by A J McDine
Chloe paused. Ben had been badgering her to meet him since the open day in September. She loved hearing from him; the texts, the gifs, the funny memes. It was like a proper old-fashioned courtship, but instead of pouring out his love for her in wax-sealed letters, Ben wooed her with texts and phone calls and clips of cute cats. As the weeks passed, he’d gradually become more sure of himself. The stutter and awkwardness had disappeared, and he was funny and sweet.
Chloe had been out with enough boys at school to know that in real life, the first flush of infatuation didn’t last long. Ben was like a virtual boyfriend, airbrushed and edited. And it worked both ways. He only saw the best bits of her, too. The only selfies she sent him were the ones when she was looking her absolute best. Newly-washed hair, lipgloss, eyeliner and a flattering Instagram filter. He didn’t see her when she had her period, or her hair was greasy, or there was a spot the size of the Isle of Wight on her chin.
She’d told her friends they were dating. She’d also, somewhat to her shame, built him up to be a drop-dead gorgeous babe. Like the boys she usually went for, only more mature, shinier. Sporty, confident, good-looking boys who played football for the school. Cocky boys.
No, Chloe wasn’t stupid. She knew that if they met in real life, Ben’s stammer and geeky awkwardness would be a turn-off. That what appeared sweet behaviour on the phone would prove clingy in real life.
She enjoyed the attention, but she didn’t want to see him for real. She liked keeping him in a box, separate from the rest of her life, because she was pretty sure that if she went on a date with him, there wouldn’t be a second.
‘I don’t think I’m going to be able to,’ she said. ‘I’m going to be super busy, what with working here, and revising for my mocks. And my Uncle Rory’s coming over from Australia for Christmas.’
‘I could come and see you,’ Ben said.
The faint wheedling in his tone was not attractive.
‘That’s a terrible idea,’ Chloe said. ‘Not that I don’t want to see you,’ she added, crossing her fingers. ‘But I told you my mum doesn’t want me to go out with anyone till I’ve finished my A-levels.’
Another lie. She would pay for them somewhere down the line.
‘Oh, OK,’ he said in a small voice.
She felt a flash of irritation. Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile. ‘Look, I gotta go, otherwise I’m going to be in deep shit. But I’ll call you in the morning, OK?’
‘Sure,’ he said, his voice hardening. ‘Whatever.’
Chloe stared at the ceiling. The strip light was so bright it hurt her eyes. She looked away, but the light still played on her retina. As the afterimage faded, so did her irritation. She reminded herself that she liked having Ben as a virtual boyfriend.
‘Do you still love me?’ she asked softly.
There was silence, and Chloe could hear her heart beating.
Then the exhale of breath and Ben’s voice, sure and steady. ‘Of course I do, Chloe. I will always love you.’
Chapter Eight
KATE
Kate stood in the arrivals hall at Heathrow and scanned the steady stream of passengers, looking for her brother’s familiar mop of fair hair. The flight from Sydney had arrived half an hour ago, and its passengers were currently in baggage reclaim, according to the rows of information screens suspended in lines from the ceiling.
There was a tap on her shoulder, and Kate wheeled around, her arms outstretched.
‘Where did you spring from?’ she cried, and then took a step back, her hand flying to her mouth.
It wasn’t her brother, weary and dishevelled after a twenty-three-hour flight from the other side of the world. It was a tall, distinguished-looking man in his early forties with cropped brown hair the colour of wet peat.
‘Hello, Kate.’
For one disorientating second, Kate’s mind went completely blank. She hid her discomfiture behind a smile.
‘You don’t remember me, do you?’ he said. ‘It’s Adam. We met you and Chloe at Kingsgate Uni open day a while back? I was with my son Ben?’
Kate finally found her voice. ‘Of course I remember! Adam! How lovely to see you! What a coincidence! How are you? How’s Ben? What are you doing here?’ she gushed.
Heads turned in their direction as families waiting for loved ones decided their conversation was far more interesting than the information screens. Mortified, Kate lowered her voice. ‘Are you off on holiday?’
‘This is the arrivals hall.’
