by Ava Beringer
“It’s not your fault,” he said again, making my body ache with need. I needed to get away from him before I did something foolish.
“Thanks so much for dinner, Preston.”
“Thanks for letting me stay, Colby.” He gave me a little nod. He didn’t make any moves to follow me as I went to change my clothes. Still a gentleman, not pressuring me into anything. He curled up on my tiny couch without a complaint. I climbed into bed, noting how empty it felt with just me in it, no Preston. My body jerked and writhed and rolled, because it felt empty, too, and called to be filled up. Still, I held it together.
“Goodnight, Preston.”
“Sleep tight, Colby. I’ll see you in the morning.” Our last morning. I tossed and turned, unable to quiet my body or my mind. Preston was right there, and my heat was coming on hard. I took a couple of Heat Calmers, my hand shaky as I pulled the pills from my nightstand drawer and swallowed them dry, hoping they’d take effect soon.
Preston was motionless on the couch, but I wasn’t sure he was asleep. I found myself writhing, running my hands up and down my body, getting slick, imagining all the things we could do if Preston was only ten feet closer.
He turned slightly on my couch and a loud crack cut through the silence. Preston muffled a groan.
“Preston, is my couch giving you fits again? Poor baby. Why don’t you just sleep in the bed with me? There’s plenty of room.”
Can’t,” Preston said, his voice clipped.
“Yes, you can,” I replied simply. “Just unfold yourself, stand up and take a few steps. My bed’s comfy and warm, I promise.” There was no mistaking the suggestiveness in my voice.
“Can’t,” Preston repeated. “Not when you smell like that.”
“You scented me?” I asked in astonishment.
“Ooooooh, yeah.”
“And you didn’t try anything?” If I hadn’t said anything, would he have held back all night? I didn’t know alphas were capable of that kind of self-control.
“Colby, please understand. I want you so, so bad. I haven’t been able to stay away from you. Still, I don’t want to come in your home and accept your kindness, and then advantage of you. It’s not fair, it’s not right, and you deserve better than that.”
“But you want me.”
“From the moment I laid eyes on you.” That did it. I was going to bed this alpha.
“This heat is for you.” The couch squeaked as he shifted on it, sitting bolt upright in the darkness.
“What?”
“I’m not supposed to go into heat for a while. It started because I want you.” Preston growled in frustration.
“You can’t say things like that and expect me to keep control. Not with you so close, not with your scent so strong.” Urgent need pulled me out bed. I stood and shuttered the divider with a slight clap. Preston was sitting up, eyes wide and hungry. I pulled my blankets back and found his sleep pants tented. I looked into his eyes as I smoothed a palm over the thick bulge. The heavy weight jumped under my touch. I couldn’t wait to have all of that inside me.
“Lose control with me, Preston.”
“Colby, you’re not thinking straight. I don’t want you to regret this when I leave.” That stung. Maybe I was going to regret this, but that wouldn’t stop me from doing it. Have an adventure. Have the memories. Keep a piece of him, even if he goes away. I straddled his lap, pressing our hard-ons side by side between us, feeling the pressure from both our bodies. Preston let out a little moan. His hands dropped to my hips and squeezed. The tip of his nose tickled my shoulder as he took a long inhale from my skin, like I was a drug. He squeezed tighter and angled his hips up to grind us together. He was on the edge, and his resolve was breaking.
“Say you wanted me as much as I wanted you. Before the heat.”
“I wanted you, Preston. I couldn’t breathe when you first walked into the store. Then you became my oxygen.” Preston’s warm fingertips traced a path up from my hips, pushing past the hem of my shirt, leaving goosebumps as they glanced over my sides.
“Let me look at you,” he said, pushing my shirt up until I raised my arms and he lifted it over my head. The cool air made my nipples hard. Preston eyed them with appreciation. He spread a palm over my chest and smoothed his hand over me, feeling my planes and all the hills and valleys of my body. The look on his face was pure awe.
“Beautiful,” he whispered. No one had ever looked at me like that and I wanted to shrink away. Preston wouldn’t allow it.
