She felt a tear trickle down her face. He would most likely hate her for doing this but she couldn’t let him suffer. She cared for him too much. Choking back a sobbing laugh, she corrected herself. She didn’t just care for him, she loved him. Somewhere along the line from their rocky meeting until today, she’d fallen in love with her partner. And while it would break her heart if he hated her, at least he would be alive and well to hate her. If she let this go, the chances of it spreading and eventually killing him were too great.
Dropping a gentle kiss on his head, she closed her eyes and began. Touching a dark spot, she gritted her teeth against the pain and imagined the darkness flowing into a box. The agony grew worse when she didn’t break contact and she caught glimpses of horrors. Thankfully she only saw bits and pieces, but those were bad enough. Once she was satisfied that every speck of darkness was in the box, she slammed it shut and sealed it. Nearly sobbing from relief from the pain and the pain that she had just endured, she slipped the box into its correct place. When he was ready, he could access the box and slowly deal with its contents.
One down, six more to go. Steeling her spine, she reached for the next patch of shadow. She nearly broke after the fifth patch, every breath she drew shot fiery agony through her and she could feel the tears streaming down her face. But the stubborn will that had kept her going with an ogre on her heels and returning to her comatose friend’s bedside time and again kicked in. Panting, she pushed down the agony even though she knew that she would pay for that later and reached again.
She wanted to throw up when she finished with the sixth patch, every inch of her body rebelling. Each patch had been progressively worse and the final patch was the largest of all of them. She was nearing the end of her magic and her body was beginning to shut down, wanting to do nothing more than sleep. Ignoring the flickering lights at the edge of her vision, she reached for the last patch and yanked. She might’ve screamed but she was too locked into her battle to know for sure. It felt like she was being flayed alive, like she was slowly pulling out every nerve in her body. She was tired, so tired, and she hurt so much. Her world narrowed to the need to get rid of the shadow, this last shadow, and then she could rest. It would be all over.
She didn’t realize at first when she reached the end of the patch. It was only when she had reached a second time that she realized that there was no more darkness to gather. Aching to her very bones, she lethargically sealed the box and struggled to slip the box into place. It took three tries but she finally managed to get it secured.
Sighing, she managed to pry her eyes open, although it felt like her eyelids weighed fifty pounds each. She looked down to find that Lirim was asleep in her embrace, a peaceful look on his face. Wondering how in the world she was going to move him or herself, Aletta suddenly realized that there was a warmth at her back. Turning her head slowly, she was surprised to see that Kane was supporting them. At least she would’ve been surprised if she’d had the energy.
Kane’s expression was filled with concern. “Are you back with us?”
Forcing the words out, she mumbled, “How long?”
Relief filled his eyes when she spoke. He answered, “Hours. It’s nearly midnight. You screamed at one point. You were also glowing.”
She couldn’t seem to muster up the proper concern and merely said, “Huh.”
He looked over her shoulder down at where Lirim was sleeping. He asked anxiously, “Is he going to be all right?”
She struggled to release Lirim from her embrace, her muscles cramping in protest. “He should be, I managed to get everything. All he needs is to sleep it off.” Glancing around, she saw that the room had been tidied while she was unaware and the bed had been remade. “Could you get him into bed? He’s too heavy for me to move.”
Moving carefully so she wouldn’t topple over, Kane moved around and scooped Lirim up easily. Cradling him close, he moved over and tucked his little brother in with utmost care. Staring down at him, Kane asked, “You’re sure that he’s going to be ok?”
Knowing that he was worried about his brother, she kept her voice gentle. “Yes, he’s going to be ok. However, before you ask, you’ll have to ask him what was wrong. It’s not my place to tell.”
She tried to rise but her body rebelled. A tear slipped down her face and she didn’t bother to wipe it away. She felt battered like someone had taken a stick and beaten her all over. Kane turned away from the bed and noticed. Kneeling next to her, he wiped the tear away. He murmured, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to doubt you. I know how much you care for him and I know that you’ve done everything you can.”
Aletta choked up and was unable to answer. Sensing her distress and inability to move, he scooped her up and stood. “You’re on empty, aren’t you? You’ve had a long hard day and that’s not even counting the healing. C’mon, let’s get you tucked into bed as well.”
Careful not to jostle her, he carried her across the hall to her room. Setting her down in the chair, he quickly pulled down the covers. Returning to her, he eased off her shoe and freed her hair. Moving her over to the bed, he tucked her in. Smoothing her hair away from her eyes, he murmured, “Get some sleep. Lirim’s going to be unhappy if anything happens to you.”
As he left and turned off the light, Aletta let the tears flow. If only but Lirim was going to hate her when he realized how she’d violated his privacy. However, before her tears could really start flowing, her exhausted body pulled her into sleep.
* . * . *
Lirim came slowly awake, grumbling internally at the sunbeam that was tugging him from slumber. He was tempted to throw the pillow over his head but decided against it in the end. Groaning, he pushed himself up. Kane spoke up and Lirim whipped his head around to see him sitting in the room’s chair, a book in his hand. “Ah, you’re finally awake. How do you feel?”
