‘Yes. He denied it and seemed genuinely surprised. He said he found the rose outside.’
‘Ah, so it could have been the one you chucked in the bin earlier. That makes me feel slightly better. But my phone isn’t the only thing I’ve lost.’ She clenches her fists at her sides. ‘I can’t find my passport.’
‘Isn’t all your stuff at your mum’s?’
‘Most of it, but I’m sure I kept my passport with me. It’s kind of stupid, but I like having it close by. It makes it all seem more real somehow. But I’ve unpacked my case twice now, and it isn’t there.’
Her words wind me and it’s my fists that are clenched now. She can’t wait to get away. Accept it, Lena.
‘You’ve left some stuff on the shelf in the kitchen, don’t forget. Books and some paperwork. It’s probably there. Why don’t you forget about it for the next few hours? I want you to enjoy this party.’
‘You’re right, it’s bound to be there. God, I’m being selfish. You must think I’m a right spoilt brat. But I need to check so I can stop worrying about it. You know how I like everything to be organised. I’ll take that stuff upstairs and have a quick look through it. Then I promise I’ll dance and drink myself silly.’
The volume in the lounge is deafening in contrast with the quiet of the hall; in here, the babble of conversation competes with the music, glasses clink against one another and the heat is stifling. Martha stands at the far end talking to three women, who look as if they are in thrall to her. She notices us going past, and I follow Ava into the kitchen, avoiding her gaze.
‘Ava, there you are,’ one of her friends says. ‘We were just talking about New York. When are you actually leaving?’
‘In two days’ time,’ Ava says, but she’s looking towards the shelf where her possessions are stacked. ‘Give me a few minutes, I’ve just got to sort something out. I’ll be right back.’
She stands on tiptoe to reach the shelf, which is slightly out of her reach.
‘Hey, let me.’ Kate, who is at least six foot tall, comes to her aid. ‘What is it you want from here?’ Her presence makes me feel jittery, and I move away from her.
‘The whole pile,’ Ava says. ‘I just need to take it upstairs.’
Kate lifts the stack of books and paperwork down in one easy motion. ‘I’ll take it up for you,’ she says. ‘It’s your party, it’s the least I can do to help the guest of honour. Where do you want it?’
‘Upstairs, first room on the left at the top of the stairs,’ Ava says. Kate looks at me as she leads the way. Our eyes meet and her smile flickers at me. It’s one of those unpleasant smiles that looks like it hides a mouthful of rotten teeth. It sends anxiety coursing through me.
Twenty-Six
2005
Ava and Lena went back into the sitting room, where people were dancing. Someone had turned the lights down and the teenagers had lost their inhibitions, letting their bodies follow the dance track that was booming out. In the semi-darkness, Ava could see a couple canoodling on the sofa. Danny was in the middle of a large group. His dance moves were fluid and unselfconscious. She wished she could be like that. He was so good-looking, and the thought gave her a shock. She looked around for Lena, as if her friend was able to read her guilty thoughts. But Lena was chatting to a boy from school at the other end of the room.
Suddenly Jon appeared at her side. ‘Hey, Ava, do you want to dance?’
She nodded. At first she was shy, anxious about the way her limbs were moving, but Jon chatted to her over the music – shouting to make himself heard, which made them both laugh – and she quickly stopped worrying about what she looked like. The alcohol in her body made everything appear lighter, brighter. She was laughing at something Jon had said when Gareth appeared at her side. From nowhere he moved across to Jon and punched him. Jon fell against a girl behind him and someone shouted. Ava grabbed Gareth’s arm.
‘What are you doing?’
‘It’s him, isn’t it? He’s the reason you’ve dumped me.’
Ava wished she could fade into the walls, evaporate from the scene. Everybody was staring in her direction. A circle of onlookers focused on Gareth, who was breathing heavily. Then Danny appeared.
‘We don’t want any bother, Gareth, mate. I think you should come outside and cool down.’
Danny had a deep tone to his voice and an air of authority. He was the kind of person people listened to. Ava let out a gasp of relief as Gareth disappeared with him.
