by JC Hay
He watched as Chen got the flatbread turned over, then rinsed their mugs from yesterday and filled a pair of teabags.
“How long have you been awake?”
“Half an hour? Maybe a little longer. It’s not a particularly difficult bread.” He’d made it so many times that he didn’t even measure anymore, just eyeballed the ingredients until the dough looked right. The kettle whistled quickly, a benefit of having already been used once. He filled the mugs and carried them into the living room. “That one’s yours if you’re ready.” He nodded at the flatbread.
Chen pulled it up and passed it from hand to hand to cool it, then took a big bite. She hummed contentedly as she chewed, eyes closed as she savored the smell and taste, the feel of steam on her face. “That’s amazing. I had no idea we even had the stuff in the cabin.”
“I was going to cook some of your eggs to go with it, or brush on a little oil and garlic. Do something more. If I’m honest though, when I’m on my own, I usually just eat the bread straight.”
She nodded. “It doesn’t need anything else. It’s perfect like this. Besides, Elena was the one who always wanted things complex and elaborate.” She winced, as though she realized what she’d shared.
“I, uh...” He pinched the bridge of his nose before remembering that he’d left his glasses on the table next to the sofa. “I wasn’t trying to snoop, but I found a box of stuff in the pantry while I was looking for ingredients. I’m going to assume it’s hers.” Better to keep it in the open; she’d notice it had been moved soon enough.
“Thanks for telling me.” She combed her fingers into Nujalik’s coat, and the wolf curled next to her on the sofa. “You’re right. I’d have wondered.”
“If you don’t mind my asking, how long were you together?” He knew he was prying now, but the opportunity to look behind the gruff, military mask was too tempting, and Javad couldn’t resist.
Chen focused on the flatbread in her hands. Again, he wished he’d had time to do more with it than just serve her plain flatbread, but if she enjoyed it, he wasn’t about to complain. After a long silence, she finally said, “Three and a half years.”
“I’m sorry.”
The wall that had started to dissolve slammed back into place with an almost audible pop. “I hadn’t realized it was your fault.” She grabbed another flatbread off the stack. “Thanks for making breakfast. I’ve got to take Nujalik out for her morning business.”
Before he could muster a response, she’d already thrown a jacket over her flannel, jammed her feet into the boots by the door, and headed outside. The blast of chilled air that rushed into the cabin in her wake matched the confused concern that settled in Javad’s blood.
THE COLD DID NOTHING to clear her head. Chen dragged her fingers over her scalp and pressed her palms against her eyelids until stars sparked in the dark. “Very smooth, Rakhi. Very subtle.”
It shouldn’t have bothered her. Heck, it shouldn’t even have affected her. She didn’t talk about her relationships with anyone. May only knew about Elena because Chen bunked with them, and they knew better than to ask questions without need. But Priddy was just...easy to talk to. Like he had some mental power that made you want to open up to him.
She narrowed her eyes at Nujalik, who was patrolling between two trees to find the exact perfect spot to leave her mark. “That’s it, isn’t it. He’s a secret psychic. That’s why you like him.”
Annoyed perturbance jangled back at her like a string of discordant notes, and Nujalik gave a huff of indignation before squatting low in the leaves.
“Fine. I deserved that.” Chen took a step closer to her wolf, watching the woods to make sure nothing wandered too close to her partner. She’d told Priddy that whoever his blackmailers were sending wouldn’t be able to make it up with the pass closed, but that wasn’t entirely true. Soldiers could come in on foot or by shuttle, just as she had. The chance was small, but it was still non-zero. Keeping an eye on the woods ensured all three of them stayed safe.
She’d said the same to May last night in an encrypted text to the Cry. It could be nothing, but it could be trouble. They’d shared her opinion that leaving Nujalik in gravity was the best choice for now, unless or until the situation changed.
