.”
“All I hear is you being in my room at night.” I squeeze her, ticking her sides. Nora laughs and tries to squirm away. I hold onto her, ticking her again.
“Jack!” she squeals and pushes me away. “Stop.”
I move on top of her. “Stop what? This?”
“Yes!” She laughs, bending her legs up. Our eyes meet and suddenly my heart is racing again. She drags her fingers up the back of my thighs and lifts her head off the pillow to kiss me. Getting lost in Nora is easy to do. It’s even easier when it’s the first time in years. The same goes for her, and neither of us hears the door open and close, or someone walk up the stairs.
Veronica lets out a strangled scream of shock and disgust. I’m naked on top of Nora, and if it wasn’t for the blanket, my sister would have just gotten a full view of my ass. I turn, seeing Veronica cover her eyes and try to blindly walk into her room.
“Sorry, sorry!” She smacks into the wall. Nora grabs the blanket and pulls it down over us. “I’m not looking,” Veronica says and finally gets into her room. The door shuts and I look back at Nora.
“Just like old times,” I say.
Nora shakes her head, smiling. “Almost. We should get dressed.”
“Yeah. We should.”
I take one more lingering look down at her, memorizing everything about this moment. Keeping the blanket over her body, I get up and put on my boxers, then find Nora’s clothes. We dress in silence and sit back on the bed together.
“I didn’t notice your room is different.” Nora looks around at the newly painted pastel green walls.
“My mom is eager for grandkids. She’d take the bed out and put in a crib if my dad would allow her.”
Nora gathers her hair in her hands, twisting it over her shoulder. “Were you with someone before that made her think she’d get grandkids?”
“Only you, but she wasn’t hinting for me to knock you up in high school or anything.”
She looks at me in question.
“I haven’t dated or even hooked up with anyone else. I tried,” I tell her. “But no one compared to you. I didn’t want anyone to compare to you because I didn’t want anyone but you.”
“Jack,” she breathes.
I put my hand on the back of her head and pull her in, bringing her lips to mine.
“Seriously?” Veronica’s voice comes from the hall. “You have your own house, Jack.”
“It was too far.” I move away from Nora. “We couldn’t wait that long.”
“Gross.” Veronica peer around me. “Hi, Nora.”
“Hey,” Nora says.
“It’s nice to see you guys together again. I mean not in that way, but I think you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Nora says, not saying that we are far from together. Even though I was just inside her, it still feels like there are mountains between us. “I should go. Stephanie and I are going out for lunch.”
I give Veronica a look, trying to get her to go the fuck away. She stands in the doorway, curious, and I know she misses Nora. They were friends too, and Nora was the only one in Veronica’s group who didn’t judge everyone around her.
“What happened to the lake?” I ask.
“It was too crowded, and the sand got so hot it burned to walk on.”
Nora chuckles. “You mountain folk really don’t handle heat well.”
“It hasn’t been this hot in ten years,” I tell her.
“I like the heat.”
“I remember.” I put my hand on her thigh, losing the mental battle of Keep My Hands Off Nora I was playing with myself. “You like short dresses.”
“I do. They’re comfy.”
“Yeah…comfy.” I grin and Nora blushes. Not from embarrassment, but at the thought of fucking each other again.
“Well.” Veronica pushes off the wall. “I’m gonna shower. I can still feel sand in my hair. See you later, Nora.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you will.” Nora stands. “I really should go and see if Stephanie is back from the store.”
I get to my feet and pull the yellow quilt off the bed to toss in the laundry.
“Isn’t your mom going to wonder why the top blanket from the unused guest room is in the laundry?” Nora raises an eyebrow.
“Probably. I’ll say Charlie brought a bone up here and got slobber all over it or something. He’s done it before.”
“I haven’t seen your Mom yet.” Nora untwists a strap on her tank top. “I always liked her.”
“She’s easier to get along with than my dad, that’s for sure.” I walk Nora outside, picking my shirt up from the floor in the living room.
“Are you going to be here later?” she asks when we get to the porch.
“How much later?”
“A few hours, maybe.”
“Charlie likes the air conditioning, so we’ll stay for a while,” I say, and she smiles at me. “What?”
“I think it’s cute the way you take care of Charlie.”
“He’s a damn good dog.”
“He is.” Her eyes go to the living room window. Charlie is looking out at us, tail wagging. “But I asked if you’d be here because I think we should talk about what happened.”
My stomach drops. There’s nothing to talk about. We made love. After years of missing each other, of dealing with the daily agony of a yearning heart, she’s back and we’re together.
But not to her.
I thought the pain would subside if I could have her one more time, but it only made it worse. Reminding me of what we had—of what I threw away—was like rubbing salt in a wound that’s been slowly bleeding for the last four years.
Chapter 29
Nora
“Hey, hun.” Stephanie unloads a bag of groceries onto the counter. I look down at myself, quickly making sure my clothes are on right, and go in. “Did you go out for a walk? Your cheeks are flushed.”
