“I escaped before. He’ll call to me again. Or I’ll find another way.”
“Sweet Clare.” He ran his tongue across her face, licking the filth from her cheek and sucking the tears from her eyes.
“That’s not my name. Clare is dead.”
He pushed her into the muck below. Shit and spoiled meat filled her mouth and nose, and she came up coughing.
He straddled her. “Say you belong to me. I need to hear it.”
“Fuck what you need.” She cringed fearing another onslaught of physical violence, but instead he grinned.
“Remember when I used to leave you alone down here, sometimes for days or weeks at a time? Soon enough, you remembered you belonged to me. You called to me. You let me call you Clare, told me you loved me, because as horrible as you say I am, nothing is worse than being in Hell alone.”
She crawled backwards away from him.
“This is your last chance. Swear you’re mine or I’ll leave you down here again.”
“Go to Hell.”
“I’m afraid there’s no deeper Hell than this. Enjoy your isolation, slave. Call to me when you’re ready to mind your manners.”
“You know how to show a girl a good time, don’t you?”
He turned away and walked off into the darkness. Above her, the damned wailed and gnashed their teeth.
~Todd~
He woke, alone and in pain. Tight knots bulged in his neck muscles. Opening and closing his mouth came with great effort. He sat up slowly, afraid any sudden movement would break him. He felt like he had run a marathon where at the end the spectators got up and beat the shit out of him.
Something rustled in his closet.
“Anna?”
No response.
He staggered to his feet. Dizziness overtook him and he almost collapsed back to the bed. He put his hands out to steady himself and took a deep breath that brought a stab of pain to his ribs.
More moving came from the closet. He crossed the bedroom, slid the closet door open and walked in. Anna knelt stuffing clothes inside a suitcase. He should have seen this coming. He almost said nothing at all.
“I guess I can’t blame you,” he said.
She turned to look up at him. Redness filled her eyes. Her lips were twisted in a disdainful expression. Her hair was up, but in a mess. Todd sighed, trying to find the words to comfort her.
“I’m not mad at you.” He knew she was lying, but he let her. “We need to stop kidding ourselves. This hasn’t worked for a long time.”
Todd watched her shove a pair of stockings in the zipper compartment.
“I had an affair. I guess I’m still having one.”
The pain that struck him felt more obligatory than genuine. The events of the previous day had numbed him. “Who is it?”
She looked away, buried her gaze in the contents of her suitcase. He watched her teeth sink into her lip. Fresh tears filled her eyes. She said one name: Keith. Todd had met him a few times, at parties put on by her company. Keith was at least ten years younger than her. He didn’t bother asking how long it had been going on, but she told him anyway: over a year. He nodded slowly, taking it all in.
“I started because… I don’t know, you stopped being the man I married.” A cliché, but she was right. “You were so hopeful and full of life when you were younger. You had your music, your dreams. Then you just started to remind me of my father and your father.”
“I thought that was what you wanted, someone more stable. Someone…”
She shook her head. “Just stop. It’s too late to try to fix this. I’ve moved on. It looks like you tried to. I don’t know who that girl or that man was… What were you a part of?”
“If it’s too late, what’s the point in explaining? You wouldn’t believe it anyway.”
For a moment, her mouth opened like she meant to protest. Then she shook her head. “I guess you’re right.”
“Yeah.”
He sat down on the bed and watched her pack. He kept his hands folded in his lap and expected every article of clothing placed in her suitcases to gouge him emotionally, but instead he felt nothing, which was worse somehow. She continued as if he wasn't there. When she finished, he helped her take the bags downstairs.
“Did you already speak to Katie?” he asked.
“Yes, while you were sleeping. She’s not happy with me.”
“What about Dale? Have you called him?”
“I’ll do it later.”
“He’ll probably tell you it’s about time.”
Her face twisted into a grimace.
Their feet made a hollow sound on the hardwood steps. He glanced at his studio in his periphery. The door was closed. He wondered if he’d ever open it again.
“I’m going to my mother’s first. I don’t know what I’ll do after that.”
Todd opened the front door and let her out. He followed, dragging his feet. The hot sun beat against the top of his head. One of his neighbors, Mr. Morris from across the street, watered plants and stared at them as they walked. Todd bared his teeth and said, "Why don't you mind your fucking business?"
Mr. Morris dropped his gaze and continued to water.
Anna frowned at Todd. "At least I know this matters to you on some level."
"Of course it does. Everything matters. I'll miss you and I'm really..."
"Please don't apologize. It doesn't sound good coming from you."
After the car was loaded, they stood awkwardly in front of each other saying nothing. She shrugged and reached out to hug him. He returned the stiff embrace. She broke away, slid into her car, and slammed the door. He watched as she drove away.
* * *
Todd limped back inside and shut the door against the sweltering day. Anna had driven away rather quietly. No squealing tires, no angry moan of the engine. It was like she had already shut herself down from the emotions between them. And why shouldn’t she? he thought. She owed him nothing.
He looked around. “Katie, you home?”
