by P A Minyard
He came upon a theater that had a crowd of people exiting. The evening’s play had let out, and everyone was happily chattering about what they had seen. He watched as several individuals walked around the corner of the playhouse and waited patiently at a side door. He assumed the actors would be coming out shortly to greet the fans. He had never seen an actor in person before, and caught up in the moment, joined the gathering crowd at the stage door. They eventually came out one by one to greet their fans, and Jonathan was taken by their genuine appreciation of the attention. He was becoming more aware of his abilities, particularly his empathic nature. He could actually feel their gratitude and how it warmed them inside. It was hard not to get caught up in their emotions.
The crowd hit a fever pitch when the lead actor finally made his appearance, and the shot to Jonathan’s heart brought him back down to earth. He watched the suave and debonair young man work the crowd. He was tall and slender with thick, black hair and dark-brown eyes. His jaw was strong with a perfect cleft in his chin, and all the ladies melted at his smile. Even Jonathan had to admit he was ‘right pretty’, as the phrase goes. But, he thought, he wasn’t being taken in by the demon like everyone else.
He leaned up against the wall of the nearby building, waiting for the crowd to disperse. The demon took note of his presence.
“Have you come for an autograph as well?” he asked Jonathan.
“No, sir. I’m just admiring your rapport with the ladies.”
“I’m afraid it’s one of my many talents,” the demon boasted. “You must get some attention of your own with that uniform you’re wearing.”
“I suppose it catches a few eyes,” Jonathan said, playing along. He pulled himself away from the wall and slowly approached the demon.
“Did you like the play?” the demon asked, straightening up his coat and placing his hat upon his head. He played with his hair in the back so that it didn’t stick out.
“I’d wager the show out here was far more entertaining,” Jonathan replied. He was calm and in control. There was no need to reveal who he was or what he wanted. He thought to let the scenario play out this time.
The demon smiled at the response. “Would you like to join me for a drink? It’s not every day I get to treat one of our nation’s finest.”
“How could I turn down such a generous offer?” Jonathan strode up alongside the demon.
They walked down the street a short way to a local establishment that seemed familiar to the demon. He walked in with all eyes upon him and motioned with his head to a young lady. She stepped up and led them to a private table in the back corner and waited patiently for them to settle in.
“Two glasses and my regular bottle, please,” the demon said, smiling at the girl.
She melted at his glance.
“Yes, sir, they like you very much,” Jonathan said. He was seated opposite the demon. He glanced around, taking note of his surroundings, and marveled at how calm he was with all of this.
The young lady returned with a full bottle of whiskey and two small glasses. She bowed and blushed before she left them alone. The demon pulled the cork from the bottle and poured their drinks.
“Cheers!” the demon said, and held up his glass and encouraged Jonathan to do the same.
They downed the shot in one. Jonathan could feel the liquor burn his throat, and he coughed. The demon was amused but none surprised at his young guest’s reaction. He poured again, and they slowed the pace of consumption and casually chatted. The alcohol had no effect on Jonathan, but the demon was another matter. He was very likable, and Jonathan found himself enamored by his presence. He was hanging on his every word, and in no time, had forgotten why he was even there.
Everything had a dreamlike quality about it, and the room softened to his eyes. Jonathan’s body relaxed as he slowly blinked his eyes and a soft smile crossed his lips. He leaned in over the table, supporting his chin in his hand.
“You are so young,” the demon said, and reached across the table to brush Jonathan’s right cheek with the back of his hand.
Jonathan felt some of his power, his youth, being pulled away by the demon, and it snapped him out of his trance-like state.
“I could feed off of you for days,” the demon said. “Your youth has a power I have never tasted before.”
Jonathan’s heart raced, and the look in the demon’s eye made him uneasy.
“I see now why you’re so popular,” Jonathan said. He leaned over the table, closing the gap between the two of them. He quickly glanced around to see if anyone was looking, not wanting to make a scene. His actions distracted the demon long enough to open the scar and take his power without any notice. He grabbed up the bottle and downed what was left, still trying to wrap his head around what just happened. “Oh boy!” Jonathan thought, and let out a huge sigh.
He opened the gate and casually slipped out the back of the bar without notice. He returned to his bunk in time to enjoy the cacophony of snoring that had erupted.
Now that their training was almost complete, the boys had a little more time on their hands. Those who weren’t assigned to work detail wrote letters home or played cards for distraction. Jonathan preferred to find a peaceful corner to sit. He pulled Daniel’s pipe out again and held it in his hands. He closed his eyes and waited patiently to see if he could connect with his brother. The spring day was temperate and comfortable. Were he still alive, he probably would have drifted off to sleep.
The feelings slowly crept into Jonathan’s consciousness. They were subtle, reserved and unassuming, just like Daniel. He had an understanding of his situation, but he was not resigned to it. “There’s hope in his heart,” Jonathan thought. He held on to the pipe and waited for Daniel to share a little more. He sensed concern and apprehension. He couldn’t see what Daniel saw, but he could tell it wasn’t pleasant. He could tell Daniel had distanced himself. It was as if Daniel was five feet from a window looking out and Jonathan was that much further behind. It was upsetting. The same feelings continued to wash over Jonathan again and again. He could only imagine what his brother was enduring.
