by Ruby Dixon
“That’s the shortest sentence you’ve ever said to me,” I point out, grinning. “Can I come in?”
“No,” she blurts immediately, and then bites her lip, looking embarrassed. “We were in the middle of, ah, a game. And you’d see a lot more than you’d really want to see if you come in, not that I’m ashamed of anything Warrek has, but you know…” Her voice trails off and she closes her eyes as the tall, lean hunter comes up behind her and loops an arm around her shoulder, hugging her back against him. I’m pretty sure he’s buck-ass nekkid, as I can’t see a stitch of clothing on him from where I’m standing. He presses a kiss to the top of his mate’s head and just gives me a very lazy, satisfied smile.
“So I can’t come in? What, are all the sex toys out?” I cross my arms, amused.
Summer makes a horrified squeaking sound, but Warrek just grins. “Um, no, we were playing, ah…strip chess.” Summer wrinkles her nose. “That’s all.”
“That’s a thing?” Strip chess might be the nerdiest thing I’ve ever heard. I eye her. “Looks like you’re both losing.”
She gives a breathless giggle and leans back against him and looks so happy that I ache for my Hassen. “We like to try out different strategies.”
“Is that what we’re calling it?” I shrug. “Look, you don’t have to explain to me. I’m sure everyone in the camp has heard me and Hassen hooking up.” And half of them have caught us, since we sorta have a thing for doing it in public places where we might get caught. “I need a favor, though. Rokan says that Hassen might be coming home soon and I want to have some alone time with him. I wanted to see if you and Warrek could watch Masan—and possibly Rollan to give Lila a break—for a night or two. Feel free to say no—”
“Yes,” Warrek says simply. He presses another kiss to Summer’s head.
“Oh? Okay, cool.”
“Sure, bring them over.” Summer hugs the arm he has around her shoulders, practically losing the fur she’s wearing. She looks so stinking happy it’s cute, and I’m jealous. “We’ll come up with something for them to do.”
“You’re sure?”
“Of course. Your man’s coming home…are you going to surprise him? Do something special?”
Something special? I was thinking about flinging him to the furs and just banging him for a day straight, but I do like the idea of something special. “I’m not really sure Hassen would like a surprise party. The only surprises he really likes are sexy, private ones.”
She laughs. “So make it a sexy, private party. Or celebrate a personal holiday.”
“No-Poison already passed.”
“Val-en-time,” Warrek says, rubbing his thumb on Summer’s naked shoulder.
“Oh, yes! You guys should do a Valentine’s Day thing. Me and Warrek are going to have our own celebration.” And she blushes again, while Warrek just looks like a cat that ate the cream. “Make some sweets, give each other gifts, celebrate your love…”
“Play some strip chess?” I add sweetly.
She giggles. “Or that.”
Valentine’s Day. The more I roll the idea around in my head, the more I think it’s perfect. I’m getting pretty good at sewing, and I have some boning I was going to use for a hood…but I could make a sexy corset instead. Isn’t that what Valentine’s Day is all about? Corsets and roses and sexy things? “I’m totally stealing that idea,” I say.
“It’s a holiday. You can’t steal it.” Summer smiles. “Just let us know when you need us to watch the boys and we’ll be ready.”
“Not today,” Warrek says, and that’s rather chatty of him. He gives me a wicked grin and scoops his mate into his arms. “I’m winning.”
“Not today,” I agree, and as he takes his giggling mate back into the depths of their hut, I shut their door for them and head back to watch the kids.
Lingerie. Sweets. A sexy celebration. Valentine’s Day, barbarian style.
I’m loving the idea.
2
HAEDEN
It is a good thing I am not hunting this day, because my small son has not yet remembered that the best way to find animals is silence.
“Is that the flower we need, Papa?” At my side, Joden points at the closest bush.
“No.”
“That one?” He points at the bush next to it.
“Still no.”
“What about that one?”
“Joden, we would not walk past it if we needed it,” I explain patiently.
“Then maybe that one?” He points ahead of us, at a few ice-crusted bushes hiding in the shadow of a cliff.
