by Kaye, Nikky
“Pictures?” Dev repeated in a strangled voice.
My hands flew to my face as I groaned loudly into my palms. Pictures? That was worse than trying to tell him myself. I turned to face the street, too humiliated to look at him. Either of them. In fact, I needed to sit down and take a long hard look at myself in the mirror.
It was the one thing I’d hidden from Dev and Brett growing up, the one secret I guarded because I knew they would torture me mercilessly over it.
“I don’t get it.” Dev said dully behind me. “What are you wearing?”
Now might be a good time to walk into traffic.
“It’s a dirndl,” Dierks said. “Here, I’ll turn up the brightness.”
I looked over my shoulder to see the two men standing together with their heads bent over the phone. Dev raised his head up to catch my gaze, but I whipped my head back to face the blurry lights of the street again. Without my hat, the breeze blew my hair off my ears, making me shiver. My coat stretched across my shoulder blades as I wrapped my arms around myself.
“I still don’t understand.”
What a way to remember Vienna. Auf wiedersehen, dignity.
“It’s The Sound of Music,” I croaked.
“What, the movie?”
“Yes, the movie.” I could reel off the cast and which awards it won, but I was sure nobody would care. I turned to face them. “Dierks mentioned on Facebook he was coming to Vienna for a few days to visit friends, so we met up.”
Dev lifted an eyebrow. “And…?”
“He asked why I came to Austria.”
“You never told me, either.”
“No, I guess I didn’t…” I said slowly. I needed to rip off the bandage. “AfteracoupleofbeersItoldhimIwasobsessedwithTheSoundofMusic.”
“What?” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, what?”
Dierks clapped his hand on Dev’s shoulder and shook his head in sympathy. “It’s true. Your fiancée has a von Trapp fetish. She tried to teach me the Ländler dance.”
“Are you serious?” He looked between the two of us, his expression unreadable.
“Yes,” I said, my face hot. “I didn’t want to tell you because it’s kind of, well, embarrassing.” Now it was out there, though, I was feeling more hurt and angry. “But noooo, you jumped to the conclusion that I was cheating on you?”
His head jerked back as though I’d slapped him. “Excuse me for wanting to do some damage control when it’s all over Twitter that we broke up.”
This tantrum was all about his image? I was making him look bad? “Come on, people don’t believe everything they see on the Internet.”
“It can happen,” he said pointedly, reminding me that this fake engagement had come about just because of such a misunderstanding. “And you’re not wearing your ring.”
Crap, he’d noticed that. Reflexively I shoved my hand in my coat pocket. “I left it at home, because I didn’t want it to get lost or stol—something.”
He frowned. “But then how will people know we’re still engaged?”
Again, he was worried about his image. “According to the Internet, apparently, we’re not!” Exasperation burst out of me in a wordless growl. This was ridiculous.
“You should have gone with the nun’s habit,” Dierks suggested. “Then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Not! Helping!” I yelled.
Beside us, the parked car’s lights flashed. The owner approached, looking at us with obvious concern. “Alles ist okay?” he asked.
Dierks jerked a thumb at me, rolling his eyes. “Enttäuschte Edelweiss-Jäger.”
The man snorted and got into his car, making me wonder what the hell Dierks had said to him. As he pulled away, it was like he‘d pushed a reset button among the three of us.
Dev cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry.” He scraped his hand through his hair again, looking deflated. “I just really wanted to see you and you didn’t get back to me, and then my social media started going crazy…”
“Is that why you came? Because of that?”
“No! I came because I wanted to see you! I didn’t even know about that fucking picture until I got here.”
I was so done with this conversation. It was bad enough that Dev would think that of me, but—no, that was bad enough.
“I’m sorry,” Dev repeated. “I should have trusted you. Both of you.” His arms fell to his sides and his gaze to the pavement as though suddenly overwhelmed by the force of gravity. I knew the feeling.