He had no way of reaching out to his brother, even though it felt like he was right there with him. He found himself getting as frustrated as Daniel. Then it hit. A barrier was thrown up between them like a wall of fire exploding with all the fury of hell. Jonathan felt his very soul knocked to the ground. The shock of it caused him to drop the pipe immediately.
“There is an interloper in our midst,” Benedict growled. “He was listening to our emotions.”
“I don’t understand,” Daniel replied. He had sensed nothing unusual but was grateful for the distraction. He had grown weary of watching Benedict torture another hapless demon for information.
“He was here! He was focused on you. His empathy reeks of an angel.”
“Bernard?” Daniel wondered.
“Bernard has no such power,” Benedict hissed, still beside himself with rage. “I know not of any entity that could so freely walk among us.”
“Could Donovan be behind this?” Daniel asked.
“No! How could he?!” The suggestion angered Benedict further. “Still, the focus was on you. If he sees you as my weakness, that’s where he would attack.”
Benedict was set on edge for the first time, and Daniel had never seen this side of him. He was always in control and one step ahead of everyone else. The thought that someone had the power to undermine his position shook him to his very core. For a brief moment, Daniel sensed fear in Benedict.
Back at his training camp, Jonathan sat with his head in his hands. His eyes were tightly shut and his head pounded. Daniel’s pipe lay next to him on the grass. He had no idea what had happened. He took several deep breaths, trying to unscramble his brain. At last, the pain began to subside. His skin was pale and clammy, and he looked very much out of sorts.
“What happened to you?” Bernard asked, and sat down beside him. “I didn’t feel the gate open.”
; “It wasn’t the gate,” Jonathan replied. He was still rubbing his head with his hands. “I was connected to Daniel, then we were violently separated. I could feel heat and fire and anger.”
Bernard thought on Jonathan’s words for some time before answering. “I fear you may have unknowingly tipped our hand,” he said. “Benedict must have discovered your presence.”
“But how?” Jonathan asked, finally looking up. “Even Daniel didn’t know I was there.”
“I don’t know,” Bernard sighed. “There is much about this that I don’t understand either. You must face him far sooner than I anticipated. We cannot give him the opportunity to prepare for you.”
“I’m getting stronger but I’m not ready,” Jonathan said, looking at Bernard.
“It’s no longer a matter of being ready. It is a matter of being able to do what you must do.”
“His power is immense.” Jonathan’s voice cracked with panic. He knew the task he had agreed to would be extremely difficult, but this was his first real taste of Benedict’s potential.
“And I assure you it will continue to grow,” Bernard replied. “The sooner you face him, the better. You are capable of taking his power.”
“But he could take mine as well.” He could feel his heart racing again, but this time it was his own fear driving it.
“That was always the risk, Jonathan, and it was why I spoke up when you were asked to accept this task.” Bernard put his arm around Jonathan’s shoulder.
“I don’t want to die again, Bernard. I don’t want to leave,” Jonathan sobbed. “I’m sorry.” He broke down; the stress of it all was too much to contain. His body shook as his chest heaved. He had put up a brave front until now, but the reality of the situation finally sank in.
Bernard pulled him close and let the boy cry. Jonathan couldn’t stop the emotions as thoughts of his family and Joshua, Ben and Mattie rotated through his mind.
“You must think that I’m a coward,” he said, burying his face into his sleeve.
“You had a life worth living,” Bernard said to console him. “It wasn’t fair that you were made to give it up. Of course, you want to stay. Anyone would.” He hugged the boy tighter and kissed him on the head. “I will ask no more of you. I had no right to ask you in the first place. Go home to your family, Jonathan. You are Beloved in the Father’s eyes, and there is still much good you can do in that role.”
“You would let me walk away?” Jonathan asked.
“If that’s what’s in your heart, that’s what you must do,” Bernard said, continuing to hold his ward. He felt responsible for the pain Jonathan endured. “How could I have been so selfish?”
23
UTMOST GRACE
Several weeks passed, yet Jonathan remained with the army. He had been frightened during his encounters with the demons, but the terror he felt at Benedict’s rage was the type that could paralyze your heart and stop you cold in your tracks. There was no room for error, and Jonathan debated whether he really had it in him to save his brother. As much as he admired his older brother and wanted to be just like him, he finally had to admit that he was not Daniel and never would be. That boy was gone. The man would have to stand and choose his path.
He felt ashamed for falling apart in front of Bernard, even though his guardian had assured him that greater men had buckled under lesser tasks. Jonathan wasn’t one to give up, but the doubts were so securely planted in his mind that he had trouble looking past them. “Fear and doubt are part of human existence,” Bernard had told him. But hearing it was little consolation.
