by G. , Whitney
I sighed.
I knew that she still cried off and on—especially with me, but I never knew it was enough for someone new in her life to notice.
“I didn’t know about this,” I said, setting down the letters. “I honestly didn’t know.”
“Well, now you do.” She shrugged. “I’m sure as her best friend—well, boyfriend, that you’ll talk to her about it? Make her reconsider?”
She left the room without saying another word to me, and I pulled out my phone.
I was about to call Penelope, but she’d texted me first.
Penelope: Hey! I showed up at your office for a surprise lunch date, but you weren’t there. Where are you?
Penelope: Want to grab Italian and wine later tonight instead? I don’t know why I’m craving that for some reason.
Me: Sorry. Something important came up. I need a raincheck.
I left the roses and the wine on the table, then I returned to my car. I sped off towards my side of town with an agonizing ache in my chest.
I knew that there was a reason Penelope didn’t tell me about that damn letter and another reason why talking to her about it wouldn’t lead to her making the right decision.
I’d known her like the back of my hand for years, and there was only one way that she would chase twenty-eight again.
Thirty-Seven (B)
Present Day
Hayden
Me: Hey. I just heard that the IOC changed the rules for medals. The upcoming Olympic Winter Games will be the first to start awarding coaching medals alongside the athletes.
Penelope: Oh, wow. Really? I haven’t heard that at all! Interesting! (Are we still on for dinner tonight at Wardman’s?)
Me: Want me to email you the link? It looks like they’re training in a compound in Utah, similar to where you trained for Worlds that one summer.
Penelope: No, I’ll look it up later. And LOL yes! I remember that. I think you got kicked out for coming to see me. No outsiders allowed (smile emoji)
Me: I’m surprised that no one has reached out and asked you to be a part of the new change since you told me a lot of high-profile coaches have been banned recently.
Penelope: I’m not surprised. I’m not a coach, and I don’t really care about that stuff anymore, you know? I have 27. 28 was the dream, but—life.
Penelope: Are we still on for dinner at Wardman’s?
Me: No, Penelope. I’ll need a raincheck.
Thirty-Eight
Present Day
Penelope
“Look at that control as she goes up for a triple salchow and immediately into a—Wow! Penelope Carter lands a quad instead!”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are watching a master of her craft, a woman who will go down as arguably the greatest female figure skater of all time.”
I lay on my couch and watched my final performance at Skate America.
Before the fall that ended it all.
“I agree Mary,” the third announcer said. “Look at the precision of her spin. I’m sure she’ll be notching the first place position here and continuing her ambitious chase for twenty-eight.”
“The most complex combo of her program—two quads with a triple lutz is coming up. Should she land this, she would be the first female singles skater to ever—”
I hit pause and stare at the freeze-frame of myself in mid-air—my arms high above my head as my glittering blue dress flies free.
To this day, I could never get past this part of the show.
It still hurt like hell.
Sighing, I clicked on my performance at the Sochi Olympics instead.
As I was taking to the ice, my doorbell sounded.
I grabbed a tip for the delivery guy, but when I opened the door, it wasn’t pizza.
It was Hayden.
“Hey.” I smiled.
“Hey.”
“I thought you were working on the final apology letters tonight.”
“I am,” he said. “I wanted to stop by before I started.”
“Come in.”
“I can’t.” He shook his head. “Look, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it. I need some space, Penelope.”
His words hung in the air for several seconds.
“I don’t understand.” I crossed my arms. “You need space? For what?”
“Its complicated.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I have the Tinder deposition coming up and I got hit with some new, silly headlines in the media this afternoon.”
“Whatever they are, I’m willing to help you like I did with the letters.”
“It’s not that easy.” He looked into my eyes. “I just need the space, Penelope.”
I stared at him in utter disbelief.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” I said, crossing my arms. “You told me the other day that this was only our beginning. You also promised—repeatedly, that you wouldn’t fuck ‘us’ up.”
“That’s not what I’m doing at all. I’m doing what I think is best for you. Us.”
That “best for you” line made the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention; that was a line from Travis’s controlling playbook, not Hayden’s.
“Did you tell my brother about us or something?” I asked.
“Not at all.”
“Then what the hell, Hayden? Space for what?”
He stood there looking half sympathetic, half defeated, and as much as I wanted him to pull me into his arms and say this was a bad attempt at a joke, I took a step back.
I couldn’t help allowing my mind to wander to several different places at once. The destination that stood out the most was the ugliest, and I didn’t want to believe it was true.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“What?”
“What. Did. You. Do?” My voice cracked. “Tell me the truth because I’m not buying the ‘I need space’ bullshit.”
He placed his hands on my shoulders and pressed his forehead against mine. “I haven’t done anything that would hurt you.”