“Well, this was fun,” Dierks drawled. Before he left, he hugged my shoulder again. “Forgive him, Audrey,” he murmured in my ear. “He is crazy in love with you.”
I shook my head. “You’re half right.”
He strolled down the street, leaving Dev and I alone together on the sidewalk. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by exhaustion. My feet hurt, my nose was cold, and there was a lot of unsaid shit that my fake fiancé and I had to hash out—like why he put a ring on my hand that was equivalent to a down payment on a house.
“Audrey.”
My nose prickled with the threat of tears. No! No crying!
“Audrey, I’m so sorry.” His dark eyes glittered, but I wasn’t sure if it was from tears or just the winter wind.
“Yeah.”
It was an acknowledgement and a non-answer, but he was here. I was here, and he was here and that should have made me happy. It made me happy, right? Just seeing him filled me with joy—before. Now, when I met his gaze, I wasn’t sure what to think.
Why hadn’t he trusted me? Where did we stand?
Regardless of where we stood, right now I wanted to lie down. Bedtime. My feet felt like cement blocks as I walked back to the hotel. Dev’s gaze followed me, but he didn’t.
At the door, I turned around. Dev stood silently a dozen feet away, his hair blowing around his head from the wake of a bus going past. The lump in my throat grew as I remembered the love we’d shared only a month before. He was waiting for me as maybe he’d always been. I reached out my hand.
“You coming?”
25
Dev
Audrey’s small, simple room indeed had a bunk bed, with a double bed on the bottom and a single on the top. The décor could best be described as “IKEA sale bin,” but it was clean and private.
“The bathroom is through there.” She pointed at what I thought was a closet door. “But it’s shared with the next room, so knock first.”
As soon as she mentioned it, my body’s physical needs became pressing. Audrey toed off her shoes and flung her coat on the top bunk. I did the same before slipping into the tiny bathroom.
“Did you have a bag?” she called through the thin door as I unzipped my pants.
Shit. “It’s probably still downstairs.”
There was a pause. Then, “I’ll go get it.”
I finished then washed my hands. Somehow I managed to throw water on my face yet avoid the mirror the whole time. It was easy enough to reflect on what an asshole I’d been without staring myself in the face.
Any energy I’d had—nervous, angry, excited, happy or otherwise—drained from my body as I sat on the edge of the bottom bunk, my elbows on my knees and my hands combing through my hair.
At what point had my brain stopped working in this relationship? It was hard to pinpoint when and where I’d officially lost my head. Was it in Las Vegas? India? Or was it that Christmas so long ago when I ran away from the blushing girl who’d just had her Sweet Sixteen party?
I knew then Audrey would be trouble for me. That was when she stopped becoming Brett’s annoying little sister. Audrey, the Pest.
A smile curved my mouth as I remembered trying to convince a wet and dazzling Audrey that malaria could be an exciting new life experience. Guess it was Vegas where I’d lost my mind, when trying to seduce her in a public pool with promises of romantic parasites. Now I was the goddamn parasite. I’d promised her the time and space to figure out how to live her life and then pissed all over it li
ke a dog marking his territory.
It wasn’t until Audrey came into the room again with my duffel bag that I realized I’d almost fallen asleep with my head propped on my hands. Snapping upright, I bonked my head on the underside of the top bunk.
“Fuck.”
“Oooh.” She dropped the bag at my feet and reached around to touch the back of my head. “That must have smarted.”
It was the only thing ‘smart’ about my head today, apparently. “It’s fine.”
She dropped her hand. “You’re lucky the chick at the desk hadn’t already sold on your stuff on eBay,” she said.
Looking down at the designer leather bag, I realized that I was damn fortunate that it hadn’t been stolen.
“Thanks.” I blinked at the bag. Blinked again. Oh shit. “My phone!” All I could remember was that it dropped to the ground.
“She kept that behind the desk, too.” Audrey dropped it on the bed beside me. “You really owe her a big danke schön.”