Nujalik trotted back over as soon as she’d finished, the blur of her head shoving against Chen’s leg with an insistent whine. Chen groomed her fingers into her wolf’s coat and glanced over her shoulder at the cabin. Despite the cold, she could feel the heat in her cheeks that echoed the discomfort in her gut. She’d run out in a huff, like the selfish person Elena had always accused her of being.
And that was the rub of it. The last time she’d allowed someone past her defenses, it had almost ruined her relationship with Nujalik. Elena had made Chen doubt herself, and worse, question her relationship with her umbra wolf. It had taken Chen a long, difficult conversation with May to help realize what she needed to do, and extracting the hooks her partner had laid left bleeding wounds behind that made the thought of moving on nearly as loathsome as being alone.
The wind picked up, and she squinted against the tiny ice crystals it rasped across her skin. “Why am I right back here again, Nooj?” She caught the flicker of her wolf’s amusement at her using Priddy’s nickname and smiled. “Yeah. He likes you. I get it.”
It wasn’t like she was hunting for a relationship with him, or even anything deeper than friendship. There was no reason she couldn’t lift her barriers enough to talk to him like a fellow human being. She leaned against a tree trunk, thankful for the heavy coat that kept the jagged bark from digging into her skin. Nujalik’s hunger tickled along the nerves of her belly and made her remember the warm flatbreads waiting in the cabin. Her stomach gave a growl in response. Another reason to go back.
She just had to decide if facing him was more painful than not eating. Or putting on better clothes. She shivered as the wind gusted again, whining in the tree limbs high above and cutting through the flannel of her pajamas.
“Okay, I can do this,” Chen whispered. “You’ll back me up, right?” Nujalik nudged the back of her knee in the direction of the cabin, the wolf’s insistence obvious. “Right. As long as you get to eat. That’s fair.”
She pushed open the front door, and the heat inside the cabin felt like a cozy blanket wrapped around her. After prying off her shoes and returning her coat to the hook, she took a deep breath and steeled herself to reopen the conversation.
Priddy had dressed in his day clothes, including the two sweaters she’d loaned him, although he’d switched which one was outside so that it could pretend to be a new outfit. The blankets she’d given him for the couch had been folded up, while the remaining flatbreads had been wrapped in a tea cloth and sat in a basket on the table next to the emergency radio.
Before she could say anything, he dragged a hand through his hair and offered a lopsided smile. “So, the radio said they should have the pass open in the next hour or so. I thought, if you didn’t mind, I’d take your sweaters with me, so I could clean them before I return them.”
“Stay.” She blurted the word out before she had time to process saying it. Before she even recognized the ache that hit her chest at the thought of an empty cabin. He blinked, head tilted in a fashion not dissimilar to Nujalik’s, and she raced to follow up her confession. “I mean, they’re never right about the pass. At best you’ll get down there and be blocked in traffic for several more hours. If you wait until this afternoon, you’ve got a better shot of getting through cleanly. And I could use your help setting up a scent training course for Nujalik.”
“Are you sure that’s safe? I mean if the pass is open...”
Then there’s nothing stopping them from coming here. “I know my land better than anybody. The smart person would wait until morning, when the light’s best. Easier to spot a wolf.”
Priddy still looked stressed, and his eyes scanned the sky outside the window, as though it might give him an answer. When he spoke, his words w
ere slow. “If you’re sure... I suppose I could use the time to make additional observations on her movement. Maybe develop a more personalized exercise plan for her. Then I’ll feel like I’m leaving you with something other than existential dread.”
She recognized the olive branch for what it was and took it. “That would be helpful. Thanks. Also, sorry I stormed out on you.”
“You didn’t storm out. You just left to take your wolf out. Abruptly. In your pajamas.”
Chen couldn’t hold back the chuckle. “To be fair, the pajama thing would have been true regardless.” She almost added that it wasn’t that cold out, but the way her skin ached from the chill kept her from boasting too much.
“Still,” Priddy said. “You probably want to change before you do the scent work. You go do that, and I’ll set stuff up. That could even make it a challenge since I’m not bonded with Nujalik, so she won’t get a peek behind my poker face.”
