* * *
This time, when Jasper woke up in Tori’s bed in her cosy gatehouse cottage, she was still beside him, gloriously naked and tangled in sheets and blankets and his arms.
Just another reason why this time had been so much better than the last. Add in five years of maturity, experience—and a far deeper understanding of each other—and the night had been, well, glorious. So much more than he’d expected, even yesterday.
‘You okay?’ Tori mumbled, turning over and looking blearily up at him. ‘I mean, was everything...okay?’
‘More than.’ He pressed a kiss against her bare shoulder, then moved his lips up towards her ear. ‘Better than the best steak and ale pie in the country,’ he whispered, and she laughed.
God, he loved that sound. Loved seeing her, hearing her, free from secrets and the past and inhibitions. They’d told each other everything now. She knew about Felix and his dad, and he knew about the boyfriend who died, who’d made her close herself off to the world.
He’d looked behind the battlements and discovered the real Tori Edwards. And he didn’t think he’d ever stop being grateful that she’d let him.
‘Do you think you can get me some more of those pies, though, when you go back for Christmas Day?’ he asked.
She rolled her eyes. ‘If I go. And if you’re still here when I get back.’
‘You might not go?’ Jasper frowned. He’d thought she’d made her peace with Liz and Henry, found some closure. He didn’t like the idea of her being all alone in the world again once he returned to the States. Not when that meant the only family she had was his dysfunctional one.
Tori sighed. ‘I’m not sure it would be a good idea. And besides, they gave me my Christmas present already, remember? Wrapped and packed in the car when I wasn’t supposed to be looking.’
‘You don’t think they’re expecting you to show up either,’ Jasper said, piecing it together. ‘But why not? Because of Tyler?’
At that, Tori tumbled out of bed, keeping one of the blankets tucked around her, and flashed him a quick smile. ‘Let’s not worry about this now. We have the party to look forward to tonight. I need to survive that before I can even think about Christmas Day.’
She was deflecting, he realised. Leading him away from the question.
Suddenly he wondered if she had told him everything about why she’d left the Moorside, after all. And if she would even tell him if he asked.
More secrets. Great.
The happy, relaxed and sated feeling he’d woken up with started to ebb away, leaving him tense and awkward again. He sat up, as Tori gathered his clothes together from where they’d been scattered on the floor, and handed them to him.
‘You can use the shower first, if you like,’ she said, with a false brightness. ‘After all, you need to go talk to your mother this morning. But I’ll see you tonight for the party.’
Then she disappeared towards the kitchen, and he heard the kettle flick on.
Brilliant.
Jasper swung his legs over the side of the bed. Given how quickly his perfect morning had deteriorated, he supposed he’d better go have that conversation with his mother before things got any worse.
* * *
Tori heard the cottage’s front door close quietly behind Jasper, and let out a sigh of relief. Then, she tipped the coffee she’d made him down the sink, and took her own cup to the tiny kitchen table where she could look out of the window at Flaxstone in the snow and think. Something she’d apparently been doing too little of lately.
The euphoria and hope of the night before had worn off quickly in the early morning light. It had felt so right, so easy, waking up beside him. The peace of a snowy winter’s day outside her window, and the warmth of his arms around her. Like the Moorside again, only better.
As if it was where they were meant to be.
What had she been thinking, bringing Jasper back here last night? Well, she knew the answer to that. She’d been thinking that he was gorgeous, she was insanely attracted to him, still, and she wanted him in her bed again. And she’d also been thinking that he was leaving soon. That he’d disappear back to the States and leave her and her mess of a history behind without another thought.
Because the truth was, as much as she hated the thought of Flaxstone without him again, it would probably be the best thing for both of them.
He was too invested, too deep into her personal life already. Tori had always kept that side of her—Vicky’s side, as she thought of it—walled off, for a very good reason. Because of the pain of the memories, of course, and because of the guilt. Because of the way Jasper—or anyone—would look at her if they knew how she was responsible for Tyler’s death. But mostly because she knew it could all too easily happen again.
She wanted things. She wanted success, she wanted a career, she wanted to go places and see things and do stuff that her mother could only have dreamed of. Even if, so far, she hadn’t quite made it out of Yorkshire. It was that selfishness that had killed Tyler.
And it hadn’t changed.
She’d tried—really she had. Straight after his death, she’d vowed she’d never put her personal ambition above what her loved ones wanted again. But that wasn’t who she was. She was Victoria Edwards and she wanted. No amount of love could change that, and eight years definitely hadn’t.
Which was why it wasn’t fair to get involved with people, not when she knew that she’d always choose her own ambition over them, and only end up getting them hurt. Or dead, in Tyler’s case.
He’d told her, to her face, that if she left for university bad things would happen. That he wouldn’t cope without her. And he’d been right.
But she’d gone anyway.
A better life for her meant a worse life for other people. But she was such a terrible person that she still couldn’t stop wanting.
She’d wanted Jasper. But this morning, hearing him ask about Henry and Liz and Christmas at the Moorside, she’d realised what a mistake that was.