The full minute of silence that followed told him no, she was not. Her car parked in the driveway meant nothing. She could’ve been out with friends or that boy, Jake, or whatever his name was, the one who thought Todd was a square.
He stomped back up the stairs, needing to feel the firmness below him, needing to hear each step he took. He entered his bedroom and examined the bed where his and Anna’s outlines still made impressions in the sheets. He sighed and turned to the walk-in closet. It lacked a good portion of Anna’s clothes. Some still remained, but he doubted she’d be back for them. Viewing the empty spaces they’d left, something like a cold hand tightened around his heart. Looking at the expensive suits that now hung alone, he got the crazy urge to tear them from their hangers, pile them in the back yard, and set them on fire. He knew it was crazy, and he didn’t care.
He entered the bathroom where the towel from Anna’s prolonged shower still sat in a crumpled mess on the tile floor. Her toothbrush and other toiletries were gone. This was for real.
He looked at himself in the mirror. A day’s growth gave his face a prickly darkness. Red cracks filled the whites of his eyes. His features sagged under stress and a lack of sleep. He looked like he’d aged ten years in the last forty-eight hours. As he examined himself, a spirit of loathing crept into his thoughts. He hated the face that looked back at him more than anything. Even self-pity was more than that face deserved.
He lashed out. A cry of rage tore from his lungs and he threw his fist into the glass. Spider web cracks split the mirror and blood smeared at the point of impact. He screamed and punched again, ignoring the pain in his hand, knowing only the desire to destroy his image, to shatter it forever so that it could never return.
~Chloe~
Chloe couldn’t tell how long she’d been alone down here. The smells of death and shit made her woozy. The mouth of the cave had closed behind Samael and she had no way of escaping. Above her, the damned cried out in agony.
The
creature of bone and magma levitated towards her. Vestments of ragged flesh dangled from his arms. Wounds on his torso pulsed and oozed with fiery blood.
“Has he left you here all alone?” the creature said in a buzzing voice.
Chloe had seen him before, in the memories Samael shared, but in person his presence was even viler. He reeked of decay and burning hair. His black tongue rolled over dying crustaceans that clawed at the inside of his mouth.
“You know who I am, I see.” His expression became something like a smile. “Then you know that I can get you out of here.”
She shook her head.
“Oh, I can, dear Chloe. That’s your real name, right? He thinks you’re his long lost love and maybe that’s my fault, but you’re not. You’re you, or at least you think you are. Are we ever who we think we are?”
Chloe spat at him. “Is that what you came down here to do? Play games?”
He buzzed in response. “My dear, I told you what I came here to do. I came to set you free. All you have to do is ask.”
So, it would be a game after all. “In exchange for what?”
The beast crossed ropey arms across his broad chest. He regarded her with eyes that switched back and forth from insect to reptilian.
“Now, why do you assume that I want something in return? Can’t I just offer you something out of the goodness of my heart?”
“Because you’re the devil, right? That’s what you do, make deals?”
“Devil’s a strong word, especially when you use such an official-sounding article ahead of it. The living tend to think there’s some kind of hierarchy down here, but I’m surprised you, with your thirty years of experience, see this place as anything but the chaotic wasteland that it is.”
“But you do make deals, don’t you? You don’t have the goodness in your heart to offer anything out of.”
“Well-played,” the beast said. “I suppose I’ll get down to business then.”
Chloe straightened, more interested than she wanted to be. It had been a hard day and maybe, if what he wanted was reasonable, she’d consider it.
“I want Todd.”
She shrunk back. “What? No.”
The beast cocked its bulbous head. “No?”
“Absolutely not.”
“And why ‘absolutely not?’”
She backed away from him. “No deal.”
“You love him? Is that it?” The beast made more of that wasp-like buzzing, but higher pitched and more frenetic. Was he annoyed? “Did you ever stop to think, Chloe, dear, that you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Is it? Maybe this time around you gave yourself up willingly, but would you have even had to if he hadn’t left you to die back when you two were kids? Think about it. If he would’ve been more of a man, we could’ve avoided this whole mess altogether. You know that’s true.”
“Who cares? He made a mistake.”
“Are you really that noble, love, that you would let his mistake condemn you forever?” He came towards her, floating over the filth. She tried to cringe backwards, but hit a fleshy wall. He pressed a dripping, meaty hand upon her shoulder. “Think about it. Just say the words and you can finally be at rest.”
He drew out the word ‘rest’ and said it without the accompanying buzz. For the duration of the word, he almost sounded human. Hearing it spoken in such a way brought strange, unexpected comfort. His touch warmed her against the cold filth in which she stood.
“He left you. Make him pay and have your freedom.”
She touched the beast’s hand. The suffering cried above her and she imagined what it’d be like to never hear them again. She pictured existence without Samael's cruelty. She believed it would be much like the warm light and euphoria that had greeted her in the first moments after her initial death. Or maybe she'd be on earth, wandering, but without the threat of Samael's pursuit. Either way, it beat her current situation.
But she couldn't betray Todd. She'd never seen his abandonment of her as a betrayal. It had always been about the claim Samael had made on her. She thought about the devil's words, how Samael mistaking her for Clare had been his fault.
