Cronica Acadia
XXXVIII
Doppelganger was informed of the blackguard trainer’s unwillingness to take on Nerdraaage. Doppelganger’s blood boiled, but he said nothing. Only the reddening of his face showed that he was greatly aggrieved by this slight to his friend. “So,” said Nerdraaage. “I was thinking I could train to be a warrior like you!”
“No,” said Doppelganger firmly.
“Well,” said Nerdraaage. “I’ve got to be something!”
“Let’s go talk to your trainer,” said Dangalf.
“Yes!” said Doppelganger a little too eagerly.
“You guys would do that for me?”
“Of course,” said Dangalf. “We’ll go now.” Dangalf poured the rest of his beer into his mouth. He might need it.
“You guys are the best friends anyone’s ever had,” said Nerdraaage as he stood. “Elf, you can’t come.”
Ashlyn frowned. “We’ll be back shortly,” Dangalf reassured her.
Doppelganger led Dangalf and Nerdraaage as they marched into the woods where the blackguard trainer resided. “Why couldn’t Ashlyn come?” asked Dangalf.
“I don’t want her to make fun of me,” said Nerdraaage.
“She wouldn’t do that. She felt really bad that you couldn’t get your training.”
“This trainer might say some embarrassing things, and I don’t want her to hear.”
“Like what?”
“He said he could smell my arse.”
Doppelganger stopped in his tracks. “Wow,” he said. “And I thought my trainer sucked. Maybe you should become a ranger.”
“Ashlyn is our naturalist,” insisted Dangalf. “Look, animals and elves and trolls all have a heightened sense of smell. I’m sure that’s what he meant. This blackguard is human. I suspect his arse smells too. Let’s go see him.”
“That’s another problem,” said Nerdraaage.
“What?”
“I didn’t actually see him.”
Nerdraaage found the hidden house quicker the second time. Dangalf stopped the others at the front door as he thought it was important to establish ground rules before they encountered the blackguard. “Now remember,” said Dangalf, “we’re here as advocates for Nerdraaage. Let’s be diplomatic.”
“Blackguard!” shouted Doppelganger, pounding on the door. “Show yourself!” The door swung slowly open. “There’s no one there.”
“That’s what he did to me,” said Nerdraaage.
Doppelganger pushed in first followed by Nerdraaage and Dangalf. The windows were blacked out, and red lamps lit the room. There were workbenches against each wall, some with colored bottles on them and others with locks and tools. A variety of weapons adorned the walls. There were books on a shelf. Beyond that first room, it was so black it looked like it might have been the edge of the universe. An impenetrable blackness. The door closed behind them.
The ghost voice spoke from around the room: “Why did you come back?”
Nerdraaage screamed and fell to the ground. “My knee,” he yelled. Doppelganger armed himself with his axe and looked about for a target.
Truthfully, it was not a ghost. It was a master of the blackguard class, an assassin, using a skill that made him unappeared. If he were observed at all, it would be only briefly when he struck, and then most would only see shadow or smoke. It took significant skill to see his true form, and that’s how Dangalf saw him, when he struck Nerdraaage. A black-clad figure with a wrinkled human face. And was he wearing sunglasses? “We just want to talk,” pleaded Dangalf.
“Do you always bring your battleaxes for conversation?” said the ghost. And the shadow appeared behind Doppelganger. For less than a second, Dangalf saw the wrinkled human face wearing black goggles. No, not wrinkled, badly scarred.
The ghost hand waved across Doppelganger’s face from behind, leaving a black raccoon mask across his eyes. Doppelganger turned and swung at the ghost, but it was gone. But Dangalf was ready for the blackguard when he appeared behind Doppelganger, and when he struck, Dangalf struck. He cast the blackguard in an ice block. “Shite!” yelled Doppelganger. “I’m blind.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I got him.” Dangalf went to a blackened window and swung it open, filling the room with light. He ran to Doppelganger and helped him to a seat. He checked on Nerdraaage, who said he was all right. Dangalf went back to his block of ice and peered in at the empty cube. “I don’t got him,” he said weakly.
The ghost appeared behind Dangalf. Dangalf let out a cry and dropped instantly to the floor, minus his wand, which the ghost had taken.
The scarred ghost allowed himself to be fully visible. He was garbed from neck to toe in black dragon-wing leather—“blacks” the blackguards called this garb—and he wore goggles with black lenses. It seemed strange to Dangalf, since the room was so dark to begin with. Dangalf noticed daggers in each of the ghost’s hands even though he hid the blades by pointing them up behind each arm. The black ghost stood over his quarry and chuckled wickedly. “What a motley crew,” he said.
Dangalf saw Ashlyn enter quickly and silently through the window, and in a flash she had her dagger pressed against the black ghost’s neck.
The ghost recognized his attacker as a she-elf and her weapon as a dagger even though he could not see either. “An elf,” said the ghost smiling. “Now that I did not expect.” In a move that seemed more magic than acrobatic, the ghost unappeared and reappeared behind Ashlyn. He held both daggers pressed up against her breast. She stood there holding her dagger where the black ghost had been. For a moment she half expected to die when he unexpectedly inhaled her neck and kissed it. She dropped the dagger at the shock of being kissed.