Jasper couldn’t be an anonymous one-night stand. Even last time he’d been a risk, but she’d wanted so badly she’d taken it anyway, and lucked out when he’d left without seeing her again. He’d always been too desperate to break through her walls—through curiosity more than anything, she suspected. Jasper hated anyone having secrets he didn’t know and understand—just look at his reaction to the news about Felix.
What would he do if she told him hers? Explained exactly why this couldn’t happen again?
Tori had a horrible feeling she was going to find out, and soon. Certainly before he left for America again. Because Jasper never let secrets stay hidden.
* * *
Jasper found his mother exactly where he expected to find her: settled on the loveseat in her small sitting room, looking out over the gardens, a tea tray at her side and a murder mystery novel in her hands. Mornings were sacred to Lady Flaxstone. In the afternoons, she’d busy about with local events, estate business, fundraising, visits and so on. But the mornings were entirely hers and not to be disturbed.
‘I’m not a morning person,’ he remembered her saying once, when he’d asked her about it. ‘I don’t even like my own company in the mornings. Why would I enjoy anyone else’s?’
Perhaps, with hindsight, he should have waited until this afternoon to broach the subject of Felix’s legitimisation with her, but now he was here, all he wanted to do was get it over with.
‘Mother?’
Lady Flaxstone looked up, obviously surprised at being interrupted. ‘Jasper? What’s happened? Is something the matter?’
He forced a smile onto his face, and took the small armchair opposite her. He always felt as if this sitting room had been designed for a race of humans about three quarters the size of the average. He was a giant in this space.
Or maybe his mother had just wanted to make it uncomfortabl
e for other people, so she wouldn’t be disturbed. He wouldn’t put it past her. She always did create her own world, her own reality, exactly the way she wanted to believe it could be.
‘I wanted to talk to you about Father,’ he said, not entirely sure where to start. ‘And...and Felix.’
‘Ah.’ His mother put down her book and gave him her full attention. ‘I was rather wondering when you would. You’ve been back three weeks now, after all. But I suppose you’ve been rather preoccupied with our Tori, haven’t you?’
Jasper blinked. Perhaps his mother’s shaping of reality didn’t mean she was completely oblivious to the real world after all. He frowned, as the thought tickled another at the back of his brain. One he couldn’t quite put his finger on, just yet.
‘Dad has spoken to you about it, then, I assume? What he plans to do? And about, well, Felix’s parentage.’ He’d always assumed that his father would have been forced to tell her something about why he’d left home so abruptly. He’d hoped it would be the truth, although he had no idea how his mother would take the news.
‘Of course.’ His mother sounded surprised he even had to ask. ‘We discussed it at length before he emailed to tell you. I wanted to ensure that your inheritance was still secure—of Flaxstone, and the title. As much as I love Felix, and agree it’s only fair he gets a decent share of the rest of the money and land, Flaxstone really is yours by rights.’ She gave him a sideways look. ‘Although I rather think your father feels that Felix has done more for it over the last five years, and not without reason.’
A strange cold feeling ran through Jasper’s veins. ‘You...agree with Father?’
‘Of course. You didn’t think he’d have decided to do this without consulting me, did you?’ Her eyes widened as she took in his expression. ‘Oh, you did.’
‘You know what Father’s like,’ Jasper replied, thinking his way through the thought process that had led him here. ‘He just decides a thing and goes for it. No consultation, no consideration of others.’
‘That’s how he used to be,’ Lady Flaxstone agreed. ‘But, Jasper, you have to understand that your leaving changed him. Maybe not as much as you’d like, but it did change him. And me, for that matter. Have you really not noticed since your return?’
‘No.’
Because I’ve been avoiding him as much as possible, just as Tori said.
Lady Flaxstone’s expression turned harder. ‘You leaving us... I’m not saying I don’t understand why you felt you needed to get away, but I do wish you’d at least talked to us—to me, or even to Felix—before you went.’
‘I—I didn’t want to drag you into the whole sordid mess. I knew Father would have to tell you everything once I’d gone, but I hoped that he’d find a way to keep you protected from the worst of it. Which was why I was so furious when he emailed with his plans to tell the world.’
‘Jasper...’ His mother sighed. ‘Flaxstone has been my whole world, ever since I came here as a bride. Do you honestly believe I wouldn’t be aware and alert to everything that happens under its roof?’
‘I...no.’ And there it was. That niggling thought slotted right into place and something stabbed Jasper around chest level. ‘Wait. Are you saying you always knew about Felix?’
‘Probably before your father did. Anna, Felix’s mother, and I were always close, and I have four younger siblings—I knew the signs of a pregnancy better than most, even if I hadn’t been going through it myself by then.’
‘You knew.’ She’d known who Felix was his whole life and had never told either of them. So many secrets... ‘Did Father know that you knew?’
‘Not at first. When he first brought me here as his bride...it wasn’t entirely a love match, you realise. Oh, we liked each other well enough, and I had faith that we could grow to love one another, but beyond that... It was the fact that I had money, you see, and Flaxstone categorically didn’t.’