By July, Confederate and Union forces converged on Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. After his victory at Chancellorsville, General Lee decided that his forces could invade even further north. Daniel’s men were among the soldiers headed into that battle as well. General Meade was placed in charge of the Army of the Potomac by President Lincoln, and though he did not ask for that assignment, he was determined to answer the call.
The boys in Jonathan’s regiment, however, would not see that fight. They had yet to be assigned and deployed. Jonathan was at a crossroads. The next time he opened the gate could very well be his last. He knew he could not avoid Benedict forever. He would either succeed or fail; there would be no second chance. Those thoughts weighed heavily on him, and he was clearly distracted during drilling sessions that day. The sergeant chewed him out several times for having his head in the clouds at this late hour.
Jonathan separated himself again from the other boys. He could always find peace and quiet at the north end of camp. There were some trees that had not been chopped down, and he liked sitting beneath them. There was never anyone there during dinnertime. The air was still thick and muggy this late in the afternoon. Jonathan had his coat laid across his lap and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up.
“Jonathan!” Mattie’s voice was full of joy. She started to rush once she saw him, but then slowed her pace, not wanting to look foolish. She came up and had a seat on the grass facing him.
“Mattie...” Jonathan began. He was glad she had found him.
“You do know my name,” she said, seeming pleased at the discovery.
Jonathan blushed in response.
“I was hoping to find you,” she continued. “I wanted to say goodbye before your regiment left. My father has several dinners to attend, and we will be leaving town tomorrow.”
“You wanted to say goodbye?” responded Jonathan in disbelief. He was always caught off guard by her.
“Yes, and wish you good luck. I know you are a brave soldier.”
“How can you be so sure?” He was taken with her confidence.
“It takes courage to stand and fight,” she replied. “It takes even more courage to do it of your own free will.”
“I think you’re giving me too much credit,” Jonathan said, ducking his head.
“Why did you join the army?” she asked.
“What?”
“Why did you join?” she repeated emphatically.
“My brother is a major in the Union army. He was at West Point before the war began.” Jonathan said, looking Mattie in the eye for the first time.
“So you believe in the ideals he stands for,” she responded, putting words in his mouth.
“It’s more likely that I was just trying to impress him.” Jonathan turned his eyes away and started fidgeting with the flap over his coat pocket.
“Because you believe in what he’s doing and wanted to show him you could do it too.”
“I hadn’t looked at it like that,” Jonathan said. He was surprised by her insight. It sounded like something Beth would say.
“You see,” she said, smiling, “your efforts are far more admirable than you give yourself credit for.”
“But what if the prospect of battle frightens me?” he countered. “Doesn’t that make me a coward?” Jonathan looked Mattie in the eye again.
“There is nothing I have seen of you that makes me think you would run when you were needed most.” She stared back into his eyes.
“Then, you don’t know me very well,” he replied.
“Maybe you don’t know yourself,” she said in return. “I would be more worried for you if you weren’t afraid. Fear forces you to attend to matters with the utmost grace and concentration.”
“Who told you that?” Jonathan asked.
“My father,” she said. “And if your brother were here with us right now, he’d probably say the same thing. Did you ever stop to think that your brother also fears exactly what haunts you now?”
Jonathan paused at her thought. “I wish I could introduce you to my sister,” he said. A wry smile crossed Jonathan’s lips. “I think the two of you would get on like a house on fire. She always knows just what to say as well.”
“I will hold you to that,” Mattie said, smiling again. “I should very much like to meet her one day.”
“Maybe you will,” Jonathan replied.
Mattie rose to her feet as if ready to leave. Jo
nathan scrambled off the ground too, only less gracefully. They stood looking at each other. In an awkward moment, neither one of them was sure just what to do next. Jonathan felt that he’d never see her again. He stepped up and kissed her on the lips, catching her completely by surprise. Their lips parted momentarily before she kissed him back. They backed away from each other, flushed with excitement, and the awkwardness returned.
“How could you possibly doubt your courage?” she said before turning to walk away.
Jonathan stood thunderstruck as he watched her cross the length of the camp before she disappeared behind the quartermaster’s office.
The next day, Jonathan woke with a dull ache in his chest. He knew the gate was calling to him, and the nagging pain suggested it was no ordinary demon waiting for him on the other side. He still hadn’t committed to his decision, and the ache only served to frighten him further. He sat up most of the night thinking back on his conversation with Mattie. “Could Daniel really have been as terrified as I am now?” he thought. “He certainly never acted as such.” But Daniel rarely shared what he was thinking with anyone, except maybe Duff. There was no way to know for sure.
Jonathan showed more focus that day during drills. He got back on the sergeant’s good side by noon. He even volunteered for work detail helping out the cooks. He was carrying some pots back to the mess area when he noticed a band of new recruits entering the camp. He stopped and watched them line up as a corporal took the roll. They were a raggedy, skinny bunch — some with beards, others clean-shaven — with nothing more than the clothes on their backs. He watched their eyes as some of the boys from camp cheered and jeered when the sergeant stepped forward to address them. They were scared. Some even looked like they might cry. “Maybe Daniel was just as scared,” he thought.