She watched them file from the room, and then set her shoulders.
The next meeting would take all her wits, and she hoped she was prepared.
Eighteen
‘Kay, good to see you. Take a seat.’
Kay closed the door and appraised the woman standing behind a desk, who offered an outstretched hand.
The practice was run from Dr Zoe Strathmore’s home, and accessed through a separate entrance to the main front door for the property, ensuring privacy for her clients. The consulting room maintained a homely atmosphere, however, and as Kay took a seat in front of the desk in a stylish and comfortable armchair, Strathmore made her way to an expensive-looking coffee machine and raised an eyebrow.
‘Can I tempt you? The French roast is particularly good, although I may be biased.’
Kay smiled. ‘In that case, yes I can be tempted.’
‘Great. I don’t usually drink coffee in the afternoons, so I can use you as my excuse.’
Strathmore laughed, a pretty sound that filled the small space, and Kay felt her shoulders relax as she glanced around at her surroundings.
She had never been to a psychiatrist before, even during the emotional turmoil of the past two years. She’d never really understood the point. If something was bothering her, she simply talked to Adam about it, and vice versa.
If she was honest with herself, the prospect of the meeting had made her nervous, but Strathmore’s friendly demeanour and the non-clinical decor of the surroundings began to calm her nerves.
Strathmore returned to the desk, set down two mugs of steaming coffee, and pushed the sugar bowl towards Kay.
‘Help yourself if you need it.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Right, well, why don’t we begin with me telling you about this process, and then we’ll have a chat, and if you have any questions afterwards, then ask away. How does that sound?’
Kay shrugged, then took a sip of coffee as she gathered her thoughts. ‘Okay, I suppose.’
Strathmore clasped her hands together on the desk. ‘I can imagine like many of your colleagues who I’ve met with before, part of you is thinking this is a waste of time, and the other part of you is intrigued. In your case, you’ve only been assigned this one session, which means that your management team are confident that you’re making a full recovery, and that you are more than capable of carrying out your duties. My role is to make sure that they haven’t misunderstood any signals you’ve been unconsciously giving them, and that you feel that you’re ready to take on a frontline role once more.’
‘I am.’
‘Good,’ said Strathmore. She gestured at the closed file at her elbow. ‘I read what happened to you before Christmas. Do you mind taking me through it in your own words?’
Kay sighed. She placed her half empty coffee mug on the desk. ‘I suppose if I don’t, then it will go on my file, right?’
‘Not at all. Your appointment, and everything we discuss here today, is confidential. My report to your management will only confirm your attendance, and whether or not I think you’re capable of carrying out your duties. It’s a process, that’s all. So, do you want to take me through the events of the last few days of the Demiri case?’
A chill stretched its fingers across Kay’s shoulders, and she fought down the urge to shudder.
She had never discussed the events of that night with anyone except the two senior officers tasked with interviewing her while she was recovering in hospital. Even Adam hadn’t heard the full story – she didn’t want to upset him, in case he tried to persuade her to leave the police force.
Now, a complete stranger was asking her to delve into her darkest memories.
‘Kay?’
She blinked. ‘There’s not a lot to tell. I was set up. A senior officer turned out to be more determined than I was to arrest Demiri, and I got caught in the crossfire.’
Strathmore tilted her head. ‘So, you were betrayed by one of your own?’
‘Yeah. And, before you asked me how that made me feel, I was bloody angry about it when I found out.’
‘Are you still angry?’
‘Yes, I am. It’s been months since it happened, and they’re still investigating him. I mean, there were enough of us around at the time that saw what happened, and how he screwed all of us over. I don’t understand what’s taking them so long.’
‘What happened when you and Demiri were alone on the beach?’
‘He tried to kill me. I was stupid – I fell straight into the trap. I believed information I was given by someone who turned out to be working for him. I sent my colleague back for reinforcements, and instead of waiting I went on without him. Demiri was waiting for me, and attacked me. He broke my arm, two ribs, and then tried to drown me.’
‘And yet, you applied to return to work a whole month earlier than you were due.’
‘I had to. I was going up the wall at home. I needed to get out, and get back to work.’
‘Your husband, Adam. Did he mind you returning to work early?’
Kay shook her head. ‘No – he knows what I’m like. We both decided it was best if I cut short my time off.’
‘Were you having nightmares?’
‘No.’
‘It’s okay to tell me if you were, or still are.’
‘No, no nightmares.’
‘How have you found being back at work?’
‘The first few days were dreadful – I was so bored.’ Kay choked out a laugh. ‘I’ve managed to find a cold case to get my teeth into. That’s helping. Hopefully if I get a result on this, they’ll put me back on full duties.’
She reached out and picked up her coffee before frowning, surprised that it had grown cold. She checked her watch, and saw that a whole half an hour had passed.
Strathmore smiled. ‘It goes a lot quicker than you think it will.’
‘It did. What happens next?’