“What’s happening!” asked the blind Doppelganger.
“You have unexpected allies, dwarf,” the ghost said to Nerdraaage as he returned his daggers to their sheaths. “Perhaps I have underestimated you,” And then to Ashlyn, “Close the window, she-elf.”
“What about my friends?” she asked.
“They are unharmed,” said the ghost. “It was only the suggestion of pain. I did not wish to spill their blood on my goblin carpet. Go on.”
Nerdraaage and Dangalf got off the floor slowly. “If that was the suggestion of pain,” said Dangalf, “I hope I never feel real pain.” He checked on Doppelganger, who said that his vision was returning. Ashlyn closed the window, returning the room to near darkness.
The ghost took a chair and removed his goggles. “I have not seen the light of day in three years,” said the ghost. “I would have looked on it unkindly if you had ruined the night vision I’ve cultivated over that time.” He introduced himself as Icil and bid the others take seats. He poured and passed around glasses of wine to each of them. They looked at their glasses and each other suspiciously. “Please drink up. I have so few guests.”
“Hard to believe,” said Doppelganger, tears and blinding agent streaking his face black.
“An enraged warrior is a formidable opponent,” said Icil. “But I have found blindness to be an antidote to the bloodwarp.” He turned to Ashlyn. “You I could train to be a blackguard.” Then to the others he said, “You have not fucked until you have fucked a she-elf blackguard. The combination of good girl and bad girl in one lithe package is otherworldly.”
“I am definitely otherworldly,” said Ashlyn.
“That you are,” said Icil. “But alas, the she-elf blackguard is the greatest of rarities.”
Dangalf smelled his wine for impurities. Not that he knew what an impurity smelled like.
“What happened to your face?” asked Nerdraaage.
“Not cool,” said Ashlyn.
“I am proud of each of my scars,” said Icil. “And I will gladly tell their stories, especially to one who presumes to be a blackguard. I was the third blackguard charged with killing a troll deathspeaker who had killed a hundred of our fighters. Bedka the Beguiler. The two before me had never returned. I waited in her slumber vault for thirte
en hours before she arrived. Once there, her guards took position outside her door, and the door was closed. She began the unmasking, a process by which they use magic to uncover any blackguard that might be hidden. I was warded against her spells, but this witch had another method that the sages were unaware of. She sprayed an acid liberally around the room. She hit me directly in the face with it, but I did not move or make a sound. She settled into her bed, and I waited motionless for another hour while the acid ate my flesh. When she finally fell asleep, I struck. She took my good looks, but I took her head.”
“You’re an assassin?” asked Dangalf.
“Yes.”
“A master class blackguard,” said Nerdraaage in awe. The master classes did not exist in the game but were advertised to be part of the expansion pack along with flying mounts and the new world of Oceania.
“Do you bear the mark of the centurion?” asked Doppelganger.
“A warrior vanity,” said Icil. “It impresses me not that some dragoon slew a hundred or even a thousand peons. I kill those who kill dragoons.”
“Then why are you here?” asked Dangalf. “Training blackguards outside a dwarven town?”
“That is exactly why I am here. I am required to provide service to the Alliance. So I made myself a blackguard trainer to a town where there should be no blackguards. That was to allow me to pursue my vendetta.”
“What vendetta?” asked Doppelganger.
After a moment Icil answered, “I lost something of great value.”
“Your she-elf?” asked Ashlyn.
“Yes,” said Icil looking far off. “She was killed by a troll necromancer and her undead knight. Betwixt her spells and his swordplay, they are formidable. And I say that as one who has been called formidable by the greatest enemies that we have. And now I spend my time studying them and planning my vengeance. I came here to get away from other distractions, and up until now I had been left alone.” Icil spoke directly to Nerdraaage. “But I will train you, master dwarf. Persistence is a noble trait. And it will be a pleasant diversion from my other pursuit. I will make you into a mercenary suitable for my own signature upon his scroll. Or I will at least have a few laughs trying.”
“Maybe both,” said Ashlyn cheerfully.
Though it was late, Icil said there was time for half a lesson, so all but Nerdraaage left the hidden home.
XXXIX
Doppelganger, Dangalf, and Ashlyn went to dinner at the inn, and Angus beckoned them over to where Donald held court. Introductions of those not already introduced were made. And the Keepers explained that they had gotten Icil to take on Nerdraaage, which quite impressed Angus.
Donald said that he could see Doppelganger becoming one of the great warriors of the ages, and he hoped that when he was legendary he would come back to visit Hammersmith. “Did I not tell you how, when I was paralyzed by spider toxin, this lad single-handedly rescued me from a daughter of Arachne!” enthused Angus.
“I don’t remember it that way,” Dangalf said slyly to Ashlyn.
“I thought Nerdraaage single-handedly rescued him,” she said more slyly.
The dwarves smoked their own pipes while Dangalf and Ashlyn shared his. Doppelganger refused a hit from Donald’s pipe, to which the captain replied, “Smart lad!” and continued smoking.
