by Lindsey Hart
“No! You can’t make your own coffee! That makes me a terrible host!”
Rin ignores me. She fills up the coffee pot and dumps the water into the maker before she adds a few scoops of grounds. Yeah, I still have an old school coffee maker. I do buy organic, fair-trade coffee, though, and it’s amazing.
“Please,” Rin deadpans. “Like I’m a guest. We’ve known each other for nineteen years.” She frowns when she turns around and takes in my outfit. “Jeez. You always look so good in anything you put on. You can wrap an old, mouse-infested, blood-stained blanket around yourself, and on you, it will still be hotter than anything my company used to put out.”
“You switched things up. You’re doing regular clothing now, and it’s gorgeous. I bought three of your dresses last month.” After Rin moved, she might have given up heading her mom’s fashion line, but she didn’t give up total control. Instead of haute couture, she wanted to make something that normal people could afford and wear. People of all shapes and sizes.
“You look amazing too!” She truly does. Her auburn hair is curled into perfect waves, and it hangs down her back. She’s only wearing light makeup, but she doesn’t need it. Her skin is glowing, and her eyes are shining. She looks great. Healthy. Happy. Loved.
“Jesus.” Rin blushes.
“Seriously. Denver air agrees with you. And Aiden. I think he agrees with you too.”
“That’s a good thing, considering we’re engaged, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him.” She can’t even pretend like she’s not ridiculously in love when she says it. Her face lights up so bright that it’s like staring straight into the sun. “I want to hear about you, though. What happened to the guy you were texting us about? You ghosted us about him! I need details!”
“Uhhhh. Okay. One second.”
I whirl and make a production of getting us coffee even though the maker hasn’t finished dripping yet. It spills and hisses all over the place before I set the pot back under. Rin likes her coffee with cream and sugar, so I take an extra-long time ensuring I have just the right cream to sugar ratio. By the time I’m done, Rin is waiting, not so patiently, on my living room couch.
“You can’t get out of telling me,” she informs me when I set a cup down on the coffee table.
Since I bought the house as an investment, I basically staged it. I bought all new furniture and put generic artwork on the walls. My goal is to sell it in a few years and hopefully make a profit. I didn’t want to have to move everything I liked out and stage it again. I pretty much sold all my furniture with the last house and just kept my favorite things. The result, I have to admit, is pretty soulless, but Rin doesn’t comment on that. She’s been here twice before, and she didn’t comment on it then either. Aria, on the other hand, told me I might as well live in a cave. It would be homier and more personal. I decoded that to mean it’s only a short time until I sell the house, and then on the next one, I shall go buy what I like and pick out things I like for it.
“So?” Rin wiggles her eyebrows at me.
She’s done that ever since I met her. I have no idea why her parents were such trash. Oh right. Because all they cared about was money. Rin’s mom basically made her feel like she was never good enough for her, and once her dad divorced her mom, he took off with the money. She hardly ever sees him. She hardly sees her mom now either, since the lady married a freaking twenty-year-old and moved to the Caymans.
“Ugh,” I grumble. “Seriously? Do I have to tell you?”
“Absolutely! Why do you think I flew all the way here? It was for all your gossip. Texting wasn’t cutting it anymore.”
“And here I thought you came to see me.”
“See you? Why would I want to see you?” Rin giggles.
I roll my eyes. “You’re becoming as bad as Aria, you know.”
“I know. I’m trying to channel both of us at the same time. My more subdued, rational personality, and her crazy, outgoing, in your face, outright rude, but would die for us, attitude.”
“You’re doing a good job.” I pick up my coffee and lose myself in the first sip. It’s just after two. I checked the time on my phone when I was getting dressed. I could have busted out the wine.
“Okay. This guy. I want to know everything. You work together. He must be hot. Do you have a picture?”
“No.”
“Have you slept with him?”
“Rin!” I set down my cup so hard that a few drops of liquid splash over the coffee table. It’s a glass top, some fancy, modern, square piece I don’t even like. I ignore the spill. Rin ignores her coffee altogether.
