by Janice Lynn
The last thing he wanted was to upset McKenzie, although he seemed to be doing a good job of doing just that.
“I really am sorry I jumped to conclusions, McKenzie. I wish you’d told me everything. It would have made things make sense.”
“No doubt, you’re right,” she surprised him by saying. “I doubt you’ve ever been dumped, so how could you possibly understand that I might not have wanted to admit to just how dumpable I am?”
He understood more than she thought. He’d been dumped, had his heart broken and probably even been the recipient of some of that pity she’d mentioned.
“Neither of them deserved you.”
“Just go get ready for bed,” she ordered, no longer meeting his gaze. “We’ve got a long day in front of us tomorrow.”
When Ryder had finished in the bathroom, he wasn’t surprised to see her curled up on the floor, pretending to be asleep.
Fine, let her pretend.
He’d just pretend like he believed her and put her faking it butt up into the bed. Walking over to the bed, he pulled back the covers, as if he was about to climb in, then squatted beside her and slipped his arms beneath her.
“What are you doing?” she squealed as he lifted her from the floor.
“Tucking you in, Sleeping Beauty.”
“Put me down.” She wiggled in his arms.
“Planning to,” he assured her, setting her onto the bed, then pulling the covers over her body while she stared up at him a bit slack-jawed. “Goodnight, McKenzie. Sleep tight.”
She glared at him as if he represented everything wrong in her life.
Maybe he did since she was using him as a shield against having to face those things.
Reaching over, he turned the lamp light out, then took a deep breath.
He’d had to kill the light.
Because looking down at her, her eyes flashing green fire, her lips pursed in anger, his every instinct had been to kiss her.
To kiss her until she was breathless, and her anger burst into flames of desire.
To kiss her until she forgot about Clay.
And Paul.
Any every other man she’d ever cared about.
Ryder wanted to kiss her until she couldn’t think about anyone other than him.
His instinct wanted that kiss, wanted all those things, but he wouldn’t do any of those things.
The last thing he or McKenzie needed was another rebound relationship destined to end in disaster.
Lying down on the floor, he listened to her breathing go from loud, exaggerated huffs to calmer, even breaths, but he knew she wasn’t asleep.
What would she say if he reached up and took her hand into his? Would she smack it away? Or would she let him hold her hand the way he wanted to hold her?
“I have been dumped.”
Silence met his admission.
“I mentioned her to you on the plane. She and I were in Pittsburgh together. I knew she was just coming out of a bad relationship, but I got caught up in a whirlwind romance with her.”
Why was he telling her about Anna?
“I was crazy about her. When I started sensing her pulling away, I became more desperate to change her mind.” Pain slashed at his chest at the memories of how he’d been used. “Seems she’d started talking to her ex again. They were sleeping together, but she worried about ending things with me because of our research.” He paused, took a deep breath. “She resented that she felt she couldn’t end things with me and finally she admitted she’d only used me to get back at her ex.”
Ryder curled his fingers into his palms, pressing the tips deep into his flesh as he continued. “I was angry at her for not being honest with me. I hated myself for being so stupid and allowing myself to be used, and swore I’d never make that mistake again.”
He uncurled his fingers, let out a slow breath. “So, when you accuse me of not knowing what it feels like to be dumped, you’re wrong. I know all too well.”
McKenzie lay perfectly still in the bed, but he knew she’d heard ever word he’d said, that she was processing his admission.
“For whatever it’s worth, they were fools for letting you go.”
Silence met him, and he wondered if she’d say anything at all.
Then she softly said, “Seems the world is full of fools.”
The pain in her admission punched him. McKenzie was so much more than both men. Ryder couldn’t understand why either would have let her go.
“You’re better off without them.” His words seemed blasé even to him. Just something people said when someone ended a relationship. But his words were true. If the men hadn’t cherished McKenzie, had been willing to let her go, she was better off without them. “Surely you recognize that?”
“As you’re better off without Anna?”
Had he said Anna’s name out loud? Ryder knew he hadn’t. But then, one of the things he’d always admired about McKenzie was her sharp mind.
“I am,” he acknowledged. He was. Although he hadn’t seen it at the time, Anna hadn’t been the right woman for him.
Ryder waited for McKenzie to respond, but despite the fact she lay awake for a long time, she never said anything more.
Just lay in her bed, her breathing even, but not to where he thought her asleep.
Which meant what?
He’d done nothing wrong. She’d dragged him into this wedding weekend. He’d had every right to ask about Reva, to think a man had come between her cousin and her.
McKenzie bringing him to Tennessee might have been the best thing for everyone involved. He could see that now.
Everyone, that is, except Ryder, as the last thing he needed was to be a rebound guy, again.
CHAPTER TEN
MCKENZIE HAD LAIN awake a long time and once she’d fallen asleep had passed out to oblivion to everything around her.
She’d not heard Ryder get up, get a shower and leave the room, but he wasn’t on the floor.
Panic hit.