Shit. “Yeah. A walk. It’s hot out.”
“It is. Be careful in this heat.”
Stephanie sets a bottle of orange juice on the counter. “I see Jack is visiting next door. Have you talked to him again?”
“Yeah. Today, actually.” We did talk, amongst other things.
“How’s talking to him again? I know how hard the break up was, and how much you’ve avoided him.”
“I haven’t avoided him.”
Stephanie gives me a look that says she knows I’m full of bullshit.
“Okay, fine, maybe I have a little.” I reach into the reusable cloth bag for a bunch of bananas. “And it’s…it’s weird.”
“A good weird or a bad weird?”
I put the bananas in the fruit basket on the island counter. “I’m not sure yet.” The type of weird we just experienced was a good weird. A very good weird. “It took me a long time to get over him, and now that he’s back…it’s like it’s undoing the progress I made.”
“Do you want to be over him?”
“I don’t know.” I pull apples from the shopping bag next and take them to the sink to wash before I put them away. “Yes. I do.” I turn on the water. “Honestly, I just want to be happy.”
“Does Jack make you happy?”
I sigh. “I don’t know either. He used to.” I stick an apple under the water, scrubbing it with my hand. My relationship with Stephanie flip flops from motherly to friendly, which is weird enough on its own. It’s not something I’m able to explain very well to others. She came into my life when I was at the crossroad to adulthood, at a point where I needed support and guidance but not the full discipline of a mother. Sometimes she feels more like that mother figure, and other times she’s more like the cool aunt I can tell anything to. Right now, she’s a mixture of the two.
Stephanie puts a carton of eggs into the fridge. “Higher than your chances of meeting a cute, single guy at school?” She gives me a look, and her silence says more than words. I never talked about a guy I liked. Never mentioned a boyfriend.
Because I didn’t have one.
Jack wasn’t the only person who couldn’t move on. I tried, really, I did. I went out with Becca and even let her set me up on a few dates. Most of the dates were terrible, but a few guys were more than decent. Kind. Smart. Interested in more than hooking up. I went on three dates with a guy named Phillip.
The first was a double date with Becca and her boyfriend at the time, the second was to dinner and a movie, and the third was to a New Year’s Eve party. It was one of the rare occasions I had anything to drink and underestimated the effect one cocktail would have on me.
Drunk, I decided to finally try out Liam and Becca’s advice to sleep with someone else as a way to finally get over Jack. Phillip took me back to his place and we started making out. I called him Jack twice, but for the sake of getting some, he let it slide. Things heated up and he went to finger me. My period had started without me realizing it, and the sight of blood on his fingers made him throw up.
We never went on a fourth date.
Stephanie and I put the rest of the groceries away and then go out for lunch. Jack’s Jeep is still parked in front of the Harringtons’ house when we arrive back after eating. The hope it brings should clue me in on the feelings I want to deny. I shouldn’t have slept with him. Too much time has passed to pick up where we left off and sleeping with him is only going to complicate things more than they already are.
Stephanie leaves to go to her friend Melissa’s house, helping her with the difficult foster child situation. I shower, then sit on my bed and text Becca.
Me: I did something really stupid
Like usually, she answers right away.
Becca: How stupid?
Me: I-need-to-call-you stupid.
Becca: Are you in jail?
Me: Yes, they let you keep your phones so you can text in jail. Are you free?
A call comes through from Becca two seconds after I sent the last text.
“What did you do?” She cuts to the chase.
I flop back on my pillows. “I slept with Jack.”
“Oh, wow. How was it?”
“Really, really good. But I shouldn’t have done it, right?”
“I don’t know. I’ve slept with a handful of my exes. It’s convenient and familiar, but we both knew it didn’t mean anything to us. Did sleeping with Jack mean something to you?”
I bring my hand to my forehead and close my eyes. Jack’s face is right there on the surface of my memories. “I don’t know. It did to him. He told me he still loves me.”
“What the fuck? Really?”
“Yeah. He said he never stopped, and oh my God, Becs, what do I do?”
“I can’t answer that for you,” she says gently. “But I think the fact you hooked up with him already and haven’t slept with anyone over the course of getting your fucking degree says something.”
Her words hit a nerve, and I know she’s right. “I think you were onto something about him being familiar.”
“Sure. That’s all he is to you. Familiar,” she says sarcastically. “How’s everything else there?”
“Pretty much the same, actually. I got invited to the high school mean girl’s bachelorette party. Don’t worry, I’m not going.”
“It could be fun.”
“If you were with me, I’d consider it. How’s everything at home?”
“Good. Binx likes getting the extra treats I give him. Liam and I are double dating tonight.”
“Ohhh, sounds fun.”
“I hope so. Ray’s been hinting he wants to take things to the next level and I just don’t know…I don’t love him like you love Jack.”
“Real subtle there, Becs.”
“Damn, I was hoping you’d agree. But I don’t. Ray’s a nice guy. He has a job and a house…it makes sense to date him. But that crazy passion isn’t there. I’m not sure if I should wait it out or break up with him now.”
