by P A Minyard
“I’m not trying to discount what you just told me,” she said, “but I hope that you are wrong about Benjamin.”
“I hope so too.” He let go of her hand.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, but neither one of them could quiet the thoughts in their heads.
13
DESPERATE INTENT
February 18, 1863
Dear Gerald,
Your kind words have warmed my heart, and I scarcely know how to respond. I do think of you often and fondly. The walk we took is a constant reminder of your gentle nature. I look to the days when we shall take such strolls again.
I am most proud of your appointment to Camp Chase. Everyone here agrees with me as well. It is an affirmation of your skills and knowledge as a soldier. Who better to train our fine young men than the best we have to offer? It’s such an honor for you. Thank you for sharing it with me and letting me be a part of it.
I do not wish to bore you with the mundane passing of time that so often passes for news in our small town. You have far more important matters that demand your attention. There is one bit of news I hesitate to mention but think you should know. Daniel has decided to return to battle. We were unable to convince him otherwise. I wish you had been here. Maybe your words could have swayed his actions. He appeared to have fully recovered from his wound, something you told us would probably not happen. I think the weight of guilt drove him back to war.
Take care of yourself and know that you are constantly in my heart. I pray for your safe return and Daniel’s return as well.
Yours in fondness,
Beth
Two weeks had passed since Joshua’s death, and there was still no sign of Benjamin. His mother and father continued to insist that they had no idea of his whereabouts. Their farm would remain somber and silent as no one dared speak of what had passed.
Spring was beginning to show itself more often, but Jonathan found no joy in the bright, sunny days. He kept to himself and shared very few words with his family. He would sit for hours at a time in the rocking chair in Daniel’s bedroom, holding tight to the pipe Daniel had left behind and staring out the window.
“Robert’s set to make another delivery to Ohio tomorrow,” his father said, breaking the silence at the breakfast table.
Jonathan seemed not to hear him. He continued to push the eggs around his plate.
“He’s asked for some help this time. Jonathan, I think you should accompany him.”
“You want me to go?” Jonathan looked up, slightly confused.
“I can spare no one from the foundry right now,” his father answered, “and I think the trip would do you good.”
Jonathan could see Beth watching their mother. They both expected her to protest, but she kept to her meal without interjecting.
“Pack your things today. You’ll have to leave early in the morning. I don’t want to hold up Robert.”
“Yes, Father,” Jonathan replied. He didn’t put up a fight or get excited; he simply remained indifferent and went back to picking at his breakfast.
The next morning, his mother rose early and packed some canned goods and baked items she had prepared to make the journey more enjoyable. She hugged Jonathan goodbye and kissed him on the cheek. He surprised her by rushing forward with a hug of his own. She shot a knowing smile to her husband, who seemed pleased with Jonathan’s reaction as well.
Down at the foundry, Robert supervised the loading of the cart. He was excited that Jonathan would be joining him, and his face beamed brighter than the sun. He waved when he saw them approaching.
“I hope you brought some warm clothes along,” he said. “It can still get quite cold at this time of year.”
“Beth checked through my things last night,” Jonathan replied. “I believe she was thinking the same thing.” He grabbed his pack and the items his mother had given him and placed them in the cart alongside Robert’s belongings. He felt along the side of his pack, making sure that Daniel’s pipe was safe and sound. Bringing it along meant that Daniel would be with him at least in some small way. He then turned back to find his father staring wistfully at him.
“I want you to know that I appreciate you doing this for me,” his father said, shaking his son’s hand. Jonathan nodded, lingering in the moment. It was the first time his father had spoken to him man to man.
“Time to go,” Robert called out.
Jonathan jumped into the seat, and then helped Robert up as well. The cart pulled away and Jonathan looked back at his father standing on the road watching them leave. Robert kept the mood light, going on about the foolishness he engaged in when he was Jonathan’s age. He talked about fishing, skinny dipping and stealing kisses from pretty girls. Jonathan enjoyed the stories and appreciated that Robert had always treated him as an equal. He couldn’t believe how quickly the day passed. Soon they were pulling into a little town, and Robert told him this was where he always spent the night the first day of the trip. Robert stopped the cart in front of the inn.
“Get our things,” he said. “I’ll check in.” Then Robert slowly made his way to the front door.
The innkeeper greeted him as always. He was short, round and bald with a warm, friendly smile. His shirt, suspenders and trousers weren’t fancy, but they were clean and well kept.
“So nice to see you again, Robert,” he said. “The usual for you?”
“I’ll need a bigger room,” Robert replied. “I’ve got some help this time.” The innkeeper waved Robert inside, and within a matter of moments the arrangements were made.
Robert turned away from the desk, key in hand.
“I’ll take the cart around the back and lock it up for you,” the innkeeper said.
Jonathan came up behind Robert with his head in the clouds. He looked around the lobby of the inn and was struck by how new everything looked.
“Just remodeled the place myself,” the innkeeper said, beaming.
“It’s a fine job,” Jonathan replied.