Had he had enough of this crazy situation and left?
The thought that he might be gone made her head light. Please don’t let him have left. For so many reasons, she wanted Ryder with her in Tennessee.
Not the least of which was how happy she felt when he was near. How aware she’d become of her body when near him.
He’d been doing her a favor and she hadn’t given him all the facts.
He’d been used in the past. Yet, he was essentially allowing McKenzie to do the same, to use him to pretend everything in her life was wonderful when it wasn’t.
Why had he agreed to come with her to Seattle?
Thanks to his having blocked her out after those first few weeks he’d been in Seattle, they barely knew each other.
Yet, truth be known, Ryder knew more about her than any person in Seattle, including Paul.
She owed Ryder an apology. He’d had every right to ask about her life since she’d dragged him right smack dab in the middle of it.
She’d gotten so angry at him the night before, but in truth, she’d been angry at herself, ashamed of herself, and perhaps having a bit of a pity party for herself, which she detested.
Please let Ryder forgive me.
Getting out of bed, she paused long enough to go in the bathroom to brush her teeth, then went searching for him, wandering into the kitchen where she found her mother, Aunt Myrtle, Julianna, and a few cousins spread out around the kitchen.
Ryder wasn’t there!
Her heart sank, her mind racing ahead to returning to Seattle to find him, to talk to him, to make him listen.
“Good morning,” her mother greeted from the sink where she washed dishes.
“Morning,” McKenzie said back, heading straight for the coffee pot. She needed coffee. Then she’d figure out her next move.
“Coffee’s fresh,” Julianna assured her from where she lorded over her three-year-old, trying to make Casey eat. “And dark.”
“Perfect.”
“Your fellow is out in the garage helping Mark and Jeff figure out what’s wrong with my car,” Aunt Myrtle informed her, not looking up from her crossword puzzle.
Ryder was still there? He hadn’t left? Thank God!
The emotions flooding her that he hadn’t left had her grabbing hold of the countertop, sending a happy tremble down her spine.
“I wondered where he was,” she said to no one in particular, just needing to let some of the joy inside her escape.
“They all went out there right after Myrtle arrived and complained about the noises her engine was making,” her mother said, rinsing a mug and placing it onto a towel.
Did Ryder know anything about working on cars? Did her brother and cousin, for that matter?
What did it matter so long as Ryder was still there?
“What’s wrong with your car, Aunt Myrtle?” McKenzie asked as she poured a steaming cup of coffee, then added just the right amount of cream and sugar.
“If I knew, I wouldn’t need them to figure that out.”
Julianna glanced up from where she fed her youngest, her gaze meeting McKenzie’s. Both women suppressed a smile at their quirky great-aunt.
“Hope they get it figured out. I’ve a pinochle game next week I’d hate to miss.”
McKenzie leaned back against the countertop, sipping her coffee, taking in the commotion around the kitchen. Home. The sights, the smells, the feeling. She was home.
“You want me to help with the dishes, Mama?”
“No, thanks, honey. I’m about finished.” Her mother placed a cup in a drainer, then dried her hands on a dishtowel.
At that moment, Ryder, Mark and Jeff came into the house. All of their hands covered in grease, and they were talking and laughing among themselves.
McKenzie’s breath hung in her throat at seeing Ryder, at hearing his voice, his laughter. Thank goodness she’d not had coffee in her mouth, or she’d have possibly choked.
Oh, Ryder, I’m so sorry about last night.
Not that he could read her mind, or had even looked her way, but she willed him to know how sorry she was and to forgive her.
“Mark!” her mother squealed when her son moved toward her as if he was going to give her a hug.
“Don’t touch a thing!” Jeff’s wife added.
“Y’all don’t look ready to go to a wedding,” Aunt Myrtle said matter-of-factly from where she frowned at them over the top of her newspaper.
“Dibs on the bathroom,” Jeff called, heading down the hallway.
Mark walked over to the kitchen sink, picked up the dishwashing detergent and squirted a big glob in his hand.
“Mom, I’m going to scrub up, then hop in your shower.”
“Don’t you go making a mess in my bathroom,” she warned.
While all the commotion was going on, McKenzie had kept her gaze pinned on Ryder. Had held tightly onto her coffee mug because her hands shook.
Because she could tell he was avoiding looking at her, as if he didn’t know what to expect when he did.
When their gazes met, her chest fluttered, reminding her she owed him an apology for the night before.
For involving him in this whole mess.
“I’m sorry,” she mouthed, giving a small smile as a peace offering.
From where he continued to stand just inside the doorway, he half-smiled back.
Oh, heavens. Everything was going to be okay. He hadn’t left. He’d smiled back. She’d get a chance to tell him all the things she’d thought of while lying in her bed the night before.
She’d get a chance to tell him that when he smiled he cleared the clouds from her world and made her feel as if she were lifting her face into the sunshine.