That was something Chen hadn’t considered. Placing scents and decoys would be a lot easier for her wolf to work if Nujalik could read her subtle clues and emotions. “That’s perfect. I owe you one.”
His smile would have warmed the cabin all by itself, and it shot a surge of heat through her blood. “Tell me when I can collect.”
Nine
Staying was a terrible idea. The worst idea. Javad fidgeted as he rested his back against a tree, all too aware of the danger he could be putting his family in. The guilt didn’t dissipate his greed for a little more time with Chen and Nujalik. He didn’t know what this thing was between them, only that for the first time since he’d left Khonsu it felt like he belonged somewhere.
It couldn’t last, and he knew it. But if he could just grab a few more memories to carry with him, he could leave content. Well, not content, as the painful ache in his chest reminded him, but at least happier than if he hadn’t stayed.
In the small clearing Chen had directed them to, Nujalik gave a sharp bark then moved to sit next to one of the scent containers he’d set up. Chen rewarded her wolf for finding the correct container for the third time, the blur of Nujalik’s tail like a rainbow as it swept across the snow and scrub. The contagious joy flowed off the wolf and effervesced in his blood until Javad pushed away from the tree and crossed over to join them.
“She’s a natural, huh?” Chen’s smile was dazzling. He wanted to etch it in his brain forever.
Nujalik padded up and pressed her shoulder into his leg with a happy whine, until Javad had to widen his stance to keep his balance. He reached down and winnowed his fingers into her coat. “Yes, I saw. You found that target. I’m very proud of you.” The wolf lolled its tongue happily at the praise, the slash of her mouth sharply defined in the blurry shape of her head, then bounded off again to explore the woods.
“You don’t have to indulge her, you realize.” The chill wind had darkened Chen’s cheeks, and she squinted against the glare as she studied him. “She gets plenty of attention.”
“I do it because she likes it. Plus, I don’t know...” His voice drifted off as he looked for the words to explain himself. “It’s strange. This is probably the longest single unit of time I’ve spent with an umbra wolf. You read about them, and if the Forces pick you up as a civilian doctor, you get a crash course in them, but I’d be surprised if it added up to more than three or four hours of direct exposure all told. It’s not enough to prepare you for how incredible they are.”
Chen nodded. “We’re not exactly in the habit of putting them where anyone can get their hands on one, so that makes sense. I’m sure that makes it a pain in the ass to learn about them as a vet, though.”
“I learned cattle entirely from diagrams and old videos, and there’s only one place in the Three Systems that has a significant number of them.” He turned to watch the wolf race among the tree trunks, her camouflage blurring her outline and making her impossible to see—had he not known where to look she might as well have been invisible. Javad’s voice sounded almost reverent. “Are they all this marvelous, or is it just her?"
Chen’s laugh was throaty and delighted, and even the sound of it tugged at his heart a little. He was definitely hooked. She wiped at the corner of her eye with the back of her hand, still chuckling. “Tooth and claw, don’t let her hear you say that. Her ego is bad enough already.” She scrubbed a hand through her dark, close-cropped hair. “That said, I’ve spent time around a significant number of umbra wolves. I think it’s safe to say that they’re like people—each one’s different. As a result, every bond is different too. What I experience isn’t necessarily what May experiences with their wolf. Or Inouye with his.”
He knew the answer, of course. He’d met a few other wolves on the Cry. They were amazing creatures, but Nujalik was special. Chen was special. A perfect pair, each made the other better; they defined a sum greater than its parts. He couldn’t keep from smiling at the realization, careful to follow her as they walked toward the next location.
Seeing Chen in the woods only highlighted how unprepared he’d been to come up into the mountains. She moved with a grace and quiet that matched her wolf, while his ridiculously unsuitable trainers crunched through the leaves, too loud to be sneaky. He tripped less when he paid attention to where her feet went, but he still stumbled frequently enough that his toes ached from stubbing.