‘Are you OK?’ she asked Jon, who looked stunned.
‘Yeah. What was all that about? Is he your boyfriend?’
‘He was, up until this evening.’
Jon rubbed his head. ‘He took it well, then.’ They both laughed. ‘Let me get us some more drinks.’
Chatter filled the air again, voices battling over the music, and Ava relaxed into an empty armchair.
Danny appeared at her side. ‘Are you OK?’
She moved to get up and he placed his hand on her arm. The unexpected gesture made her instinctively glance around to see where Lena was.
‘No, stay there.’ He knelt down beside her.
‘Where’s Gareth?’ Ava asked.
‘He left.’
‘Just like that?’
‘He didn’t say anything, went all silent on me, as if he was embarrassed. I thought you two were going out?’
Ava was amazed he’d even noticed her. She recounted what had happened earlier that evening. ‘He saw me talking to Jon, but I’m not the slightest bit interested in him. We just hit it off.’
‘You wouldn’t get very far with Jon anyway; he’s not attracted to girls, if you get what I’m saying.’
It took a minute before his words made sense to Ava, blood rushing to her cheeks when she understood. She was always the last to catch on; Lena usually had to fill her in on everything. But that explained why Jon was so easy to chat to. She hadn’t felt him sizing her up, judging whether she was worth talking to based on how sexy or easy he thought she was, like a lot of boys so obviously did.
Danny watched her reaction and they both laughed. Her mind had been racing before he came over, but his words had soothed her. He pulled up a stool and she ended up telling him about her relationship with Gareth and how a weight had been lifted from her. After a while, they rejoined the dancing, and when a slow track came on and Danny pulled her to him, it felt natural to move with him and the music, inhaling his aftershave, which smelt of pine trees, and feeling his warm hands on her back. As they rotated on the dance floor, she saw Lena in the doorway, arms folded and a sour expression on her face.
Twenty-Seven
Ava
Kate leads the way up the stairs, striding ahead on her long legs. She has to be over six feet; I’m five eight and I don’t normally feel small, but she’s lean and athletic, graceful in the way she carries herself. She stops outside my bedroom door.
‘Where do you want these?’
‘On the bed is fine, thanks. It’s just something I need to find. It won’t take a minute. Thanks so much for bringing them up.’
She hovers, not leaving as I expect her to.
‘Need any more help?’ she asks.
‘Thanks, but I’m fine.’
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course,’ I say, although I’m itching to look for my passport.
‘Why are you leaving?’
‘I’m moving abroad. Didn’t … sorry, I can’t remember your partner’s name, but didn’t he tell you?’
She laughs. ‘No, I mean why are you leaving this house?’
‘I guess I have to.’ Strange question.
‘It’s a gorgeous place. Is Lena moving too?’
‘Yes, we both are. The lease is coming to an end. We could have renewed it, but as I was moving, she decided to leave too.’
‘I’d be interested in moving in, but I guess it’s too late now?’
‘I don’t know. It might be worth mentioning it to Lena.’
�
��I’ll do that. She must be gutted. You guys seem so close.’
‘We are. You should definitely ask her, though. It can’t hurt.’
‘Yeah, I think I will.’ She leaves the room and I hear her running down the stairs as if she’s taking them two at a time.
I close the door behind her and with feverish fingers go through the pile to see what’s here. A sinking feeling tells me it’s a pointless exercise, but a small bead of hope keeps me looking. It’s a random collection of items that wouldn’t fit in the car earlier: a few recipe books, which I shake to check nothing has slipped inside them, a couple of folders containing work from my degree, and a box file. I pause for a moment at the sight of my final dissertation, remembering the relief I felt when I handed it in – in retrospect, my time at university was too close to what had happened, and I’m amazed I came out of it with any kind of degree at all. Lena helped me through it, though, like always.
A shout and a bang from downstairs remind me I need to hurry. Fear trickles through my veins as I force myself to confront the possibility that my passport’s disappearance is connected to the roses and the newspaper that was pushed through the letter box. I should probably have kept it for evidence instead of discarding it as if it was burning my fingers. It might as well have been. My mind races ahead into fantastical possibilities – what if Ben has been harmed by whoever is sending the roses, to stop me from going away with him? My dreams feel precarious right now.