“I’m going to try something I’ve never done. I’m going to go slow enough for you to see how you deserve to be treated. Colby, you’re so precious, you don’t even know.” He held me tenderly, but his grip was reassuring, a solid presence that held me steady. He laid a soft kiss on my right pec, then the left. He kissed each of my collarbones and the hollow of my neck. I shivered with heightened anticipation as he kissed my jawline, my ear, my cheek. Finally, his lips landed on mine. The kiss was soft, almost chaste. I arched in Preston’s lap, my heat now fully blown and impatient, but I wanted to sit in this, to fully take this connection in. Preston was going to take me apart slowly and carefully, and my heat would be delicious agony.
Preston cradled the back of my head, his fingers carding through my hair. His other hand cradled my face. His intense gaze locked on my eyes as he ran his thumb over my lips. Slick beaded at my entrance, starting a slow, honeyed drip that was for this alpha only. Preston pressed his thumb to the corner of my mouth and came back in for another kiss, this time using the pressure of his thumb to part my lips.
Our tongues touched, and I let out a whine. I braced my hands on Preston’s chest as the kiss deepened, quickly upping the passion and the eroticism between us. The sweet kisses were gone, replaced by something supercharged and soul-stirring. Preston wanted me in the way an alpha wants their omega. I wanted to be good for him. I let him have me. My bones turned to liquid and I curved into his body as tight as humanly possible, fusing us together in every way.
“Let me see. I need more of you.” Preston pulled at my waist until I was standing. My apartment was comfortably warm, but I shivered anyway. Preston just looked at me, took me in like I was some sort of masterpiece. “I’ve never seen anybody like you,” he whispered. He held my hand and grinned as he gazed at me. He eased a finger past the elastic of my sleep pants, his knuckles brushing my skin as he slid them down. I was already fully aroused, and my hardness stood tall when he revealed it. The scent of my slick permeated the air. Preston held my hand and just looked at me. My first instinct was, cover up.
“Don’t. You’re too special to hide.”
“Damn you, you make me believe it.” He gave my hand a slight pull and I came closer. Preston peppered my belly with kisses, working his way down to the crease where my thigh met my groin. He breathed in deeply, kissing his way to my shaft. He kissed up the length, then in one smooth move, swallowed me down.
“Oh. Oh my god, Preston,” I moaned. His hot, silken mouth took me in again and again. I swam in a sea of bliss, but at the same time my need was growing. “Preston.” He pulled his mouth away, panting.
“I know, baby.” His thick fingers snuck around my thighs, feeling for my dripping, waiting entrance. Preston kept going with his mouth as he penetrated me with a finger. I was slick enough so there was little resistance, little burn, only the feeling of having him inside.
“More,” I demanded, surprising myself. I’d never been greedy or mouthy during sex. Preston laughed around my erection; it made my balls tighten. He slid a second finger in next to the first. I gasped at the stretch as he gently scissored his fingers, readying me for even more. I wriggled impatiently. I wanted him to knot me. I was ready. As if sensing my frustration, he added a third finger, carefully holding me open.
“You’re so tight, Colby. Gonna be so tight around me,” he mumbled, losing himself to his alpha instincts. He mouthed at my thigh as he opened me with his fingers, slick dripping into his open palm.
&n
bsp; “Preston, I’m ready. Please.” Carefully, Preston took his fingers away. I made a wild, desperate noise. I couldn’t be empty. I couldn’t be separated from him. Preston’s manhood was out now, free, proud, tall. He kept a hand on it as if it was a wild mustang and he had to keep it reined in. He turned me, wrapped his arm around my waist, and eased me down.
My eyes shot open as I lowered myself down on him. Preston went slow, but it was still a challenge to take all of him inside and my thighs trembled as I let gravity assist me.
Both of us were panting by the time we were ass to groin. I took the time to adjust, losing myself to the amazing stretch of Preston inside me. I tilted my hips forward and back, feeling him move seamlessly within, lubricated by my slick.
Preston began to move beneath me, slowly at first, giving me time to adjust. Soon I was moving with him, urging him faster.
