While she’s babbling, the thumping in my chest eases up and I make the most of the distraction by steering Ava away from the pair.
‘I understand now,’ I say. ‘It’s the roses; that’s why you’re leaving, isn’t it?’ Her eyes fill with tears and I feel a warm rush of hope coursing through my veins. If I can only keep her away from Martha for the rest of the evening, we might be OK. Putting a whole ocean between her and her problems doesn’t necessarily mean they will go away, and I have to make her see that.
We hear Felix shouting, ‘Ten minutes to midnight, folks, firework time, and then grub’s up. Can you all stop your scintillating conversations and come outside? And take a sparkler on your way.’ He thrusts a huge box at me and I’m not quick enough to refuse. ‘The lovely Lena will hand them out to you.’
‘But …’
The corner of the box digs into my ribs, and everyone starts to move towards me, crowding me in a rush of heat.
‘Are you OK?’ I mouth to Ava, and she nods.
‘I’ll tell everyone next door,’ she says, wiping her eyes, and she’s gone before I can stop her.
Hands reach towards me and I plaster a smile on my face as Ava moves out of sight, followed by Martha. It’s impossible to keep her in my view, and I pass out sparklers robotically, as if I’m on a factory conveyor belt.
‘Shall I do an announcement,’ Felix says, ‘asking everyone to go into the living room at the end of the fireworks for you know what?’ He taps the side of his nose.
‘Yes. I haven’t had a chance to ask Ava yet, but I’m sure she’ll be all right with it.’
‘I think Steph sounded her out – without giving anything away, of course – and she reckons it will be fine. It’s all going great, isn’t it? Everyone outside for fireworks!’ he yells, his words followed by a loud bang. ‘Whoops.’
He pushes past people back out to the bonfire, where a piece of wood has collapsed, causing the flames to bend towards the house and throwing out a whoosh of heat.
‘Everything is under control, folks.’
I wish I could share his assurance.
‘I’ll have a sparkler if you’re offering.’ Pete appears in front of me.
‘What were you and Kate talking about out there?’ I ask, handing him one. The plastic packaging glints in the light; Ava would hate the wastage. The thought annoys me – I have to forget about what she wants.
‘Ava, actually. I’d like to apologise to her.’
‘Haven’t you two had a chance to speak yet?’
‘No, Steph interrupted us.’
‘Any sparklers left?’ a woman asks, and I shove one roughly into her hand, annoyed that Steph seems to be everywhere tonight. The woman rubs her palm as she goes out into the garden, and I dump the empty box on the window ledge.
‘Ava doesn’t want to talk to you,’ I say.
‘That’s not what Kate said.’
‘Kate? She doesn’t even know her.’
‘That’s what you reckon. I don’t think you know Ava as well as you make out.’ He disappears into the garden as a firework erupts, a flash of green blinding me.
Thirty-Two
2005
The kitchen was a mess. Empty glasses and crushed cans littered the table along with half-eaten plates of food. Lena hadn’t eaten anything. She was more interested in the alcohol. She needed something strong, but the punch bowl was empty. She opened the kitchen cupboards one by one. Up high, hidden at the back, she found a bottle of rum. She’d never tried rum before. She gagged on the first sip but enjoyed the second, the liquid warming her insides, making her feel brave enough to go back into the other room. In the hallway, Ava’s sister’s friend Tess was putting her coat on, taking a bunch of keys out of her pocket.
‘You leaving?’ Lena asked.
‘Yeah,’ Tess said.
‘Which way are you going?’
‘Back into town. Do you need a lift?’
‘That would be great. Let me get Ava. We’re stopping over at mine.’
In the lounge, Ava was no longer draped over Danny. She had her back to Lena and turned unsteadily when Lena tapped her on the shoulder. ‘We should go. I’ve sorted out a lift for us.’
‘But I don’t want to leave.’ Ava’s eyes looked unfocused.
Danny was listening to their conversation, looking away when Lena caught his eye. Lena gripped Ava’s arm, squeezing tight.