She’d get a chance to tell him she didn’t understand all the things going on inside her, but one thing was glaringly clear. There was nothing pretend about the way her heart contracted because of him, nothing pretend about how seeing him set her libido ablaze, nothing pretend about how she’d trusted him with her deepest secrets the night before.
She put her coffee mug down and gestured to the sink. “Let me help you get clean before my ride to the venue gets here.”
His gaze not leaving hers, Ryder stepped up next to McKenzie and held his hands over the recently drained sink.
McKenzie picked up the grease-cutting detergent and squirted some in his palms, turned on the water, and checked to make sure she had the temperature correct. She watched as he rubbed his hands together, scrubbing around his nails, rinsing, then holding his hands out for another round of detergent.
McKenzie obliged, but rather than watch him, this time, she took his hand and a dishcloth and began wiping at the remaining dark spots.
Why was her heart racing at washing his hands? This was ridiculous. But no more so than how the slightest brush of her fingers against his sent shivers over her skin.
Ryder’s gaze lifted to hers in surprise, but he didn’t say anything, just let her clean his hands.
His strong, talented hands that were capable of saving lives.
Hands that felt good in her own.
Hands she wanted holding hers, touching her, caressing her.
Afraid to look up for fear of what she’d see in his eyes, McKenzie dropped the cloth into the sink, pulled his hands beneath the running water to wash away the suds, and lingered there as the warm water flowed over their hands.
Knowing she needed to convey something of what she was feeling, she laced her fingers with his and held on tight.
Water rinsed over their hands much longer than necessary before McKenzie reluctantly turned to grab a dry cloth.
Ryder turned off the faucet and shook the excess water from his hands. McKenzie wrapped his hands in the towel, patting him dry.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Could he see everything bursting within her?
Needing to be sure he knew how much she appreciated him, how sorry she was for how defensive she’d been, she lifted Ryder’s hand to her lips and pressed a kiss there.
If he’d looked surprised at her washing his hands, he looked stunned at the kiss. Regardless, he quickly masked it.
“You must have slept well.”
“Eventually. I had a lot on my mind,” she admitted, going back to massaging his hand with the towel. “You?”
“Same.”
Her gaze met his. She sucked in a soft breath, then squeezed his hand. “Sorry if I kept you awake.”
He hesitated only a second, then said, “You really need to do something about that snoring.”
Her brows V’d as relief filled her at his teasing. “I don’t snore.”
“Sure, you do. It’s quite adorable.” He laughed, then pulled her to him, whispering in her ear. “We have a very attentive audience.”
Which she had completely forgotten.
Because all she’d been thinking was how happy she was that he was there.
She forced a smile. “Keep up the good pretense.”
* * *
McKenzie hadn’t seen Ryder since she’d left her mother’s house. She had spent the remainder of the morning with the rest of the bridesmaids being painted, powdered, curled, sprayed and beautified to the point McKenzie’s eyes threatened to cross.
Still, she had to admit the bridesmaids all looked beautiful in their peacock-blue dresses and updos. As should be, none of them compared to her stunning cousin, though.
Reva made a beautiful bride who’d rival any magazine cover.
She’d chosen a slightly off-white form-fitting lace dress with a creamy ribbon at her waist. The neckline hinted at her cleavage but didn’t reveal any se
crets.
They’d had hundreds of photos taken around the venue, outside. Individual photos. Photos with the bride. Photos with the groom. Photos with the groomsmen. None of the bride and groom together though as they’d gone with the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride on the wedding day prior to her walking down the aisle to him.
Then it was time for the wedding.
“Thank you for being here.”
Surprisingly, McKenzie hadn’t felt a bit green all day. Probably because she’d been too distracted by thoughts of Ryder and wanting to strangle him that he’d thought she was pretending.
There had been nothing pretend about how she’d felt seeing him walk into her mother’s kitchen, how she’d felt holding his hands while she washed them.
She liked him. Crazy that admitting that she liked her pretend boyfriend made her happy, but it did.
It also made her crazy.
Ryder had been used in the past, had been hurt.
Smiling at Reva, hoping her cousin was always as happy as she was at that moment, McKenzie hugged her. “I love you, Reva. I wouldn’t have missed your wedding for the world.”
She meant it, too. She was grateful for her cousin’s wedding, for it forcing her home, for it forcing her to evaluate a lot of things about her life and choices.
For pushing her into convincing Ryder to come to Tennessee.
No matter what happened, she was grateful she’d gotten to know him, gotten to experience how it felt to kiss him.
If those had been his pretend kisses, she could only imagine what his real ones were like.
“Don’t make me cry,” Reva ordered, air-kissing McKenzie’s cheek.
The music hit the note where McKenzie was to come out. She made her way, keeping her smile bright for the ever-present photographer.
Trying to keep the appropriate pace and not fall on her face, she walked down the aisle.
Her gaze sought where she knew Ryder would be sitting, spotted him, and she smiled.
A smile that came automatically and naturally.
A smile that came from deep inside.
A smile he returned and that even though it might be for show truly made her feel better.