My wrists are being held down. They're strapped against a hard table. My neck is at an awkward angle, and my throat is burning. There's pain in my throat from where Ace strangled me. It hurts every time I swallow. My head throbs with a headache. I groan and open my eyes hazily.
I look around, but the room tells me nothing. It's small and dark. I know I'm still in the facility, in a room I've never seen before. It's where they take people who cannot be controlled. I wonder if this will be the room they kill me in.
The door opens ten minutes later. Honey is all sweetness as she looks down at me. She is powerful and confident. She is not afraid of me. "I know that you are well aware of the councilor's command. I can't kill you for attacking three guards. It would come back on me. But I can teach you to behave. You will learn that further rebellion will come at the cost of flesh and bone."
She reaches into her pocket. I keep my eyes on hers and refuse to flinch. I don't care if she has a pistol or a knife in that pocket. She can take whatever she wants from me and be damned. She steps closer and touches the table. It reads her fingerprints and a video feed pops up. An empty room with a similar table to mine is on the other side.
"Bring him in," Honey says.
The door opens and my breath catches. It's Max. He looks tougher, bigger, and somehow frightening. The month of training has given him new skills and a new body. But something in his eyes isn't right. He's afraid. I have never seen him so full of terror before. A man sits him down at the table and the bracelets appear around his wrists, strapping him down.
"Every time you so much as look at me funny, I'm going to carve your punishment out of his flesh," Honey tells me.
The man on the screen pulls out a small cylindrical device. It looks like it could be a handheld, save for the way it narrows to a point. He presses a button and a sharp, blue light appears on the tapered end. It's a laser cutter, just like the one Gib once tried to use on Leslie. The man lowers the light to Max's back. Max screams in pain as it slashes through his shirt and cuts into his skin. Smoke hisses toward the sky and the sizzle of burning flesh makes me jump. The man only touches him for a second. It's enough. He raises his hand and touches Max on a different part of his back.
"Max!" I cry out. I fight against my restraints. I fight to get to him. "Max!" Tears are in my eyes. They're falling down my face and onto the table. It looks like I'm crying on him. I want to reach out and touch him as he cries out in pain again.
"Bree!" Max cries back, some of his terror fading. "It's not your fault! It's not your fault!"
Even in the middle of torture, he's looking out for me. He wants me to know that he doesn't blame me. The truth of his goodness makes me cry harder.
The man touches him a third time and he screams again, his voice echoing around the room coldly. My stomach clenches, and bile rises in my throat.
"That's enough," Honey says as she looks at my face. "I think she understands now."
She touches the table and the screen fades to black. I look up at her with overwhelming hate and anger in my heart. I'm trembling with rage. I wish my hands were free. I would kill her. I wouldn't be able to stop myself.
"You do anything that I don't like again and you will find yourself back in this chair," she says. "Do you understand?"
I continue to stare at her. I think something about my expression must frighten her. She takes a step back and crosses her arms defensively. Her sunny smile does not fade. She knows she has control. I can't fight back. They have Max. They'll kill him if I do anything.
"Do you understand?" she asks me again.
I lower my eyes, more tears falling onto the table as I do. I want to see Max again. I want to look at his face and have him tell me it's not my fault. The guilt that surrounds me at the thought is unbearable. They burned him because of me. They tortured him because of their hate for me. I'm the one who keeps getting people I care about hurt.
"Yes," I say.
"Good," she replies.
She spins on her heels and marches out of the room. The door swings shut behind her. The silence she leaves in her wake is full of shock and grief. It's like the air knows my emotions and clings to them, making me relive them over and over again.
My brother, my Max, has been hurt. His screams are in my ears. His skin sizzling with the blue light is in front of my eyes. And Maria. She's gone. My friend is dead. I've lost everyone I care about in a single day. Max will never forgive me for the torture. Maria will never come back. Ace. I can't think of Ace.
I put my head on the table and quietly cry. I don't want them to see me sob. I won't give them the satisfaction. I quickly push away the tears and feel my heart harden. I will protect Max. I will find a way to get through the training as silently as possible. But I've learned revenge. It swirls in my chest and head. It won't leave me alone. I'll make them pay for what they've done, for the lives they've ruined. I won't stop until every last one of them knows what it feels like to be in my shoes.
The door opens again thirty minutes later. The dead-eyed man taps the bracelets on my wrists and frees me. He pulls me up via the back of my shirt and pushes me toward the door. I walk into the hall with the revenge growing in my heart. I don't know who I blame more: Honey, Benny, Ace, the councilor, the city, Gib, Angela. They've all had a hand in my pain.
I don't look at Maria's bunk as I sit down. They have already removed her things. The bed is made. It looks like she never existed. I picture her smiling at me and cursing in Spanish whenever she gets irritated or afraid. I want to cry again. I sit down and realize the others are staring at me. They know that something has happened. No one asks me what. They can see from my expression that I'm not in the mood for explanations.
I woodenly stand when it's time for classes. I know better than to miss. Max will pay for my misbehavior.