‘Ouch,’ Ava said, shaking her off.
‘You’re making a show of yourself,’ Lena said. She slung her arm around Ava, leading her towards the door. ‘Why are you with Danny?’
‘We were dancing. I didn’t mean anything by it,’ Ava replied, her words slurred.
‘I want to go now. Are you coming? Tess is going to drop us home.’
Ava pulled a face.
‘You’re staying at mine, remember. You’re out of it, Ava, you need me with you. You’re on your own if you stay here. Your parents will find out if you go home. Don’t make this difficult.’
‘You’re right,’ Ava said. ‘Don’t hate me.’
Lena could forgive her friend. She couldn’t handle her drink; most likely she wouldn’t remember a thing the next day. They were sisters and nothing was going to get in the way of that.
Thirty-Three
Ava
A shout comes from the garden. ‘Last call for fireworks!’
Martha steers me past Lena, who is handing out the last few sparklers with a grimace on her face as if they are hand grenades.
Martha opens the fridge and pulls out the bottle of champagne. ‘It’s the perfect moment to drink this now,’ she says, brandishing it at me. She makes a performance of opening it with a satisfying pop. ‘Cheers,’ she says as we tap our plastic cups together. Our eyes meet and I bat away that sliver of uncertainty about her that wriggles inside me like a tapeworm.
We head outside, where almost everyone is gathered. Felix is at the far end of the garden, organising the fireworks and indicating how far back people should stand, while Steph hands out baked potatoes blackened in foil. The burnt smell of the crispy skins elicits a burst of hunger in me.
Martha stands to the side of the crowd, arms folded, watching Lena. Should I trust her? I’m flooded with emotion, seeing Martha through my six-year-old eyes, my tall, confident, beautiful sister, who I’d have followed to the ends of the earth. A Catherine wheel spins around, and people gasp and exclaim as they watch the spiralling firework, coloured sparks flying in all directions.
When did I stop trusting my sister? The sparks mirror my emotions, darting here and there. The unconditional love never went away, but everything changed when my parents took Lena in. Martha left home and left me, driven by her antipathy towards Lena. Her judgement was so clouded by everything that had happened, it was impossible to get through to her. In the end, I’d had to make a choice between them, even though I hated it. And Lena was always there, with her devotion and the sacrifice she’d made for me, altering the course of my life – saving me.
That was when I stopped playing the piano. The ability to play just vanished. I’d sit at the keyboard, willing my fingers to work, but each time I moved my left hand, the stitches in the gash in my shoulder would stretch and burn. At first I thought it was entirely down to my injuries, but as they eventually healed, leaving only the scar, and my strength returned, still my fingers refused to play the notes. Deep down, I didn’t believe I deserved to play any more. The piano had always soothed me, given me space to mull over my feelings as my fingers ran over the keys. Why would I want time to think ever again? I needed to forget.
Watching the flames as the past flickers along in my mind, I see how Martha was grieving, latching onto her resentment at Lena. She had lost her best friend and then she lost me, and she blamed Lena for that. If we’re to trust one another again, she has to let go of that resentment; they both do. I want them both in my life more than anything. And I’m playing my piano again, something I never thought possible.
Ma
rtha looks back at me as if she senses me thinking about her, then walks swiftly over, taking my arm.
‘Come with me,’ she says. ‘Now’s our chance.’
‘What are we doing?’ I ask, but even after all these years, it’s second nature for me to follow my big sister. I’m six again, trailing her everywhere, my little feet tripping over themselves in their urge to keep up with her longer strides, letting her decide what games we’re to play that day. We go upstairs through the house, which is quiet now the music has been turned down, and she stops outside Lena’s room.
‘What are you doing?’
‘When do you remember last having your phone?’ she asks.
‘In here.’ I indicate Lena’s room. ‘When we were getting ready. I kept checking for a message from Ben. I had a quick look earlier, but I couldn’t see it.’