‘Of course. Silly me. Have you been anywhere nice?’
‘Brussels for a legal conference. Dull as ditchwater. What about you?’
‘I’m meeting someone.’ Was she mistaken or did his smile falter? ‘My brother,’ she said quickly. ‘He’s flying in from Oz for Christmas. In fact,’ she said, becoming aware that someone was yelling her name, ‘that sounds like him now. He likes to make an entrance.’
Rory was waving frantically from the other side of the concourse. Happy he had her attention, he crossed the hall, abandoned his trolley and swept her into a bear hug.
‘Good to see you, Katie,’ he said, spinning her around.
‘Put me down!’ she shrieked, pummelling his back with her fists.
He let her go, and she shook her head in mock despair. Rory was a law unto himself, but she wouldn’t change him for the world. She ran her fingers through her hair and smiled brightly.
‘Rory, this is Adam. Adam, Rory.’
Adam held out a hand.
Rory glanced at his sister. ‘You didn’t say you were bringing anyone.’
‘I’m not. I mean, we just bumped into each other.’
‘For the love of God, I thought I told you that picking men up in airports would land you in a whole heap of trouble.’
Kate grimaced. ‘Sorry, Adam. He thinks he’s funny.’
Adam smiled. ‘We met a couple of months ago at a university open day. The kids hit it off and have been texting each other daily ever since.’
They have? Funny how Chloe had conveniently forgotten to mention that.
‘Young love,’ Rory said, fanning himself theatrically.
‘Quite. Well, I’ll leave you in peace. It was lovely to see you again, Kate.’ Adam took her hand and gazed into her eyes. ‘You take care.’
‘You too, Adam,’ Kate said. ‘Have a good Christmas.’
Kate and Rory had barely left the arrivals hall when he turned to her, his eyes wide.
‘You’re a dark horse. How come you never told me about the delectable Adam?’
‘Because there was nothing to say. I met him once and bumped into him again today. End of story.’
‘But you like him, don’t you?’
Kate tried a nonchalant shrug. ‘He seems nice enough. The car’s over here.’
Rory was silent as he followed her to her mud-splattered Mini and stowed his luggage in the boot. But Kate could tell by his face that he had something to say, and he wasted no time once they had pulled onto the motorway.
‘You should ask him out.’
Kate tapped her fingers lightly on the steering wheel. ‘Ask who out?’
‘Don’t be obtuse. Adam. He seems like a nice guy.’
‘I’m sure he is, but I don’t want to go on a date with him. Or anyone else, for that matter.’
‘Chloe would be cool with it if that’s what’s worrying you. We had a chat about it the last time I was over.’
‘Did you indeed? Ever thought it might be none of your business?’ Kate pulled out sharply to overtake a caravan dawdling in the middle lane. ‘Bloody lane hoggers,’ she muttered, glaring at the rear-view mirror.
‘Chloe would love you to find someone nice. Someone who’d look after you. She’s worried you’ll be lonely when she goes.’
Kate resumed her tapping. ‘As you said last Christmas, I have Pa to keep me company.’
‘I was joking. You’re not even forty. You can’t spend the rest of your life on your own, spinster of this paris
h. Why won’t you allow yourself a chance of happiness?’
‘Happiness is over-rated if you ask me,’ Kate said, instantly regretting it. She’d aimed to be flippant, but just sounded bitter.
Was that what she was? An embittered, dried-up old hag? Chloe was always telling her she was uptight, that she needed to chill, but that’s what all teenage girls told their mums, right? Kate supposed she probably had become a bit set in her ways over the years. But she wasn’t complaining, was she? So why couldn’t everyone else butt out?
‘Speaking of happiness, how’s Louis?’
Rory twisted the narrow platinum band on the third finger of his left hand.
‘He’s good. He sends his love. I’m sorry you and Chloe couldn’t make the ceremony.’
Kate’s voice softened. ‘Me too. But there was no way Patrick would have given me the time off. August is always completely manic.’
‘He takes advantage of you.’
‘It’s what bosses do.’