“Did it happen in Vegas?”
“Penelope …”
“Was it on the night you left the room to go to that cigar shop? Or was it here in New York maybe? Already tired of being with one woman?”
“No, Penelope.” He looked genuine, but his words weren’t adding up, and every unanswered question was cracking a new piece of my heart.
“If this is some type of game,” I said, “I don’t want to play.”
“It’s not a game. I’m being honest.”
“Well, per your own advice, a guy only says he wants ‘space’ when he’s trying to be gentle about breaking up with you, or when he’s cheated and wants to save face because he knows you’ll never forgive him.”
“Penelope, I would never cheat on you.”
“I would never forgive you if you did, but you could at least have the decency to tell me why my best friend for almost a decade, the same guy who told me that he loved me last night and wants to build a future together, is now randomly, fucking randomly, standing on my doorstep and telling me something completely different.”
“I just need some space. That’s it.”
“Okay, let’s start now then. Don’t fucking call me until you’ve taken all the space you need, and I’ll consider talking to you again.”
“Penelope, I’m not breaking up with you.”
“Breaks and spaces lead to breakups, Hayden. You taught me that, too. Doesn’t that still hold true?”
He let out a sigh, but he didn’t say anything.
“I thought so.” I slammed the door in his face.
Guilt tightened its grip around my heart later that night, pulling on the strings with every second that passed.
I couldn’t help but think about the stretch of weeks in the past when I could only text or email him if certain trials and depositions wore on too long.
Besides, he didn’t say, “Let’s breakup,” didn’t mention anything of the sort; I was being overly drama
tic, and I could probably blame it on the fact that U.S. Figure Skating had received my rejection letter by now.
I was taking my uneasiness about saying no out on him.
Sighing, I scrolled down to his name and started to send him a text message, but that guilt suddenly transformed into suspicion.
Something told me to search his name to see what “new, silly headlines” he was talking about.
The moment the results appeared, my stomach fell to the floor.
Hayden Hunter Caught Leaving Four Seasons at 4 a.m.
* * *
Hayden Hunter & Supermodel Anya Sterling Sleeping Together?
* * *
Hayden Hunter’s Late Night Tryst with Anya Sterling
* * *
What the fuck?
I checked the dates.
They were for the other night. The night when he asked for the raincheck.
Even if I didn’t want to believe the headline—even if my heart begged me to call him and see if there was more to the story, the images said enough.
They said it all.
Hayden’s hand was pressed against the supermodel’s back as they walked through the doors of the hotel. The photog caught them coming and going, with time stamps confirming how long they were inside.
He cheated on me …
Thirty-Nine
Present Day
Penelope
I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep.
All I could do was cry.
I stayed in my room with the door shut, watching my old performances and wishing I could go back in time to the night when Hayden first picked me up in Seattle.
If I could rewind time to the beginning, I’d keep him at a cold distance that was never meant to be crossed or warmed.
I should’ve waited for another Uber.
My heart splintered in my chest—breaking into smaller pieces, each time I refreshed my screen and saw another article about Hayden with Anya. Each time I replayed him standing on my doorstep and lying right to my face. Promising me that he would be different for me.
I can’t believe him.
Hastily changing his name in my phone to ‘Do Not Answer’ and blocking him did nothing except make me cry harder.
My worst fears about dating him had come true; I’d lost my best friend and my boyfriend at the same damn time.
After crying for three days in a row, I called the U.S. Figure Skating Association and begged to speak to Deborah.
I needed to focus on something other than Hayden, and I should’ve never rejected their offer in the first place.
“Yes, Miss Carter?” She came on the line within minutes.
“I’d like to rescind my rejection letter. I would love to coach Katie Folds and be eligible for a medal.”
“I thought you might.” There was a smile in her voice. “I’ll have our coordinator arrange for a flight and the required three months of accommodations. Would you like to fly in toward the end of this month?”
“No,” I said. “I’d like to come as soon as possible.”
“Next weekend soon, or this weekend soon?”
“This weekend soon.”
Within minutes, I received a first-class flight ticket to Salt Lake City for Friday and a suite at the private training compound.
I didn’t tell anyone.
I was too damn hurt.
Out of spite, I deleted Cinder from my phone and downloaded Tinder.
Then I vowed to never let Hayden hurt me again.
I should’ve known better the first time. From what I was beginning to remember anyway.
Break up #16
The one that started the Cold War
Penelope
Back Then
“The best romance you’ll ever find is with your best friend.” The fortune cookie serves me a truth that I already know.
I’m falling in love with Hayden Hunter.