He’d known all this, Jasper realised, somewhere at the back of his mind, somewhere he’d never examined it properly. Because from the earliest time he could remember, his parents had been a team, his father doting, his mother supportive. It felt too strange to imagine a time before that.
‘But when Anna started to show I sat him down, told him I knew the baby had to be his. There had been plenty of hints, you see—whispered conversations I wasn’t meant to hear, Anna’s tears and her refusal to talk to me about it. I knew. And when he realised that...he crumpled. He really did care for her, you know, but not more than he cared for Flaxstone.’
‘But he let them stay? Knowing that you knew that she was his mistress and Felix his child?’
‘I let them stay,’ Lady Flaxstone corrected him. ‘In fact, I insisted on it.’
‘Why?’ he asked. But even as he said the word, he realised he already knew. She’d shaped reality to fit how she believed the world of Flaxstone ought to be. He’d thought she’d been avoiding the real world. In fact, she’d been working it like a blacksmith with a hammer, beating it into the weapon she needed to defend her version of reality.
‘The relationship was over the day we got married, and I never saw a hint that it started up again afterwards. Anna even married, briefly, although it didn’t work out. I didn’t see why she should be punished for something your father was equally responsible for. And Felix is his son, whether he’s publicly acknowledged or not. How could I ask your father to cast him out to the world and never see him again? And once you and Felix grew to be so close... I was sure I’d made the right decision. Until you left.’
For the first time in the conversation, his mother looked uncertain—and Jasper had no way to reassure her. Had she made the right choice? He couldn’t know.
But one thing he did know for sure: everyone else had known the truth about his family except him. Everyone he cared about had been lying to him, in some cases for his entire life.
And he wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive them for that.
‘You should have told me,’ he said numbly, stumbling to his feet as he headed for the door. ‘You should have told me.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
TORI BUSIED HERSELF with her usual work around the estate that day. It might be three days before Christmas, but in lots of ways that just meant there was more work to be done. The Christmas market would be packing down that afternoon, and the ballroom was being set up for the traditional Flaxstone Christmas party that evening. Yes, the estate staff and contractors had everything perfectly under control, but that didn’t mean she shouldn’t check in on them all once or twice. Or every half hour.
Eventually, she’d annoyed everyone enough that she needed to find something new to do, so she joined Mrs Rawkins’ team in the kitchens, where she was relegated to assembling some of the easier canapés on lemongrass skewers. And that was where the earl found her.
‘Oh, I adore these ones!’ He cheerfully popped a canapé into his mouth, then grabbed a spare napkin and filled it with a few more. ‘For later,’ he explained with a wink.
‘Can I help you, Your Lordship?’ Mrs Rawkins’s words were scrupulously polite, but her expression and tone made her disapproval perfectly clear. Tori hid a smile behind a napkin.
‘Actually, I just wanted to borrow Tori, if you can spare her.’
Mrs Rawkins brightened. ‘By all means!’ she said, leading Tori to conclude she hadn’t been as much help as she’d thought here, either.
She followed the earl back up to his office. He munched his way through his pilfered canapés as they walked, making it impossible for her to start a conversation. Once they were seated on either side of the desk, the door closed, however, the earl didn’t beat around the bush.
‘I’ve considered your proposal, and there’s much to approve of in it, as always.’
‘Thank you, Your Lordship.’ A niggling feeling of guilt made her add, ‘But if we’re going to talk about the Stonebury p
roposal, Jasper really should be here too.’
‘I’ll talk to Jasper separately. Later.’ The earl looked uncomfortable. ‘I believe he spoke to his mother this morning and then took himself off for a walk. We assume he’ll be returning this time, but...’ He shrugged, and the niggle in her stomach only grew worse.
Of course he was coming back. Wasn’t he?
‘I think there’s a lot of merit in the Christmas craft farm, and I even agree that the main house might be best kept as a personal dwelling. And Lady Flaxstone has expressed some interest lately in getting more involved with wider estate projects, so this might well win her approval. And if she wants to go and stay at the hall for a while, for whatever reason, I won’t stop her. But Lady Flaxstone does not have the necessary business knowhow to get the place up and running and making a profit, even with a good manager there. In fact, it’s clear to me that if this new venture is to be a success, it must have a talented, enthusiastic and dedicated leader on site to run it.’ He leant over the desk a little towards her, before adding in a whisper, ‘That’s you, by the way.’
Tori blinked. ‘Me?’
‘Yes, you, Tori Edwards. As much as I’d like to keep you here making my life run smoothly for the rest of my years, you’re far too talented for that. It’s time for you to spread your wings and start running your own business ventures—or at least running one of mine for me to start with. Later, we’ll see what sort of deal can be done, if you want it. Otherwise it will be good experience—and lucrative enough, I hope—for you to take flight and set up on your own, if you decide to.’
Her own business. Control and autonomy and the ability to really make a success of something she believed in. Wasn’t this why she had left the Moorside Inn in the first place? She’d worked hard for the earl, and it was paying off with everything she’d ever dreamed of.
‘I do have one or two conditions, however,’ he added, and the hope that had sprung into her heart started to fade, just a little.
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