by G. , Whitney
“I did it, Hayden! I did it!”
In excruciating pain, I managed to get out of bed within an hour. I headed to the kitchen, so that I could grab my other phone and charter a jet to see her.
But my legs gave out, and everything went black.
Fuck.
Forty-Two
Present Day
Penelope
Salt Lake City, Utah
The sound of skates hitting the ice had never seemed so jarring and annoying. From the moment that I stepped into the training Arena, I felt out of place.
As if I didn’t belong in this world anymore.
All of my days blended in a montage of nonstop workouts, media appearances, and nonstop questions about my former fall.
My emotions were still playing an out-of-sync symphony of sadness, and for whatever reason, I couldn’t get completely locked into coaching.
Katie Folds was extraordinary in every way, and she didn’t need any guidance; my presence was a mere formality.
Sighing, I sipped my coffee and signaled for her to take a break. “Let’s take twenty!”
She nodded and skated over to me.
“For the record, I watched you all the time when I was younger,” she said. “I’ve saved all of your competition tapes for inspiration. Well, you and your mom’s. You two are my favorites of all time.”
“That means a lot to me, Katie. Thank you.”
“Want something back from the deli?”
“Lemonade.”
“You’re welcome.” She nodded and slid a bag over her shoulder.
I waited until she was gone before sitting down and giving in to my emotions again.
I’d thought that I could break my record of six hours without thinking about Hayden, but it was no use. He invaded my daydreams, stormed through all of my thoughts, and I had to resist the frequent urge to pick up my phone and contact him.
He was, by far, the hardest breakup I’d ever had in my life, and I hated having to deal with it by myself.
Without my best friend.
“You know a ‘goodbye’ would’ve been nice.” Tatiana suddenly stepped in front of me. “Actually, I would’ve settled for an ‘I’ve changed my mind about flying to the compound to coach’ text message. That way, when I came back into town from my mini-coaching stint, I wouldn’t have been itching to file a Missing Persons report.”
Tears pricked my eyes as I looked up at her. “What are you doing here?”
“No, no, no,” she said. “The person who booked a flight without paying her part of the rent can’t ask me any questions right now. The better question is, why are you crying?”
I didn’t say anything.
“Frenemies talk to each other, Penelope,” she said. “They tell each other things.”
“Hayden broke up with me.”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“He asked for space, and he also cheated on me.” Tears fell down my face.
She tilted her head to the side. “Where’d you get that latter thing from?”
“I lost my boyfriend and my best friend in one fell swoop.” I didn’t feel like addressing that topic right now. “I just reacted and picked up everything and left. I’m sorry that I didn’t call or text … I didn’t know what to say. Now I’m here and this doesn’t feel right. I mean, I want this more than anything, but the timing isn’t right, you know? And I feel like the one person I want to share it with isn’t here to celebrate the chance with me.”
She sat next to me on the bench, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
I sobbed so hard that my chest and stomach ached even worse than they did last night.
“I have to vomit,” I said, rushing to the bathroom.
She followed and held my hair back just in time. “Hold on, let me get some tissue.”
“Ewww!” She scoffed. “There’s vomit in this other toilet already. Whatever food is being served here, don’t you dare offer it to me.”
“Sorry,” I said. “I forgot to flush that one an hour ago. That’s how upset I am. I’ve been crying every day.”
“Have you been vomiting like this every day, too?”
“Yeah.” I took the tissue from her. “I’ve never been like this after a break up before. This is so beyond awful that I don’t think I’ll ever get over him.”
“I bet.” She leaned against the wall. “I don’t think everything you’re feeling is due to the breakup, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think we need to get you a pregnancy test … ”
Forty Four
Present Day
Penelope
Travis: Since you want to avoid my phone calls, I’m in town. Meet me for lunch. Now.
Me: Where? And what’s this about?
Travis: Anita’s at 43 Woodland.
Travis: You know what the fuck this is about.
I stepped into the café and took off my hat, stopping when I saw that all the shades in the room were drawn shut. The tables sat untouched and clear of silverware, and a brunette stood alone at the hostess stand.
“Good afternoon, Miss Carter,” she said. “Thank you for choosing Anita’s tonight. Can I show you to your reserved table?”
“Sure.” I followed her to a booth at the back of the room.
Over the years, I’d come to know this ‘reserved table’ routine very well.
Whenever Travis wanted to berate me for something, the idea of a public meeting was out of the question, so he made it look like he’d considered the idea.
This was how he’d always handled being a big brother, and I had no choice but to submit.
His way or no way.
I flipped through the pink plastic menu and ordered a stack of pancakes and a coffee. Then, just like clockwork, Travis walked through the door alone.