Trying to remember what had happened after the chimas attack or how he had even gotten to bed, Lirim was disturbed to realize that it was all blank. Taking a mental inventory, he shrugged. “I feel fine, I guess. What happened? How long have I been out?”
Kane let out a relieved sigh and set the book aside. “You’ve been out for two days. As to what happened, I was hoping that you could explain. Aletta said that it wasn’t her place to tell and mother has been growing increasingly frantic the longer you slept.”
Fisting his hands on top of the covers, Lirim searched his memory. “Aletta was here? The last thing I remember was walking home from after the attack. After that, nothing.”
Moving to the window, Kane frowned thoughtfully. “Here’s what I know. After bringing the girls home, you walked up here and barricaded yourself in this room. Aletta insisted that something was wrong, that you would never just walk away no matter how angry you were. She somehow managed to get you to let her in. After some time had passed, I came looking to see what had happened. You had trashed the room and both of you were sitting under the window, holding onto each other. She was….” He hesitated, trying to find the right words.
Finally he pushed on. “She was glowing, for lack of a better term. I don’t know what she was doing, but none of us could reach her. At one point she screamed…” He shuddered. “She screamed like her soul was being ripped out of her. It was around midnight when she finished. Told us to let you sleep it off. After getting you to bed, she was completely drained, so I carried her to her room.”
Tossing the covers aside, Lirim stood. Taking note, he realized that he felt good, better than he had for a long time. He felt balanced, like he was finally able to think clearly. The pain that he barely even noticed anymore was gone and he felt like he could draw a deep breath for the first time in ages. Joining Kane at the window, he savored the sunshine on his skin.
Stretching, he admitted, “I don’t know what she did, but I feel better. Better than I have for ages, actually. Have you tried asking her again?”
Kane turned away but not before Lirim caught a glimpse of his expression. He demanded, “What?
What is it that you’re not telling me?”
Kane sighed and faced him. “She won’t speak to anyone. She has locked herself in her room and refuses to let anyone in or to come out herself.”
Lirim felt his heart clench. “I know that there are rules about hospitality, but why hasn’t someone just gone in? What if she’s hurt or unconscious?”
Kane clenched his fists and admitted reluctantly, “We can’t get in.”
Lirim stared at him. “What?”
Kane repeated, “We can’t get in. She’s got a barrier up and none of us can get through it. Awena and mum are frantic and Meara blames herself. We’ve been praying for you to wake up. Maybe you can get through to her.”
Mumbling under his breath about stubborn woman, he shooed Kane from the room. “Give me just a minute to put on some fresh clothes and then we’ll see what silly idea she’s got now.”
Lirim quickly changed, his anxiety growing as he tried to figure out what had made Aletta lock herself away. It had to have something to do with him. What had happened that would cause her to hide from him? His hands shook slightly as he wondered if he’d had an episode or flashback. Those had been bad when he first came home after the war, but he hadn’t experienced any for a while now. Had he lashed out or scared her somehow?”
A different possibility occurred to him. Maybe she was hurt or even unconscious. What if she was lying in there injured and dying and no one could get to her? Throwing his door open, he strode past Kane and made his way over to Aletta’s door. Meara was sitting and leaning against the wall next to it, her expression sad. Her face lit up when she saw Lirim and he rested his hand gently on her head for a moment before turning his attention to the closed door.
Putting his hand against the door, he called, “Aletta? Are you ok? Can I come in?”
Listening closely, he caught the tiniest rustle of fabric. Relieved that she was alive, he said, “Aletta? Can you hear me? Please can I come in?”
Her voice was faint and hoarse when she said, “Go away.”
He let out the breath that he hadn’t realized that he’d been holding when she answered. He coaxed, “C’mon, Leta, let me in. I need to know that you’re ok. Whatever’s wrong, we can fix it. Please just let me in.”
Her voice was louder and he could tell that she was crying. “No! Just go away!”
“All right, I’m coming in then.” Testing the door, he was surprised to find that it wasn’t locked. He pushed it open, only to have it hit the barrier that they spoke of. Taking a deep breath, he reached for his knowledge of her magic. Extending his own, he coaxed and soothed hers, trying to gentle it into allowing him passage. Finally he felt it yield and he was able to open the door wide enough to step through.
He closed it immediately behind him, shutting out his siblings. Whatever was going on, he needed to sort it out first before allowing anyone else in. The room was dark and he had to squint. His eyes adjusted and he found her huddled in a chair, a sheet wrapped tightly around her. He made his way over and knelt in front of her, taking everything in. She looked horrible, her eyes were red rimmed from weeping and her hair hung greasy and lank around her face. She lost several pounds making her face gaunt and emphasizing the dark circles under her eyes. Worst of all, she wouldn’t meet his eyes.
Still kneeling, he said softly, “Hey now, what’s all this? What’s the matter? Is it something that I did?” He took her hands and was startled by how cold they were. He rubbed them gently, trying to warm them up.
Aletta whimpered. He had to strain to her what she said. “Why won’t you just go away?”
Settling himself more comfortably, he shook his head. “Nope. Neither of us are leaving until we get this straightened out. Now, I don’t remember anything after arriving home, two days ago, I guess. I need you to tell me what happened so we can figure out what to do.”