“That’s a yes.”
I know I’m scarlet, but it’s not what gives it away. I’m flustered too, but it doesn’t give me away either. Rin just knows me too well. It’s been nearly two decades. Apparently, I can’t keep a secret from Rin.
“Okay. I knew that. That’s why I came. You wouldn’t have texted us if you weren’t actually interested. I know you. You don’t text about guys. Even when you date someone, you keep that shit pretty close. If you were texting, it meant something. This guy is different. I can tell. I just…” her tone changes as she trails off.
“You just what?” I have to ask.
“I just want you to be careful.” Rin sighs hard.
Her eyes get all soft and liquid, as soft as her face, which changes, getting all compassionate looking and worried. It’s her motherly face. If Rin’s dad was trash, her mom was an absolute garbage dump, but Rin didn’t need them to teach her how to be loving and caring. She’s naturally that way. It’s why I can’t get offended.
“I just—I know what happened last time. And the time before that.”
I don’t need reminders. My last boyfriend, if I can even give him that term, made me think he was into me. Really into me. We dated for a year before he asked me if he could move in. Yes, he sold his house, and he didn’t have a place to go. We’d been together for a year, and I thought maybe we’d be together—for a lot longer. I was happy to let him move in. He stayed for six months, and one night, I came home from work to find all his things missing. Oh, and the next morning, his lawyer came and served me the paperwork informing me that Adam was trying to take half my house.
The most embarrassing part of it all was telling my family and friends the reason I had to get a lawyer and go to court. Adam didn’t get my house, but I did have to pay him thirty thousand dollars. He claimed he had paid me rent, in cash, for the six months. He claimed he had a right to my property and that he was deeply hurt by the breakup, which I initiated. He told the freaking judge that I had kicked him out overnight.
Adam had a nice face. He was traditionally good looking. He was charming.
He was also a capital D Douchebag with freaking whipped cream and a jar of cherries on top.
I was lucky I didn’t have to sell the house and pay him for a half that didn’t rightfully belong to him.
“I’m not saying you know how to pick them,” Rin goes on, her voice even softer now. I can tell she’s doing everything she can to try and caution me without hurting me or embarrassing me.
It doesn’t work. Adam was a few years ago, but those barbs dig deep. They’re still there, under my skin, and right now, they’re being pressed on. Big time.
“You and Aiden didn’t take things slow.”
Rin frowns while her eyes continue to search my face. “I know. We were really lucky. I was lucky. We were both on the same page. That didn’t mean we didn’t have our misunderstandings. I freaked out on him and could have ruined everything just because I was scared. If Aria hadn’t lit a fire under my ass and told me to go to LA to get him back, we might not even be together now. But Aiden, he had his own money. I knew he wasn’t after me for my money, and he’d made it pretty clear he didn’t give a shit about modeling for my line. I was still afraid of getting hurt, but I guess I realized we both were. I took a chance, and he took a chance, and it worked out because we worked hard, and we were lucky. V
ery lucky. I’m just worried that…”
“That I have lots of shares and basically bought this house in cash. And I have lots of assets and that anyone who works for the company will probably know that?”
“Yeah.” Rin’s voice wavers just a little, but she doesn’t break eye contact. Rin’s like that. She might be a little bit shy and not overly outgoing, but she will always look a person in the eye even when it’s hard.
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again. Or taken advantage of. I’m just here to tell you to go slow. And be careful. Because I love you. You’re my best friend, and it would kill me to see you unhappy like you were. Even if it’s hypocritical of me to be here telling you this.”
“It’s not.”
Rin grabs my hand. She wrings the life out of it, her eyes liquid and watery. “I needed to get out of Miami. Aiden and I both did. We love where we are now. I love my life. I love him. I just wish you were closer. I miss you. I miss being able just to drop by and talk about nothing. I miss being able to be silly. I miss Aria.”
“I know.” Great, now I’m cueing up the waterworks. “I miss it too. I’ve missed you both so much.”