“Are you boys hungry?” the innkeeper asked. “I can have my wife prepare something for you and bring it up to the room.”
“That would be awfully kind of you, sir,” Jonathan said.
After dinner, the two went straight to bed and found a peaceful rest after a long day’s journey.
The next day, Robert rose before the sun. He roused Jonathan as well, and they got back in the cart at first light. They left the town right on schedule, and Robert told Jonathan they were making good time. The landscape was changing; more hills than mountains. The trees were still abundant, showing off their new green leaves. Wildflowers lined the road. The periwinkles reminded him of Beth. He often picked them for her when he was younger; they always made her face light up.
Later that morning, a small group of Union soldiers passed them on the road. They waved to the boys in support. Jonathan noticed the forlorn look on the wounded soldiers’ faces. He immediately thought of Daniel and then Joshua. He wondered if Joshua had suffered when he died and if that same fate awaited Daniel.
“What’s it feel like to be shot?” he asked Robert.
“Now, Jonathan, you don’t really want to hear about that, do you?” Robert replied.
Jonathan watched as Robert turned his way. He was visibly nervous at the question and his eyes begged for a reprieve, but Jonathan stared back with determination.
“It burns like a hot poker lodged in your muscles and you can smell your flesh cooking from the heat. I heard my leg bone crack when the second one hit me.” Robert didn’t hold back. “Some men say that they didn’t feel it at first; that the excitement of battle confounded their brain. But for me, the pain was intense and immediate and knocked me to the ground.”
“Did you pass out?” Jonathan asked, undeterred by the graphic description.
“I pulled myself to cover and kept loading and reloading my rifle until I ran out of shot. I was defenseless before the battle even ended — nothing but a sitting duck. Some of the boys pulled
me to safety when the retreat was ordered.”
“What happened after that?”
“I lost my senses when the surgeon started cutting on me,” Robert said. “At that point, I guess my body had had enough.”
Jonathan refrained from his next question. He wanted to ask Robert if he felt like he would die and what that was like, but he lost his nerve.
“Thanks for being honest with me,” Jonathan said instead.
“I think you should keep this between us,” Robert answered. “I’ve never told anyone the story quite like that.”
Jonathan swallowed hard and nodded in agreement. He stared at the ground as he replayed Robert’s story over and over in his head.
They found their way to the next town before dark, just like the day before. The room was slightly larger than the first, and Jonathan wearily placed their belongings on a couch near the far wall. He felt beat.
“Let’s go down to the pub and get something to eat there,” Robert flashed a grin. “Your father gave me extra for the trip. I see no reason why we can’t splurge a little.”
Jonathan gladly accepted the offer, and suddenly, he wasn’t quite so tired from the journey as he had felt.
The bar was noisy and filled with all sorts of people. Some of the men were rough around the edges. Their faces were covered with scraggly beards and their skin thick and brown from working in the sun all day. The ladies who walked about seemed very friendly. Their faces were painted and their clothing looked a little too small, or so Jonathan thought.
He had never kept such company before. He knew this was another story he wouldn’t be sharing.
The man who brought their food presented Robert with a local newspaper. At first, Jonathan didn’t want to look at it. In particular, he feared the engravings. But by the end of their meal, Robert had finished perusing the publication and found nothing disturbing about the pictures or articles. He encouraged Jonathan to take a look while they stayed a while longer. Robert wished to enjoy another beer.
Most of the news referred to the skirmishes that had broken out in late March. That had been the only true fighting in the spring so far. Jonathan came across a piece about the regiments bound for Virginia to join the fighting. He looked over the faces of the boys. Their somber façades were testament to the serious nature of the job at hand. They stood in rows, both hands on the barrels of the rifles in front of them. There was no fear in their eyes. That’s what struck Jonathan the most — how willing they were to face danger; to face that bullet that would sear their flesh and shatter their bones.
He was just about ready to hand the paper back to Robert, but something made him stop and take a second look at those engravings. This time he paid closer attention to the officers who stood on either end of the men. He became convinced that Daniel was one of them. The officer appeared confident and self-assured, no hint of hesitation in his stance. There was pride; the pride for his men that Daniel so often spoke of in his letters. Jonathan stared at the engraving and thought back to the day Daniel left. He had shown the same willingness as he stood in the doorway to the kitchen saying goodbye.
Jonathan folded the paper and didn’t say a word. That night he couldn’t sleep. He lay still so as not to wake Robert, his gaze fixed upon a crack in the ceiling. He couldn’t bear to lose Daniel now that Joshua was gone. He had no idea how to find him or how to stop him. He just knew that it had to be done.
The rest of the trip was uneventful, and that pleased Robert. They delivered the parts to the manufacturer right on schedule. And once the cart was unloaded, he said that they could spend some time exploring Columbus. Robert was treated like royalty by the people they met. Many young soldiers roamed the streets, and all walked up to him, shaking his hand and asking him where he fought. They all could tell by the look of his leg that he had seen battle.