‘Not the good ones.’ Rory slipped the wedding ring off his finger and slid it into his wallet. ‘I feel like a complete shit doing this.’
‘Then don’t do it. Tell Pa. It’s about time. You’re happy to lecture me on my non-existent love life, and you haven’t even told your own father you’re married. Pot and kettle.’
‘I know. And I want to, Katie, I really do.’ Rory stared out of the window, his jaw set. ‘But you know how old school he is. I’m not sure his ticker would stand up to the shock revelation that his only son is a raving queer.’
Chapter Nine
CHLOE
Chloe emptied the books in her locker into her rucksack and hitched it onto her shoulder.
‘Jesus, that’s heavy,’ she grumbled.
‘I know. It totally sucks that we’re gonna have to spend the whole frigging holidays revising,’ her best friend Annie said. ‘Is your Uncle Rory over for Christmas?’
‘Yeah. Mum was picking him up from the airport this morning. He’ll be there when I get home.’
‘Cool.’ Annie tilted her head. ‘Is that your phone or mine?’
Chloe had felt her mobile vibrate in the pocket of her jeans. ‘Mine.’
‘Not lover boy again is it?’
She glanced at the screen and nodded.
‘What does he want now?’
‘I told him we were finishing early. He’s asking what I’m up to this afternoon.’
Annie looked over Chloe’s shoulder as she tapped a reply.
‘Nothing much. Hanging at home. Will call you later. Smiley face. No kiss,’ Annie read. ‘He gave you three kisses. You gone off him or something?’
Chloe rubbed her face. ‘He’s getting a bit… intense.’
‘So cool it off a bit. Don’t tell him you’re going to call. Don’t answer his texts. He’ll soon get the message.’
‘I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s a nice guy but I don’t fancy him.’
There. She’d said it.
‘But you said he was hot. You said he looked like, like…’ Annie clicked her finger and thumb and pointed at Chloe. ‘That guy in Bodyguard. Richard Madden.’
Chloe pulled a face. ‘I may have exaggerated a bit. He’s OK. Not pig-ugly or anything. He’s just not my type.’
‘Now she tells us. I was dead jealous you’d found yourself a complete babe. In that case, I would definitely cool it. Give him the classic, “It’s not you, it’s me” line. Tell him you want to concentrate on your A-levels. He’ll get over it.’
Was it that simple? Chloe felt a great weight lift from her shoulders. A weight she hadn’t even realised she’d been carrying.
‘You’re right,’ she said, linking arms with Annie. ‘I’ll text him tonight.’
As it was, she didn’t have to wait that long. A sleek gunmetal-grey Audi was parked on the yellow zigzag lines outside the school gates. When she saw who was in the driving seat her stomach flipped, and she gripped Annie’s arm.
‘That’s him,’ she hissed out of the corner of her mouth. ‘In the grey car.’
‘The TT? Bloody hell, Chlo. Is it his?’
‘Of course not. He’s only seventeen. It must be Adam’s.’
‘Adam?’
‘His dad. I knew Ben was having lessons, but he didn’t tell me he’d passed his test. How does he even know where our school is? Quick, let’s go down the alley before he sees me.’
‘Too late,’ Annie said, letting go of Chloe’s arm.
Ben had wound the window down and was resting his elbow on the sill with studied nonchalance. But his eyes followed Chloe as she tramped through the gates towards him, Annie on her heels.
‘What are you doing here?’ Chloe demanded.
‘You said you were finishing early.’ Ben patted the car door and grinned. ‘Want a lift home?’
Chloe fiddled with the strap of her bag. ‘I guess. Annie, you coming?’
Was it Chloe’s imagination, or did Ben’s grip on the door tighten?
‘Sorry, Chlo, but I promised Mum I’d mind Nathan this afternoon.’ Annie glanced at Ben. ‘But give me a ring when you get home, yeah?’
‘’Course.’
Chloe slung her bag into the footwell, climbed into the passenger seat and fixed her seatbelt. Ben adjusted the rear-view mirror and turned on the ignition. The engine roared into life, deep and throaty.