“Just, please. Watch out for the gold diggers.”
“I don’t know why they usually give women that term. As far as we’ve both experienced, it wasn’t the ladies who were out with the picks and shovels.”
“You’re telling me. My dad tried to drain my mom dry, and then he ditched. On both of us. Not that she was a prize or anything. And well, you’ve had your share of crap too. I’m not saying this guy is like that. I just want you to be careful. And I want you to tell him that if he hurts you, I’ll come and chop his bag off with a pair of nail clippers.”
“That’s violent!” My blush is back as I think about the bag in question and how much I like it. Or, at least, what it contributes, overall. There isn’t anything about John that I don’t like.
That is scary. Maybe I am moving too fast. Just yesterday, I blurted out something horrifying on our walk. I told him I have never met anyone like him. I know I’m falling, and I’m falling way too fast. I needed someone to come here and catch me. To give me a great big, angry, heaping dose of reality. I needed that. Big time. I could be heading down a road, if not the same road as Adam, then a road destined for heartbreak. I really don’t want to be hurt again. Rushing into this is probably a mistake. I need to dial things back. Other than the fact he has parents and a brother and sister, and that he studied business, I don’t know anything else about John.
God, am I easy? I’ve slept with him like three times now. Okay, it’s more like fifteen, or sixteen, maybe seventeen? Twenty? But I’m not sure sessions on the same night actually count.
Rin clutches my hand and pinches her lips together. She’s not going to say anything else now that she expressed what she felt she needed to say.
I cling to her. I breathe in her nice, flowery, light scent. I just enjoy having her here. Even if she did come to have a pretty somber conversation.
I start thinking back to our walk yesterday. About what I said. And what John said. About how he wants to help his parents get to Europe. About how he wants to help them retire. He seemed so genuine, but now alarm bells are blaring wildly in my head. I’m not badass enough to dodge past their laser beams. Would John do anything to get what he wants? He got really emotional talking about his family, and I thought it was touching, but what if it’s a sign? What if he is just with me because he has an end goal? Or he could just be bullshitting me about everything. I don’t actually know.
“Hey? Are you okay? I didn’t mean to upset you. That’s not really why I’m here. I mean, I wanted to talk, but I wanted to see you again. It’s been two months!” Rin wraps her arm around my shoulder and gives me a tight hug.
“Yeah.” I put on a brave face. “I’m fine. I appreciate you coming here to talk.” My smile, when it comes, is totally forced. This is the first time in my life when I feel like I can’t be completely myself with Rin, and it sucks. “How about I get the wine? I think we could both use it. And we can even have a glass for Aria.”
“Let’s get her on the phone. See if she’s free. We can toast to her leaving us behind.”
“Not for good,” I gulp, hoping it’s true.
“No, not for good.” Rin sounds just as doubtful. “And I wasn’t saying this guy is a stinker. He’s probably great. There are some good ones out there. I found one. And Aria found one.”
“Aria is dating my step-brother, so of course, she found one.”
“That makes two, though. There must be more than two out there. I’m sure there are way more than two. Probably at least three.” Rin winks. “We’re clear? You don’t think I’m a huge downer for telling you to be careful?”
“No.”
“And you believe me? That there are good ones out there? That you should probably give him a chance, just carefully and cautiously until you’re sure you know who he is?”
“Yes,” I lie. I’m usually a terrible liar, but at the moment, my voice doesn’t even wobble.
We sit for a moment in silence, letting our doubts and our sadness eat away at us until I spring off the couch with as much forced cheer as I can muster to go and get a bottle of wine from the kitchen.
CHAPTER 18
John
When the week started, I thought Cassie was just busy. She shut herself in her office and didn’t even come out for lunch breaks. I tried to ambush her on the way out on Tuesday, but she mumbled something about having a meeting and dodged past me. Wednesday was no better. Thursday promised to be the day, but she spent most of her time out of the office.
