Love is a Drum Beat (Rockstars Anonymous)

by Michelle MacQueen

  Oh man, he was going to catch so much crap for showing up at the label’s offices in the back of a minivan.

  He wasn’t sure he cared.

  He greeted the driver and climbed into the car. It was a short ride to the studio, so after thanking the man, he stepped out, readying himself for his new publicist.

  Melanie had been everything he’d needed for his career. She never pushed him to reveal his identity, and she created Rockstars Anonymous, the group he now considered his friends.

  He walked in past the glass double doors. The lobby of this place never changed. Gold records adorned the walls in frames, and the tile floors echoed beneath his feet. He didn’t come here a lot, but there was a certain comfort in knowing every person in this building believed in him, even if they didn’t recognize him. Only a few select people at the label knew his face. Mr. Snyder, the head of the label, Melanie, and soon this new publicist.

  He walked down the long hall to his new publicist’s office and knocked on the door.

  The assistant sitting near the door looked to him. “Can I help you, sir?”

  “I have a meeting with Mr. Devlin Norris.”

  The assistant looked down at her appointment calendar. “Are you Mr. Winthrop?” Melanie came up with that false last name.

  He almost laughed. “Yes, Dillon Winthrop.”

  She pursed her lips and looked him up and down. He could imagine what she saw. A man with untamed hair and glasses, his hands stuffed in the pouch of his sweatshirt as he shifted from foot to foot, and a ball cap pulled down, casting his face in shadow.

  The door opened, and a surprisingly young man smiled at him. “Sarah, hold all my calls please. Mr. Winthrop gets my full attention.”

  There was something about the man’s smile Dax didn’t like. He’d had reservations when he got the email telling him of his new publicist. This was the man who outed Noah’s marriage to the press. He obviously didn’t value secrets.

  And Dax’s was the king of all secrets.

  He followed Devlin into his office and shut the door.

  Devlin turned with another smile. “Dax Nelson. You are not what I was expecting.” He sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms.

  “I know. I’m not what anyone expects.” He was never supposed to be this guy people fell in love with—even when they didn’t know what he looked like.

  Devlin’s stare unnerved him. He felt it probing to peek into every dark crevice of Dax’s secrets.

  Devlin uncrossed his arms. “Okay, I know you had a good relationship with Melanie, but I hope we can become friends too.”

  He could hear Melanie’s response to that. Publicists couldn’t be friends with their clients. But that was before she went and fell in love with one.

  “Sure.” It was the only answer Dax had for the man.

  His smile dropped at the one-word response. “Okay, let’s start with the first thing we must discuss. Collaborations.”

  As if on cue, there was a knock on the door.

  Devlin got up to open it and let Mr. Snyder into the room. Dax didn’t know Mr. Snyder well, and the man intimidated him.

  “Dax.” His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He looked tired, worn out. He stuck out his hand. “It’s good to see you.”

  Dax took the man’s hand. “It is.”

  Mr. Snyder and Devlin shared a look that said neither of them knew how to handle the label’s biggest star who didn’t like to speak.

  “Everyone have a seat.” Mr. Snyder waved them toward the chairs near the desk and took one himself. “Dax, normally we’d meet with you in the meeting room with many of the label execs present, but you’re different. If we want to continue keeping your identity a secret, I will have to meet with you here.”

  Dax nodded, though he didn’t see the need for meetings at all.

  “What if we didn’t?” Devlin asked.

  Mr. Snyder’s eyes snapped to him. “Didn’t what?”

  “Keep his identity a secret. We could do a big reveal.” He glanced at Dax. “After some hair and clothing help, of course. Maybe contacts too.”

  Dax bristled at that and opened his mouth to speak, but Mr. Snyder beat him to it. “Out of the question, Devlin. Dax’s identity is one of the great mysteries in music. We will not give up his anonymity.”

  We? It was Dax’s life, and they talked like it was only a business decision.

  Devlin leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk. "Just think about all the publicity."