‘I’m convinced it must be in here. Lena’s busy outside; it’s the ideal moment.’
Even though I wouldn’t normally think twice about going into Lena’s room, with Martha in tow it feels wrong. I see through my sister’s eyes the chaos of make-up and clothes, the mess of Lena’s life. My desire for harmony between them seems unachievable at this point in time, with so much happening that I don’t understand.
‘I thought she was supposed to be moving out tomorrow?’ Martha says, going over to the bed and looking around. ‘She obviously hasn’t made any effort. Still, Mum said she knows the owner, so maybe she can decide to stay longer.’ She shrugs. ‘I never did understand that girl. I guess some things don’t change.’
I leave the door open, feeling guilty to be here. But my sister has no such qualms, pulling open the wardrobe door and rooting through Lena’s clothes, feeling in pockets.
‘What are you doing Martha?’
‘I’m looking to see where that bitch––’
‘Don’t call her a bitch,’ I say.
‘Fine. I’m looking to see where your friend has hidden your mobile.’
I set down the pile of books I’ve just picked up to check that my phone hasn’t fallen behind them, stunned.
‘Deliberately, you mean? Why would she do that?’
She shrugs. ‘Let’s see if we can find it first, then I’ll explain what I mean. I’m hoping I’m wrong.’
‘You know, the roses aren’t the only thing that’s happened to me recently. Somebody has scratched my face out in all my photographs.’
‘You’re serious?’
‘I had some old photograph albums out and I couldn’t help flicking through them. In every photo in which I appeared, my face had been scrubbed out. Only mine, the others were all left intact. Somebody hates me that much.’
‘That’s awful. That’s why this is important. If we find nothing, we can rule Lena out.’
‘But what could Lena possibly have to do with any of this?’
Martha ignores me, going through Lena’s drawers. I cringe as she rifles through her underwear, lifting out her padded bras and lacy knickers. Finally she lets out a long breath.
‘Nothing,’ she says. ‘I was convinced we’d find something. What’s this all about?’
‘Tell me what you meant just now.’
She hesitates. ‘I think there’s something going on between her and Ben.’
I drop down onto the bed, winded. ‘How can you say that? They don’t even like each other.’
‘Think about it. It doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t be in touch, and she’s being so secretive about his whereabouts. So what if it’s a surprise party; he’d know not to say anything to you if he spoke to you. He’s not a child, is he?’
‘But she barely knows him; it doesn’t make sense. And he wants me away from Lena, he’s made that clear.’
‘Exactly – maybe he wants you away from her because something has gone on between them.’
I shake my head, refusing to believe it. ‘No way, she––’
But Martha is distracted, peering at the top of the wardrobe. ‘Hang on, there’s something up there.’ Standing on tiptoes, she pulls down a shoebox. Dust flies into the air. She holds the box against her chest, opens it and lets out a whistle.
‘What is it?’ Nothing can be worse than my obliterated face in the photographs. Or could it?
‘Unbelievable,’ Martha says. ‘What is she up to?’
She takes something out of the box and turns to face me, brandishing it in her hand. It’s my passport.
Thirty-Four
Lena
Fizzing sparklers are held in the air as Felix lets off the fireworks, which whoosh up through the air, exploding in showers of multi-coloured sparks. The fire crackles and the smell of the bonfire fills my nose and throat, making me cough as I look around for Ava. Where is she? I’m sure I saw her come out. She should be here for the celebration. This is all for her. As I scan the crowd, with my heart in my smoke-filled throat, it dawns on me that she’s not here, and Martha’s nowhere to be seen either.
I look over to the house, but the kitchen is empty, glasses and plates abandoned on the table. I peer towards the far end of the garden, where Felix is managing the firework display, helped by Steph, everyone else kept back at a suitable distance. Then a figure with dark hair bobs into my vision. It’s Kate, and I’m sure she’s rummaging around in the stash of fireworks behind the tree. What is she doing? I still don’t know what she wanted to ask me, and my stomach feels jumpy at the thought. I make my way down towards the bonfire, studying the faces as I go in case I’ve missed Ava, but my churning gut tells me she’s not out here. She must be inside with Martha. I hope she’ll challenge her about the roses again. That woman gets away with too much, always has done.