Aletta met his gaze and he was shocked at the terror and despair in them. A tear slowly made its way down her cheek and she whispered, “You’re going to hate me.”
He replied instantly, “Never! I could never hate you. Whatever you did, you did it because you had to. And whatever you did worked. I feel better today, better than I have for a long time. But if I hurt you somehow, I need to know. I need to know how to fix this because I’m not going to hate you and I’m not going to let you go.”
She searched his face and he held his gaze steady, hoping that she would find whatever it was she was looking for. She seemed to because her shoulders slumped and she gave in. Her voice hoarse, she started, “When we returned home, something was wrong. You’d never just walk away. After I explained what had happened, I came after you. You were in your room and you were catatonic and in so much pain. You know that my gift is need based.”
Smoothing his thumb over the back of her hand, he reassured, “Yes. Sounds like I’d had an attack. That hasn’t happened for a while, I’m sorry.”
Hearing no judgement in his voice, she seemed to relax fractionally. “What you went through in the war, it left you with some trauma. You pushed it down so you could function. But when you pushed it down, it created a strain on your brain. You finally reached a breaking point when the chimas attack triggered something and the memories boiled out, causing intense pressure and pain.” She trailed off, unable to continue.
After waiting for a few minutes, he gently prompted, “So basically I overloaded and the pain was so great that my mind and body shut down.”
She nodded, shame clear in her features. “Yes. When I looked at you with my gift, there were dark patches on your brain. I can’t really explain what I did, but I took that pain and darkness and boxed it up. It’s only a temporary solution, you’ll still need to deal with it. But it bought you some time.” He started to speak but she shook her head. She needed to get this all out. If he spoke, she wouldn’t have the courage to finish. “When I was boxing it away, I saw some of the memories that made up the pain. There was so much horror and darkness.”
He released her hands and sank back on his heels, looking down at the floor. After a minute, he mumbled, his voice breaking. “I’m sorry… You shouldn’t’ve had to…”
She interrupted him with a distressed cry. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one that violated your privacy. I had no right to do what I did. I understand if you hate me.”
He looked up startled, feeling the prick of tears in his eyes. “Why would I hate you? You were saving me! I’m just so sorry that you had to see that darkness. I never wanted to expose anyone to that.”
Sliding from the chair, she threw her arms around him and hugged him fiercely. “You survived! There is nothing to apologize for. You are not lesser for having a past. You are stronger for having journeyed into the darkness for others and somehow managed to emerge on the other side, not whole but still standing.” She buried her face in his shoulder and shook, although she didn’t cry.
He ran his hand up and down her back in soothing strokes and hummed a lullaby that his mother had sung to them. When she finally calmed, he said firmly, “If I’m not allowed to apologize, neither are you. You are a true friend, Leta. When I was facing darkness, you didn’t run but stood side by side with me and helped me fight my way through it. Now, enough of this hiding. Everyone’s worried sick about you.”
Drawing back, she seemed to suddenly realize her condition and flushed. Hauling herself back into the chair, she looked at him and said meekly, “I need to clean up first. Meet you downstairs?”
Climbing to his feet, he grinned at her. “Ten minutes. If you’re not downstairs by then, I’ll be back.”
When he reached the door, he heard a shaky exhale and she whispered, “Thank you.”
Nodding, he smiled over his shoulder and walked out, shutting the door quietly behind him.”
* . * . *
He withstood his family’s fussing over him to the best of his ability. He knew that he’d worried them with his sudden spell but couldn’t find the words to explain what had happened. However, when h
e told them that Aletta would be coming down, they turned their attention to preparing for her.
Awena drew him off to the side while Rose was busy ordering food for him and Aletta. Her voice serious, Awena spoke, “I’m sorry, nephew. I should’ve realized what was happening.”
He was surprised, “How?”
She smiled, “In case you forgot, I am a Sheridan. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. However, I think I know why your condition always gets worse when you are home.”
“Really? I just thought that it was coincidence.”
His aunt shook her head. “True coincidence is rare. When the Glade was built, it was built as a sanctuary, a place to heal from the hurts that were inflicted during the war. Because hidden resentment was partially to blame for the war, spells were layered into the protections to make sure that festering emotions were drawn to the surface where they could be dealt with instead of hiding away and growing.”
He said quietly, “Ah.”
She nodded, “Yes. I’m afraid that I’d forgotten and by the time you returned, I was already too lost.”
He hugged her. “But now you’re here and I’m here, so it all worked out in the end. Now, I have a partner to locate.”
Aletta appeared in the doorway in that moment and Lirim relaxed. She still looked gaunt and you could tell that she had been crying, but she had showered and changed into clean clothes. She hesitated in the doorway for a moment but squared her shoulders and walked in. She’d barely made it two steps when she was pounced on by Rose and Meara. They clucked over her and led her over to the table, both talking a mile a minute.
Aletta glanced over at him, her expression wavering between bewilderment and amusement. Chuckling, he made his way over and sat down across from her. He drawled, “Mum, Meara, let the poor girl breath. If this is how you reacted before, no wonder she was hiding in her room.”
In Search of High Society Page 16