"You're wondering how I caused Samael to believe you are his lost love?"
"Yes."
"Do you know who your mother was?"
"You know that I don't."
Again, that almost-smile spread across the beast's features, revealing the dying crustaceans squirming in his mouth. Some fell out and plopped into the soupy filth below.
"I needed him. Souls like him are integral to existence here. Only one thing keeps this great machine moving and that's pain. I told him he'd see his love again, that she'd be born of fire, so long as he keeps feeding the machine."
"Who was my mother?"
"She was a spiritual being. Something like what you'd think of as an angel. She traveled the world for centuries, healing people and inspiring spiritual movements. Having children was never something she was meant to do, so your birth destroyed her body."
"Is she still alive somewhere? Maybe down here?"
His eyes flashed a deeper shade of red. "Enough questions. Do you want your freedom or not?"
"I won't give you Todd."
He held up a hand. "Then..."
"I'll give you Samael."
"What do you mean? I already have him."
"Hardly. He's too busy chasing me when he should be doing work for you."
The beast said nothing, but the sound of buzzing wasps filled his chest.
"Chasing me to the surface and causing all kinds of chaos above can't be what you had in mind when you gave him his deal."
The red eyes narrowed as the creature examined Chloe. The buzzing rose in volume as if whatever was causing it would burst from the devil's chest. He said, "I won't just give you your freedom. You have to earn it."
She cringed. Of course there'd be a catch. She'd have to blow this devil or have sex with him or worse, she thought.
Reading her mind, the devil laughed. "Oh, don't worry. I've no carnal interest in you."
"What then?"
"When Todd calls you back, you must go to him. Samael will follow, I'm sure." The devil reached underneath a fold of skin and pulled out a tuning fork. "If you can beat him, use this to call me and I'll take him back to Hell."
She took the tuning fork in her hand. "How do I know Todd will call me back?"
"He will. He never could exist without you."
"So, what do I do now?"
This time, when the devil smiled, it looked genuine. He said, "You wait."
~Todd~
The black iron gate of Red Grove Cemetery hung open. Todd drove his repaired Cadillac between the two marble columns and onto the gravel road that wove through the field of headstones. He passed a couple of mourners at one grave, standing under umbrellas. Gray clouds threatened a summer storm and made this an all too fitting day to visit an old graveyard.
The tires groaned against the gravel below as the car stopped. He got out and glanced around. The gray clouds moved across the sky with a sense of urgency. He didn’t bother to get his umbrella out of the back seat. He left his car behind and wandered out among the headstones.
Though not one hundred percent sure where her grave was, he had a general idea. He vaguely remembered from the last time he'd visited it, several years ago. He walked down the nearest row. After spending two days alone in an empty house, hardly moving except to wrap up his wounded hand, it felt nice to be on his feet again.
Down one row, then another, he watched the names as he passed each marker. He recognized none of them, despite once living in this town. The more time that passed, the quicker he moved. A raindrop kissed the top of his head as he turned down another row. By the time he found her, a light drizzle had begun to fall. He dropped to his knees and traced the curves and lines of her chiseled name. He braced a hand against the top of the headstone and squeezed. He shut his eyes. Instead of word
s, a dry croak slipped from his lips. He took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders back and tried to begin again.
“Chloe.” Hearing her name broke his heart, even though he thought it impossible for his heart to break any further. “Chloe, I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t know where you are now, but I hope you’re not suffering… I hope somehow…”
He knew it was dead hope. He’d last left her in the arms of a monster that claimed to love her but would surely drag her back to Hell. Maybe Samael did love her in some twisted way. In fact, Todd was pretty sure he did, but it was a monster’s love, the love of someone incapable of loving in a nondestructive way.
The rain picked up and the drops fattened. In blatant disregard for the summertime, the precipitation fell in ice cold sheets.
“I don’t know what to do anymore, Chloe. My life… everything since the day I left you thirty years ago has been full of failure and regret. I’ve lived a falsely and I had a way out and I couldn’t leave. You can say that none of this is my fault, but I’ll always think that it is. Had I never left you back then, it never would’ve had to come down to a choice between saving you and protecting my family. If I’d just protected you back then, I wouldn't have fucked everything up.”
Tears flowed as he uttered the last sentence. The rain fell with them, now a steady downpour. His clothes soaked through, stuck to his skin.
“I don’t know what to do anymore. How can I live on knowing what I know? Knowing that you’re suffering? Knowing that my family is broken? Knowing that the world beyond is fire and chaos? What am I supposed to do?”
He pressed his head against the cold wet stone. Shivers wracked his body in the icy rain. A brief fear crossed his mind that he’d catch pneumonia and die, but was quickly eased when he realized that he wasn’t sure if he even cared about dying. Whether he died or lived, all was lost.
He hugged his arms to his chest and opened his eyes. The rain fell in rivulets down the marble face of the headstone. The carved letters of her name bled water. The ground below him turned to mud. He knew she wouldn’t feel the rain where she was, but knew it’d probably be better if she could.
Dark of Night - Flesh and Fire Page 29