Audrey stood on the edge of the mattress beside me so she could rummage through her bag on the top bunk. “Sorry,” she said. “Just getting my jammies.” Her toes flexed by my hip, and her hip bounced by my head. It was the closest she’d been to me since kissing me in the lobby.
With a sigh, I bent over and unzipped my bag. What the hell had I even brought with me on this impulsive trip? Normally, packing efficiently was a professional reflex, like smiling for a camera.
Right now, a frown crumpled my face as I stared into a bag with five t-shirts and no underwear. What the fuck? “Uh, Audrey?”
“What?”
I looked up to see her shimmying out of her clothes in front of me. “I, um…” My thoughts stumbled as she kicked off her jeans and I saw her panties with them on the floor. She stood there, wearing a long sweater that barely covered—
“What?” She reached for a pair of pants on the bed. Then she hopped on one foot at a time to pull them on. It was a hell of a distraction for an already-fatigued man. “Dev, what is it?”
I looked down at my bag again. “I didn’t bring anything to sleep in.”
Her snort was muffled by the sweater she was pulling over her head. “So sleep naked.”
Part of me grew less fatigued at the casual suggestion, which just added to the problem. “But… it’s cold?” And you’re pissed off at me, and I don’t want my traitorous dick to get me into even more trouble.
“Work with what you’ve got,” she said simply.
Easy for her to say; she had more to work with.
She gave me a level look as she unceremoniously unhooked her bra and pulled on a tight, long-sleeved shirt. It almost looked like she was wearing thermal underwear, which maybe it was. It skimmed the curves of her body, rounding a little at her belly and creasing at the lines of her collarbone.
Within a moment she was all covered up, yet revealing more than what my lonely, Audrey-deprived brain could deal with. Her casual flaunting of her body, without knowing she was doing it, was a total turn-on. It also shamed me as a simple reminder of how much she trusted me. Awkwardly, I stood up and headed for the little bathroom, suddenly feeling shyer than normal myself.
When I came back out in my t-shirt and boxer briefs, the room was dark but for a little flashlight dangling from the rail of the upper bunk.
Audrey was snuggled into the far end of the bottom bunk, almost lost in the shadows against the wall. I knew I shouldn’t presume that I would sleep there with her, but… the duvet was turned down at the corner and that was definitely a second pillow waiting for my head.
“Get in,” she said softly. “We need to talk a little, and I’d rather do it lying next to you in the dark.”
It was almost romantic if it didn’t also sound like the beginning of the “it’s not you—it’s me” conversation. I slid into bed beside her so carefully you’d think I was trying to avoid detonating a landmine.
I lay there for about a minute, my hands folded over my belly, before speaking. “About tonight—”
“Yeah, not what I expected.”
“Me neither.”
She let out a heavy, shaky sigh. “What did you expect? I mean, you surprised me, for one—”
“It was supposed to be a good surprise.”
“And it was, for a minute—until your imagination forgot to get off the plane at the airport and just kept on going!”
“I’m sorry!” With a huff, I lifted my head and dropped it back on the pillow.
“How could you think I would do that to you?”
“I don’t. I just…”
“You didn’t trust me.” The hurt in her voice was worse than the accusation.
“I do! I trust you more than I’ve trusted any woman other than my mother, Audrey.”
She was silent. Her hand twined with mine in the dark and squeezed.
“You know me,” I told her. “Every other woman I’ve dated wanted something. They didn’t like me for me. They wanted to show me off to their friends. Or they expected expensive gifts or exotic travel, that kind of thing. And now I haven’t been able to see you or talk to you because you’re too busy burning through those air mi—”
“Wait a minute.” She let go of my hand and rolled to face me in the dark. “Do you think I’m using you? Those air miles were part of the deal.”
“The deal.”
“Yeah. You know, the one where I pretend to be your fiancée?”
“Right.” My mind whirled as I tried to figure out when and where I forgot the ‘pretend’ part.