The week is very long. I can't look at Sam or Nathan without wanting to cry. I help Sam like I promised Nathan I would, but my heart is not in it. I stop shooting people for myself entirely. I don't care. They can take their game and shove it where the sun don't shine, as Devlin would say.
I'm through. I'm finished. I can't feel again. It's too painful. Even anger that burns white-hot in my chest lets in too much. It reminds me of the pain. And the pain reminds me that I'm not as strong as I need to be.
The part of the week I dread the most approaches steadily. I find myself in the hall outside of Willem's office with the others before I can really process what it means. For all their talk of helping people, they're killers. I wonder what game they have been playing with me. Were they trying to get me to lower my guard so they could see if I am susceptible to some forms of hypnosis? Were they trying to see why the brainwashing wasn't working? Was it scientific curiosity? Did they think that making me trust them would somehow help Willem understand why the brainwashing wasn't working?
I don't want to see him, and I particularly don't want to see Ace. Will he be there? Will he try to torture me with the truth of Maria's murder? Can I look at him and not get myself in trouble? I'm glad he hasn't been at the facility all week. It's been the best part of the week.
The door opens again. I'm the last person in the hall. The guard looks bored. She wants to leave. Willem looks at her knowingly. "I think she can make it back to her dorm without help," he says.
"I'm supposed to stay for your protection," she says.
"This one has learned her place," Willem says.
The woman considers it. The story of my attack and punishment has spread. Benny has told them all about it. They laugh at me and mock Max's terror. She finally nods and pushes away from the wall. She gives me a crooked grin full of hate and leaves. Willem gestures me inside. I grab my leg to keep from forming a fist. He should have made the guard stay. The rage is building. I don't know if I can turn it off.
Think of Max. Think of what they'll do to him. The rage quiets slightly. Max is my temperance.
Willem gestures for me to sit. I don't. I cross my arms and look at him pointe
dly. He's not going to hypnotize me again. He sighs.
"Very well," he says. "I'll get straight to the point."
I look around the room. There are dozens of weapons within range. I don't need them. Willem is a scientist and a studious man. He doesn't know how to fight. It would be a one-sided situation. I can take him down easily. And then what? I won't be free. I'll still be trapped by the facility and Max's fate.
"Your friend, Maria,..." he begins.
On second thought, beating him up will feel pretty damn good. I take a step forward.
Willem takes three steps back and holds up his hands to show his peaceful intent. "...is alive," he finishes quickly.
He's messing with me; he's turning Maria's death into a joke. I take another step. A hand touches my back. I spin at the touch, knowing without looking who it is, and punch Ace in the throat. He lets out an explosive breath and I knee him in the gut. He dodges the next punch barely in time and takes a step back to recover from my hit. His hand is on his throat. He's struggling for air. I hope he never finds another breath. I kick out. He knocks the kick away and I move in close again. He's reach is longer than mine. I have to get in close, move quickly, and take him down before he hurts me. Devlin has taught me how to deal with someone stronger and taller. Willem retreats to the corner fearfully as Ace and I continue to fight.
We dodge, block, and circle around the room. Ace is startled by my skill. Our last fight had been charged with shock at Maria's death and his betrayal. Now I am cold. All of Devlin's lessons are pounding through my body. I move without thinking. Finally, I get tired of the dancing. I ram into him, rip a knife off his tactical belt and push him against the wall. The knife is at his throat. His hands are on my waist. He's preparing to throw me off of him. Then he stops. He lowers his hands and takes a deep breath.
"Are you going to kill me?" he asks in his quiet voice.
My hand trembles. I know I can't. I'm not a murderer. The vision of my parents murdering unarmed people flashes in front of my eyes. Or am I? Does their evil run in my veins? Why does it seem so difficult to kill him now that I'm here?
Ace and I stare at each other. I know that killing him is impossible. It wouldn't just be stupid and get Max in trouble. It would be evil. I'm different from my parents. I have to be. The alternative is becoming something worse than Ace, Gib, and the government that keeps me locked away.
I lower my hand and drop the knife. I step away from him and look at the floor angrily. I don't know if I'm more angry I missed my opportunity or angry at him for killing Maria.
"Can I go back to my room now?" I ask Willem.
"Maria isn't dead," Ace tells me quickly before I leave. "She discovered the brainwashing, and Willem found out about it when he hypnotized her. We knew she wouldn't make it through the final stage with such knowledge. We had to get her out."
"I saw you shoot her," I tell him.
"Only a little," he replied. "The bullet was nanotech. It only penetrated half an inch before it released the blood packet stored inside. It also has a sedative that can put a person into such a deep sleep they look dead. It's how I would have gotten you out had you agreed to it," he adds.
"You expect me to believe that?" I ask.
"Yes," Ace replies.
"I can't," I say.
"Why would I lie?" he asks.
"Everyone here lies. Everyone has an agenda. I don't know who to trust, besides me. And even I keep disappointing myself. I keep doing the wrong thing and getting people I love hurt..."