So much so, that I make up fake problems sometimes just to talk to him on the phone at night. So much so, that I lie about needing to make late-night runs to the grocery store, so that we can spend more time together.
In my mind, it all makes sense: He’s the guy I spend the most time with, he sits front row at all of my competitions, and he knows me better than anyone else.
Given our six-year age gap, I know he’ll probably say, “Hell no, Pen,” but I’m hoping he’ll follow that up with, “We’ll try it after you win medal twenty-eight, or after your brother is committed to a psych ward. Whichever comes first.”
That’s more than enough hope for me, more than enough for me to dump my boyfriend for him. Even if I have to wait for years.
“Let me see what your fortune cookie says, babe.” Tim Lassing, my latest space-filler boyfriend, snatches the thin white paper from my hands.
I’m only dating him because he reminds me of Hayden and he has a similar work ethic when it comes to building his dating app.
He’s still not Hayden, though.
“Well, it’s fate then.” Tim smiles at the fortune. “We’re on the right track with each other.”
Right.
In the car, on the way home, my phone buzzes with a text message.
Hayden: Sorry I missed your call earlier. About your voicemail, I’ll be free tonight around 7. I’m dropping off some things for the manager at CinePlex.
Me: Okay, great. I’ll meet you then and there.
My heart tap-dances in my chest as I stand outside the doors of the movie theater. As if this is a date, I’m wearing a sexy red shirt and tight jeans, along with complementing nude heels.
When I step inside, I see Hayden laughing as he shakes the manager’s hand.
He starts walking toward me and stops.
For a second, I think he’s checking me out, but I brush off the thought as I walk to him.
“Hey.”
“Hey. What did you want to talk to me about?” He smiles, and my heart skips a beat.
“I think I’m falling in love with someone.”
“You mean, Tim?”
No, you. “I mean, I want to tell him, but I don’t know how. It could fuck up everything because he has a lot on the line, but I feel like he’s the one.”
“The one that what?”
“Just the one.”
“Hmmm.” He tucks a few strands of hair behind my ear, looking into my eyes. “Well, you should be honest with him, then. He’d be out of his mind not to want you back.”
“Even if he’s six years older than me?”
“If he has good intentions, I don’t see why not,” he says, stepping back. “Now, your brother probably won’t approve, so you’ll have to date the guy in private for another two years before saying anything. You also need to make sure he won’t distract you from your ultimate career goal. Twenty-eight medals, right?”
“Whenever I’m with him, I don’t care about any of that stuff.”
“Any of that stuff?” He looks confused. “You mean, what you’ve worked for your entire life? That’s more than stuff, Penelope.”
“I know, but—”
“Don’t let a guy distract you from your dreams.” He interrupts. “He won’t be worth it, no matter who he is.”
I stare at him, feeling my heart beat an unfamiliar rhythm, the words stalling at the tip of my tongue.
Go for it. Say ‘I love you, Hayden Hunter,’ and kiss him now. Right now.
“Penelope?” Tim’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I look across the lobby.
“Hey.” I step away from Hayden and smile at Tim.
He walks over, looking between us. “Am I interrupting something?”
“No,” Hayden says. “I was just telling Penelope that I got an investor for my app. He wants me to move, so I’m considering it.”
What? My world comes to a complete stop, and I look up at him in utter disbelief. “You didn’t tell me that.”
“I was about to.”
“Oh,” Tim says. “Investment company or single partner?”
“Single partner—at least now anyway.” He smiles, then he looks at me. “I figured its time for me to make plans for the future anyway. I think Travis is cool with me putting an end to looking after his little sister anyway.”
“Well, congratulations,” Tim says. I’m looking forward to competing with you down the line.”
“Likewise.” He extends his hand and shakes it. “I’m sure we’ll meet in the future someday.”
“Come on, Pen. I bought tickets to The Tracy Show.” Tim wraps his arm around my shoulder, leading me away from Hayden.
It takes everything in me not to look over my shoulder, not to run back to Hayden and tell him what I feel, but his words are still stinging.
Finally putting an end to looking after his little sister anyway?
Break up #16
The one that started the Cold War
Penelope
Back Then
* * *
A week later
“We need to talk.” Tim leans against my kitchen sink one morning, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy. “And no, I’m not giving you another day for space. You’ve had an entire week, and somehow you managed to forget that today was my birthday.”
“I have a birthday cake being delivered this afternoon.”
“Well, you can call it a breakup cake now.” He shrugs. “Or maybe you can call it an ‘I want to fuck Hayden Hunter’ cake. The latter actually sounds better.”
“For the umpteenth time, Hayden is just a friend.”
“Friends don’t look at each other like that.” He shakes his head. “The way the two of you looked at each other before we went camping last month and at the movies last week told me all that I needed to know.”