Chloe had only had a couple of driving lessons, but the mirror-signal-manoeuvre routine was the first thing she’d learned. She found herself repeating it under her breath like a mantra as Ben glanced in the mirror, waiting for a white van to pass before he slipped the car into first gear, indicated and pulled away.
‘What did you say?’ he asked.
‘Nothing.’ Chloe sat on her hands and stared at the dashboard with its complicated array of dials and buttons. ‘Nice car.’
‘It’s completely wasted on Dad. He only uses it for “high days and holidays”.’ Ben tweaked his index fingers in air quotes as he gripped the steering wheel. ‘He uses his Golf for work and shit.’
‘Right.’ She thought for a bit. ‘It must have cost a bomb to put you on the insurance.’
‘Yeah, about that.’ Ben glanced at her and grinned.
A trickle of unease, as icy as a drip from a stone-cold shower, slid down Chloe’s spine.
‘You are insured, right?’
‘Technically? No. I was insured for the Golf while I was learning to drive, but the cover stopped the minute I passed my test. How fucking stupid is that? The day you prove you can drive safely, they stop insuring you. Dad keeps promising to sort out proper cover when he’s got a spare minute. But he never has.’
Ben stopped at a junction and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. ‘Which way?’
‘Actually, I might walk from here,’ Chloe said.
‘What?’
She took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t feel comfortable with this. What if you hit someone?’
His eyes flashed dangerously. ‘I won’t.’
‘OK, but what if someone hits you?’
A sharp blast of a horn made Chloe start. Ben frowned into the rear-view mirror.
‘Prick,’ he muttered, slamming the gear stick into first. The car leapt forwards then stalled, and the driver sounded the horn again. Ben gave him the finger. ‘Which way?’ he repeated, as he jabbed the ignition switch.
Chloe swallowed. ‘Right.’
Mirror-signal-manoeuvre. The car pulled smoothly away.
‘You worry too much,’ Ben said. ‘I’d never let anything bad happen to you.’
As they reached the outskirts of town Chloe decided she had no option but to go with the flow. She’d missed her bus and the next one didn’t leave for another couple of hours. But instead of directing Ben onto the busy B-road that was the quickest route home, she guided him through the industrial estate and onto a much quieter back road that cut through a swathe of ancient woodland. With any luck, they wouldn’t meet another car.
As the
miles passed without incident, she felt herself relax. Ben was focused on the road ahead, his long, slender fingers tapping a beat to a song only he could hear.
‘You’re a good driver,’ she said finally.
‘Thanks. I passed first time. No minors.’
‘Cool. How did you know where my school was?’
‘That’s for me to know and you to wonder.’ He laughed and pointed to the dashboard. ‘Satnav.’
Spotting a layby up ahead, he checked his mirror and indicated left.
Chloe’s uneasiness returned. ‘Why are we stopping?’
He smiled at her. ‘You’ll see.’
He pulled into the layby, turned off the engine and stared ahead. ‘Pretty woods.’
‘They’re beautiful in the autumn. Not so much now,’ Chloe said. Wet leaves clung to bramble bushes, and the winter-bare branches above them looked like twisted limbs against the late afternoon sky. She peered between the trees. ‘Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you see a deer.’
Ben unclipped his seatbelt and reached into the pocket of his jeans. He pulled out a small, ivory box with the word Pandora embossed on the top.
Chloe’s heart crashed in her chest as he turned to her with a fervent expression.
‘I want you to know that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Chloe Kennedy. I think about you all the time. I know you said we’d be together at uni, but I can’t wait that long. This is for you.’
Chloe stared in horror at the box, as if it might suddenly snap open and nip the tip of her finger off. Ben prised it open.
‘It’s a promise ring. It’s only silver and cubic zirconia, but it’ll do until we’re older and I can buy you the real thing.’
‘A promise ring?’ she said faintly.
‘To show the world that I’m yours and you’re mine.’
‘But we’re not even going out.’
His forehead puckered. ‘We talk every day. We FaceTime. We’ve picked the same university so we can be together. I’ve told everyone you’re my girlfriend. Of course we’re going out.’