"You've made some mistakes," Ace agrees, "but you've also done everything you can to protect your brother and your friends. My only complaint is that you keep putting yourself in danger to do it."
I look up at him. The hope is beating against my chest. It's telling me how desperately I want to believe him. Did he really get Maria out? Is she alive? Will I ever see her again? I want to know everything. The distrust is too deeply rooted. He keeps confusing me. He's too skilled at keeping people at a distance and at keeping his thoughts to himself. I have no idea where I stand with him.
"Do you have proof?" I ask.
"No," he says. He steps forward so that he is close enough to touch me. He doesn't reach out, though. He's probably afraid I'll attack him again. "You're smart, Bree. You're smarter than a lot of people I've met. So use those brains and tell me what makes sense about me tricking you into thinking Maria is alive. I have power here. I have control. I can do whatever I want and get away with it. I don't need you to trust me. But I want you to. I want you to very much."
His words bring clarity. They make total sense. He could probably kill me and find a way to make it look like an accident or suicide. He would get away with the murder. People trust him. The Ellison name carries weight. People are afraid of the power of his family. He could be like Gib. He could put me in the river and tell people I was depressed about my parents' role in the war. He has no reason to save Maria or lie to me. The only reason he would even bother to rescue her is because he has a good heart. I see it clearly now.
The truth makes the situation harder.
I don't want to know he has a good heart. It's easier to think of him as evil. Now I have to know he's out there in the world with his good heart and his desire to save people from the government. I know he will end up getting married to Karen, to please his parents and keep his secret. They'll have a perfect house on a perfect street and three perfect children who will never disappoint them. It'll be a lie to help more people escape his perfect little world. He'll save a lot of innocent lives with his lies.
"Where's she now?" I ask.
Ace's expression fills with relief. He's happy I believe him. "She's recovering in the house of a member of the network," Ace says. "The bullet damaged a couple of her ribs. Once she's better, she'll be taken out of the city."
"And then what?" I ask. "Where will she go?"
"We have people who arrange travel and food. She'll have to make up her mind, though. We don't make it up for them. Some people stay in the lower city. They don't want to leave in case their families make it out. Others go wherever they can find work or food."
I nod to show I understand and look at Willem. He has moved out of his corner. He's looking over my head awkwardly. He can sense the emotion and tension. He doesn't know what to say.
"Let's get this over with," I say.
It's the only thing I can think to say. I don't want to talk to Ace. I don't want to be reminded of his goodness. Knowing that Maria is alive is enough. It brings back all the trust Willem and Ace have earned.
Willem hypnotizes me and I wake up feeling calm and confident. I can handle whatever Honey, the government, and life throws at me. Maria will make it and start a new, better life outside of government control.
"There have been more attacks along the wall," Ace informs me as I come around. I have a feeling his words are a peace offering. He wants to talk about something other than Maria and Max. He wants to continue our discussion without anger and confusion clouding things.
"The rebels?" I question.
"They're getting braver," Ace says. "They're fighting for the lower city. I don't know why they've chosen now, but something has changed. The RFA has been out all week."
I remember him confessing to an intentional accident in a lift and not being allowed out. I know how badly he wants to fight. It's not about the government as much as it is about being there for the people in his unit.
"Will they get in?" I ask.
"The wall is there for a reason," Ace says. "No enemy combatant has ever breached it."
"No one we know of," I say.
"No one in the city would rebel against the government," Ace points out. "And all of the immigrants are conditioned to be peaceful. If rebels are here, we'd know about it already."
"I guess," I say. "But if there's a way out, there's a way in."
"I wonder what they want," Ace says. "They aren't stupid. They know that attacking the wall is suicide."
"M
aybe it's a diversion," I say.
"From what?" Ace asks.
I shrug. "I don't know, I'm not a rebel."
The thought brings me up short. I push my parents out of my mind again. I don't think I will ever be able to get the scene of them shooting unarmed people out of my head. I'm as much a part of that legacy as they are.
"Whatever they're doing, they're going to do it soon," Ace says. He fidgets. "I'll have to fight them. They'll call me back to service if there's war."
"What happened when you had your accident?" I ask tentatively.
His eyes flash with regret and pain. The memory is sharp and unforgiving. "Some other time, maybe," he says.
"Ace is right," Willem says. "It's time for you to go."
I nod and stand. I can't stay as long as I want. It's dangerous. I hesitate at the door. I don't want to ask and feel the pain, but I know I must. "Max..."
"He's okay," Ace replies. "I saw him yesterday."
His words bring relief, even as his expression brings me worry. Why does he look so uneasy telling me news of my brother? Is he lying? Does Max hate me now? Are his injuries worse than they seem?
My visit with Ace gives me back my hope and focus. Maria is alive. My friend is okay. I didn't get her killed. Her safety means that I have to focus on my original plan. I only have three more weeks before the final stage. I can make it. I have to.
Chapter 26
Controllers (Book 1) Page 26