I bite back a sigh. I have already told him twice that we are looking for the leaves of a soothing plant, which grows near the banks of the hot streams and has tiny bright red flowers. But I know my son is curious and determined to be helpful, so I endure his talking. Most of the time, I enjoy his nonsense chatter because it makes me imagine it is how Jo-see was as a kit. Today, though, it is difficult to appreciate. My mate had a sleepless night, as this kit is more difficult for her to carry, and when she suffers, I suffer. Now I am tired and must watch my son, who has boundless amounts of energy.
But I remain calm, because it is my son. We have talked in circles a hundred times before and will do it a hundred times again. “What plant are we looking for, my son?” I ask, reminding him. “Which one did Mommy say she wanted?”
“Soothing plant,” he chirps up at me, holding my hand as we walk the trail. “Because the baby in her tummy is mad.”
Close enough. “That is right.”
“Is that why Mommy’s tummy has those angry red lines on it?”
“Your mother says they are called ‘stretch marks’ in her world and it happens when a mama’s stomach gets big with her kit.”
“Mommy sure has a lot of them,” he says cheerfully. “That baby must be really angry.”
“She is growing a kit. That is all.” I have told him before that his mother has had lines on her belly ever since he was born, and I find them just as beautiful now as I did then. But Joden is young and tends to only remember that which interests him. So I simply say, “It is part of making a kit.”
“Why do we need more kits?” He looks up at me. “You have a boy and a girl now. Why do we need more?”
“Because we resonated again,” I tell him. “The khui has chosen for you to have more brothers or sisters.”
“Do you want more of them?”
I think. Having kits is an endless amount of work, much more than I ever thought imaginable. One finally learns not to soil his wraps and then a new one comes along. One starts sleeping through the night…and the other wets the bed. It is always something, and Jo-see and I have not had a good night’s sleep since Joden’s arrival. It is work, true, but there are smiles and sweet laughter, and small hands that clutch at yours as if you will save them from the world, and…yes, I want more kits. My Jo-see has always wanted as many as she can imagine, and I like that idea very much. “Mommy wants more,” I say, hoping that putting the emphasis on Jo-see will turn the questions back to our task at hand.
“What about you?”
“I want what your mother wants.” On this, we are very much agreed.
“Are you sure?” Joden asks me, openly skeptical. “You and Mommy haven’t tickled lately.”
“Tickled?” My mouth twitches.
“Yes. I’ve seen you having tickle fights at night.”
“Mmm.” Tickling. I shall have to tell Jo-see what he said. The thought is amusing. “Your mama is too tired to tickle lately,” I tell him. Joha is toddling around now, which means that she puts everything in her mouth. The other day, she ate one of Teef-ah-nee’s plants and vomited for two days straight. It was very hard on Jo-see and me both, and my mate has hovered over her ever since. That, plus the kit in her stomach, have drained her and she is tired. Much too tired for her mate to fumble at her and demand a mating, so I have left her alone. We have all the time in the world to touch, and I am content to hold her close and kn
ow she is safe.
“Do you and Mommy only tickle when there’s a baby to be made?”
I think of my mate, of the tired rings under her eyes. My poor Jo-see. I want to take all of the cares in the world from her shoulders and put them onto mine. “You have to mate when your khui tells you,” I say to him, distracted. “Look. We are almost at the stream. Do you remember what the soothing plant looks like?”
Joden skips ahead, releasing my hand. “It’s brown, right?”
“Not brown.” With a sigh, I chase after him before he can get into trouble.
3
JOSIE
“Is the tea helping, Mommy? Papa said the tea would make your stomach all better.” Joden sits next to me by the fire. “He said it would make the baby in your tummy less mad.”
“That is not what I said,” Haeden corrects, putting more fuel on the fire. He passes by me as he bustles around our small hut, his hand landing atop my head and stroking my hair before moving on. That small caress makes me smile into my cup and somehow the day feels just a little better.