“Maybe you’re just using me. How am I supposed to know what’s fake and what’s not?”
I rolled over to face her, too. “I told you once that nothing between us was fake, Audrey.”
“I know it’s important for your image and everything,” she went on, “but it’s not just about Mr. Sharma and the job, is it? You really care what people say about you on social media.”
Was that so awful? I propped myself up on my elbow, blocking the bit of light and throwing her face completely into shadow.
She sighed in the dark. “Can you blame me for being confused? Talk about mixed messages, Dev! You ask me to be your fake fiancée as a favor, then give me an expensive-as-fuck ring and not tell me.”
My elbow wobbled underneath me.
“Oh yeah, don’t think we’re not going to have that conversation,” she warned as she poked me in the chest. “So you say you’re in love with me, but then you turn around and not trust me. What the hell? Your mood swings are giving me whiplash, Dev.”
“Did you just quote Twilight to me?”
“Did you just confess to knowing Twilight that well? And don’t change the subject.”
I shook my head, a little confused myself. “What is the subject, now?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes!”
“Do you love me?”
“Yes!”
“Fine!”
“Good!” I yelled.
Audrey flopped on her back again, breathing heavily and staring at the slats of the upper bunk. My elbow gave way, and I lay on my side with my head on my arm, watching her in the dark.
She rolled her head toward me, and whispered, “Don’t you want to know if I love you and trust you, too?”
It was then that I realized that, despite the clusterfuck of the past couple of hours—days—weeks—months? I didn’t need to ask. Yeah, I still had to explain the “expensive-as-fuck” ring. And yes, my imagination was still on the loose. But at that moment, it seemed like… everything would be okay.
I leaned over until the tip of my nose nearly touched hers. “I trust that you love me,” I murmured, before covering her mouth with mine.
She kissed me back, her arm slung around me. Eventually, she broke away and sighed into my mouth, “I do.”
Her words went straight to my heart, via my cock. Both thrummed with desire for her. All of my doubts and fears dissolved the moment we touched, like they were sugar on my lips.
/> “I’m glad you came,” she whispered.
I couldn’t help the grin that stretched my mouth. “I haven’t, yet.”
There was a new urgency, a hunger when I captured her mouth again. I couldn’t get enough. I’d waited so long, too long to go slow and quiet now.
It was my time to claim her, to love her the way she should always be loved. I’d probably loved Audrey for ten years, but it took a fraction of that time to fall in love with her.
She spread her thighs around me, moaning as I bent my head to her neck. Her hands went down my sides then over my ass and squeezed. Greedily, she pulled me into the vee of her legs, my cock grinding against her.
“Yes,” she hissed. “There, right there.”
I braced myself with my hands and slid my hips back and forth. The air in the bottom bunk thickened with our hot breath and sharp arousal. She squealed on my next pass.
“You like that, huh?”
Audrey’s neck arched, her head tilting back on the pillow. “Oh god! I want to come,” she panted, “but I also don’t want to.”
“You may not have a choice,” I warned her. My cock was rock hard in my briefs, weeping at the tip as it sought her out.
“I want this to last.”
“We will.”
Her hands slid under my t-shirt, smoothing over my back as I thrust. “You feel so good.”
“Jesus, so do you. You’re perfection.”
My arms and legs were bare, but her form-fitting sleepwear rubbed against the hairs on my body and frustrated the fuck out of me.
She sucked on my neck at the same time as shoving her hands under the waistband of my boxer briefs. The way her fingernails clawed at my ass made me grunt and move.
Faster.
Harder.
Then she pulled them down, wriggling against me. When I reared back and froze at the sensation of air on my ass, she took advantage of my pause by snaking her right hand between us and wrapping it around me.
“Oh, fuck!”
She’d tugged my underwear down my hips enough to free me before capturing me in her grasp. I wanted to thrust into her hand, into her pussy, but I kept coming up against the smooth, knit silk of her long underwear.