‘Well, I’ll complete my report and I’ll email it over to your personnel team before the end of the week. In the meantime,’ she said, slipping a business card across the desk towards Kay, ‘take that with you, and if you ever feel that you need to talk to someone in confidence about what happened to you in more detail than we’ve done today, or you start getting nightmares, then call me. You’re an extremely brave police officer, Kay, but we all have our breaking points.’
Kay pocketed the card, and rose from her seat. ‘I’ll remember that, thank you.’
Strathmore walked around her desk, and opened the door. She held out her hand once more as Kay passed.
‘Look after yourself, Kay.’
‘Thanks.’
Kay shifted her handbag on her shoulder, then pushed her way out of the side door from the house, and hurried over to her car.
She sat behind the wheel for a moment, her hands shaking as she gulped in a great lungful of air. Sweat prickled at the base of her skull, and she dug her fingernails into the soft skin of her palms.
She caught a movement out of the corner of her eye, and noticed the blinds at Strathmore’s office window twitch back into place.
‘Shit.’
She blinked to clear the tears that threatened, turned the key in the ignition, and steered the car out of the short driveway and onto the main road.
Right now, all she wanted was to be home.
Nineteen
Kay inserted her key into the lock and pushed the door open, exhaustion seizing hold of her the moment it was shut behind her.
She hung her coat over the banister, dropped her bag onto the bottom stair tread, and slipped off her shoes before padding through to the kitchen.
‘How did it go?’
Adam stood at the stove, two pots bubbling on the hob that sent Kay’s taste buds into overdrive.
She wandered across and wrapped her arms around him, gave him a kiss, and then sank into his embrace.
‘That good, huh?’
‘I don’t know whether I’m more overwhelmed by going back to work
, this cold case investigation, or having to keep repeating to people that I’m okay and that I can do my job.’
‘What did the psychiatrist have to say?’
Despite herself, Kay smiled and raised her eyes to his. ‘Not a lot. The idea is for me to do the talking in those sessions. She just listens.’
He laughed. ‘In that case, I’m surprised you weren’t home an hour ago. What on earth did you talk about?’
‘She made me tell her what happened last year. On the beach.’
His eyes darkened as he pulled away from her. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I suppose so. I’m trying to put it behind me, but every time I feel I’m moving on, someone else brings it up and I have to start thinking about it all over again.’ She shrugged. ‘I suppose it’ll take time.’
‘Did you tell her about the nightmares?’
Kay bit her lip.
‘You didn’t. Was that wise?’
Kay reached out for him, wrapping her fingers around his arm. ‘I want it to be like it was, Adam. I’ll get through this, I promise I will. But not with a psychiatrist. We manage all right together, you and me. Let’s keep it like that, okay?’
He pressed his lips against hers, and then squeezed her hand. ‘If you change your mind, if you feel like you’re struggling, then say something. Promise me?’
‘I promise.’
‘Good. Now, go and get into a pair of jeans. I’m dishing up in twenty minutes.’
She grinned, turned on her heel, and hurried upstairs to change.
As she pulled off her work clothes and slipped on her jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt, she eyed the sleeping pills on her bedside table.
She had drawn the line at taking any prescription medication, but had agreed with Adam to try a natural remedy to see if they would help ward off the nightmares that had plagued her for the past three months. She couldn’t afford for her colleagues to think she couldn’t do her job – as it was, the nightmares were sporadic, and so she didn’t want a record of them on her medical notes.
Once the plaster cast had been removed from her arm, and she’d been given the all clear by her physiotherapist, she had returned to her running routine. Only six weeks in, and she could already sense that the exercise was helping to reduce the nightmares anyway.
She sure as hell wasn’t going to tell the psychiatrist about them.
She wandered back downstairs, and seeing Adam was busy at the stove, she wandered over to Rufus, crouched down, and scratched him behind his ears.
‘And how is this one doing today?’
Adam glanced over his shoulder. ‘He’s perked up a bit, actually. I’ve cooked some extra vegetables for him to have tonight, and he can have some of this roast lamb.’
The dog’s brown eyes widened, and Kay laughed.
‘He heard that.’
‘Yeah, his foster carer, Graham, said he doesn’t have a problem understanding any words that mention food. I’m finding out he’s got quite a good vocabulary.’
Kay straightened, and moved to the sink to wash her hands. ‘I take it, then, that his continuing education has included a lot of free food this week?’
Adam shrugged, before lowering his voice. ‘I don’t know how long he’s got, Kay. I don’t mind spoiling him.’
She wandered over, and patted his arm. ‘I know. Nothing wrong with that.’
She turned and pulled out a drawer, selecting cutlery and a carving knife for Adam, before setting it on the worktop. Next, she let her eyes wander over the selection in the wine rack, then chose a Shiraz, and poured two generous measures.
‘Perfect timing,’ said Adam, and began to serve their food.
Once they were seated, they ate in silence for a while, until Adam pushed back his plate, and belched.
‘Charmer.’
A moment later, a similar noise erupted from Rufus’s corner of the room, and they laughed.
‘That’s ma boy,’ said Adam. He patted his stomach. ‘That was good, even though I do say so myself. How is that cold case of yours coming along?’