Pushing the thoughts away, I pick up the last item in the pile, the box file. Inside are some loose photographs and a photo album. I recall Mum filling it for me one evening, fed up with me shoving all my photos in a drawer. She organised them in chronological order from my university graduation onwards.
An almighty crack grabs my attention, and I look towards the window, where a green firework bursts upwards, sending a trail of sparkles through the inky sky. I turn back to the album, and as I open it, a bolt of fear shoots through me. In the first photo, of me at my graduation, my face has been scratched out. My fingers fumble at the pages, slippery with sweat, as I turn them one by one, afraid of what I might see. Everyone else who appears in the photos is looking back at the camera, face captured for posterity. Unlike mine, which has been obliterated in every shot. I slam the album shut with trembling hands. Who would do this?
Over by the window, I fold my arms tightly, willing the shaking to lessen. Watching the bonfire, I’m mesmerised by the orange tongues of flame that flicker at the sky. Somebody wants to do me harm, I’m convinced of it. The energy of the fire emboldens me, and suddenly it feels imperative that I keep the newspaper I found as evidence, otherwise nobody will take me seriously. I run downstairs and snatch the pile of papers from the recycling box, then hurry back up, my feet pounding in time to the music that fills the house. I pick up the photo album and shove it under the bed together with the recycling.
Footsteps sound on the stairs and I hear Martha calling my name. In that moment I make a snap decision. I have no idea who is doing these things to me, which means I must trust no one. Until Ben arrives, I’ll keep this to myself. So what if I can’t find my passport? There are ways round it. My priority now is finding out who is doing this and stopping them.
‘I’ve had a text from Mum,’ Martha says as I close the door of my room behind me. ‘She’s got Ben’s number back at the house, but she won’t be home for a couple of hours yet. As soon as she’s back, she’ll let us know.’
Lena appears at the bottom of the stairs.
‘Ava, you have to come, it’s urgent.’
What now? I ignore Martha muttering under her breath, and race downstairs.
‘What is it?’
Lena puts her arm around my waist and leads me into the living room, where the guests have split into little clusters. She guides me over to the sofa and we sink down into it.
‘Nothing,’ she says, wiping sweat from her forehead. ‘Imagine this was your wedding. Think of me as the chief bridesmaid. It’s my role to make sure you’re enjoying yourself at all times. It’s a party, for God’s sake.’ She moves her shoulders in time to the catchy music, and we watch a small group who were sitting on the floor getting up to dance, chatting as they do so. I feel a rush of warmth towards everyone who is here.
‘You’re right,’ I say, and I pull Lena into a hug, feeling the heat of her body against my cold one. Fake it till you make it – that’s what they say, isn’t it? ‘Let’s get some drinks.’
‘I get it that your sister is here and it’s a big deal,’ Lena says as we wind our way in and out of the revellers. ‘But you’ll have the rest of your life to catch up. I’m sure she’ll be inviting herself over to New York the minute you arrive. Live in the moment, that’s my motto.’
In the kitchen, we opt for gin and tonics. I go to mention Kate and her interest in moving in, but Lena starts speaking at the same moment.
‘Remember the first time you tried vodka?’
‘Don’t. I had no idea about measures back then – no wonder I threw up afterwards. That’s why I stick to gin nowadays.’
‘I’d do it all again, you know.’
‘Would you? I wouldn’t.’
‘Not that …’ Our eyes meet. ‘You and me, I mean.’
I sip at my gin. ‘Well obviously.’
Lena’s eyes have the misty sheen they always take on when she’s reminiscing.
‘We’re enjoying ourselves, remember,’ I warn her, ignoring the image of my scratched-out face that keeps jumping into my head.
‘I’ve had this idea,’ she says. She looks hopeful now, and takes a drink before speaking.
‘Oh yes?’