Dangalf rocked out to the dulcimer sound coming from the Odeon. He was so buzzed that he was surprised when he finally recognized the musician as Angus. How perfectly dwarven, he thought. A musical instrument played with hammers! It took him another minute to remember that Angus only had one arm, and he played with both hammers in one hand.
A lute player had taken the stage when a comparatively sober, but not sober, Nerdraaage made his way through the crowd. Doppelganger shouted a drunken greeting to him.
Nerdraaage excitedly told his friends about his lessons, and they tried desperately to focus and comprehend. Nerdraaage emptied his rucksack onto the table. There were books on poisons, which Dangalf picked up. “I need to see these when you’re done,” he said.
“I have a better idea,” said Nerdraaage. “Why don’t you take them now and tell me what they say.”
Dangalf nodded. “You have a book on unappear?” asked Dangalf. This was the blackguard’s foundation skill as demonstrated earlier that day in its highest form by Icil.
“Those secrets have never been written down,” said Nerdraaage solemnly. “And I have taken an oath to protect that secret with my own life if necessary.” Dangalf could not be blamed for asking. Blackguards were considered the greatest threat to the wizard class.
“And look at this!” Nerdraaage said proudly. He showed them a small satchel in black leather that he draped over his shoulder.
“You’re going to wear a purse?” asked Ashlyn.
“It’s not a purse; it’s a murder kit!”
“Sorry. I get those two confused.”
“Oh, and he gave you this too,” said Nerdraaage as he slid a small wrapped package to Ashlyn.
She unwrapped a small white flower and would have touched it had Dangalf not screamed, “Don’t touch it!” He slid it away from her by the packaging and toward himself. “That’s gravewhisper,” he said.
“Great,” she said. “I’m being stalked by an assassin.” And then she giggled drunkenly at her own seriousness. Dangalf and Doppelganger looked at her dumbly. “He’s not behind me right now, is he?” she asked.
“How would we know?” asked Doppelganger.
“He’s not stalking you!” said Nerdraaage. “It’s a gift.”
“It is very expensive,” said Dangalf. “He might have thought you knew how to handle it, being an elf and all.”
“Apparently he didn’t know how bad I am at being an elf,” she said. And then picking up on Dangalf’s first sentence she said, “Expensive! What could I get for it?”
“A sovereign gross,” ventured Angus. A hundred and forty-four gold coins! That was more wealth than the Keepers could imagine. In all their time in this world, combined, they had earned maybe a dozen sovereigns. Ashlyn clapped excitedly for herself.
“I think we should hold onto it,” said Dangalf.
“Why?” asked Ashlyn.
“Because if you need a gravewhisper extract, you might not be able to find one, even if you have a sovereign gross.”
“Who needs gravewhisper extract?” she demanded.
“Mages use it,” said Dangalf. “Blackguards use it. Druids might also have use for it.”
“Yeah,” she said. “But he gave it to me!” And then on Dangalf’s disappointed look, she said, “Okay. I’ll save it.”
“Just be careful,” he said. “If you touch it or inhale it, you could die.”
“You die if you inhale it,” said Doppelganger. “Maybe you should wrap it back up.”
“It’s perfectly safe as long as you don’t antagonize the flower,” Dangalf said. He slid the wrapped flower back to Ashlyn.
“Hey,” she said. “Why don’t we go get my training?”
“No,” said Nerdraaage.
“I guess we could,” said Dangalf to Doppelganger. “One of us could escort her to Templa Taur. Either you or me. I don’t care which,” he lied.
“No,” insisted Nerdraaage.
“Break up the group?” asked Doppelganger. “There’s still a lot of bad things outside these gates, and it’s three, four days to Templa Taur.”
“You could both escort me,” said Ashlyn. “Nerdraaage will be safe in Hammersmith. When I’m done training, we can meet him back here.”
“No!” shouted Nerdraaage.
“That might work,” said Dangalf.
“Dangalf and I will just get rusty sitting here in town,” said Doppelganger. “We need some adventure.”
“No!” shouted Nerdraaage again. “I shoveled shite in Hempshire waiting for you guys. Now you can all wait for me as we agreed. And when I’m done, then we’ll all go to Templa Taur and wait for Elftrap. But we’re going to do it as the Keepers!” The othe
rs were chastened by Nerdraaage’s conviction.
“Fine,” she finally said. “I’ll wait. And it’s Ashlyn, by the way.”
XL
Nerdraaage continued his training. He seemed ill after many of his lessons, and he blamed it on poisons that Icil administered for the stated purpose of building up his immunity. The other Keepers privately worried that Icil would kill Nerdraaage, for they were still not convinced that the assassin’s purposes were pure. Moreover they suspected that if his purposes were pure, he wouldn’t be an assassin. Finally they agreed that Icil was not killing Nerdraaage when Nerdraaage did in fact not die.
Nerdraaage’s debriefing of his latest improvements and newest abilities grew shorter nightly, until finally, like a true blackguard, he did not speak of what he learned even when asked. The others missed the exuberance of the untrained, unsophisticated Nerdraaage but agreed he seemed happier and more confident with his newfound skills. And they took solace in the fact that he might now be trained, but he was still mostly unsophisticated.
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