Then the baby in my stomach kicks my bladder and I groan. The last two pregnancies were so easy. This one just feels like the kit is sitting all wrong every day, and if my stomach isn’t hurting, I have to pee or I’m sleeping all the time. Maylak assures me it’s normal, and even Georgie’s having a hell of a pregnancy, so I guess I can’t complain, but it’s hard and I’m not good at being sick.
“Looks like baby’s still mad,” Joden announces. He leans over and whispers to my stomach. “Calm down in there!”
“No, Joha,” Haeden says before I can respond. He bounds across the room and pulls our toddling daughter into his arms. “Spit it out.”
“No!” she says around a mouthful of seeds.
He puts his hand out and her face scrunches up as if she’s going to cry, and then she slowly leans forward and lets them dribble out of her mouth, filling his palm with slobber and half-chewed seeds.
I get to my feet. “Oh no. Not the holiday decorations again. I thought we put those away?” Joha loves to try and eat the seeds because they’re painted bright, pretty colors, but she doesn’t understand that we painted them instead of eating them precisely because they taste so terrible.
“I got it out, Mommy,” Joden says, picking up his favorite ball and toying with one of the stitches on it. “We needed a string for Millicent to chase and I thought she might like the colors.”
Haeden casts me a look and shakes his head. “Joden, we have talked about this. Remember?”
“I know. Joha puts everything in her mouth so we gotta hide it all.” He rolls his eyes as if he’s fourteen instead of four.
“I should have realized,” I murmur, getting to my feet. As I do, I wince, everything in me aching. I put a hand under my belly—which seems to be enormous already and I still have a ton of time left to go. I look around the hut. It’s a disaster, because Joden is a walking tornado of mess. With a toddler, too? And me pregnant with number three? The place always seems to be cluttered and messy, and I feel guilty. “I’ll clean up—”
“No, Jo-see.” Haeden wipes the last of half-chewed seeds off of Joha’s mouth and then cleans his hand off on one of the small leather squares I use as “kitchen towels.” “You are tired. Your feet are swollen. You sit down and rest.”
“But you were going to check your traps since the weather’s nice,” I protest, even though lying down does sound fantastic right about now. It’s early, but I’m still tired. I’m always tired.
“They can wait.” He tucks Joha under his arm and grabs one of the big, carved bone bowls that he gave me last No-Poison Day as a gift. “I will take the kits and we will see what Stay-see is cooking at the main fire today. You can just relax.”
I bite my lip, because it sounds like heaven. I know he’s tired too, though. The brutal season is hard on the hunters, and Haeden has been putting in extra hunting time because some of the hunters are at Icehome beach. He’s come home late several days, and I know he probably wants to rest just as much as I do, not chase after our two crazy kids after having Joden all morning to boot.
“I’m going to stay with Mommy,” Joden announces. “Mommy can lie down and I’ll help her clean up!” He picks up his ball and trots across the hut to his little bed and the basket for his toys and sets it inside. “See?”
Haeden and I exchange a look. Joden has more energy than three people combined, but if he thinks he’s helping, it could keep him busy for a while. “Why don’t I keep Joden with me,” I say. “And you take Joha.”
He frowns and then pulls one of his braids out of our daughter’s slobbery mouth. “If you are certain…”
“It’s fine,” I say brightly. “We’ll play clean up. Won’t that be fun, Joden?”
“Really fun, Mommy!” He grabs another one of his toys and begins to singsong our “clean up” chant. “Clean up, clean up, everything has a special place! Clean up, clean up, puts a smile right on my face!”
Haeden just shakes his head and smiles, then leans in to give me a kiss. “We will be back soon.”
I give him a peck and watch as he leaves with Joha, then settle down on the furs and lift up my swollen feet. “Mommy’s going to elevate her feet while you do such a good job, Joden, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy!” And he launches into another round of the clean up chant.
My son occupied, I relax and watch him as he moves around the house and picks up things to put them away. Because he’s young, a lot of the stuff just ends up in a pile in the middle of the room, but I can’t be mad about that. He’s trying, and he’s happy to help, and it keeps him busy. At his age, that’s a blessing.
“Mommy, what’s this?”