It’s the end of the week now, and I know Cassie is in her office. I didn’t want to barge in on her since I thought she was busy, and I didn’t want it to appear like I didn’t value her time or that I thought I should have dibs to it because we were doing things outside of work. Now that it’s been a week, though, I have a feeling she’s avoiding me.
I have no idea why or what I did wrong, which also means I have no idea how to fix things or if I even need to.
“Cassie?” Her head snaps up from the pile of paperwork she’s bent over as soon as I knock gently on the door. I think her face pales when she sees me, but it might just be the fluorescent lighting overhead. “Can I—I was wondering if you—if we could talk for a minute?”
She hesitates. Her lips part, but her teeth sink deep into her bottom lip. She finally nods. I close the door softly behind me after I step in. I stay where I am, not wanting to crowd her because it’s obvious she doesn’t want to talk. My heart sinks before I even begin.
“Did I do something wrong?” I just straight up ask since there isn’t any point in dragging this out.
She hesitates again, and again, she chews on her bottom lip. “No,” she finally says, so soft I can barely hear her. “You didn’t.”
I swallow hard. It doesn’t look like I haven’t done something wrong. It looks like something is very wrong. It looks like Cassie would rather be doing anything than talking to me right now. She’d probably even take a second plunging job over this conversation. I’m almost tempted to go out and buy a second jar of pickles and put my theory to the test.
My stomach plummets, and I can’t stop myself from reaching up and swiping a hand roughly through my hair.
“I’ve been busy,” Cassie says. She sounds like she wants to say more, but she leaves it at that.
“Do you—uh—want to go to dinner with me?” I let my hand fall back to my side.
“No.” She tilts her head back to her work like I’m not even standing there. “Sorry. I can’t. I’m busy tonight.”
“I didn’t mean tonight. How about tomorrow?”
“Sorry. I’m going to my mom and Bill’s, to have a family dinner.”
“Sunday?”
“I actually just decided to enroll in these dance lessons. Salsa. They’re on Sunday nights.”
“Monday then?”
“I
have a hair appointment after work.” She doesn’t look up. She shuffles her stack of papers instead and picks up her pen.
I remember the compliment I gave her about her hair. I remember she told me the best way to let it grow is to never touch it. She has an admitted fear of hairdressers. I swallow back my hurt and my bruised pride and try one last time.
“There’s a play coming up that my niece is in. It’s next week. Wednesday night. I wanted to know if you’d like to go. I can get my sister to save us seats.”
“Oh.” Cassie focuses hard on her paperwork, which I’m starting to think is a stack of bullshit she’s already finished. She just doesn’t want to look at me. “Honestly…” Finally, she does look up, but it’s not the expression I’d like to see. She looks vacant. I’ve never seen her look like that before, and what little hope I held out bleeds away completely. “I don’t think that would be right. It’s too soon to meet your family.”
“It would just be my sister and her husband.”
“Still. I—I’m not ready for that.”
“Are you ready for any of this?” I wish I could cram those words back down my throat. I sound like a heartsick asshole.
Cassie’s gorgeous dark eyes narrow. “I—John—I just felt like this was moving a little bit fast. Like maybe we should just…slow it down.”
“Yeah.” When I swallow, it’s pathetically audible. Just like the sound of my heart shattering.
“I’ll call you when I’m free.”
“You don’t have my number.”
Her shoulders slump. “John, I—maybe—maybe this wasn’t for the best. We work together, and if something happened, I don’t feel like we could let each other down easy, and it would be a big mess. I had a good time. I just…it would be better if we could just be friends.”
Friends. Right. Time to pull on my big boy adult britches and get back into the friend zone. Not that I’m sure we were ever really there. Cassie might as well have just doused me in cold water again. Maybe I needed this. Maybe I needed to realize that someone who slams a door in a person’s face and douses them with water over nothing isn’t good relationship material. I did want that. A relationship. If that makes me ridiculous, then I guess I’m ridiculous. If it makes me a piece of shit, then I guess I’m a stinker. If it makes me an asshole, then I guess I’m the biggest asshole.