“I am the last person who should give relationship advice,” I start. “You’re talking to the girl who spent years getting over her ex only to sleep with him twenty-four hours after seeing him for the first time again. I like Ray. He is nice, but if you don’t feel it, you don’t, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Right. Just like if you do feel it…”
“Hah-hah. No.”
“What’s so bad about admitting you still have feelings for him?”
I shake my head, forgetting she can’t see me. “I guess nothing, but I don’t.”
“If you say so. I’m headed out for a run. I’m here if you need me. Miss you!”
“Miss you too. Bye, Becs.”
I hang up, thinking about what was said. There isn’t anything wrong with getting involved with Jack again. It’s everything that comes after. He broke my heart. Twice. What’s stopping him from doing it again?
* * *
“Hey, Nora!”
I look up from the mailbox, squinting in the late afternoon sun. “Veronica, hi.” I tuck the mail under my arm and walk down the sidewalk to the Harringtons’ house. Veronica is sitting on the ground in the yard, painting a birdhouse. “Sorry for earlier. It was a little awkward.”
“More than a little,” she teases and sets her paintbrush down. “It’s okay. I always liked you and Jack together. I was so mad at him after he broke up with you. I love my brother, but he can be a real dumbass sometimes, and breaking up with you is the dumbest thing he ever did. He was miserable, by the way.”
I bite my lip. “How miserable?”
“Very.”
“I was too.”
“He went home to use his other computer or something. I assume that’s why you’re here.”
“Actually no. I thought I’d say hi.”
“Oh. Well, hi.” She picks up her paintbrush again to add another coat of pink paint to the birdhouse. There’s another one in a bag next to her, unpainted.
“Need help?” I ask.
“That’d be great if you don’t mind. There’s a bird nest on the patio where I like to lay out, and they’re shitting everywhere. I feel bad moving it, so I’m hoping they’ll see this and want to move on their own.”
“Good idea.” I spread out a sheet of newspaper and sit on the ground. “How have you been?”
“Good. I’m still single, but I’m not a virgin anymore.”
I laugh. “I feel like I should congratulate you or something.”
“Or something.” Veronica makes a face. “It’s an event I wish to forget. I expected my first time to be epic and romantic, but I quickly figured out it doesn’t always happen like that.”
“Right.” My first time was epic and romantic. Everything about Jack back then was epic and romantic. I dip my paintbrush in pink paint. “How’s school?”
“I actually really like it. Once I switched majors, I got serious. It’s like a part of you finally rubbed off on me.”
We laugh, and guilt starts to creep in. I always liked Veronica. She was my first friend here, and I was always able to trust her. After Jack broke up with me, being around her was too painful. She reminded me of Jack and going to her house to hang out was out of the question. I suppose I could have made more of an effort, but at the time it was all I could do not to fall completely apart.
We talk and catch up as we finish the birdhouses. Veronica is meeting up with her friends later to see a movie and asks if I want to go. I politely decline but tell her I’d like to chat again at least once before I head back to Berkeley.
I try to relax and l
ounge around the house but start to feel restless. It’s dinner time anyway so I change into a dress, grab my keys, and drive into town. Along with getting something to eat, I figure I can look through the shops downtown to kill time. There are a handful of cute boutiques, including Mrs. Harrington’s store, and Becca’s birthday is coming up. I’m sure I can find something for her there. I take the first free spot to park, not minding walking a block or two in the heat.
I slow when I near a pet store, tempted to go in and blow my money on cat treats and toys for Binx. Deciding he already has enough, I step forward, only to stop again. Jack and Charlie come out of the store and we almost collide.
I extend a hand to Charlie and meet Jack’s eyes. We recently fucked, cuddled, and almost fucked again before being walked in on by his sister. This should be awkward. I should want to turn and run and pretend I didn’t see him.
But I don’t.
“Hey.” Jack readjusts the big bag of dog food he’s carrying under his arm. “You’re either stalking me or someone is trying to tell us something.”
My heart swells inside of me, and the sight of his hair, still messy from sex, turns me on all over again. “I’m stalking you.”
“I knew it.”
“I was actually on my way to your cabin to break your legs so you can’t run away, and demand you draw me a picture.”
He grins. “Funny. I was going to do the same to you. I need someone with engineering knowledge to draw up a house plan.”
I smile back. “I guess we could put our Misery plans aside and just help each other.”
“That is a possibility. Though I do like the idea of kidnapping you and tying you up in my bed.”
A woman exits the store and gives Jack a funny look. We step away from the doors and into the shade.
“Shopping for Binx?”
“I thought about it, but he doesn’t need anything.”
Jack smiles and looks down at the shopping bag hanging from his wrist. “Neither does Charlie. So, were you out shopping for yourself?”
“I guess. I got bored sitting in the house. Bored and hungry. Stephanie talked about a new restaurant down here that sounded good. I can’t remember what’s it’s called, but it serves pizza and has twenty-five different types of beer on tap.”
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