  Mr. Snyder’s gaze hardened, and Dax was glad he wasn’t on the receiving end of that look. “This will not be another Noah Clarke debacle. You, Devlin, work for the label and will not reveal anything unless we tell you to. Do you understand me?”

  Devlin sighed and nodded.

  Mr. Snyder turned to Dax. “How is the new album coming?”

  “It’s coming.”

  “I’ve only received a handful of songs. We expected more by now.”

  Dax only shrugged at that. The songs would be done when they were done, and the label would give him the extra time. They always did.

  “Dax.” Mr. Snyder turned in his seat. “We need you to finish this album because once it’s done, we have a list a mile long of artists asking to do collaborations with you.”

  “I choose my collaborations.” He always had. Because doing a collaboration meant letting someone else in on his secret.

  Mr. Snyder sighed. “I know that. The label knows that. But collaborations are good for your brand.”

  “My brand doesn’t need any help.” He wasn’t trying to be difficult, truly. But he had never known how to soften the words he used. They kind of just leapt out of him.

  “Not even from Ben Evans?”

  Dax’s brow furrowed. “Ben? No, if he wanted a collaboration, he’d just come to me.”

  “That’s not how it works, Dax. Fate thinks their next album should include a song with you. I’m sure Ben was going to tell you.”

  But then, he went to London to be there for Noah, and now he was in Ohio. “When will he be back in town?”

  “One week.”

  Dax nodded. “Okay. I’ll do it. But tell Ben it has to be a Piper Hayes song. I want her lyrics with my music.”

  “I’m sure that can be arranged. Now, I’ve done my job. I’ll leave you two to talk interviews.” He pushed himself from the chair and left.

  Devlin steepled his fingers and rested his chin on them. He looked way too young for this job, in his appearance and mannerisms.

  “So, Dax, do you ever plan on revealing your identity?”

  Dax grunted. “No.”

  “Do you realize how big a star you could become if you did concerts?”

  Dax shrugged. “I don’t care.”

  “But—”

  “Is that all you wanted to meet about today?” Dax cut him off.

  Devlin sighed and leaned back. “No. Your album releases in two months. The artwork is done. All we’re waiting for are the songs. And you need to prepare for the press. I’ll email you the interview requests, and you can send me back your answers since you won’t appear for the interviews in person.” He didn’t look like he agreed with the decision, but Dax didn’t care what he thought.

  “Are we done here?” Dax checked his watch. He’d hoped for an early end to the meeting so he could get home to Santa Monica in time for the afternoon Rockstars Anonymous meeting. He never said much in the meetings, but he liked to hear what was going on with his friends.

  Devlin sighed. Again. He was a sigher. “You’re going to be a difficult client, aren’t you?”

  Dax stood. “Probably. Can I go?”

  Devlin waved him toward the door. “Fine. But when I email you the questions, I expect answers.”

  Dax gave him a two-finger salute and headed out the door. He didn’t acknowledge anyone on the way out as he ordered another car. Dax wasn’t the small talk kind of guy, he couldn’t walk down a hall smiling at people he didn’t know.

&nb
sp; No matter the emotion—happiness, anger, sadness—he didn’t let it show.

  His music did all the talking he needed.

  “Hello, loves.” Noah flashed a grin at the camera that had each member of Rockstars Anonymous groaning. Well, not every member. Jo had yet to join their video chat.

  “Don’t call us loves.” Drew grimaced.

  “But I miss you.”

  Ben arched an eyebrow. “We just saw you not long ago. You should miss Dax, not us.”

  Noah let out a fake cry. “I’m all alone.” His image jostled, and Noah grunted as the phone was ripped from his hands and Melanie appeared.

  “He is not alone, but he will be if he doesn’t shut up.”

  Dax smiled at Melanie. He hadn’t always known how to relate to the big personalities in the group, but Melanie was their calming factor.

  Drew laughed as Melanie continued pushing Noah out of the way.

  “You made your bed,” Drew called. “Now, she’s sleeping in it.” He smiled at his own joke.

  Dax didn’t know how joking and small talk seemed to come so naturally to his friends. He’d become the watcher, the observer. And it suited him.