Jonathan didn’t say much. The young soldiers’ eagerness frightened him. He remembered Daniel telling him how devastated everyone would be if he ran off to war and never came back, but it was Jonathan who felt lost. He respected Joshua and Daniel; idolized them; wanted to be like them, and wanted the courage and strength they always displayed. They protected others and stood tall in the face of adversity, never backing down from the good fight. How could he just stand by while his brother put himself in danger again?
They walked past a recruiting office, and the flyer in the window caught Jonathan’s eye. The print was large and bold, emphasizing the town’s pride in their boys at Camp Chase. It welcomed those who passed by to step into the office and meet the brave young men who selflessly protected their great nation. Robert stopped as well, peering through the window at young soldiers speaking with volunteers who were even younger.
Jonathan couldn’t stop his mind from racing. “Camp Chase?! Duff is at Camp Chase.” The pieces were falling into place. This was good. This could work. Duff would undoubtedly understand the severity of the situation. “But how do I get there? How do I find Duff? We’re leaving tomorrow!” Jonathan’s head swung back and forth, looking up and down the street. His panic subsided as he looked over at Robert, who still peered through the window at the soldiers. He briefly gazed inside as well, and then furiously pounded on the glass.
“Is there a problem here, laddie?” The voice was a sergeant’s, who bolted out the door. And he was followed by several soldiers.
“Have you met my friend Robert?” Jonathan said, pointing to his right. “He’s a war hero, you know.”
Robert’s face flushed with embarrassment as he glanced over at Jonathan. The soldiers from the office surrounded Robert, interested in hearing his tale. He was flattered by all the attention and began humbly telling his story. He was too distracted to notice Jonathan slipping away.
Jonathan dashed down the street in the opposite direction, running up to two officers who were slowly riding horses out of town.
“Excuse me, sirs,” he called out. They stopped and turned his way.
“How can we help you?” the first young gentleman asked.
“Do you know Duff, err, Captain Duffy, sirs?” Jonathan said, out of breath.
The two soldiers looked at each other and grinned.
“Yes. Yes, we do,” the second officer said.
“Please, sirs, he’s a dear friend of my family, and I wish to speak to him before I leave town tomorrow. Are you heading back to camp?”
“We are, but civilians are not allowed,” the second officer answered. “How long have you known Captain Duffy?” the first officer asked. “A few years now, sir. He’s friends with my brother, Major Daniel Parker.”
“Daniel Parker, you say,” the second officer interjected. “You wouldn’t happen to have a sister named Beth, would you?”
“Yes, I would,” Jonathan responded, a bit perplexed.
The first officer seemed pleased with this discovery. He reached out his hand and pulled Jonathan up on the horse. “Well, I don’t see the harm in taking him back to camp,” he said, and winked at the second officer. “Duff would never forgive us if we left Beth’s brother behind.”
Jonathan felt lucky to be part of such a fortuitous circumstance. He felt his heart skip a beat when they dropped him off at the front gate and told the guards to let him in.
“The quartermaster’s office is that building to the left,” the first officer said, pointing toward the place. “He’ll find him for you.”
“Thank you for your kindness,” Jonathan replied, slightly bowing his head.
A line of new recruits formed in the courtyard, and their drill sergeant was laying into them already. He halted his tirade when he saw Jonathan, who seemed to be walking away from the group.
“You there!” he shouted. “Get back in line, boy. You can’t go running to Mama now!”
The recruits burst into laughter.
“I’m not — I didn’t...” Jonathan stammered. He felt trapped, and all eyes were on him.
“Don’t make me drag you by your ear, boy!” the sergeant barked.
Duff burst out of the quartermaster’s office and walked right up to Jonathan, who was relieved to see him. The sergeant stopped his tirade. All turned to look at Captain Duffy.
“Is he the one?” the sergeant asked, taken aback by Duff’s choice. “Is he our sharpshooter?”
“No!” Duff said, annoyed. “He’s a 15-year-old whose older brother taught him better than this!” Duff grabbed Jonathan by the collar and hauled him back to the office.
The recruits burst into fits of hysterics.
“Stop your caterwauling, you bunch of lily asses!” the sergeant yelled. “In five more minutes, you’ll be wishing you were him!”
Once they were behind closed doors, Duff let Jonathan have it as well. “Have you lost your mind?” Duff chided. “Does your family know you’re here?!”
“It’s not what it looks like.” Jonathan threw up his hands in surrender. “I didn’t join the army. I came to see you.”
“Thank goodness!” Duff exclaimed, breathing a sigh of relief. Jonathan pulled out the folded newspaper he had tucked in the back of his pants. He showed the picture to Duff, whose eyes got wide at the sight of Daniel.
“Beth wrote to me that he had returned to service, but I thought for sure they would send him back home. He couldn’t have passed the physical.”
“That’s just it,” Jonathan replied. “When he went back, it was like he was never injured. He recovered fully from that wound. I’ve never seen him so strong.”
Duff stared back at Jonathan in amazement.
“That’s why I came,” Jonathan continued. “We have to stop him. We have to get him back.”
“Jonathan, it’s not that easy.” Duff shook his head. “How did you get here?”