He handed the manager a clip of bills and made his way toward me.
“Hello, Crown.” He glared at me as he took off his jacket. “How are you on this lovely Saturday?”
“You’ve never been good at small talk, Travis. Please don’t try to practice now.”
“What can I get for you today, Mr. Carter?” The waitress moved in front of us, setting down two coffees.
“I’ll take what I discussed with your manager over the phone.” He kept his eyes on mine. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Yes, sir.” She stepped away.
“I really am interested in knowing how you’re feeling today,” Travis said. “Do you feel like hiding more things with Hayden or coming clean?”
“Cut the shit, Travis.” I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to treat me like a kid.”
“Fair enough. What the fuck were you thinking?”
“First of all—”
“Let me answer it for you.” He interrupted. “You weren’t thinking. Because the idea of Hayden being someone worthy of dating should’ve never crossed your mind. You know how he is with women, and you’ve had a front row seat to his show for years. Did you honestly think he would change his character for you?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’m beyond disappointed in you,” he said. “I’ve taught you better than this.”
“You’re not Dad, Travis.”
“Good thing that I’m not.” He sipped his coffee. “He wouldn’t be this calm if he were here. And he damn sure wouldn’t be okay with you dating Hayden. Trust me.”
I gritted my teeth as the waitress returned to our table.
“Here you are,” she said, setting down more than what I’d ordered between us. Another power play by Travis.
He waited for her to leave before speaking again. “Good thing the two of you broke up before things got worse or he got you pregnant.”
“I am pregnant.”
“Stop fucking with me.”
“I’m eight weeks,” I said. “And yes, the baby is his.”
He sucked in a slow, steady breath. “Penelope …”
He didn’t finish that sentence.
“Whatever he promised you while you were dating behind my back is a lie,” he said. “That said, I doubt he’ll ever walk away from his child. Given his past, he wouldn’t dare be a deadbeat dad.”
“I know that.”
“You should also know that I’ve talked to him about how he should’ve never touched you. There’s no future with him outside of co-parenting schedule. I won’t allow it.”
“You won’t allow it?”
“I didn’t stutter.” He glared at me. “He’ll be there for your child of course, but he’ll never be there for you in any other capacity. You should’ve heeded my words years ago. I’m the only one who will always be there for you. You’re all I have and vice versa.”
My blood boiled at his blatant rewriting of history, at his ability to say that shit with a straight face.
“Speaking of being there for you—” He pulled an envelope from his jacket and placed it into my purse. “I’ve had this account in your name since I started MMA, and I planned to hand it over to you next year, but you’ll clearly need it before then. By the way, don’t be surprised if Hayden doesn’t the baby is his for a while.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like,” he said. “I’ll be there for you for the long-term, since he can’t be.”
“You want to know who was really there for me when I needed him?” My voice cracked. “Who showed up to every fucking competition even when I told him that he didn’t have to, because just like you, he was working on his goddamn dreams?”
He narrowed his eyes at me.
“Hayden, Travis.” I hissed. “Hayden was there, and you were not. So, spare me the extra side of bullshit about being a fucked up white knight when I never needed you to save me.”
“Penelope—”
“You’re so full of yourself that you can’t even see it.” I stood to my feet. “But you know what? You’ve always done a pretty good job avoiding me for months at a time. Do me a favor and continue doing that for the rest of the year.”
“What?”
“I’ll be there in the front row at your next competition,” I said. “Or, will I? I vividly remember you feeding me that very line when you first left me.”
“Sit back down, Crown. I’m not done talking to you.”
“I’m done listening.”
I left the diner without another word, without telling him any of my plans.
I had a plane to catch.
Forty Five
Present Day
Hayden
PilotNav: I can’t fly you to Utah until a doctor clears you, sir.
PilotJoel: You’ve asked me this twenty times a day sir. You need clearance from your doctor.
DoctorMurray: I’ve called every private airport/pilot union and listed you as a safety risk to commercial airlines. You have to heal for a few more weeks, Mr. Hunter. Be patient.
* * *
Fuck it, I’ll drive to Utah.
I was running on autopilot, commandeering a life I didn’t want to live since there was no Penelope in it.
I called her phone multiple times a day, sent endless texts, and even had flowers and apology letters sent directly to the training complex, but they were all returned.
She was using my own breakup advice—“Ignore the asshole until he gets the point,” against me, and it hurt like hell.
“Your Honor, Mr. Hunter has done nothing but stare at his phone and mumble to himself since we started this hearing.” The raspy voice of Tinder’s newest lawyer snapped me out of my thoughts.
I looked up, realizing that somehow I’d arrived at an agreed-upon boardroom, surrounded by twenty people from each side.