‘Keep back,’ Felix says. ‘Oh, it’s you, Lena.’ Black streaks mark his face, but his eyes are shining with excitement. ‘Isn’t this great?’ A firework whistles past us up into the sky, erupting in an explosion of green and yellow. ‘Look at that.’ He shakes his head. ‘Awesome.’
‘What is she doing?’ I ask, indicating Kate.
Steph and Felix look where I’m pointing.
‘Oh, it’s OK, Kate’s been helping us,’ Steph says. ‘Felix has told her what order he wants everything in.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘He’s got a spreadsheet. I told you he was taking this seriously.’
‘Do you know Kate?’ I ask.
Steph shrugs. ‘Not prior to this evening, but she’s going out with the guy from Accounts and that’s good enough for me. Why?’
I shrug. ‘Just wondered. She seems to know Pete as well.’
‘Really?’ Steph says. ‘I think Pete might have left. I haven’t seen him for ages.’
A series of bangs makes me jump as a rush of fireworks shoot into the air, one after the other, bursting into a shower of colours. I look up at my bedroom window. The blind is down, but light peeps through the slats. I swear I see movement behind it, but it’s hard to be sure. Still no sign of Martha or Ava. Instincts prickling, I make my way over to Kate.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Calm down, Lena. I’m making myself useful, sorting these into order for Felix. He’s very specific, isn’t he? Or anal, whichever you prefer. Here you are, Felix,’ she says, handing him what looks like a rocket, flashing him a huge smile as she does. Everyone is laughing and whooping as each new firework flies into the sky, making exaggerated oohs and aahs with every explosion. I wish I could join in the merriment, but there are too many things bothering me. Including Kate.
‘Ava says you wanted to talk to me about something.’
‘Oh yes. This house, it’s fabulous. In a great area. She said you could have extended the contract if you’d wanted. I’d be interested in moving in.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ An explosion above us has me jumping again, Kate’s recklessness making me feel even more on edge.
‘Thanks, Kate,’ Felix says. ‘I’ve got the next ten minutes sorted and that should pretty much be it.’
‘No worries,’ Kate says, and sits down on the ground, picking up a bottle of b
eer from beside her. ‘I’ve been saving this. Now my work is done.’ She looks at me, her face hard. ‘For the moment, that is. Stay and have a drink with me.’ She produces another beer, takes a bottle opener from her back pocket and flips the lid off.
I hesitate, checking once more for Ava before sitting down next to Kate.
‘You shouldn’t have come. I told you I’d deal with this,’ I say.
‘Well she’s still going, isn’t she, jetting off to New York to be with lover boy. Swanning around tonight in her designer dress as if she hasn’t a care in the world.’
‘Hardly. She’s lost her phone and her passport, and she’s stressing about lover boy not turning up.’
‘And will he?’
‘Apparently he’s been delayed.’ I take a sip of beer, running my tongue around my lips. ‘I told you I’d sort it. I still think you should go, it’s too risky.’
‘I see her sister’s here,’ Kate says, ignoring me. I know what she’s doing, flirting with danger. ‘Martha Thomas.’ She rolls the words around her tongue as if trying them out for size. ‘Of course I’ve got nothing against her. It’s Ava who’s responsible.’
‘Leave it, Kate, we agreed.’
‘Right, folks, time for the big one now,’ Felix says in a loud voice that carries across the garden. ‘And then after that I’d like everyone to gather in the living room, where we’ll be saying our goodbyes to Ava. Rumour has it something special has been planned, so you won’t want to be ordering your cabs yet. OK. Is everybody ready?’
The Leaving Party: An absolutely gripping and addictive psychological thriller Page 15