‘We continue interviewing tomorrow. We’ve spoken to the family, as well as the victim’s old commanding officer in the army. I think Sharp is right – I think there’s more to this than a motorbike accident.’
‘So, Harrison did cover up something?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘When can you take this to Larch? Won’t he want to know as soon as possible if Harrison was responsible?’
Kay shook her head. ‘It’s not as simple as that. There’s no point in my taking it to Larch now, only for our investigation to then find out that it really was an accident. I need to look at every angle again, and then we’re going to have to put together enough evidence to prove that Jamie was murdered before the Crown Prosecution Service will look at it. I want to give Larch as much ammunition as possible against Harrison.’
‘It must be hard for the family, having this all dragged up again after ten years.’
‘I know. That’s why I want to make sure we do this right, so we don’t let them down.’
Twenty
The next morning, Kay stared out of the passenger window of the car, lost in thought as she cradled her arm in her lap.
‘Does it still hurt?’
‘Hmm?’
She turned back to Barnes, who glanced across at her, then back at the road.
‘Does your arm hurt? You’ve been holding it like that since we left Maidstone.’
‘It aches sometimes, rather than hurts. I guess I just find it comfortable sitting like this. I got used to it over three months.’
He smiled. ‘Glad you bounced back, Hunter. It’s not been the same without you around.’
‘Thanks, Ian.’
‘Yeah. I had to make my own tea, buy my own pens—’
She laughed, and slapped his arm. ‘Idiot.’
‘What was the meeting about yesterday, if it’s all right to ask? You seemed preoccupied when you came in this morning.’
She shrugged. She knew Barnes wouldn’t gossip.
‘Occupational health assessment at the end of February recommended I speak with a psychiatrist when I got back to work.’
‘You okay? Not having nightmares or anything?’
‘It was more of a precaution, rather than anything else. Probably for their benefit rather than mine. Jozef Demiri is dead. He can’t hurt me anymore, and to be honest, Ian, I was going up the wall with boredom at home.’
‘Surely not.’
‘Stop it,’ she said, and grinned. She pointed out of the windscreen. ‘You might want to take this junction. I heard on the news this morning there were delays at the next one because of roadworks.’
‘Will do.’
Kay leaned over and rummaged in her bag for her notes as Barnes eased the car off the motorway and set them on course for Faversham town centre.
‘Seems sort of ironic we’re in East Division’s territory given Harrison’s involvement last year. Bandit country.’
‘Don’t worry. Larch cleared it for us. In the circumstances, once he dropped the chief super’s name into the conversation, they couldn’t really say no. We’ll keep them informed if anything comes out of this, don’t worry.’
Twenty minutes later, Barnes applied the handbrake and climbed from the car.
When Kay returned from the ticket machine, he was tapping his fingers on the roof of the vehicle.
‘How do you want to do this?’
Kay handed him the ticket, and adjusted her bag over her shoulder. ‘Carefully, because if he was party to smuggling drugs into the country with Jamie, I don’t want a criminal defence solicitor getting him out of it because we didn’t do our jobs properly. For now, he’s a witness, nothing more.’
‘You mean, see what he says and then decide whether to bring him in for formal questioning?’
‘Exactly.’
Barnes nodded, then locked the car and led the way across the road and along a footpath that separated a pub garden
and another property.
They emerged in a pedestrianised street, the mediaeval layout of the market town still evident in the uneven surface of the lanes.
‘Good cop, bad cop?’
Kay smiled, and held out her fist before flicking out two fingers.
Barnes’s hand remained in a tight grip. ‘You’re the good cop, then. Come on – the bar he owns is down the street here.’
They entered a narrow lane that ended in a dead end, with a travel agent and a betting shop on one side, and the wine bar on the other.
A signboard hung above the door in the style of an old English pub, yet the exterior denoted a modern establishment that appeared to be doing a roaring trade despite the early hour of the day.
Barnes pushed through the door, holding it open for Kay.
As her eyes adjusted to the low light levels, she noticed a woman standing behind the bar at the far end and began to weave her way between the tables.
As well as being a wine bar, it seemed Carl Ashton’s premises also offered coffee and other hot drinks, as most of the tables were taken up by what appeared to be tourists rather than locals.
Kay noticed that the few locals that were in at this time preferred to sit at the bar, away from the strangers.
She moved to the end of a set of six beer pumps, and after showing her warrant card, asked to see Ashton.
‘He’s upstairs in the office,’ said the woman. She cast her eyes over the throng, as if to make sure everything was under control, and then turned back to Kay. ‘I’ll go and get him for you. Hang on.’
Barnes leaned against a coin-operated cigarette machine, and retrieved his notebook from his jacket. Moments later, he jerked his chin over Kay’s shoulder.
Ashton was the same height as Barnes, except his shoulders were broader and his stomach held a paunch no doubt aided by his current occupation. His mousy brown hair was beginning to thin, and she noticed his fingernails were chewed to the quick.
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