“He’s also shown up to this hearing wearing a fucking eye-patch.” She groaned. “He’s not prepared to take this seriously today, and he’s wasting our time.”
“I was in an accident,” I said, sighing and taking it off. “I’m willing to answer all of your silly little questions.”
“You mean, my legally binding questions?”
“That doesn’t make them any less sillier.”
“Mr. Hunter—” The judge chided. “Please give us your undivided attention and stop looking at your phone.”
I refreshed the screen one last time before placing it into my pocket.
“Thank you.” The lawyer picked up a sheet of paper. “Do you know why we’re here today?”
“To try to get more money out of me.” I smiled, even though my cheeks still hurt. “Or maybe it’s because you’re trying to pretend like I’m not ten-times better at building apps than your client over there.”
Tim shot me a glare, and the judge chided me again.
“Yes, I know why we’re here.” I changed my tone. “I’m here to discuss the similarities between Cinder and Tinder for lawsuit number fifty-seven between us.”
“Eighty-seven.” Lawrence coughed.
“Good.” The lawyer slid a folder toward me, but I didn’t look at it.
Instead, I looked over at Tim like I’d done several times in the past at these depositions. Even after all this time, he still looked as worried and saddened as he always did.
As if he was the only one in the room who knew the truth.
Well, besides me.
“Mr. Hunter,” his lawyer said, “Did you ever steal—“
“Yes.”
“What?”
“You heard me,” I said, standing to my feet. “Not everything, but yes. I stole from Mr. Tim Lassing.”
The room fell silent.
“For what it’s worth—” I looked at Tim. “I’ll settle with you for what your team asked for. Forty million. I also think you should pick up The New Yorker tomorrow. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry for what?” He crossed his arms.
“You know what it’s for.” I didn’t say another word. I left the room amidst whispers and murmurs, heading straight to the elevator.
“Hayden?” Lawrence was on my heels. “Hayden, what the hell are you doing? And what the hell is running in The New Yorker tomorrow?”
“I thought you hated spoilers,” I said. “A copy should arrive at your desk tonight, though.”
“What’s it about, Hayden?”
“The truth about The Cold War, Lawrence.” I hit the down button. “I finally told the truth about everything.”
Break Up #16.5
The One That Could Never Be
better yet …
the one that really started the cold war
Hayden
Back Then
I can’t believe that I’m falling for my best friend. My “she’s way too young for you,” and “her brother would beat me into another dimension” best friend.
Her breakups have become points of conversation and nothing more, comedic relief that only stands in the way of the main scene. Or, what I wish the main scene could be.
Us …
Not a night passes by without us talking on the phone or discussing our lives. I’ve told her things that I’ve never told Travis, and I want her to be mine.
Even though she showed up to meet me at the theater, just to tell me that she’s in love with Tim—to the point of putting her career on hold for him, I can’t take that as a defeat for some reason.
“Well, that’s it.” Nina, the woman I’m on a fifth pointless date with, kisses me on the cheek. “I’m going to do you a huge favor and break up with me, for you.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I can’t compete with the woman you’re really in love with. That’s her texting you now, isn’t it?” She points to my phone. “That’s who we’ve spent the past hour and half talking about, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told you that you taking me to see her skate isn’t a date. Even if it does co
me with perks.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“It’s exactly what I think.” She smiles, looking completely unoffended. “Go ahead. Answer it.”
“She can wait.”
“Ha! You never make her wait.” She pulls a bag over her shoulder. “See you around, Hayden.”
I watch her walk away and hold off for a few minutes just to prove a point.
Penelope (Too Young for You): Hey. Thank you for sending me the protein shakes and extra pressure sleeves yesterday. I appreciate that.
Me: You’re welcome. What are you doing tonight?
Penelope (Too Young for You): Nothing. Want to come over?
Me: Be there in ten.
When I make it to Penelope’s place, I take a deep breath and try to think about how I need to play this. She has dreams she’s chasing—as do I, but I don’t want to get in the way of hers.
But I’m also selfish and don’t want her to date anyone else. Not even Tim, just me.
I’ll figure it out.
I get out of the car and knock on the door.
Penelope doesn’t answer it, though. Tim does.
What the hell?
“Hey, Hayden.” He smiles. “Nice to see you.”
As if he can read my confused expression, he clears his throat. “The water pipes at my house burst an hour ago, so I figured I could stay with my girlfriend for a few days while they get fixed. That’s what girlfriends are for, right?”
“Right.”
I step inside and see that her living room is filled with his belongings. Rolling my eyes, I look around for her, finding her in her mother’s old library.
“Is Tim still taking you camping for the weekend?” I can’t think of anything else to say.