  “Where’s Jo?” Melanie asked.

  Noah pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “She’ll come.”

  “My eyes.” Drew slapped a hand over his eyes. “Noah, if you’re going to kiss Mom, then do it off camera.”

  Melanie did not look amused. Drew and Noah had liked calling her their mom because she took care of them and wasn’t easy on them. But Dax figured Noah wouldn’t go near that word again. Not if he knew what was good for him.

  The guys continued to joke until a notification appeared saying Jo was trying to get into the chat. The others weren’t paying attention, so Dax accepted her. It took a moment, but eventually her face appeared on his computer screen with her patented scowl.

  Jo Jackson intimidated Dax. He never knew what to say around her and inevitably ended up babbling like an idiot. She was so different from anyone else he knew that he couldn’t help but watch her every time they were in the same place.

  Leaning back on his couch, he pulled the laptop into his lap and looked at each of his friends. They were all so… happy. Well, except Jo.

  She looked… tired and something else. Her pink-tipped, brown hair hung limp at her shoulders. There were dark circles under her eyes and a paleness to her face.

  “You okay, Jo?” Dax’s question surprised all of them into silence.

  Jo latched her teeth on her bottom lip. “I… yes, I’m okay.”

  He didn’t believe her. Jo was seven months pregnant. He knew because he’d kept track. It was why he hadn’t gone to London with the rest. What if she needed someone? He wasn’t delusional enough to think he’d be her first choice, but currently, he’d be the only one.

  Everyone else took Jo at face value, believing what they wanted to believe—that she wasn’t scared. But he could see the truth in her eyes.

  “Dax.” Melanie leaned into the camera. “My dad tells me you met with your new publicist today.”

  Noah stole the phone they were talking on. “He’s kind of a jerk, right?”

  Melanie sighed. “Don’t call him that. You work with him now.”

  “I’ve heard you call him worse things.”

  Dax watched their banter in fascination. There was no scorn to their argument, not true anger. It was like they enjoyed needling each other. He cleared his throat. “He was okay, I guess.” Except for the part about wanting Dax to reveal his identity.

  “Ringing endorsement.” Drew cocked his head. “I can’t wait until I get a chance to meet with him.”

  Melanie frowned. “Drew, do not make his job more difficult.”

  “He keeps emailing me interview questions from the most random publications. I am a rocker; I don’t do interviews for Golf Weekly.”

  Melanie laughed at that. “Devlin believes in a more well-rounded approach. And he’s not completely wrong. Any publicity is good. All that blog wants to hear is that you enjoy golf.”

  “But I don’t. I really, really don’t.”

  Ben and Noah shared a laugh. Dax was too busy watching Jo to react. She’d leaned her head on the table in front of where her phone was propped up. There was something sad in her eyes and in the way she didn’t make fun of Drew like she loved to do.

  Dax didn’t hear Ben saying his name until he’d repeated it a few times. “What?”

  Ben laughed. “Well, Dax, I got an email from Mr. S. himself, saying my request for a collaboration with the one and only Dax Nelson was approved.”

  Wow, Mr. Snyder moved fast. “Why did you ask the label and not me?”

  “Because you wouldn’t have said yes.”

  It was true Dax kept to himself, so much that even these meetings were a stretch of patience for a guy who preferred to be alone. But it was also true he’d say yes to any member of Rockstars Anonymous. They meant more to him than he’d ever admit. “Did Mr. Snyder tell you my stipulation?”

  Ben nodded. “You want a Piper song.”

  “Hey!” Drew chimed in. “Piper is still my assistant for the rest of this tour. I’m not letting go of her yet.”

  “Do you know Piper at all, Drew?” Ben laughed. “She’s probably spent every spare moment on tour writing. She’ll have a song for us. I know it. And it’ll make her life to hear Dax Nelson performing her words. She’s a fan.”

  Drew grinned. “Oh yeah, she’s a huge Dax fan. I can’t get her to turn your music off, man.”