‘Let me come to New York with you. You thought I was joking before, didn’t you? Well I wasn’t; I couldn’t be more serious. You’ll have plenty of time to discuss it with Ben when he arrives. I’ve already been checking out the job situation, courses I could take.’
‘I knew you were serious,’ I say.
What with everything that’s been happening this evening and the way I’ve been feeling, having someone to share the move with appeals, certainly, especially given how much Lena has been there for me. But I can see Ben’s face, the look he gets whenever I mention Lena, the lines that appear in his forehead, the way he pushes his floppy hair out of his eyes as if it’s driving him mad. It’s impossible. What I need is a new life, new friends. Words are racing around in my head as I pick out the right ones to say without hurting her. She means well, after all.
‘It’s tempting, but not a good idea in the long run. Ben wouldn’t like it, for one thing.’
‘Why wouldn’t he? You don’t know until you ask him.’
‘It wouldn’t work,’ I say.
Lena flinches, and immediately I regret being so blunt. But for how long can I keep sugar-coating this?
‘Have you heard from him yet?’ I ask.
She shakes her head. ‘I asked what flight he was getting and he said it was better I didn’t know so we don’t mess up the surprise. He’s arrived in London, that’s all I know.’ She pauses, smooths her dress down. ‘I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but I sensed a reluctance on his part. I expected him here by now. I just put it down to him not liking me very much.’
‘Of course he does,’ I say.
‘Ava, we both know that’s not true.’
I automatically play with my ring finger, but stop when a hurt look crosses her face.
‘Come on, there’s no need to pretend, not now. Last Easter, we’d planned to go over together and then you suddenly changed your mind after speaking to him. We were both so excited, but you decided it was a bad idea right after that conversation.’
‘He’s a guy, it’s just a man thing. He doesn’t understand my need for a close female friend now that I’ve got him. He’s my partner, Lena …’ I almost say fiancé but stop myself in time. ‘I don’t want my friendship with you to cause any friction between us.’
‘I knew it.’ She presses her lips together,
frowning.
‘Don’t let it spoil the party.’
‘Yeah, right. Let’s check out what’s going on outside,’ she says, but she won’t meet my eyes.
I want to tell her I didn’t mean to hurt her, but Steph appears at the back door before I can get the words out.
‘How’s it going out there?’ Lena asks. We all look towards the bonfire, which glows in the dark, illuminating the shadowy figures standing around it.
Steph wipes her forehead, leaving a sooty mark. ‘Phew, I need some water.’ She fills a glass with tap water and drinks it down in one go. ‘I needed that. The potatoes are cooking nicely and we’re gearing up for the display. We’ve got an hour until the fireworks – we’re going to let them off at midnight. But my part is done for the moment. Felix is on bonfire duty for the next half-hour. Dance with me, Ava?’ She beseeches me with her eyes.
‘Fancy a dance, Lena?’ I ask.
‘No, you go. I’ll stay out here for a bit, check the drink supplies, make sure we’ve got enough out. I’ll join you in a bit.’ She’s still not looking at me, and the muscles in her neck are tensed.
‘OK, come and find us after. By the way, try and talk to Kate,’ I call back to her. ‘She’s got a proposition for you.’
Now she’s staring at me, her body rigid, and I don’t understand the look of terror in her eyes.
Twenty-Eight
Lena
Kate isn’t in the living room, so I check out the kitchen, my pulse racing, bemused at Ava’s comment and anxious to find out what’s going on. Steph’s interruption was bad timing. Ava was tempted by my plan, I’m sure of it – I could see her hesitation. A little more persuasion is all that’s needed. She was so close to seeing what a good idea it would be for me to join her.
Out in the garden, the fairy lights strung up in the trees twinkle, and the cold air blowing through the back door is welcome now that it’s so warm in the house. I refill my glass with some wine from an opened bottle and take the rest of it outside, looking for Kate. Smoke fills the air and I breathe in the woody smell. Pete is sitting on the bench at the far end of the garden. As I head towards him, I turn to look back at the house, spotting that Kate has just gone into the kitchen. Pete looks in the same direction.
The Leaving Party: An absolutely gripping and addictive psychological thriller Page 13