“More, Preston,” I whined, my heat building in me and my desire to be knotted unbearable. Preston’s arms wrapped around my waist, one palm spread over my abs and the other hooked on my shoulder. He nuzzled into my neck and held me tight as he drove into me. I threw my head back onto Preston’s shoulder. He took my hands and interlaced our fingers, anchoring me as we moved in nature’s perfect rhythm, chasing completion.
“Preston please, I need it.” I shook all over as he began to expand within me. “Yes, please, yes,” I choked out.
“Mine,” Preston growled. His root expanded farther and farther, making me take more of him.
“Yes, I’m yours,” I whimpered, out of my mind with lust as Preston filled me to bursting, until I thought I couldn’t take any more. Preston wrapped a hand around my dick and stroked it in time to his slight thrust. I covered his hand with my own, urging him faster, until my vision went dim and all I knew was the power of the orgasm rocking my entire being. Preston followed me into oblivion, moaning into my shoulder as he pumped his seed inside me. It was hot and wet, and every drop stayed inside.
As I floated in post-orgasm high, tears beading in my eyes, Preston whispered “Mine,” over and over again. Did he know I could hear him? Did he care? Did he mean it? In that moment, I imagined the answer was yes.
Preston looked back and forth at my tiny couch, the blankets and cushions everywhere.
“This couch is going to need therapy,” he said. Crack! We dropped six inches as the bottom of my couch splintered. Luckily, Preston was holding me tight and didn’t jar the knot inside me.
“This couch is going to need triage,” I said. We had a good laugh. I tipped my head back onto Preston’s shoulder, soaking in the attention as he rubbed his hands over me, massaging my sore muscles and dotting kisses on my neck and jaw.
“Preston,” I whispered, my eyes closed and my cheek against his. “I need you. Stay.”
“I’m here with you, Colby. I’m not going anywhere.” For the moment, Preston would stay with me. For the moment, I had him. Heat welled up inside me again and I went in for a kiss, ready for another round.
8
Colby
I blinked at the sunlight filtering in the windows. My heat’s broken. My eyelids came open. There’s an alpha in my bed. Oh no, I gave him my heat. Preston was blinking awake, too. He took one look at me and broke out in a huge smile. Oh no, I’m in love, and I’ve known him for a total of six days, and he lives in another part of the country, and he’s out of my league. For the last three days, Preston took stellar care of me, both physically and emotionally. He’s my mate, my heart whispered.
“Colby. Your heat broke.” He laid his fingers on my forehead. “You need anything? Water, or…?” I could desperately use some water for the lump lodged in my throat, but I shook my head anyway. Preston touched me so tenderly, I suspended myself in time to enjoy it. “The last few days were incredible. There’s something about you, something special. It makes me want to wrap you up and keep you in this bed forever and never let go. I lo-” My eyes brightened, but he caught himself. “I care about you so much.”
“I care about you, too.” I was crazy to think he was confessing his love to me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I turned my face away, hating myself for being so transparent.
“I know it’s something, but I won’t push you.”
“Will you hold me?” He wrapped his arms around me, and I accepted that this might be the last time. He hadn’t said anything about us even keeping in touch, let alone pursuing something with meaning. I didn’t want to let my hope die just yet. My instincts told me to hold on to him, that this wasn’t the end of our story. I just had to let myself fully open to him.
“I have to go home soon and my boss is gonna have my ass for being gone so long. I have heat days, but since you’re not my registered partner they wouldn’t let me use it. I had to use PTO.” That stung. He ran a hand down his face. “I hate I have to leave.”
“I get it. Want to stay for breakfast?” Preston’s face brightened.
“Hell, yeah. What are we having?”
“Whatever you want. You got me through my heat.” As we ate, I could plan a way to ask him for more. Not a declaration of undying love, just seeing if he wanted to get to know each other better. Preston settled at the table, flicking at one of the daisies which was wilting a little. He’d done well to keep up with watering them.