The silence stretched out between them, and for a change he didn’t feel the overwhelming need to fill it with anything. It was okay just to be, two people and a wolf in the woods. Nujalik meandered between them, dashing off to chase new smells and mark several prime locations but always keeping a close eye on her people.
Person, he corrected his thoughts. The wolf only cared about Chen. Which was fine, since he was leaving them both.
They walked a while longer before he reached out and touched Chen’s shoulder. She stopped and looked at him, eyes wary as though she wasn’t sure what he planned. If he was honest, he didn’t know exactly, either. “I’m sorry I brought so much trouble down on the two of you. You’re right, I should have said something to you sooner.”
Her faces clouded over, eyes narrowing slightly. “We’ll be able to fix it. As soon as you’re back on the Cry, let Commander Penzak know. If you can trust anyone, it’s him.”
Even after what he’d done, she still wanted to fix things. The temptation pulled at him, but he couldn’t drag anybody else into the mess he’d made for himself. He couldn’t risk anyone but him getting hurt. Not his family, and not Chen or anyone she cared about.
That reminded him. “I wanted to apologize if you thought I was digging this morning.” No. that wasn’t right. He tried again. “What I mean is, I was prying, and I offended you, and that’s what I’m sorry about. Not how you might have perceived it. There’s nothing lazier than an apology that blames the victim.”
She nodded quietly and scanned the tree line to look for the hazy distortion of her wolf. “I understand. And thank you. You were trying to get to know me, and I didn’t leave you a lot of openings for small talk. You saw an opening. What were you going to do, complain about the weather again?”
He laughed, unable to hold it in despite the seriousness of the moment. When he caught her eye, he saw the amusement that sparked through her expression as well. He gave her shoulder a squeeze. “At least you’ve been kind enough not to point out how unprepared for it I am.”
She chuckled at the blatant lie and looked at him. “Since you were fishing, turnabout is fair play. What about you?”
His heart seemed suddenly too loud, and he weighed his response. “Am I dating someone? No.” She nodded, her tight smile giving away nothing of her thoughts. She could have been confirming a suspicion or marking off a checklist with the same amount of inscrutability. And still, part of him hoped he’d provided the answer she was looking for.
That set his guilt back on edge again. Attraction didn’t matter. He had to get down the hill as soon as he got back to the cabin. His parents needed him to...something. He still didn’t k
now how he’d keep them safe, only that, no matter what, he wouldn’t sacrifice the rangers or their wolves to do it. Much as it pained him, whatever inroads they’d made with each other on the mountain would stay here. With her.
They reached the final collection of scent traps he’d set, and she called Nujalik to her side. As always, the wolf watched with rapt attention until Chen gave the command to find. Released, the umbra wolf arrowed out into the clearing to check boxes for the scented puff Javad had hidden.
Javad couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement merged with pride, seeing Nujalik in action. Yes, the animal was beautiful, but her cleverness, and the way she checked against each container to confirm, was breathtaking. And Chen directing her wolf, limned in the late afternoon sun, was like an avatar of the wild itself.
When she found the right container, Nujalik sat for three seconds, then raced back to her partner and barked once before returning to the container and lying down next to it.
Without thinking about it, he put his arm around Chen’s waist. “Three for three. She’s a natural.”
Her arm went around his shoulders, pulling him closer. She squeezed him back, warm and solid as she pressed her hip to his. “It’s true.” She gave a quiet hum that could be satisfaction, or it could have signaled contentment in the moment. Another squeeze, then she dropped her arm. “I should let her know she was right.”
He needed to go. Instead, he cleared his throat. “Of course. I’ll reset the canisters if you want?”
Chen walked toward the clearing with a thoughtful expression. “Nah, she’s good for the day. I’ll gather them up. We can call it and head back to the cabin. I can’t wait to see what you’ll be able to do for dinner.”
He thought about his family, rent by the look of expectation on Chen’s face. The blackmailers hadn’t found Chen yet, which meant they didn’t know he’d warned her. He could stay as late as dinner. A last gift to thank her for letting him stay, then he could go.