  Noah joined in. “I mean, who doesn’t love our Daxy? Our big, strong, very handsome Daxy.”

  “Noah.” Melanie took the phone back. “Don’t be creepy. Look how red his face is.”

  Dax removed his glasses to wipe them on his shirt, if for no other reason than to give him a distraction.

  Only Jo didn’t laugh at their jokes. Her biting sarcasm was gone, and that scared him most of all.

  “I’m going to go.” Jo didn’t give any of them a chance to respond before her image went dark and disappeared.

  “Okay.” Noah sighed. “Dax might be right. There’s something wrong with her.”

  “The pregnancy?” Drew asked.

  Melanie shook her head. “Jo has come to terms with having a baby. Maybe she just isn’t feeling great. None of us here have ever had a whole other person inside us, but I imagine it isn’t fun.”

  “My mom always said being pregnant was the best months of her life.” Dax shrugged, surprising himself for saying so much.

  Noah’s eyes brightened. “Dax, you’re there! You can check on her.”

  Dax’s face heated. “Um… er… what?”

  “Ben can give you the code to the building since he lives there too.” His expression turned sincere, and Dax knew he meant every word. Noah cared about Jo. “Please make sure she’s okay. For me.”

  There was a reason Dax avoided going to any of their homes. Being seen with a famous person would lead to questions as to who he was.

  But this was different.

  This was Jo.

  For some inexplicable reason, he wanted to help her. She needed him, she just didn’t see it yet.

  And he’d always needed her.

  3

  Jo

  Dax and his stupid questions.

  Was she okay?

  No, of course she wasn’t, but why did he think she’d spill her guts to him? The guy didn’t like her. When she was around, he barely spoke to her. With the other Rockstars Anonymous guys, she’d seen him open up a little, even smile.

  But with her… blank looks, pitying eyes.

  That was right. Dax Nelson pitied her, the poor pregnant drummer who was prone to doing stupid things—like getting knocked up by the world’s biggest jerk.

  Jo’s fingers itched to reach for the phone and dial the familiar number that would bring Noah’s voice to her. He’d always been her crutch, the person who kept her going, her family. Her fist slammed down on the table
in front of her, landing on the documents she hadn’t seen coming.

  This was the final nail in the proverbial coffin. The truth she’d already known stared her in the face as she read it again. “A nondisclosure agreement. Who the heck does he think he is?”

  She’d never had any illusions about Blake Coleman’s character, or lack of it, but she hadn’t expected his cruelty to hurt this much. At first, she’d wondered if this was a joke, if Blake would come around.

  But did she want him to?

  Did she want him to be a permanent fixture in her life?

  She rubbed a hand over her stomach. The answer was yes. For her baby, she wanted Blake to care. Growing up with only one parent kind of sucked—she would know. But this kid would have something Jo never did. That single parent would love it with everything she had.

  Her eyes scanned the words she’d read too many times now. Blake wanted her to agree to never reveal the identity of the child’s father. He hadn’t offered anything—not like she’d take it. Instead, he expected her to listen to him, to obey, like everyone else in his life did.

  But this wasn’t about him. It was about a baby who’d come into this world with only a messed up mother to take care of her.

  Reaching for her beer glass, Jo downed the rest of her seltzer, pretending it was an ice cold Elvis Juice. Man, she really needed a beer.

  “All right, little alien, let’s make a deal. You stop kicking my bladder, and I’ll sign this agreement so you never have to know how big of a jerk your father is.”

  As if the baby heard her, the pain inside her ceased.

  “Thank you.” She rotated a pen over the back of her fingers like it was a drum stick. Maybe that was why she was going crazy. She needed to play. Flipping the pen up, she caught it mid-air and bent forward to scribble her name at the bottom of the document. “It’s done. That man will not be in our lives. It’s going to suck for you, not knowing your father, but it would suck more if you did.”

  Her phone buzzed on the table, but when she saw her dad’s name flash across the screen, she ignored it.

  Pushing herself up from the chair—which was quite a feat—she waddled into her bedroom.