I jerk awake, rubbing my eyes. I must have dozed off as Joden puttered around. The hut’s still a huge mess, and it looks like Joden’s gotten out my basket of spare clothes and is now “helping” put them away into the big pile of things in the center of the room. “What, baby?” I sit up, trying to focus on him. “What’s what?”
He holds up a leather thong and a small, pale plastic T-shaped item. “What’s this thing in your stuff?”
“Oh.” I take it from him, studying it with a smile. It’s my old IUD, the one I hated so much because I wanted resonance so badly, and then when it fell out and I resonated to Haeden, I thought the world was ending. Now I keep it as a reminder of how amazing life can be, no matter the curveballs it throws your way. “It’s Mommy’s good luck charm.”
“Is it a bone?” He wrinkles his nose at it.
“No, it’s something Mommy used to wear back on Earth.” I don’t tell him where I used to wear it, though. “I don’t wear it now, but I keep it because it changed everything. It’s the reason me and your papa got together.”
“I thought it was because you resonated to have me?” He tilts his head, his small horns cocking.
“That, too.”
He sits next to me on the furs. “Maybe you should wear it again so Papa will tickle you more often.”
I hold my breath. Having small children means that you shouldn’t be surprised by anything that comes out of their mouths, but this one shocks me. “What?”
“Papa says he can’t tickle you because you’re too tired. And he only tickles you to make more babies, so maybe you should wear that so he’ll tickle you again.”
It’s like a knife in my fragile heart. “He…said that?” I know that Joden just parrots everything he overhears, and it’s wrong a lot of the time, but I can’t deny that it’s been weeks since Haeden and I have had sex. I’ve been a mess with this pregnancy, and then Joha was sick, and…I try to think of the last time we touched each other more than a quick kiss.
It’s been more than weeks. At least a moon, then?
I’m horrified at the realization. Suddenly, I feel bloated and ugly and undesirable. I swallow hard, trying not to get upset. “Papa and Mommy have been busy, honey.”
“Papa says he tickles you to make the babies, and t
hat he only wants more cuz you want more.”
I feel like vomiting. Haeden wants more children. We’ve always joked that we want tons of babies. But…maybe the reality isn’t what he expected? Maybe he misses the constant sex instead of nappy changes and plucking things out of Joha’s mouth? I love sex with him, but…I love our babies, too.
And I’m growing a third one right now.
My hand strays to my stomach and the kit inside there immediately kicks my bladder. I wince and get to my feet. Am I…disappointing him as a wife? Should I be more sexual despite all the babies? Sometimes I feel like I’m doing good to make it through the day and I know Haeden feels the same…but maybe he expects more?
All these things Joden is saying can’t be coming out of nowhere, can they? They have to be because of some sort of conversation he had with his father, and that makes my heart hurt. Is Haeden disappointed in me somehow?
A child screams outside, followed by giggles. I can hear them playing, and Joden’s head turns with excitement. Suddenly, I just want to be alone. I get to my feet. “That sounds like Anna and Elsa. Why don’t you go play with them? Mommy will finish cleaning up.”
My son doesn’t protest. He immediately races for his fur wraps, and we bundle him up so he can go outside. The moment his hat is pulled over his little horns, he grabs his ball and races outside. I peek out to see who’s supervising, smile at Nora and wave, and then retreat back into my house for a nice, long cry.
And I promptly trip over the enormous pile of crap Joden created in the middle of the floor. I manage to catch myself before I fall on my ass, but it just makes my bad mood even worse. I can feel my lip wobbling as I pick up once-folded clean laundry and then just start weeping uncontrollably.
I tell myself that it’s just a pregnancy mood. That my gorgeous alien mate still loves his plain little human female and still wants sex with her. That it’s not just because of resonance. But when I look down at my swollen feet and equally swollen belly with bright red stretch marks all over it, it’s hard to feel sexy and desirable. If I can’t imagine anyone having sex with me, how can he want me? All I do is sleep and crap out babies. Maybe life with me isn’t what he imagined it would be, and that makes my heart hurt. Is he sick of me? Or maybe he just doesn’t want as many babies as we’ve been having?