“Believe me when I say it was my pleasure. I should be cooking for you, really.” Miguel’s advice played in my head; I could take a chance here. Just because Preston hadn’t said he didn’t want more didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking it. Maybe he was afraid to make a move, just like me. Maybe, possibly, there was a chance.
Preston’s phone buzzing in his pocket dashed my hopes. My heart dropped as he pulled the phone out and looked at it. He cursed and pressed it to his forehead.
“They moved my flight up. I’ve got to get to the airport right away.”
“Right now?” My heart dropped out through my stomach and crashed on the floor.
“I’m sorry, Colby. I never meant for this to happen.” Preston sounded regretful, but he still wasn’t asking for more. Just like the others, he was leaving me. Preston packed his bags, mumbling apologies and avoiding eye contact with me. He was making his escape.
War raged in my mind. This was the part where the alphas left because they got what they wanted from me. Not Preston, my heart whispered. He’s different. Yet, there he was, hopping on one leg trying to get his slacks pulled up, supposedly running to a plane on the morning after.
“Why are you just like all the others, making up a reason to run from me?” I mumbled. I watched him, all my willpower to make something of the last six days draining out of me.
“Walk me to the door for one last goodbye?” He said. I nodded. I was in love with the man. How could I deny him?
He opened my door and stood just inside the frame, his bags over his shoulder. He laid a big, warm hand on my cheek and dove in for a sensational kiss. I felt it all the way down in my toes. It was so powerful, for a moment I thought my heat was coming back. I committed it all to sense memory; in the future, when I looked back on the happy ending I never got, I wanted to call these six days up, remember my slice of paradise, and fade into a made-up world where it lasted forever. It would be the building blocks of my fantasies.
Preston looked hesitant and unsure, which wasn’t like him.
“Listen, Colby, I’ll, uh, call as soon as I can. Maybe we can, you know, talk about you and me. About-” I waved a hand, silencing him before he could say the word “us”. Too little, too late, not real, I thought. I steeled myself. This was the part where my dream alpha walked out of my life forever.
“It’s okay,” I said, smiling, faking nonchalance. “You don’t have to call.”
“What?” His brow was furrowed in an excellent imitation of confusion. I laughed, a lighter sound than the heaviness I felt in my heart.
“There’s no need to pretend. We both knew this was a roll in the hay. Don’t worry, I kept my feelings out of
it.” To Preston’s credit, his face fell. I almost believed this wasn’t what he wanted.
“Colby, are…are you sure?”
“Why not? We had a wonderful time. You’re a great guy and I’ll always cherish this, but it’s time for us to go back to our own lives. I know you’ll make some omega very happy someday.” I rubbed his shoulder in a condescending, dismissive way. There was something empowering about being the one giving this speech, even though I knew it wasn’t sincere. For once, I was the one leaving. I was the one choosing to walk away before he could. Preston’s face contorted, like he was trying and failing to control his anger and frustration. It gave me a sick thrill. “Thank you for the flowers and the conversation and the memories. It was more than I could have asked for, but it’s over now.”
“Colby,” he tried again, through gritted teeth. I was taking my previous hurts out on him and I knew it, but I did it anyway.
“We both know we’re two different people from different worlds and we won’t stay in touch. Let’s not make this harder than it has to be. I’m sorry.” Preston thumbed my chin, staring into my eyes like he was at a lost for what to say next. He was probably grateful he didn’t need to lie any more. He nodded resolutely.
“Goodbye,” he said. He stepped back, out of my doorway, and turned toward the stairs to catch his waiting Uber. I didn’t watch him get in and pull away. It was too much. Instead, I shut the door quietly, resting my forehead on it as I tried to catch my breath. My chest was so tight I couldn’t get any air in, like an anaconda was wrapped around my chest, squeezing the life out of me. That was how it felt to watch my alpha leave me. My alpha.
I turned my back to the door and fell against it with a thump. I slid down, slowly, slowly, slowly, until my ass hit the ground. My instincts stormed and raged inside me, making me want to unravel every facet of my life to follow Preston. My alpha. Letting him go was a mistake, but what could I have done? He didn’t want anything more from me. Certainly not a whole life. Certainly not a mate and baby.